


Finally found you

by MalicMalic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 40 days and 40 nights movie, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Sex, Angry Castiel (Supernatural), Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Based on Just a Gigolo song, Based on movie Pretty woman, Body Part Kinks, Body Worship, Bondage, Castiel and Dean Winchester Falling in Love, Chases, Claustrophobia, Cock Rings, Come Swallowing, Coming Untouched, Despair, Dildos, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Falling In Love, Finger Sucking, Flowers, Fluff and Angst, Food Kink, Forgiveness, Fortress, Gay Sex, Goofy Castiel (Supernatural), Goofy Dean Winchester, Graphic Description, Happy Ending, Human Cas can fly, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Sam Winchester, Insipred by don't care where you've been by thanks_tacos, Kidnapping, Learning to Swim, Light BDSM, M/M, Nick Is A Good Guy, Old Friends, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Past Abuse, Pie, Rape/Non-con Elements, Roses, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Rutting, Semi-Public Sex, Senses, Sensory Deprivation, Sensual Play, Sex, Sex Toys, Sexual Abuse, Shameless Smut, Smut, Swimming, Switching, Thumb-sucking, Underage Sex, Velvet rose, Vibrators, gummy bears, pissed off Castiel, touched by a flower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-02-22 23:07:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 120,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23968498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalicMalic/pseuds/MalicMalic
Summary: DancerAU. Dean is an exotic dancer and an escort. Abused and molested, he took it all because his brother depended on it. But when a new sponsor comes along and Dean is offered a new chance, he manages to screw it up by letting his fears run loose.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Alistair
Comments: 329
Kudos: 264





	1. Chapter 1

Stage.

Spotlight.

Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine"

A set of green eyes hiding away under that fireman's visor.

The years have been kind to his external apperance, making him the best and most desirable dancer in ZaZ - a strip joint owned by Azazel, the sleeziest scumbag ever to walk the earth.

The years haven't been kind on his troubled soul.

Sixteen years ago he was young and the ladies lined up to watch him dance, removing a piece of his clothing with every move. It was fun back then. It was easy.

Things have changed. Times have changed. The ladies don't frequent these clubs anymore, especially one so run down like ZaZ. But the men do. And they like to pay extra for a lap dance or more.

And Dean took whatever he could. Because a life depended on it.

He swayed his hips to the music, dropping the heavy jacket of his shoulders. His eyes roamed the crowd as his hands came up his stomach all the way to his oiled up chest. His expression remained blank, mysterious even when he spotted him - the most vile man Dean has ever met.

He went by Alistair, but Dean suspected it wasn't his real name. Not that it mattered. Dean played with his trousers straps, teasing the crowd before finally letting them slide down. He continued to sway his hips and move seductively, still eyeing the people that were watching him, hoping to see an empty table with a white note on it.

Empty table with a white note meant a reservation, not that this place needed it anymore. And a reservation usually meant a bachelorette party. And that would mean that Dean might have a date with a bunch of girls tonight instead of ending up with Alistair yet again.

The table was empty with that white note on it, and the night was young; he still had two more dances to perform, after Kevin and Adam are done with theirs. Those two were still young, a lot more flexible, but completely broken after a week of working for Azazel. They had no idea what they were getting themselves into, not that Dean didn't try and warn them. They just thought he saw them as a threat.

Dean bent over, wiggling his ass in the air before turning around and in one swift motion removed the yellow trousers. This was his favorite costume. Not just because it was a good material that didn't rip easily, but also because he always wanted to be a fireman.

This was the place where childhood dreams come to die.

And even if Dean always knew he would never end up a fireman, he had to hold on to something, even something as trivial as that. Because he was slowly loosing hope, growing more desperate each day.

When he started this, it was fun. Then came a tough decision to allow men to 'rent' him for a night. But now, even that is wearing thin, his most common sponsor slowly running out of money and soon, Dean will have no way of earning more money.

And he needed more money.

His brother needed more money.

His brother needed more time.

Dean took a deep breath, forcing himself to focus on the dance. The fireman pole act was coming up and he needed to make it just right. The crowd would go crazy over this signature move of his. With a corner of his eye, he saw the waitress dust off the reserved table. That meant whoever reserved it is at the front door and would be escorted to the table just in time to see Dean's performance.

Dean had to focus.

He ran and jumped on the pole that was in the middle of the extended part of the stage, using his arms and legs to quickly, but gracefully climb all the way to the top. He saw movement by the table, but forced himself to continue with the act.

He twirled around it, securing himself on it with his legs as he turned so that his back was to the crowd. Just at a specific beat of the music, he spread his arms wide and let himself go, his upper body twisting backwards. It seemed like he was falling, and he could hear the muffled gasps as he practically laid on the pole, dangling upside down, securing himself with his hands beneath him. This way his abdomen and slightly impressive bulk came to a perfect emphasis while at the same time showing his flexibility.

And to top it all, still in that position, he slid down the pole with a seductive look in his eyes and could see most of the audience drooling. Mission accomplished.

And as he untwirled himself, managing to spread his legs wide open towards the sky, he tried to get a good look at the reserved table. A small unheard sigh escaped him seeing nothing but a shadow of a man hiding in the booth, too hidden away to be interested in the show.

He caught a glimpse of Alistair's smile and a cold shiver went down his spine. The scumbag wasn't in three nights in a row, and with him here, that only meant one thing. He scored some money and now he was going to buy Dean's company for the night. Great. Dean could only hope Alistair didn't come up with a new way of entertainment and that Den will be able to walk tomorrow.

Second dance was short but so much more seductive, and had the crowd's eyes all over him, but at the end of it, he noticed the man in the back, the one in the reserved table take off, catching nothing but a glimpse of his trenchcoat. Yeah, definitely not interested, and since it was another guy, Dean wasn't that eager to get to know him. Even if he would save him from a night with Alistair.

Better the Devil you know then an Angel you don't.

When the third dance ended, he saw Alistair smirk at him as he stood up and headed to Azazel's office. With a heavy heart Dean went back to his dressing room, cleaned up and got dressed, picking up the Batman costume. He didn't perform in it anymore, but he knew Alistair loved it when he wore it, the leather tights making his legs and ass look amazing.

On his way to Azazel's office, Dean could hear someone shouting and yelling and he saw Alistair stomp out of the office. Spotting Dean, he started his way, grabbed him by the throat and pulled him for a disgusting kiss. Like kissing an ashtray. "You're mine!" He growled and threw Dean against a wall when he heard Azazel yell something.

Dean hit his head and slid down, confused and scared, looking up at the man who practically owned him. Alistair pointed a threatening finger at him and spat out "Mine! Be sure to remember that!" And then stomped out of the club.

Dean didn't even notice he was breathing heavily, not even when Azazel pulled him up and dragged him into his office, muttering something about banishing Alistair. Dean knew he would never do it, he was Dean's greatest sponsor and even if he was a bit short on cash lately, he was a loyal customer. You don't just banish those.

"Listen up, kid... Hey! You hearing me?!" Azazel yelled and Dean focused on him immediately. "There was a new guy out there tonight, saw you and he wants you. Paid good dollar for your... Company." He said and noticed the fear in Dean's eyes.

Now Azazel was never a sympathetic kind, but he needed Dean at his top game tonight, so a little assurance was necessary. "Listen, kid. The guy's loaded. Now, I don't think he is into anything... Weird, but even if he is... He has money. And he is willing to pay twice then what Alistair usually pays so... You better be good tonight. You draw him in and you won't ever have to worry about little Sammy..."

He knew he hit a nerve when he mentioned Sam and Dean's eyes shot up. He knew he had him right where he wanted him.

"You be fucking brilliant tonight kid... Sammy depends on it." He repeated it again, making sure Dean knew exactly what was at stake. If he does good tonight, the guy will want his company tommorow too and will pay for it. More money for Dean meant more money for Sam and all Dean could do is nod with determination.

"Good. There's a limo waiting for you outside. And, kid. Leave the Batman costume." Dean again nodded and walked out of the office in a daze. He still feared what tonight might bring, but the guy was loaded and willing to pay so much for Dean and that's all that mattered.

He walked to his dressing room, dropped off the costume and went outside in nothing but jeans and a black T-shirt, gasping when he saw the giant white limo waiting for him. His heart started racing as he entered it and found it empty, the driver taking off immediately. He was one breath short of a panic attack. Maybe he was way out of his league. What was a guy this loaded doing in a rundown club like ZaZ anyway? Oh, Dean was going to screw this up, he just knew it.

Suddenly, the glass that separated the passengers from the driver opened up and a guy with a white cap spoke up in a clear Louisiana accent.

"You doing ok back there?"

"Y.. yes." Dean replied.

"Name's Benny. What's your name, brother?" The driver asked, looking at Dean through the rearview mirror.

"Dean."

"Alright, good. You did things like these before, Dean?"

"Yes " Dean shot up, feeling a bit more of that determination seep back into his mind.

"Good. Then you'll be just fine. Mr. Novak is a good guy, he'll treat you right."

"Nn..Novak? As in Castiel Novak, the owner and CEO of Novak industries?"

"The one in the same." Benny replied.

 _'Holy fucking shit!'_ Dean thought. He was definitely out of his league.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While his chapter is in a chronological order, it covers sixteen years of Dean's life - the most... memorable moments.
> 
> Enjoy.

Dean had no idea where Benny was taking him, but he was so nervous and anxious he didn't really care. His mind kept wondering to one question - will he screw this up too?

Because that is what he always was - a screw-up. Since he was sixteen he has done nothing but make one mistake after another, starting with his father and brother, then with Azazel and the jobs he was asked to do.

When Azazel first took him in, ZaZ was just starting out, already having a good crew that worked the dance floor. On men's night, Lilly, Abby and Ruby would entertain the high class and then escorted them to their apartments. All three were beautiful in their own way, all three with their own little twirks.

Lilly was a playful blond, almost childish sometimes, but apparently her mouth knew no length. Abby was a redhead, a mix of a housewife and a dominatrix. Ruby... Dean liked Ruby the least. She was a brunette with a stick up her ass, if that particular hole wasn't filled with someone's dick. And while Lilly always liked to tease him, she saw him for a sixteen years old kid that he was, and decided not to venture into those waters. Abby tried to 'show him around'. But she was just too damn scary sometimes and Dean stayed clear of her.

However, the ladies night brought in most cash, the girls would simply go crazy over Gordon, Richard and Nick. To Dean, Nick was the best. He took him in and showed him the ropes after his first failed night out. Nick thought him everything he knew.

Gordon was... The strong and silent type, but way older then the others and Azazel didn't keep him long. He just didn't draw enough attention. Richard on the other hand was the star of the club. Richard Roman, the most handsome charmer ever to walk that stage. Ladies lined up just for a chance to slip a dollar or two down his thong. But the thing about Richard is that he could be a real dick sometimes and that eventually cost him his life when he screwed the wrong man's wife.

Dean still remembers what it was like when he was sixteen and new to this world, amazed by the opportunities it provided, being worshiped and showered in money every night.

Dean still remembers his first time... With a woman.

He still remembers how she saw him waitering the tables and asked if he was available. Much to Nick's protests Azazel agreed, and Nick took every moment that night to explain to Dean just what he would have to do. To Dean, loosing his virginity to a milf like Naomi was a dream come true. Until she spanked him for coming the minute she stuck her hands down his pants and grabbed his dick.

He cried out as her belt whipped and even when he tried to get away, she was somehow too strong and managed to keep him over her lap, scolding him with each slap. But when she let him get up and took his cheeks into her hands forcing him to look at her, his tears awoke the mother in her, and she held him close to her boosoms, shushing him and rocking back and forth for a good half an hour.

Then, slowly, she turned his head and made him take her nipple in her mouth. Needless to say Dean was very much surprised when he felt warm milk pouring down his throat, but she seemed to like it, moaning and throwing her head back and if it would get him out of that spanking, he would keep doing it. She twirled her hand around his dick, but he didn't stop, not even when she started stroking him vigorously. It hurt, but he dared not say a word.

She started humming his name and that's when he felt that built up again, despite her being less gentle with him. Third time she said his name, he came.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk..." She said with slight disappointed look in her eyes. "Guess you are goin' to have to work on that..." Then she seemed to have an idea what made her eyes sparkle. "Hm... I wonder how many times can I make you come."

She pushed him onto her bed and climbed on, holding him down with her left arm securely over his chest while she leaned in and took his soft dick into her mouth. Dean gasped and cried out when her right hand came up to strangle the root of his member, making it stand up straight. Still, after a few movements with her tongue, he felt himself slightly harden again, his breath coming a bit short. She started moving down his length while her hand slipped to cup his balls, playing with them a bit.

Ten minutes later he was once again a screaming moaning mess, and Naomi was pleased with herself for making a sixteen years old kid come for the third time. Fourth was after bouncing on him for over an hour, while at the same time playing with her clit. She nearly suffocate him when she pushed her nipple back into his mouth, but it made her bounce harder and he was too oxygen deprived to know what he was doing anymore.

She drove him back to the club and just dumped him at the back door, and if Nick wasn't out for... Fresh air, who knows if he would be found by morning. Ass and dick red raw, Dean shivered as Nick laid him down in a bed and tucked him in, telling him to try and rest. The next day Nick tried to explain a few things to Dean, how to please a woman for starters and how to contain himself.

Seeing Dean like that displeased Azazel so he didn't let Naomi take him for a night again. It was only a month later when a high class British woman spotted him and asked for his company. Toni seemed nicer when she stripped and asked him to do the same. She seemed nice when she seductively bent her finger, telling him to come to her. She pulled him in for a kiss, her tongue roaming everywhere and then she yanked him by the hair, spread her legs and shoved his face into her pussy. Thank God Nick explained this to him, or he would just try and push her away.

She moaned and hummed as he licked her disgusting juices, but apparently he was satisfactory, or so she said when she presented him with a gift. He was baffled by it, seeing as it was a ring and this was way too soon for them to be... Beside, the size was all wrong and...

That night Dean learned what a dick ring was.

"Halfway there, brother. Don't worry, tis goin' to be fine." Benny interrupted his thoughts, and he crashed back to reality, forgetting about the years and years of women he had relations with. Thinking about them wasn't going to help, especially now that another man has requested his company.

Dean still remembers his first time... With a man.

Times were changing through his years in the club. When he turned 19, he watched Nick run off with another guy and resented him for being gay, while Azazel spat out words like "fucking queer" and "damn faggot", but he never found out if Azazel was just pissed at him for leaving. Dean wished he could leave.

By the time Dean turned 25, being homosexual was slowly turning from something taboo, to a normal thing. A couple of years later, it was in to be bi and metro and all sorts of other sexual ways and Dean just got lost in it all. But no matter how they called it, the point was girls weren't into guys that much, especially not as old as he was, the offers for company came short.

At least from women.

Dean received his first invitation for a lap dance right on his twenty-nineth birthday. He refused. Next day, there were two guys who wanted a private dance and on the third night, there was an all night offer. Dean declined. So far, Azazel supported his decisions, as long as there was still a lady out there that found herself mesmerized by Dean's emerald green eyes.

And then a week past without a single woman and Azazel told him if he wants the money for Sammy, he will have to bend over and take it like a man. Dean knew it was coming. And he knew he would end up swallowing his pride, for Sammy's sake.

Lucky for him, his first private lap dance went without an incident. The black man, and even Dean had to admit he was handsome in a way, just watched him with hungry eyes as Dean stripped for him and whigled his ass in his face. He stuffed a hundred dollar bill down the front of his black underwear, turned away and left. Dean later learned his name was Michael.

Michael came in the next day, and the next, taking nothing but a single lap dance, paid and left. On the fourth day things changed. As Dean kept showing his ass in the man's face, Michael suddenly reached, grabbed him by the hips and spun him around so that Dean's bulk was now in his eye level. He glanced up at Dean and let him go, his eyes coming down to stare at his groin. Oh, ok, so he was interested in that. Dean kept dancing, leaning his half hard dick into the man and watched him drool.

His years with the ladies thought him one thing, if he wanted to impress them, the little blue pill did wonders. It will later turn out, it worked the same for men.

Finally, Dean finished the dance and moved away a bit, but Michael grabbed his hips once again. He took out three bills, three hundred dollars, but instead of shoving them down Dean's underwear, he reached and shoved them in Dean's mouth. Dean was too slow to react and Michel took that opportunity to rip his exotic underwear and take his hard dick in his mouth. Dean's hands flung down to the man's head and he took a fistfull of hair in each as he tried to pull him away, his voice muffled by the money. Michael actually allowed himself to be pulled away before he gripped Dean by the ass and slammed him back into his mouth, hitting the back of his own throat.

Dean bent over and groaned, almost choking himself on the bills. Finally he found some common sense to spit them out, but by that time he was already panting hard, unable to pull Michael off his throbbing dick. His eyes were closed and the man's mouth so wet and warm, Dean got lost in the sensation. Michael started to move faster and faster, nudging Dean by the ass to make him move in the rhythm, so by the end Dean was the one shoving his dick down the guys throat while Michael gagged around him. He felt it coming and tried to pull away, but Michael held him in place, sucking down hard and Dean came in his mouth, screaming.

He could hear Michael swallow and he just stood there panting as Michael smirked at him, licked his lips, turned and left.

He came in every third night, sucked Dean dry, paid three hundred bucks and left.

By this time Dean learned what it would mean to be with a man, what would be expected of him and cringed so hard when he learned what a but plug was. But he knew it would come a day when he would have to agree to this. No way around it. He got lucky with Michael, but he doubted it would last. He was never that lucky.

It was his thirtieth birthday that his luck ran out, not that he had much to begin with. A man with a coarse voice, tall and skinny, disgusting and creepy and Dean caught his eye. He was a contractor of sorts and was loaded at the time. And since Michael wasn't in for over a month now, and the sleeze offered six hundred bucks for a night, Dean knew he couldn't decline.

Half an hour before he had to leave with Alistair, Dean took a deep breath, sat on his bed then leaned in on the headboard. He felt strange, if not slightly disgusted, but he knew he had to do it. He didn't touch any other part of his body, this wasn't a masturbation, this was preparation. His hand found it's way down there and he sucked in a breath just as his leaned his finger on the rim of his own hole. With a painfully grimace he slowly pushed in a finger, clenching around it, stiffening his muscles. He knew he should try and relax but it hurt and it burnt and he had to pull it out.

Few minutes later he tried again, screwing his eyes shut when he was able to push in the entire finger. He stilled his movements and just breathed in and out for a moment before forcing himself to start moving that finger around. God, how it hurt. No matter how much he tried to focus on his breathing or anything else, it always hurt.

Finally he pulled it out and let himself take a few minutes to try and relax. Next stop was the second finger and as much as he hated it, he knew it had to be done. His eyes teared up and something caught in his throat when he pushed two fingers in, but he blinked the tears away and focused on his breathing. Humming 'Nothing else matters' by Metallica seemed to help relax if he focused on the tune and on the lyrics and soon enough he was ready for the third finger. Too bad he was out of luck and out of time.

He should have started sooner or done it faster.

Because the minute he sat in Alistair's car he was pulled for a sloppy, disgusting kiss and once he man broke free, he put the pedal to the metal and in no time they were at his... Apartment. It was more of a shack in the middle of a construction site, cold and uncomfortable, but Dean had no time for site seeing anyway.

Dean closed his eyes, coming back to the present. He didn't want to remember that night, nor the next two nights he spent with Alistair, three weeks apart each. He was in so much pain then. But no matter how much he tried, the memories just kept pouring in, making him shiver.

That first night Dean didn't even get a chance to turn around when he was pushed against a lazy chair, stripped and penatreted. He screamed, but his voice was unheard. He tried to struggle, but Alistair kept him in place, grabbing his hands and tying them behind his back with a duct tape. Hot tears streamed down his face as Alistair rammed into him, stretching him, tearing him. Blood oozed down his legs as he tried to fight for breath, but there was just something stuck in his throat that would let him breathe.

He begged for the darkness to take him, to loose consciousness, but sadly, it only happened when Alistair was done, having dumped all he had inside Dean.

Dean woke up in his bed back at the club, unable to move. He was in such pain all he wanted to do was curl up and die, but he couldn't even do that. Because curling up into a ball hurt even worse then lying on his back, in the end he managed to lie on the side with his back to the wall, the safest position he could find. He burried his head in the pillow and cried for as long as the tears would come.

Azazel was beyond pissed. Alistair cost him his star for two weeks and even then, Dean's performance was... Lacking. He would wince at every awkward angle and wouldn't be able to hold that mysterious expression, hiding the pain most of the time.

It would be after those two weeks that Dean was finally able to visit Sammy. He has never been away from him for that long and it really made him sad, but it also reminded him of why he was doing all of this. For his brother. For Sammy.

He kept repeating that when he agreed to see Alistair for the second time. Azazel managed to get seven hundred dollars this time and promised it was all going to Sammy. Dean had to agree. He couldn't bare the thought of... It would just be too much.

The second time Alistair at least let him come into the house properly before he was all over him, reeking of cigarettes and alcohol, and not the good kind. He kept kissing him, his dirty tongue licking everywhere in a very sloppy manner while his hands worked to get the clothes off of Dean. At one point he growled and Dean thought it would be the same as before, even if Dean did prepare better this time. Alistair ended up ripping most of his clothes and while still licking Dean up, his hand found his way to Dean's lower back. And lower.

"Hmm... That bitchy boss of yours told me I have to prep you before... He doesn't want that pretty little ass of yours ruined... Too quickly" Alistair said with a vicious smirk as his fingers found Dean's hole. Dean tried to contain his scream when Alistair shoved two fingers up there, immediately staring to fuck into Dean roughly. His whimpers were muffled by Alistair's mouth and by his hand on Dean's neck, squeezing slightly.

In only a few minutes, Alistair threw him to the ground, positioned himself behind Dean and shoved his dick up Dean's hole. Dean cried out once more, barely able to hold himself upright as Alistair fucked into him at a rigorous pace, moaning and calling Dean his 'pretty little bitch'. Dean screwed his eyes shut, tears falling freely, waiting for it to be over, something stuck in his throat, unabling him to let out a single sound, unabling him to breathe. And just as it seemed that Alistair was close, the monster pulled himself out of Dean, grabbed him by the hair and spun him around.

"You just had to bitch about me, didn't you? You need to learn to keep quiet, you understand? I guess I will have to give you a lesson in shutting your filthy little mouth!" Alistair spat out, slapped Dean so hard that he instantly made him dizzy. But the time Dean figured out what was happening, he had his mouth full of Alistair dick. He gagged and tried to push him off, but Alistair just held him by his hair and rammed it his throat until Dean thought he would choke.

He came hard, his cock still stuck in Dean's mouth and ordered him to swallow or he would let him choke to death.

Dean swallowed.

Dean swallowed his tears as he looked out of the window of the limo. The night was still young and the city's lights were beautiful, but he just couldn't stop thinking about Alistair and his first experiences with him. For a long time he felt so disgusted with himself for even letting it happen, but it was his punishment to endure. It was all his fault and if this is his way to do penance for what he had done all those years ago. No matter what, he would spend the rest of his life trying to make amends, even if killed him.

Alistair's face flashed in his mind again, their third meeting and how he said that Azazel complained, because he ripped Den again and he had to pay for a doctor to saw him up. He remember how he drank from that beer bottle and licked it before glancing down at it and then grinned viciously. "Better stretch you well this time." was all he said before shoved that beer bottle up Dean's anus, laughing hard. He fucked him with it with the promises of bringing champagne next time.

That first year Dean would cry himself to sleep. The second year was a bit easier to bear. Not that Alistair got any less rough, but he didn't have any new ideas, and all he ended up was chasing his own pleasure. A few times he would grab Dean's dick and vigorously yank at it as if he was trying to jerk him off while fucking him, but he didn't even notice Dean was soft. Or he didn't care.

And as awful as it may sound, Dean kinda got used to Alistair. He knew what to expect, he knew Alistair would fuck him and then leave him, use him and discard him, and he was ok with that, he was fine to go back to his little room in the club and heal as much as he could for the next time or for the show.

But now? Now he was once again wondering into new territory, and he was scared, but not so much of the pain it might bring him. He was scared that he would screw up like he always does and then... Then he would be done. Alistair didn't have any more money to spend on him, and with his thirty-two, he was getting too old to be that desirable, not when there were younger and more willing guys out there. No matter his feelings or his own wants, he needed this to work out. He needed this. Sammy needed this. And he would do anything for Sammy.

"We're here, brother." Benny sounded from the front seat and Dean blinked his way back to reality, his lower lip trembling as he tried to answer.

"T..Thank you." came out as a whisper.

"Don't worry, brother. It'll be just fine." Benny assured and Dean nodded before stepping out of the car and looked up at the grand five star hotel before him. He gulped, gathered all his courage and started walking towards the grand door. Reaching the door, he paused for a moment, closed his eyes and breathed in and out, trying to calm his nerves. When he opened them, all fears and doubts were gone, replaced with determination in those forest greens of his and he leaned on the door and pushed them open, stepping into the unknown.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean looked down on the ground feeling ashamed as he approached the receptionist and said he was there too see Mr. Novak and that Mr. Novak was expecting him. The stink eye the receptionist gave him told h they knew why he was there and took it as a personal insult that he dared walk into their hotel. Dean saw that look before.

It seemed like everywhere he went, people just knew who he was and if he was in someone's company, they knew his purpose there. They all looked down upon him as if he was filth that had no business being in their vicinity.

The receptionist picked up the phone and spoke in hush voice, clearly annoyed and not hiding it in front of someone as insignificant as Dean, and then hung up. She told Dean which elevator to take and that Mr. Novak's suit was at the penthouse of the hotel and he needed a special key card which she provided. Dean thanked her and politely wished her a good night and she just huffed a condescending smile at him, thinking his night will be better, certainly more lucrative then hers.

Once he got the elevator going, he leaned on its wall and titled his head backward, looking up at the golden ceiling, trying hard to compose himself. If he didn't count Michael and Alistair, he had only a hand full of other clients, and most of them just told him what they expected of him. He really hoped this new client would be the same and not expect him to know his likes and dislikes like Alistair did at first.

Dean brought his gaze down and raised his hands to look at them. _God, I'm a mess._ He thought to himself looking at his trembling hands and curled them into fists, trying to stop them from shaking. A new client like this normally wasn't that big of a deal, he would spend a night with them, and most likely never see them again, going back to Alistair each time. But it felt different this time.

It wasn't just for the fact that Alistair was broke and this was Dean's chance to make a new long-term customer, and it wasn't even the fact that he was stepping into something unknown. It wasn't even the fact that if he screwed up, it might mean the end of everything he hoped for, the end for Sammy and for him. No, there was something else there, something he couldn't explain and wasn't sure he even wanted to, but it scared him.

Before he knew it, the familiar _ding_ sounded and the elevator doors were opening into a glamorous hall and Dean gulped before stepping out. The hall was wide with a table in the center of it, with a vase of flowers on it and a soft carpet underneath. Everything was colored in golden-white with a few hints of red, all of it just screaming how expensive this place was. The hall separated into three different hallways and Dean got confused, not sure which way to go.

"In here." He heard a deep, slightly coarse voice coming up from his left and he took that hallway, passing through an open door of a giant bathroom in it on his left. Seriously, the thing was like twelve by twelve feet easily. It had a big shower booth on one side and a wide bathtub on the other, plus the other essentials. And another soft carpet.

Why he was noticing the carpets, he had no idea. Probably because he was thrown to the ground so many times and if the bedroom had one too, it will soften his fall if it came to that. Speaking of the bedroom... Dean went further down the hall, looking at the door that were ajar. He came closer and leaned in as if he was trying to listen, raising his hand and knocking softly.

"Yes, yes, in here." He heard he same voice, sounding a bit hurried, and he could hear the ruffling of some papers. Taking in a deep breath, he pushed the door open and stepped inside. The bedroom was huge! It had a... something Dean could only describe as a double king size bed, four people would easily fit in it. The bed was a bit old-fashioned with poles on each end and a ceiling, with curtains all around, just like the kings used to have in the old days.

The whole room had some warm feeling to it, there was a table with a big mirror on the other side, made for the ladies and their morning routines, but this time it was covered in papers and files. There was also a small side table and two lazy chairs, barely visible due to the lack of light in the room, but even in the dark, Dean could feel the soft and fluffy carpet under his feet.

Dean's focus finally landed on the man that had his back to Dean, his head lowered as he stuffed some papers into his briefcase. "Just give me a moment." The man said with that deep voice that sent shivers down Dean's spine. The man – Mr. Novak – was still wearing his trenchcoat, and Dean figured he must have just got in and was finishing some late night paperwork before...

And then suddenly he turned and their eyes met, Dean's greens giving out uncertainty while those blue eyes stared at him for a moment. And then those eyes sized him up and Dean looked down, feeling himself withdrawing, feeling... Objectified. Why it bothered him now, he had no idea. Mr. Novak's face remained expressionless as he looked Dean over and then he moved to his left towards one of those chairs while taking off his coat and his jacket and loosening his tie.

"There a laptop on the table, would you mind... put a song on and dance for me?" At the same time his voice was commanding and pleading and Dean had no idea how he pulled it off. Was it a question or a demand? Did it even matter? Dean would do it anyway, it was what he came here to do. It was what he was... paid to do.

Dean came up to the laptop, opened it and paused. "Any... Any preference?" He managed.

"Whatever feels best for you." Mr. Novak spoke and Dean felt those shivers again at the sound of the man's voice. But he was glad he got this answer, because whenever it came to dancing, he would relax the most if he could choose his own songs. And even if said songs weren't made for exotic dancing and belonged in a biker's bar, he somehow made it work.

Dean turned just as the sounds of guitar filled the room, the melody a bit seductive. Mr. Novak was already seated in one of the chairs, shadow masking his expression, but his bright blue eyes seemed to glow in the dim light from a lamp across the room. "Interesting choice." he said tilting his head to the side in curiosity.

Dean took a deep breath and while his upper body remained motionless, his foot backed behind the other one and he quickly disposed of his shoes, almost unnoticeably as Bon Jovi started to sing.

_I wake up in the morning_   
_And I raise my weary head_   
_I've got an old coat for a pillow_   
_And the earth was last night's bed_

And as the song played Dean slowly moved to the center of the room, swaying his hips just a bit. He came to a stop by the bed, lifting his arms and crossing them over his abdomen, his hands slowly reaching under his shirt. His hips started swaying a bit more as his hands slowly moved around his waist, his fingers tracing on his skin.

_I don't know where I'm going_   
_Only God knows where I've been_   
_I'm a devil on the run_   
_A six gun lover_   
_A candle in the wind_

Dean's hands slowly move up, revealing his stomach and his V line. His eyes remained focused on Mr. Novak as he managed to pull off that seductive mysterious expression, his hands going up and up. He bucked his hips up, averting the attention as he raised his hands and lead the shirt over his head.

_When you're brought into this world_   
_They say you're born in sin_   
_Well at least they gave me something_   
_I didn't have to steal or have to win_

Dean was now shirtless, but his arms were still wrapped around his torso as if he was embarrassed, while his hips still moved side to side to the rhythm of the guitar. He would slowly loosen them, and let them slide down a bit before pulling them back up and the whole thing seemed like he was caressing himself.

_Well they tell me that I'm wanted_   
_Yeah, I'm a wanted man_   
_I'm a colt in your stable_   
_I'm what Cain was to Abel_   
_Mister catch me if you can_

He would always bite down on his lip and close his eyes at this part, and as much as it seemed like a sensuous part of the act, it was always his reaction to the Cain and Abel part and it was always a way to remind him of why he was doing this. And just as the chorus started, Dean threw his hands wide open, his head falling backwards, and it gave the impression that he was giving himself up to anyone who would want him.

_I'm going out in a blaze of glory_   
_Take me now but know the truth_   
_I'm going out in a blaze of glory_   
_Lord I never drew first_   
_But I drew first blood_   
_I'm no one's son_   
_Call me young gun_

Yup, definitely giving himself up for the taking. He could almost hear the man before him start to breath a bit more heavily and he couldn't help a small, barely noticeable smirk. He still had it.

_You ask about my conscience_   
_And I offer you my soul_   
_You ask if I'll grow to be a wise man_   
_Well I ask if I'll grow old_

His righth hand came up this his left shoulder and he let it lazily slide down, his finger catching the rim of his jeans. He trailed that finger just over the rim all the way from his left to his right side, pausing a bit at the button, but teasingly moving on. He let his hands fall next to him and he set them on his thighs, gingerly moving them up, the sound of his hand on his jeans slightly echoing through the music.

_You ask me if I've known love_   
_And what it's like to sing songs in the rain_   
_Well, I've seen love come_   
_And I've seen it shot down_   
_I've seen it die in vain_

Finally, those sneaky fingers found their way to that pesky button and that zipper, and in a flicker he undid them, then turned around, swaying his ass as he let them painfully slowly slide down. They were just over his tooche when they picked up the pace and fell down just as Bon Jovi shouted:

_Shot down in a blaze of glory_   
_Take me now but know the truth_   
_'Cause I'm going down in a blaze of glory_   
_Lord I never drew first_   
_But I drew first blood_   
_I'm the devil's son_   
_Call me young gun_

Dean's ass shot up in the air as he bent down, and once again using the distraction, he removed his jeans from around his ankles, taking his socks with them as well. Showing his flexibility, he rose up slowly, his body moving erotically as if he was a snake.

_Each night I go to bed_   
_I pray the Lord my soul to keep_   
_No I ain't looking for forgiveness_   
_But before I'm six foot deep_

He turned to the side, his bare thighs coming more into view and he could almost hear Mr. Novak suck in a breath at his movements, so he decided to tease just a bit more. He moved to the bed and seductively ran his hand up the bed's pole, at the same time testing it's strength. Seeing that it might be able to hold him for a moment or so, he moved closer and in front of it, his back still turned to his client.

_Lord, I got to ask a favor_   
_And hope you'll understand_   
_'Cause I've lived life to the fullest_   
_Let this boy die like a man_   
_Staring down a bullet_   
_Let me make my final stand_

He danced around the bed pole, his hand caressing it up and down, as he waited for the cue. And just as Bon Jovi shouted:

_Shot down in a blaze of glory_

Dean jumped and holstered himself by the bed pole, slightly twirling and landing on the bed with ease and shout out:

_Take me now but know the truth_

He jumped again and twirled back to the ground, moving his entire body to brush against the pole, going down and down and... Dear Lord!

_I'm going out in a blaze of glory_

He lifted himself back up and swayed his way turning around and could hear Mr. Novak's sharp gasp as Dean's impressive bulk came into view. That little blue pill he took in the elevator really worked wonders for him.

Dean bit his lip and leaned back on the pole, his hands raised above his head caressing the bed post, and he once more slid down, his legs opening up towards Mr. Novak in a very inviting way.

_Lord I never drew first_   
_But I drew first blood_   
_And I'm no one's son_   
_Call me young gun_   
_I'm a young gun_   
_Young gun, yeah yeah yeah_   
_Young gun_

Slowly, his knees touched the ground and he let his upper body fall backwards, exposing his abs and just a bit of that below, thus finishing the act. It looked even more impressive with his chest heaving up and down, as he tried to catch his breath. Young gun, yeah.

Dean heard some motion from where Mr. Novak was sitting and he rose back back and up on his feet. Suddenly he felt too exposed as he saw those bright blues watching him like a prey. Dean had no chance to react when Mr. Novak stood up from his chair and with just two wide steps crossed the distance between them.

Dean was pulled into a very hungry kiss, and even though Mr. Novak's lips felt chipped, they were so soft at the same time. The kiss was rushed, needy, but not threatening. It... It almost felt nice.

He felt Mr. Novak's hands reach out to his shoulders and then slowly slide to his chest, lingering there for a moment before going down his abs and then around his waist. Dean allow himself to be pulled closer and his breath hitched just a bit as he felt the man's... Excitement brush against him.

Mr. Novak's hands slid down on Dean's ass at the same time his lips parted Dean's and started tracing down Dean's neck. He focused on it for a while, his hands set on Dean's bottom and at one point he gripped it a bit tighter and pulled Dean close again, making him gasp.

Dean was starting to get a bit dizzy and he didn't know why. He has been in this situation so many times and he would always just let it happen while he shut his mind off, humming a song and just focused on something else. But this... This was a bit different...

No, he needed to remain focused and sharp, follow what was asked of him, verbally or not and do what he was paid to do. Please and that's it. Besides, it isn't like he could ever get himself off while someone was back there, inside of him. That was the point of the little blue pill, to make it seem like he was interested when in fact he...

Mr. Novak pulled away and awkwardly tried to remove his shirt, getting himself a bit entangled in it, and Dean was uncertain, but still reached out and helped him remove it. He could hear the man panting, and watched him lunge forward once more, seemingly unable to get enough of Dean and his lips.

Only this time, their bare chest touched and both could feel the other ones rapid heartbeat. Mr. Novak's hands were all over Dean again, but strangely contained to his upper body for now, occasionally brushing over his nipples. The kiss turned from something hungry to a bit more soft and lazy, but just a bit. It was still very much obvious Mr. Novak wanted him. Badly.

He pushed Dean backwards, leading him to the bed, and as Dean sat down, Mr. Novak followed, his knee coming right between Dean's legs, not once breaking the passionate kiss. The silky fabric of Mr. Novak's suit pants brushed against his thighs making him shiver. Dean slowly moved back up the bed and set his head on the pillow while Mr. Novak topped him, not yet lying down on Dean, but rather supporting himself with his hands.

He stayed there for as long as he had the strength to support himself and then moved to lie next to Dean, on his left, right at the edge of the bed, at the same time taking Dean's lower lip between his teeth, but not biting down as Dean expected. His right hand brushed over Dean's chest, the soft fingertips tickling him a bit.

This was nice. This... Felt nice. Just kissing for a while, a few random soft, gentle touches... It was... Nice. Actually, when he thought about it, he couldn't remember when was the last time he just kissed and nothing else, he couldn't remember any kisses being this... Nice.

So naturally, when Mr. Novak pulled back to break the kiss, Dean's still hands finally moved, shooting up to cup the man's face and hold him locked in that kiss for only a moment longer before he realized he wasn't the one running this show. He was the bottom, the puppet for Mr. Novak to direct, the one that was supposed to lay down and take it, not ask for anything. Not what he was paid to do.

However, Mr. Novak seemed to like it, allowing Dean to hold him for a kiss, his lip twirling to huff a smile when he did manage to pull away. He unbuttoned his pants and while he worked to get them off, Dean tried to sneak a peek, eyes widening at the sizable bulk in the man's orange boxers. Why was he wearing orange boxers?

Dean sucked a breath when Mr. Novak turned and Dean realized the man was very much hard and that the inevitable is soon to come. A part of him wished they could just go back to the kissing. That was nice.

Still, he felt a strange jolt when he saw Mr. Novak lean back in to kiss him, his erection, which was still in those ridiculously orange boxers, came in contact with his right hip, the man's entire body spreading warmth over Dean's skin. Dean felt the slight jolt again when their lips made contact, Mr. Novak's now much more softer and a bit puffed.

The man kept kissing him, teasing a few times by capturing Dean's lips, all the while caressing his abdomen with his right hand. Slowly the hand moved down, over Dean's thigh, his thumb brushing right between his groin. Dean's breath hitched just a bit, but he didn't let it show.

Mr. Novak moved his hand back up and hooked Dean's underwear, slowly trying to slide them down. Dean tried to breathe through the kiss, lifting himself up a bit to allow the man to take his underwear off. His eyes were closed, but he tightened them further, feeling those fingers run over his balls and up his erection before sliding back down to his groin. Dean tensed a bit.

Mr Novak caressed his thighs again, pushing just a bit to let Dean know to spread them, and in no time his hand found it's way... Down there. His finger pressed against Dean's hole and Dean tensed hard, sucking in a deep breath. He didn't even notice when Mr. Novak ceased the kissing, too worried about the part to come.

Mr Novak stopped for a moment and then pressed his finger against Dean's hole once again, and could see and feel Dean tensing up once more.

"Open your eyes." He said, but Dean didn't hear him, his mind in the process of shutting down and hiding until it was all over.

"Open your eyes!" He repeated, the voice commanding, but laced with concern and the part of Dean's brain that usually nudged him to follow commands so that he wouldn't end up hurt or beaten reacted and Dean did as he was told.

He saw the man looking into his eyes, searching, confused and concerned a bit. And as if he seemed to have found what he was looking for, his expression turned into slight shame and he pulled away and got off the bed. Dean blinked a few times, confused and then rose up to see what Mr. Novak was doing. Maybe he was considering using a lubricant?

But Mr. Novak opened a closet and pulled out a bathrobe, hurriedly putting it on. He glanced at Dean, and then turned away and Dean didn't know what happened. He tried to speak, but didn't even know what to say.

"You may leave now." Mr. Novak said with his back turned towards Dean and Dean's eyes widened. No, no, no. No, something's wrong, he did something wrong. What... What did he do? No, this couldn't be happening. He wanted to say something, he wanted to scream. This couldn't be happening.

Wasn't he good, didn't he dance well? Should he have shown more flexibility? Maybe... Maybe he should have taken off the underwear by himself too. Maybe he should have been a more active participant, but... He didn't didn't know what were Mr. Novak's preferences, no one told him.

And now he is loosing his last chance. No, he couldn't let that happen.

He opens his mouth to say something, getting of the bed and getting ready to do whatever it took, but was stopped by Mr. Novak's words.

"You... You can go now."

Dean stood there frozen for a moment, and then snapped out of it, picked his clothes and shoes up and ran out, ran as fast as he could. The elevator couldn't have come more slowly, giving him time to get half dressed in the hall, so that by the time the elevator began it's descent, it carried one passenger and a shit tone of tears.

Mr. Novak waited to hear the elevator door close and only then did he relax, closing his eyes tight and just breathed in and out. After a minute or so, he walked over to his improvised desk, found his phone and dialed a number.

"Yes, chief?"

"Benny... I need you to find out everything about the man that was with me tonight. Could you do that?"

"Or course, won't be a problem."

"Thanks, Benny."

"No need, chief."

"Ok, bye."

He was just about to hang up when he had an idea, and spoke into the phone again.

"Wait, Benny?"

"Still here, chief."

"Do you... Do you know his name?"

"Yup. It's Dean. His name is Dean."


	4. Chapter 4

ean didn't even remember how long he walked, his feet sore and aching. Maybe he should have accepted Benny's offer to drive him back, but he just wanted to be alone right now. Somehow, he made it back to the club, a few hours later. He got to his room, took his clothes off and curled up on his bed.

He screwed up, again. And worst part was that he didn't even know what went wrong, it was all going... As it was supposed to. Maybe he shouldn't have lingered on that kiss. But he got carried away, which never happened, so it naturally confused him. Why would he do that? It wasn't as if he hadn't been kissed before.

Staring somewhere in the distance, he unknowingly licked his lips, his subconscious wishing to taste those lips again. He breathed in and out as the kiss became vivid in his mind and his hand shot up to his own mouth, fingertips brushing over his lower lip. It was so soft, so gentle and so strong at the same time. The way Mr. Novak's lips moved against his, the way his tongue would brush over, asking, not demanding entrance, the way he tasted of mint and maybe a hint of chocolate. The way their tongues danced around each other, the way Mr. Novak pulled Dean's lower lip between his teeth, pulling and sucking slightly, not biting down.

Dean's lower lip trembled at those memories that flooded his mind and wouldn't let him fall asleep, and even when he finally did, the kisses haunted his dreams. And the worst part was that he will never feel a kiss like that again. Because he screwed up, like everything else in his life. It was all his fault, the suffering of his entire family. His mom, his dad, his brother... They all suffered because of him. Of course he would screw up his last chance to support his brother.

What will he do? The money Alistair has been offering and the paycheck he got for dancing, and for the occasional private dance... All of it combined just isn't enough, his last chance was to find a sponsor. He could only hope someone else might come along, but deep down he knew that won't happen. He was getting too old for this game. So what else could he do?

Finding another additional job was never really an option, sometimes after spending a night with Alistair he wouldn't be able to get out of the bed, much less work. And if an opportunity arose for a special meeting, he would have to take it, one of those would earn him more then a whole week's paycheck of any regular job, if not even more. He already tried asking Azazel for any extra work he could do around the club, but there was no need, and frankly, Azazel wouldn't allow him to do anything else. He was too old to be the bouncy waitress Kevin and Adam sometimes played, he was too weak to be a bouncer, and too valuable to be a cleaner. Azazel did consider giving him the position of the bartender, but feared that if he fired Crowley, it would come back to bite him in the ass.

So what could he do?

He could sell a kidney, but that would only get him covered for a month or two, and the recovery period would cost him a month or two, so, that's out of the question. Not to mention leaving him with a nasty scar that would render him even less desirable.

If only he didn't mess it up with Mr. Novak, all of this wouldn't be an issue. He would have his sponsor, he would do whatever he wanted, be his fucking personal slave if that's what it took. Maybe he could go back to him and... Offer himself again. Seduce him? Plead him? Beg? He would get on his knees, begged and give him a blow job at the same time. He would suck that dick like his own life depended on it. God, he was getting so desperate, he would do anything.

And somehow the image of those bright blue eyes looking down on Dean as he undid that button of those blue pants made something in Dean's chest flutter, and he saw those chipped lips coming closer again and he sucked a breath at his own fantasy, confused and maybe a bit scared of what it all meant. Why was he feeling like this? Why was he feeling at all? Maybe Mr. Novak noticed something and that's why he broke it off. Maybe Dean as too eager? Too clingy with that kiss? Jesus, will he ever do anything right?

Dean screwed his eyes shut, unsuccessfully willing the feel of Mr. Novak's kisses away, eventually falling asleep dreaming about his tender lips and the feel of them against his own.

* * *

Dean woke up late with a groan, filling stiff and unrested. He lazily got dressed and went to find something to eat, whatever was brought in from a restaurant next door. Feeling like gagging at the smell of cooked cabbage with a bit of beef in it, he took his portion, not daring to start his day without the only meal he would probably get. It was late in the day, but still early for him, his first performance didn't start until around 8. It was Saturday, so it would be a mixed crowd and after last night, Alistair will definitely be there. First in line.

But he had time before that, so after he ate, he decided to head out to see Sammy. Crowley let him borrow another one of his books - The Master and Margarita, by Mikhail Bulgakov. Dean never really cared about books and reading, but Sammy loved them since he was a kid, so Dean would bring one and read to him every time he would visit. He would read, even if most of the times he had no idea what he was reading. Still, when Dean started on this book, he found that he liked it, and laughed his ass of at the mention of a character called Azazello who "turned out to be short of stature, a fiery redhead with a fang, in a starched shirt, a good-quality striped suit, patent leather shoes, and with a bowler hat on his head. His tie was brightly coloured. The surprising thing was that from the pocket where men usually carry a handkerchief or a fountain pen, this gentleman had a gnawed chicken bone sacking out." ***(A/N: An actual quote from the book mentioned above)**

He had never heard of a more accurate description of his boss.

Azazel was a sleezebag, but he was also the guy who took Dean in and helped him, set him up with this job and took care of Sammy. So he couldn't, he shouldn't think bad of him. Even if he was the one that brought in Alistair, and introduced them. Even if he made money off of him.

With those thoughts, Dean rounded the corner on his way back to to the club, running into someone and stumbling back. His eyes went wide and he sucked in a breath seeing those pale eyes smirking back at him, a nasal voice of his previous sponsor making his skin crawl. "Well, hello Dean."

"Aa... Alistair... What... What are you doin' here?" Dean barely managed, knowing perfectly well if he was here, he was following him, stalking him. God, he hoped he wouldn't try anything in public.

"Just passing through... I am actually glad I ran into you Dean." He lied and started his approach, making Dean take a step back, one after another till he hit a wall. Alistair pressed against him, being slightly taller gave him a chance to look down on Dean's already shrunken posture and smile at him, revealing those cavity infested rotten teeth. "We haven't seen each other in a while, Dean, and I am so excited about tonight."

Ok, so he was definitely being 'rented out' tonight. Well, at least that would mean Sammy gets a few more days. Still, Dean struggled hard to contain that cabbage in his stomach when Alistair leaned in and with a cigarette laced breath whispered into his ear "I am so going to enjoy your tight little ass tonight. Maybe a bit of that mouth too." He could feel his heart almost stop when Alistair ran his hand over his cheek, around his neck, down his back all the way to his ass, squeezing it tight. Might even left a bruise. Alistair licked his earlobe before he pulled away, and Dean tried hard to contain a blank expression, disgust creeping up his throat.

"See you tonight, Dean." He said and walked away, leaving Dean a shaking mess. Sometimes knowing for certain what is coming is worse then being held in suspense, because Dean knew he will be in a lot of pain tonight, and knew for a fact he wouldn't be able to walk tomorrow, maybe not even the day after that. He could only hope Alistair would only fuck him and not experiment with different objects. Dean still feared that long neck champagne bottle.

* * *

When Crowley asked Dean that night what song he would like to dance to for his first act, he was surprised to see Dean sadly shake his head and with a one shoulder shrug replied "Don't care. You pick." Not that he cared much about what was eating Dean up, but he still ended up asking him what was wrong. Dean just shook his head and went to his dressing room to get ready. Crowley gave an indifferent shrug back and went to choose a song for him.

Crowley thought a ballad would be fitting, but still decided to put on something that was in Dean's style, either to get him motivated or to alert the crowd the real star was coming to stage. Dean huffed when he recognized the song, knowing full well it would never come true, no matter how much he wanted it.

No, he was destined to suffer, burn forever for the sins he has committed. And as the the Scorpions sang:

_Here I am (Here I am)_   
_Will you send me an angel_   
_Here I am (Here I am)_   
_In the land of the morning star_

Dean knew no angel is coming for him, not tonight. Tonight, he belongs to the demon of the damned hollows, the scum of the Earth and the most vile man this city has ever known.

At yet, he danced, moved seductively on the stage and around that pole, doing it without really noticing, he was just that well rehearsed. Alistair was right there, front row seat, just as he promised, licking that beer bottle and throwing peanuts in his mouth. A part of Dean wished he would choke on them.

He went through the motions on the other two dance routines, not even listening to what song he was dancing to anymore, his eyes always fearfully slipping on the disgusting man before him, and Dean wished he could just black out and wake up tomorrow in pain and not have to live through the humiliation of being used worse then a blow-up doll. Just on the last part of the act, he saw Alistair grin at him, and the cabbage really wanted to make a reappearance.

Going back to his room, he quickly changed into the oldest jeans and shirt he had, figuring it will all be ripped off of him anyway and hurried to Azazel's office. He just barely missed Alistair who came from the front and entered the men's room. Dean knocked twice on the boss's door and opened them, Azazel's only throwing him a glance before pointing to the back door. "Car's waiting outside."

Dean just nodded and headed for the back exit. Just as he left, Alistair came out of the bathroom, probably not bothering to wash his hands and headed to Azazel's office.

* * *

Dean's eyes went wide, his heart stopped and he stumbled, nearly fainting at the sight of the big white limousine he knew too well. Benny was outside, leaning on it, waiting for him and as soon as he saw him, a wide smile spread across his face.

"Dean!... Whoa, whoa there. You ok, brother?" Benny's face quickly morphed into worried as he caught Dean, saving him from falling down. Dean didn't believe his eyes and with a shaky breath he looked at Benny, a plea in his eyes that just begged for this to be real. "Dean, what's wrong?" Benny asked genuinely concerned.

Dean shook his head, millions of thoughts invading his mind, only one screaming extremely loudly at him. Get away! Get away! Get away! He needed to get away from there, and then consider if it was real or not, because he knew, any minute now, Alistair will be busting through those back doors and then he would be screwed. Royally.

Not knowing if the limo was the car that Azazel had in mind, he still got up and went in, for the first time taking a chance for himself and not lying down and surrendering. Benny raised a brow at him, but made no comment, instead went around the car, got in and started it. Benny never noticed, but Dean did, just as they were driving away Alistair ran out of that back door, fuming and yelling something after them, but Dean couldn't hear him anymore. He was safe. For now, for tonight, he was safe.

"You feeling better over there, brother? Not gonna pass out on me or anything, are you?" Benny asked and Dean allowed himself to huff a small smile before shaking his head indicating he won't. But then he took a moment, a bit of confusion creeping up on his face and he swallowed before he asked:

"Mr... Mr. Novak wanted to see me again?" The question came out so hopeful, it confused Dean himself. Sure, there was a thought that Mr. Novak, the big CEO was maybe having a party and Dean would serve as... an escort for one of his friends or maybe just a pretty face, or he was offered to one of his business partners for the night, but deep down Dean hoped he was here for Mr. Novak himself. The memory of his soft kisses was still very vivid in Dean's mind and somehow, even if he still ended up being 'rented out' for the night, if it was for Mr. Novak, he wouldn't mind.

"Yeah, he did. You sparked his interest, brother, and very few, almost none, have done that." Benny replied and Dean could feel his heart skip a beat at that. As if he feared that Benny could hear that, he lowered his head and blushed a bit. This was... Very much new to him, this feeling of actually almost wanting the man to kiss him and touch him and caress him. Maybe he was being delusional, overthinking this and giving Mr. Novak attributes he does not possess, idolizing him because he needed someone like that in his life. Maybe it was all in his head, but right now, it didn't matter.

He should be happy that he escaped being Alistair's chew toy for the night, but hearing that Mr. Novak wanted HIM, all he could think about were the man's soft minty flavored lips on Dean's, his soft hands tracing over Dean's skin, those memorizing blue eyes focused on him, sending pleasant chills down Dean's spine. It was strange for Dean to feel like this, he never did, especially not for a man, but he was too lost in his fantasy to even notice he had a growing interest in a client. One can only hope his dreams don't come crashing down on him.

* * *

Castiel stood in what could be described as the dining room in his penthouse, a big room with a big dinning table that could seat at least 16 people. He had the hotel set it up for a diner for two and the service boys really did a good job, there were nice white plates with golden outlines, white swans made of napkins, a post with three red candles and it all just sang romance. If only the plated seats weren't on the opposite sides of the long table, almost 10 feet apart. Castiel's nose scrunched up at that and he frowned. That was... Too far.

So Castiel got to work, resetting the plates, careful not to ruin the swans, because he did not know how to make those. He set them up on one end of the table opposite each other so that he could lift his head at any given moment and stare into those beautiful green eyes. He reset the table five times before he finally set up all the cutlery right, soup spoon next to dinner knife and not the forks. His hands shook as he moved the plates, and made a million little corrections to the glasses, moving them apart and then closer together.

Yes, Castiel was nervous. Scratch that, he was a wreck. Last night when Dean left, all he could think about was him, of those innocent emerald eyes of his that pleaded for safety and security. He saw so much fear and pain in them, but at the same time so much life and possibilities, so many chances and unexplored moments. He saw the world in them, the bright green fields of grass and the dark forests, the eyes showing a soul that was so willing to open up to someone but bore such dark secrets.

He felt just how hungry he was, hungry for a soft touch, for a soft kiss. How much he needed to connect to someone, to curl up next to them and finally take a moment to rest from the troubles of a hard life. And something in Castiel just broke.

The man was no stranger to one night stands and attempted relationships, but he never really opened himself up to anyone. It wasn't like he was hurt before or had a traumatic experience, he was just... Emotionally constipated. That was just how he was. But Dean... Seeing that look in his eyes just broke something inside of him and he knew... He knew he had to be the one to vanquish that sadness and fear from those beautiful eyes, if for nothing else, then to see how they would look with a hint of happiness in them.

Ok, maybe this was too much? The plates, the candles, the swans? Maybe he was trying to hard, maybe it would make Dean feel uncomfortable? He didn't want to make him feel like that ever again, not after what... God, he was such a mess. He felt so ashamed and still does, but he doesn't know how else to do this. If he asked Dean out on a date, there was a chance he would say no, maybe not because he doesn't want to, but because he can't, because if he isn't buying his time, someone else is. And Castiel could not handle that. He will not allow that. And it still shamed him that he paid for Dean's company once more, and will continue to do that, but it is better then any alternative.

But! He will not use him, not ever again. In fact, he will not initiate any contact unless Dean wants him too, or Dean initiates one first. That was a promise.

Alright, the candles had to go, they were too much. Maybe he could swap this candle stand for a simpler one and set just one candle, that would be... Castiel shouted in surprise when his trenchcoat caught the flame of the candles and he quickly withdrew, shaking his hand and finally taking a glass of water and dousing the flames. He ended up laughing at himself, being too busy thinking about this diner that he forgot to take off his coat. He folded it and threw it on the chair away from their diner set up and went to take his suit jacket off too, but stopped, thinking it might be... Too inappropriate. But leaving it on would be too formal and he didn't want to look formal... Ok, maybe he could just take off the tie and unbutton... No, no unbuttoning the shirt. That might give out the wrong idea. Yeah, ok, leave the jacket, loose the tie, choke on the collar. Good.

Like I said, a wreck.

It was only on the elevator ride up that Dean realized he was dressed in his worst outfit, the one he intended to wear for Alistair and the one he knew would end up in trash. Jeans ripped at the knees, maybe could pass as the fashion statement, but that lemon yellow T-shirt with a few buttons up at collar? Ugh! He looked like a rocker-tennis player someone peed on. But ok, maybe Mr. Novak wouldn't care. Oh, God, what if he asked him to do another dance/striptease? There is no way he could gracefully get out of that damn shirt.

Maybe he should just take the damn thing off and walk in shirtless?

No, that might displease Mr. Novak and there was no way in Hell Dean was throwing away this second chance. No way in Hell. So he breathed in and out, forgetting about the shirt and the jeans and how he looked and focused on what he needed to do. Just last night, and Dean would never admit it, he fantasized about giving Mr. Novak a blow job, hearing him moan and call out Dean's name, his big strong hand on the back of Dean's head, in his hair... He said he would do whatever it took if only he was given a second chance and now he was, so he is ready this time. In his mind, the moment that elevator door opened he would march to that bedroom and get on his knees and...

_Ding!_

The elevator door sounded and Dean confidently stepped out, and turned left to the bedroom, caught a glance of Mr. Novak in front of him, stumbled and went wide eyed. He didn't expect to find him in the main hall, and it confused him for a moment and he managed to look like a deer caught in the headlights. But then their eyes met, and a small smile tugged at Mr. Novak's lips, barely noticeable, but definitely there.

"Hello, Dean." He said and Dean felt goosebumps crawl all over his body at the sound of Mr. Novak's deep voice. Oh shit. He is supposed to say something. _Say something!_

"Good evening, Mr. Novak." Dean finally managed shyly.

"Please, call me Castiel."

Dean nodded, looking down on the ground. "Of course, Mr. Castiel." _What was that? He did mean that you idiot_!

Castiel actually laughed at that and that sound warmed Dean's heart just a bit. "No, just Castiel."

"Yeah, I knew that." Dean replied, trying to sound defensive a bit. He wasn't an idiot, he knew what Mr. No... Castiel meant, he just... Made a mistake.

Still, Castiel now had that smile on his face and Dean was responsible for making him smile, and it made him feel good. He did something good. Hell yeah, he did something good, he felt so proud of himself. Like making Castiel smile was equivalent to solving world hunger... Speaking of, Dean's stomach suddenly growled and he immediately blushed knowing Castiel heard that. _Oh, shit!_

"You hungry? Good!" Castiel exclaimed like it was the best thing in the world, and Dean looked at him confused as the man turned and without looking back at Dean, motioned for him to follow him. Ok, so they weren't headed to the bedroom... Maybe Castiel wanted them to be in a different room for... But why would he? Dean was just so confused, but turned baffled as Castiel lead him to what seemed to be a stunning dining room, plates set for two and a cart with plate domes all over it. Dean sucked a breath of complete surprise when Castiel lifted two domes and said:

"Hope you like steak with mash potatoes!"

Was Dean dreaming? This... this couldn't be real.

"Oh, yeah, and a banana cream pie for desert..."

Dean just stood there, staring, his mouth slightly watering, his eyes wide, his face pale and blank and his mind...

Yup, definitely dreaming.


	5. Chapter 5

"Please, have a seat." Castiel motioned his hand and Dean stood there for a moment confused before he made himself move to do as he was told. He just managed to wrap his head around the fact that he was seeing Mr. No... Castiel again, and now the man is... what? Feeding him? Some strange fear arose inside of Dean, he didn't know what was happening. Why... why would someone do this?

Sure, he had people give him food before, but it was mostly some leftovers and it was because they felt sorry for him, pitied him. This... This felt different. If this was a movie, he would have thought that a romantic setting of a dinner like this would serve one purpose - for the man to get into his pants. But that didn't make sense, not with the situation they were already in. So what is it?

And while his mind screamed with all sorts of fearful and confused thoughts, on the outside Dean remained calm and waited as Castiel served the steak and then the mash potatoes, looking up at him and asking him if he wanted more. He knew he shouldn't be pushing his luck, especially at how his stomach started eating him from the inside out, but whether it was the hunger or Dean testing the limits, he nodded. "Yes, please."

He watched as Castiel's lips formed a small pleased smile and he took another full spoon of mashed potatoes and added it to Dean's plate. "Salad?" He offered and Dean shook his head.

"No, thank you." he replied shyly, hoping not to offend Mr. No... Castiel.

"Not a salad fan, huh?" Castiel said adding a few lettuce pieces to a separate salad bowl.

"No. I am not." Dean replied and then quickly added "Sorry."

"No need to apologize, you like what you like, and that is quite alright with me." Castiel replied sitting down and finally looking straight into Dean. He must have seen Dean was confused and maybe a bit uncomfortable, and Dean didn't know why, but it saddened him just a bit to see that smile disappear of Mr. No... Castiel's face. He watched the man take a deep breath and stare into his eyes and fear flooded him once again as Castiel's face turned serious before he spoke.

"I... I hope this is ok. I wanted to..." He seemed to struggle with his words and Dean had no idea why. This whole thing looked like a set up for the talk, one that usually happened between two people who were breaking up. And that made no sense, not in this current situation and Dean thought that maybe he should stop comparing any of this to movie scenes and try to find out what is happening.

"I was hoping it would be ok if we..." Castiel started again and Dean gave a small nod, non-verbally encouraging him to continue. Castiel huffed an awkward laugh and looked down on his plate. Dean looked down too, wondering if Castiel was having second thoughts about having this dinner. God, he hoped not. Despite the weird situation and his confusion, Dean was really really hungry.

"Maybe we could just eat now and then talk later?" Dean flinched when Castiel said that, not sure for a moment if he actually said it, or was Dean wishing it so badly he just imagined it. Seeing the expecting look in Mr. Novak's eyes that pleaded for Dean to agree to this, Dean's heart skipped a beat and he smiled and nodded his agreement. Castiel let out a breath of clear relief and with a smile of his own and nodded. "Great, let's dig in."

The number of forks and spoons confused Dean for a moment, but he looked at Mr. Novak and copied his motions, picking up the table fork instead of the salad one he initially reached for. He did the same for the knives, picking the one Mr. Novak picked. He was glad he had enough brain cells left to come up with the idea to copy the man before him instead of just staring at the amount of cutlery there was on the table.

He tried hard to push down the feeling of the awkwardness of this situation and to try to enjoy the meal. He already knew just by looking at it, that it would be the best meal of his life, so he carefully cut through the soft meat, taking a bite size piece and bringing it up to his mouth. He realized his hand was shaking, so he took a deep breath to steady not just that hand, but also his beating heart and plopped that piece into his mouth as if it would disappear if he waited any longer.

And then Dean froze.

The rich flavor exploded in his mouth, spreading all over his tongue and Dean's mind went completely blank. Next thing he knew there was a hand puling his chin to the right, deep blue eyes gazing into his, showing concern and only then did Dean finally hear what Mr. Novak was saying. "Dean? Dean? Dean, are you alright?" Heat rose to his cheeks and he knew he was red in the face from the sudden embarrassment that flooded him, but he didn't let himself shy away from the touch.

He actually lost a few minutes and in that time, Mr. Novak was probably trying to call out to him, but he didn't hear and Mr. Novak had to get up and... Oh God! He really needed to stop acting like a teenage girl on her first date and start acting like a grown up. It is just a meal. Who cares if it is the best one he ever had? Who cares if he never tasted anything like this in his entire life? He needed to get his shit together and make this work. Whatever this was.

Mr. Novak wanted him to sit and eat with him. So that's what he will do. Not freak out about it, not get himself in the position that Mr. Novak has to get up because of him and practically shake him back to reality. _Snap the hell out of it, for fuck's sake!_ He thought to himself.

But then Mr. Novak's hand was retracting and he unintentionally followed after it with his chin, but he realized what he was doing before Mr. Novak could notice it. He took a deep breath and forced a smile. "Yes, I am fine, I'm sorry. I just... Spaced out for a moment."

There was still some lingering concern in those bright blue eyes and considering how he has been acting, Mr. Novak would think he was mentally damaged or something. _Damn it, Dean! Focus! Do something, make conversation, don't let him think you're some retard or something!_

"The... The steak is delicious." He added, and Mr. Novak seemed to relax a bit, finally going back to his seat and sitting down to finish his own piece of meat.

"I am pleased to hear you are enjoying the meal." Mr. Novak said just before he took a piece of his steak into his mouth and Dean watched as it disappeared behind those pink lips. He watched as Mr. Novak licked them to pick up any leftover juices and then dig in for another piece and for a moment, Dean wished he was that piece of meat.

What the fuck was wrong with him?!

_Focus, for Christ's sake. He is just another client who... has a food kink or some complex that he likes to feed people or... whatever! Maybe he likes to think of it as a date, or something, thinking of it like a seduction... Doesn't matter, you have to play along. This is a second chance and ... I can't let it slip away... I just can't..._

Castiel was still concerned about Dean freezing up on him like that, but the more he thought about it and the words Dean managed to utter after his... moment, the more it became clear that it might be that Dean never actually tried the steak. In fact, the more he thought about all the possibilities of what Dean's life must have been like to make him end up doing this for a living... He wasn't just selling his body for the money. There was so much more to it than that, Castiel could see it in his beautiful green eyes.

"I am... enjoying pretty much." He heard Dean reply to his previous statement, tripping over his words a bit, but smiling nonetheless. "It... it is really good." Well, Dean definitely liked it, so that's good. And then Castiel started to wonder...

"What else do you like? To eat, I mean." He corrected himself, not sure why. Maybe he didn't want to come out to strong and invade Dean's privacy too much. Dean seemed to consider the question before giving the answer.

"I... I like burgers. Cheeseburgers. And... And bacon with eggs and..." Castiel saw Dean's eyes slip back to the food cart and the last part of his sentence came out so quiet and shy, Castiel couldn't contain his smile. "... And pie."

"Well, then it is a good thing I decided to go with pie for dessert." He commented. Dean blushed a bit and kept his gaze down on his plate, slowly finishing up his steak. Silence befell and Castiel bit the inside of his cheek. There were so many things he wanted to find out about Dean, to ask him, but he didn't want to seem like he is prying.

It is a good thing that Dean was a bite away from being done with his main course, and the silence didn't last long as Castiel got up and cut the pie. A part of him wondered for a moment that if Dean really enjoyed the types of food he mentioned, how come he was so slim, almost skinny. He could only hope it is due to Dean's metabolism and not the fact that he might have skipped meals. It made his heart ache a bit and he made sure to give Dean a slightly larger slice.

"One banana cream pie, coming up. I was going to order apple or blueberry, but this is all they had on the menu today." Castiel said, wondering if he should have pressed harder and paid extra to get one of the more tastier kind.

"Pie's a pie. I love them all." Dean said, and even if it seemed true, Castiel still didn't believe it.

"You mean to tell me you don't have a favorite?" He shot back with a raised brow just as he set the plate in front of Dean. He could see Dean's eyes drop to the plate, and the look of pure joy flash in his eyes, making Castiel smile, pleased.

Dean looked up at him and huffed a smile, looking busted. "Ok, so I might like cherry pie just a bit more then others... But I still like this." He blurted out and Castiel saw his eyes go slightly wide when he admitted it. But then those cheeks of his blushed again and Castiel could swear that was the cutest thing he ever saw.

"Well, I guess I will go hunting for that cherry pie tommorow then." He offered and Dean's eyes snapped back at him in surprise, but then he smiled widely, and Castiel just knew right there and then - there was nothing he wouldn't do just for a chance to see that smile again.

He took his plate and went back to his seat, a thought nagging at him from the back of his mind. He really should try and talk to Dean, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it, not just because he felt it might ruin the moment, but also because he feared Dean's reaction.

But how do you tell someone you want to get to know them? Castiel has been a bit awkward his entire life, and doesn't have many friends, but he knows a thing like this can't be forced.

And then Dean might refuse and he would loose his chance to be around him and learn more about him. And he really really wanted to learn more.

He raised his eyes back at Dean and smiled fondly at the look on his face as Dean cut a piece of pie. That child-like excitement he saw in those emerald greens made his heart want to leap out of his chest.

And then Dean let out a sound that went right through his heart, pass his stomach and all the way down to his dick.

When Dean put that first piece in his mouth, and having been ages since he had pie, he released a loud moan of pleasure, not immediately realizing what he has done. Luckily, his eyes were closed and he didn't see Castiel's initial reaction.

Those ocean blue eyes of his went wide with the sudden wave of lust that hit him, and he found it just a bit harder to breathe. Images of Dean dancing the night before flooded his mind and he was overwhelmed with desire to trace kisses all over Dean's body and make him moan like that again.

"Mmm, so freakin' good." Dean whispered and Castiel had to choke back a needy whine and try to refocus on something else. But that pie must have been made in Heaven or something, because Dean was still humming a tune that made Castiel's cock twitch in a needy way and he looked down upon the dessert.

Jesus, for a moment it looked like it wasn't banana syrup in it, but some other thick whitish substance, and then he is thinking somewhere in the lines of a banana and he is swallowing hard, going a bit pale because his blood is rushing some place else.

"Oh, sorry... I, um... " Dean cleared his throat, not noticing what his enjoyment did to Castiel. "Guess it has been a while since I had such good pie."

"I am glad you liked it." Castiel said, trying to keep his voice even. He watched as Dean's smile dessipated and his brows furrowed in a mix of confusion and concern. He bit his lip and his eyes flickered between Castiel's plate and his mouth.

"You barely touched yours... Didn't you like it?" He finally blurted out, sounding nervous, though Castiel had no idea why.

"No, I liked it... I'm just... Stuffed." He said with a smile, pushing a cut piece ariund the plate.

For a moment, Dean thought how it would be if he got up, went over to him and fed him that piece of pie. But he quickly shook of those thoughts and asked, trying to refocus on something else.

"So... Whatcha wanna do now?" The moment the question slipped past his lips, he stiffened. He was thought not to be so direct with his clients, but even worse, the question he asked posed a lot of possibilities and could be considered as an open invitation. Not that Dean would mind tasting those luscious lips again, or feel those strong arms stroke his bare back, but... The rest... He wasn't so sure of.

And as Mr. Novak lifted his gaze to meet his, a wave of guilt mixed with a small amount of anger hit Dean like a tidal wave. What the fuck did he think he was doing? It didn't matter if he was sure or not, it didn't matter if he wanted something or not. It didn't matter what he felt. He didn't matter.

Sammy was all that mattered. Earning money for him is all that mattered. Dean was paid to spend this evening with Mr. Novak, to be whatever Mr. Novak wanted him to be, to do whatever Mr. Novak wanted him to do. If he wanted to fuck him senseless over this dinner table, then that is what he is going to get.

He could see the small frown creep up on Mr. Novak's face as the man probably contemplated what he wanted to do next. Dean took a deep breath, getting into the mindset he always does in these kinds of situations, giving himself a small nod of determination. He allowed the dinner to throw him off, but now, he was ready for whatever Mr. Novak wanted to do.

"Would you...um... Would you like to watch a movie with me?" Mr. Novak asked a little shyly and Dean's jaw dropped.

He was not ready for that.

Despite being thrown off by the question, he quickly gathered his shit and replied without thinking "Sure, why not?" Damn it, he should have said something a bit more smooth. Maybe Alistair was right all along, maybe that mouth of his is only good for sucking cock and nothing else.

He was a bit weirded out by Mr. Novak's wide smile when he said it and the next thing he knew he was following him through the hallway to another room. He thought for a moment how big this penthouse had to be, feeling a bit lost in the hallways already, but then they were entering a very dark room. Dean held his breath until Mr. Novak flipped the switch. He never told anyone, but he was afra... uncomfortable in the dark.

Inside there were three classy armchairs and a matching two-seater, all facing the biggest television set Dean has ever seen. He did have to admit, it was a real sight that left him with his mouth slightly ajar, drooling. He is thankfully interrupted when Mr. Novak stepped in front of it, looking for something.

"Where is that remote?" Dean heard him ask and came closer to help him look.

"Hey, there... On that coffee table." Dean said pointing to said piece of furniture to Mr. Novak's left and ended up with his mouth ajar (no, definitely not drooling) for the second time in just a matter of minutes when Mr. Novak bent over to retrieve the remote, his pants tightening making his perfectly round ass really pop up. Jesus! he thought to himself before he looked away.

Mr. Novak turned the TV on and set on one side of the two-seater, opened the 'on demand' section and then looked up at Dean. "What would you like to watch?" Dean knew there were many options, and he didn't want to get overwhelmed about this, so he called out the first movie he recognized from posters and billboards.

"Oh, Suicide Squad! That one looks good." He almost shouted, seeing a picture of Harley Quinn seductively licking her lip, her make up all smeared, her double ponytail twirled and blending into a pink-blue background. He just loves her craziness.

"Alright." Mr. Novak didn't seem as excited about it as Dean was, and Dean had to resist the urge to punch himself for indulging his own desires once more.

"If you want to watch something else, I am cool with it." He offered.

"No, this seems interesting." Mr. Novak said, even if Dean had a feeling the man has never seen an action movie in his life. Not that Dean has seen that many either, but that is beside the point.

Mr. Novak pressed play and then he looked up at Dean. And as Dean stood there in front of a large screen, he wondered what the hell it all was. The night before was hot and steamy and then something happened and all of a sudden he was... having dinner with him and now... a movie night?

And then it hit him. Mr. Novak wanted it to feel like a date. The wanted to go through the motions and have that feel like he seduced Dean into his bed tonight. _Of course! I am such an idiot. Why else would he do this? He wants to feel macho, like he 'won me over' or something. Ok, sure. I can play along._

Dean might not have seen many movies, but he has seen enough to know how a date worked. And even if he wasn't offered that seat, he still walked over and set next to Mr. Novak in that two-seater. Mr. Novak smiled at him, and Dean returned the smile. It was about ten minutes into the movie and Dean expected the man next to him to make _the move_ , but it wasn't happening, and Dean wondered if he got it wrong. Having never been on a date for real, he didn't know for sure.

Dean thought about it for a moment, waging his options. He knew he needed to make this work, and considering what he was willing to do when he first got here, this should be easy, but it's not. Swallowing a guys dick as opposed to scooting over closer and initiating mild contact is really a no brainer, but Dean is still panicking inside, probably because he never had to do it.

He always had hands, lips, breasts and cocks touching him first, he never reached to touch unless he was specifically told to, unless the person was expecting him to do it. But with Mr. Novak... He had no idea what was expected of him. And that scared him more.

_Get over yourself and just do it. Like ripping off a bandaid, one swift, fast motion. Stop thinking and just do it!_

And he did.

He scooted over closer to Mr. Novak and made eye contact. He smiled and leaned forward just a bit, raising an eyebrow expectedly. If Mr. Novak didn't catch what he was suggesting, he would take that arm and wrap it around him himself. Mr. Novak looked at him with slight surprise, as if he didn't expect that, but soon his lips formed such a glad smile, it made something inside Dean flutter. He did that. He made him smile like that.

Castiel was indeed surprised by Dean's insinuation, but didn't want to question it for now. The fact was that Dean wanted him to put an arm around him and it felt so good to be able, to be allowed to do it. Why question a good thing, right? When his arm went around Dean, it felt good, but then a few minutes later Dean almost snuggled to his chest and that - felt amazing.

For the first time the warmth of someone's body didn't send a jolt of arousal through him but rather tingles down his spine all the way to the pit of his stomach. The truth was he had never felt like this. He was always physically attracted to men and a few women on a rare occasion, but never intrigued by who they really were. He never paid any attention to any emotions that were swirling behind their eyes, if there ever even were any emotions there.

But feeling that eager gentle kiss Dean gave him the night before and then that scared look in his eyes, the way his body tensed... It was like, for the first time ever, he was seeing a person and not just an object of his desire... Not that he ever treated anyone like an object, they all just played their part and moved on. They were all beautiful in their own way, but never had anything to draw him in like Dean did.

A yawn escaped his lips, it has been a long day, a working Saturday. There was a lot happening in his company at the moment, but he didn't want to think about it, not right now.

"You do know you're supposed to yawn first and then wrap an arm around me and not the other way around?" Dean asked, careful but teasing, and it made Castiel laugh.

"I apologize. It has been a long day. But it isn't relevant now." He said, implying he didn't want to talk about it, and Dean got the point. He just wanted to relax and watch the movie, that he found to be surprisingly interesting. It was unconventional for criminals to be heroes, and there was something interesting about each character. It was actually good for a Hollywood flick. He focused on it, the warmth of Dean's body next to him making him content and in no need of anything else aside from this moment.

He was getting sleepy, but pushed himself to watch the movie till the end, not really eager to move. Or was it more like that he didn't want Dean to move? Halfway through the movie he felt Dean snuggle in even closer, and he thought he heard a hum coming from him but he wasn't sure. It was only when the ending credits started to roll that Castiel moved just a bit, confused as to why Dean wasn't.

The most gentle, pleased smile broke over his face as he realized Dean fell asleep right there on his chest. Those tingles were there again, making him feel all warm and fuzzy. He slowly brought his hand up and ran his fingers through Dean's hair, moving down to caress his cheek. The movie started up again from the beginning and illuminated Dean, making his freckles stand out. Dean stirred, so Castiel stilled his movements, not wishing to wake him up. He waited for Dean to go back under and only then reached for the blanket that was on top of the two-seater, covering Dean and a bit of himself.

He might wake up stiff in the morning, but there was no way he is going to wake Dean up now and loose that bit of closeness and warmth he felt. He didn't want to let go. He wanted Dean by his side, he wanted to feel his warmth, the wanted to see that spark of joy in his eyes he saw at the dinner table and he wanted to be the one to bring a smile on his face.

And as the sleep consumed him, one thing became crystal clear to him. There wasn't much Castiel wouldn't do just for a slight chance to be close to Dean, to see him smile and to make him happy. And hopefully, feel this warmth more often too.


	6. Chapter 6

His eyes were closed, but even if they weren't he wouldn't be able to see anything in the pitch dark that surrounded him. Didn't matter anyway. He could feel him close, he could sense him right there. If he was brave enough he would have reached for him, but he wasn't.

The sweet anticipation was killing him. He could smell his pine cologne lingering right there in front of him, so close it made his heart race. He could almost feel those long fingers hovering just above his skin, enough to cause the electricity running between, but far enough not to be considered a touch.

He gasped when those fingers finally made contact, right there on his chest, right where his heart would be, millions of tingles ran all over his body. Shivering, he tried to breathe through it, especially when those fingers stretched, allowing the palm to touch down on his skin.

The hand caressed over his chest for a few moments and then headed up, over his collarbone and up his neck, the thumb reaching over to brunch against his cheek. The other hand joined, going back to his chest and it was as if it was making a distraction for the thumb of the right hand to reach his lips and draw them out. Dean's breath hitched at the sensation, it wasn't like anything he ever felt before.

"Ssshhh... I got you." The gruff voice spoke making him gasp again, and that other hand joined to caress the other cheek for a few moments. The palms were so warm, but not sweaty, gentle and soft, the fingers a shade colder, but pleasant as they tickled their way down his neck and over his chest again. He would bet everything he had, the little that it was, that those wide palms could feel how his heart raced.

Suddenly, the hands stilled, stopping their caressing and the smallest whining sounds actually escaped his lips and he was so thankful it was dark, because he was certainly blushing like crazy for that. He heard a huff of amused smile to his left and then there wash a hot breath right there on his neck...

Lingering.

Waiting.

Holding back.

"Pp... Please." He found his voice, nothing but a broken whisper and it was like the breath paused before he heard a voice, a whisper right into his ear.

"Where?"

"Aaanywhere... Eee... Everywhere... Pppp... Please."

Those lips huffed another gentle smile before lowering just a tiny bit and placing the softest kiss right under his ear. He sucked in a shuddering breath, completely falling apart. One hand resumed its movement on his chest in a soothing manner, while those lips parted his skin only to come back an inch lower.

He was completely lost in that sensation, touches as soft as a brush of feathers on his skin, lips as warm as his heart felt in that moment. It was so much, too much. It was so wonderful, so uplifting... So overwhelming. As those lips continued their movement down his neck to his collarbone, his breath hitched too many times, feeling like he is going to choke on it. Tears started sliding down his face and as if they knew, those hands came back to cup his face, those lips still near but far enough to be heard.

"Ssshhh... I got you. I got you." It seemed to calm him just enough to take a deep breath, finally letting enough air into his body to start thinking a bit more clearly, panting and chest heaving. A hand slipped to ease his breathing and he felt so ashamed for getting this worked up. The lips and hands waited for him to get his bearings patiently and it struck him with such unbelievable gratification that someone would do that for him, to be so forbearing and to let him set the pace.

"Pplease..." he managed, shy and fearful, like he expected those lips to say no to him.

"Where?"

The voice asked like it was such a normal thing to be lead, giving him just enough courage to muster one word. "Me." _Kiss me. Please. Kiss me._

The voice huffed an amused smile, but did exactly as he wished, coming closer and closer and he could feel that hot breath over his lips. It paused there, but not long enough to tease like it did before, not long enough for him to be lost in the suspense and it moved, the breath getting completely lost as one lips touched the other, barely brushing.

It was so gentle he wasn't even sure it happened. But then they were there again, pressing themselves against his, so soft and indulgent. They moved against his lips making him shiver to the feeling, but he wanted more, so much more. So he let his lips part, inviting and he felt it again, that minty flavour mixed with something sweet and those shivers turned into powerful jolts, shooting thought-out his body.

It was so moving, soul-stirring and arousing; he thought he was going to lose his mind in the pure bliss that consumed him.

His lips were still prickling from the kiss when he let out a hum, slowly opening his eyes. The light, not too bright still managed to blind him slightly, enough for him to take a moment. The first thing that came to focus was his own arm draped over something warm. The next thing that came into focus was something light brown over the lower part of his body and he had to blink twice, moving his head downward to see that it was a blanket.

How the heck did he get under a blanket?

Wait, was he sleeping?

But that's impossible, the last thing he remembered was watching a movie and... OH, FUCK!

His eyes went wide as the realisation hit and he jerked his head upward, his mind still not quite believing the assumption he made, not until it saw it for itself. And there they were, watching him, those bright blue eyes filled with some strange warmth and joy that had Dean's mind working a million miles a minute trying to come up with something to say, anything. Seeing Mr. Novak smile so brightly put a wrench in the cog of the not-so-well-oiled machine inside Dean's mind, throwing him off his train of thought for a moment.

"Good morning." said Mr. Novak's even rougher voice, simultaneously sending a jolt to Dean's already hard, wet-dream induced morning wood and a jolt to his brain, restarting it. He jumped and immediately backed away, realizing everything that was happening, muttering that he is "Sorry. I'm so sorry. I..."

And as he tried to conceal his hard-on, he nearly tumbled off the two-seater. Strong hands reached after him, grabbing him by a shoulder and pulling him back up, and Dear Lord, they were just as soft and tender as they were in his dream.

"Hey, hey... It's ok." Mr. Novak said, and his eyes meant it, and Dean registered it somewhere in his mind that seemed to want to focus on those gentle hands that were retracting away from him. His eyes flickered over Mr. Novak's form as the man took a deep breath, and stretched, never dropping the smile.

"One would think I would wake up with a stiff neck, or a numb arm, but this was actually the most restful sleep I had in a while." He said and refocused on Dean. "Are you ok? Anything sore?"

Dean shook his head unable to find words, lowering his head and feeling so ashamed, until Mr. Novak spoke up again. "Well, I am sorry. I should have woken you up and got you in a proper bed so that... Oh, God, I didn't... I didn't mean it like that, not... I thought so that you could rest...I didn't... I wasn't trying to..."

Dean watched him confused as Mr. Novak huffed in annoyance, almost groaned, hiding his face in his hands. After a moment, he raised his head high, took a deep breath and looked back at Dean. "Could you forget I said anything and we could start over? Please."

He couldn't help the brow that shot up at that, but Dean still nodded his ok, making Mr. Novak smile so brightly, instantly reminding Dean how much he liked to see that smile, how much it warmed him up as if it was the sun itself.

"Ok. Good. Great!" Mr. Novak said, and then calmed just a bit to lock his eyes with Dean's as he said again "Good morning."

"G.. Good morning, Mr. No..." Dean started.

"Castiel." the man interrupted.

Dean smiled shyly. "Good morning, Castiel."

"Well, that was barely audible, but I'll take it." Castiel commented, and Dean couldn't hold the sudden need for laughter that overpowered him and he started laughing all the while trying to contain it from growing. Castiel started laughing with him and the strangest feeling consumed Dean upon hearing it, he never wanted to stop hearing that laughter.

"Ok... ok..." Castiel said, trying to calm them both down and Dean toned down, refocusing on him again. "Ok, how about we take a shooouu... Oh, dear God! How about _I_ go take a shower and then _you_ go take a shower and I order us some breakfast? How does that sound?" Castiel asked, clearly hoping Dean would just ignore his slip up. The look on his face was so hopeful and so embarrassed at the same time, Dean felt himself getting thrown into another laughing fit that he tried so hard to contain.

He put a hand over his mouth and nodded his ok, hoping Mr. Novak wouldn't feel offended.

"Ok, I'm gonna go take that shower and when I leave the room, you can laugh all you want ok? We can both pretend you saw something funny on the TV." Castiel said with a slight smirk and purposely lingered around just to hear Dean lose it and burst out laugh. He himself huffed a delighted laugh, shook his head and left the room.

Dean couldn't stop laughing for a good five minutes, took him five more to peel off that goofy smile of his face. After that took him only five seconds to go completely pale.

_What the fuck are you doing? Making fun of Ca... Mr. Novak? Idiot! What are you thinking? Are you that brain damaged that you can't even act normal in front of a man whose money you depend on? Whose money Sam depends on? SHIT! Fucking idiot!_

_You need to get your shit together right the fuck now! Stop screwing around and hope he keeps you after the bullshit you pulled. Laughing in his face, who the fuck does that? And that shit last night? How the fuck could you fall asleep, you moron?!_

_You fucking allow yourself too much, you worthless piece of shit!_

"Dean? Is everything alright?" a voice interrupted his train of thought, making him finch. He looked up to Mr. Novak and felt struck. His lips parted in slight surprise at the sight of the man with his hair still wet and wearing a bathrobe, probably nothing underneath it and God that was so freaking hot and...

_Fucking focus, bird brain_!

"Yes. I... I was just... Thinking about stuff." He lied and watched those worry filled eyes search his as if they could see all the way down to his soul.

"Alright... – Mr. Novak said clearly unconvinced – The shower is free so if you want..."

"Thank you." Dean shot back, getting up. Mr. Novak wanted him to take a shower and he is going to take a shower. Mr. Novak would probably want to join him at a point. And that was fine. It was his shower.

"What... what would you like for breakfast?" Mr. Novak asked and Dean paused his exit and turned towards Mr. Novak.

"You... you don't have to do that. Feed me. I'm good." Dean said.

"Nonsense. You must be hungry. I know I am." Castiel tried. "Any preferences?"

"Anything you wish is fine." Dean said flatly and Castiel was taken aback by the tone of his voice. A moment ago Dean seemed so happy, laughing and now he is so cold and distant and... Mr. Novak looked at him with slight confusion as Dean lingered in the room.

"Ok, then. Go take the shower, but don't take long, because the breakfast should be here in 15, that's how much it takes them once I..."

"Of course." Dean said interrupting him, turned and walked out, leaving Castiel feeling dumbstruck. What just happened? One minute they were having fun, laughing and he was being silly and loving it and then... Then he left the room for a fifteen minutes and it is like Dean is a whole other person. It was like he was a robot, stripped of any emotions and left to follow orders and for fuck's sake, if Castiel told him to bent over right now, why did it feel like Dean would do just that?

Dean walked almost on autopilot to the big bathroom and even if he saw it before, he was still mesmerised by how huge it was. He glanced at the hot tub, wondering how it felt to lie in the warm water, massagers making your body relax, bubbles around you smelling of something flowery...

_Snap the fuck out of it! Strip_!

And Dean unbuttoned his vomit-yellow polo shirt, lifted it up, took it off and dumped it on the floor. He unbuttoned his jeans, hooked his fingers on them and pulled them down, then straightened up and stepped out of them. He bend and pulled off his briefs, tossing them on top of his shirt and jeans.

The cool air made him shiver for a moment, drawing him to desire that warmth of that body he felt this morning but the voice in his head snapped him out of it again, rushing him into the shower booth. He quickly soaked his skin and washed himself, paying special attention to the private parts. The voice in his his head told him he should prepare, so he took a few minutes longer to rinse, his hand slowly reaching behind him as if it was guided by somebody else.

"No... No. He... He wants to have breakfast." Dean muttered to himself. And when he thought about it for a moment, he realized that, if he didn't count what happened two nights ago, Mr. No... Castiel wanted nothing more but his company. The dinner, the movie... And now breakfast.

It didn't make sense, none of it did.

Not just what Castiel wanted, but also... What Dean dared to want. And how could he, he wasn't... Into guys. Right? But then again, he wasn't into girls either. He wasn't into anything, since he had never actually gotten involved with someone... Romantically.

Dean gasped at the thought. No, it wasn't possible, he couldn't be interested in Mr. No... Castiel in that way. Could he?

Truth was, Dean never experienced these kinds of feelings before, or a start if them anyway, so he couldn't know for sure what was happening. He knew how he should behave in front of clients, but Mr. N... Castiel just brings something inside of him that is making him a lot more relaxed and familiar with him in a way he shouldn't really be.

And the worst part... The signals he was sending... They were all getting mixed inside Dean's head and he didn't know what to think anymore. God he just wished he knew what was expected of him here, and it would make all of this just... Easier.

Realizing he might have taken too long, he shut off the water and stepped outside, reached for the towels. The smell of lavender hit him as he brought a towel closer to his face, and it felt so soft under his hand, Dean just had to bury his face in it. Just for a second.

Then he went and reached for the pile of his clothes on the floor as he eyed a white soft bathrobe, wishing to wrap himself in it and just snuggle into something, a sofa, a bed, didn't matter. And that's where an idea was born.

First he thought he would put it on, for a minute or so, and then change into his clothes. But... What if his clothes accidentally got wet? What if he sprinkled some water on them, and hung them to dry while he ate his breakfast... In the fluffy bathrobe?

The more Dean thought about it, the better it sounded. He could see M... Castiel's reaction and then maybe get a more clear image of what was expected of him. Maybe he could even tie the belt a bit loosely and then... At the right moment it could come undone and... Maybe Castiel would see him and want to... Touch him. Feel his skin under his hands... Maybe even kiss him.

In an instant Dean picked up his jeans and shirt, opened a tap, sprayed some water on them and put them up on a free towel rack, quickly reaching for the bathrobe, putting it on and leaving the bathroom before that voice spoke up to tell him what a monumentally stupid idea this was.

Castiel was actually back in his room after he placed an order for breakfast with the room service and was currently looking for sweatpants. He thought he pulled one out before he went looking for some briefs, but he ended up with two shirts and no sweatpants. He really hated hotels and moving around all the time, but as the head of a corporation as big as Novak industries, some sacrifices had to be made. Originally he was supposed to stay here a few days, but now it seems like it will be close to a month, and he really needed to organize his stuff better.

"A-ha!" Castiel yelled as if he made some big time scientific discovery and not find a couple of sets of sweatpants. He heard the door of the bathroom open and he instinctively called Dean over, not thinking about the fact that he was about to change.

The sight of Dean with his hair ruffled, and a wet patch of skin from his exposed chest nearly gave him a heartattack. He was so hot in one of the hotel's white fluffy bathrobes, fresh from under a shower, Castiel felt extremely aroused and had to turn away to get a hold of himself.

"I'm sorry. I got my clothes all wet and I... I borrowed the bathrobe, hoping you wouldn't mind.' He could hear Dean say and he could just imagine the blush on his face that was so evident in his voice. But when he added after a pause "I... I could take it off if you want." And he was SO glad he had his back turned, and Dean couldn't see how he closed his eyes heavily and bit down on his lower lip to stop a moan from escaping, imagining that robe dropping down, pooling around Dean's ankles leaving him completely exposed.

Fastly, he took a deep breath, and refocused his thoughts. Playing it cool he turned to Dean with a wide smile and an extended hand. "Nonsense. I pulled out some spare clothes, so you could wear them." It was clear Dean did not expect him to say that, so he reluctantly reached and took the offered clothes.

"You can change here, while I go change in the bathroom." Castiel quickly added, to avoid any misunderstanding that he might want Dean to strip. Even if he did want that. So much. He went past Dean and out of the room, changed in the bathroom and stepped out just in time to hear the elevator's famous _Ding_!

Usually there would be a staff member to bring in the cart and take out the last night's one, but Castiel didn't really like them roaming the place, so when the elevator door opened, he found only the food cart inside. He pulled it out and in its place he rolled in the one from last night, dirty plates and all. He wasn't beyond cleaning, and didn't mind resetting the table for breakfast.

Just as he finished putting the last plate down, this time not aiming for perfection so much as the night before, Dean walked into the dining room. Since he was a bit skinnier then Castiel, the clothes hung loosely on him, but to Castiel, he still looked amazing, so much so that he couldn't hold back his smile.

Come to think about it, Castiel couldn't remember when was the last time he smiled so much.

Still, Dean's behavior was eating him up, and he blamed himself. He told Dean they would talk after dinner and they didn't. He assumed Dean is confused about his behavior and didn't know how to act around him. Castiel loved it when he was relaxed and himself this morning, and the laughter they shared, but then Dean must have remembered he was paid to be there, and for a reason, so he snapped back into... The escort he is supposed to play.

And that nearly broke Castiel's heart.

That's not what he wanted. But considering he is paying for Dean's time, what did he expect Dean to think?

With his mind set on talking to Dean during breakfast, he motioned for the man to sit. He set a plate with a small dome in front of him and one in front of Dean and said with a hopeful smile. "Well. I hope you like what I chose." With that, he lifted his little dome to reveal spinach egg-white omlette with roasted zucchini on the side.

Now, you may think that Dean would have made a yuck face at the sight, but the smell that instantly filled the room made his stomach growl. It might not have been something he would favour, but it was still a full breakfast meal he almost never got to have.

But then he lifted his done and saw something he never imagined, in his wildest dreams. I mean, no, he had bacon and scrambled eggs extra bacon on the side, not that he never had that. He did. A few times too. But this was... It was different.

Dean looked up at Castiel just in time to hear him say "You did say you liked eggs and bacon last night, so I figured they would be ok for breakfast."

And that! There it was! Right there! He remembered. He remembered what Dean said last night, he remembered what type of food he liked. He asked him last night, and Dean might have thought he was just making conversation, but he was... He was interested. In what Dean liked.

"Is...um... Is it alright? Did you want something else?" Castiel asked, unable to read the blank expression on Dean's face.

"No, no, no. It's... - Dean immediately spoke up - it's good. I... I love it."

And damn, there was that bright smile on Castiel's face again and good God, the warmth that smile brought, the tingles it sent through Dean's system... "I... I can't believe you remembered." He said and was confused by Cas... Mr. Novak's sudden serious expression.

_Shit! What the fuck did you do now?_

Mr. Novak huffed a forced smile, probably to ease Dean's mind and then looked up at him. Taking a deep breath, he started speaking, his eyes searching Dean's expression for any reaction. "I know this is... Odd, at best. I know this isn't what you expected and I..."

"You have to understand, I am not very good with people and talking and socializing in general, but... I wanted to get to know you. I wanted to know more about you and to... Just to spend some time with you. God, I sound... Stupid."

_I want to get to know you. I want to have more moments like the one this morning. I want to laugh and have you laugh with me. I want... You._

"I really suck at explaining... I'm sorry... I..."

"I get it." Dean said. And he thought he did. The guy was lonely. Probably with all the money he had, he never had true friends, not that Dean would know what those were, but still... He probably had leeches and bloodsuckers to deal with who were only interested in hanging out with him for his money.

"You just want... A friend. Right?" Dean added and watched Castiel furrow his brows for a moment before he let out a sigh.

"Yeah... A friend." He confirmed, sounding a bit sad. Or defeated. But then his expression changed into something Dean couldn't quite recognize and he quickly added "I mean... I would still... You know... Pay for that..."

Dean never felt dirtier than he did right then when he nodded looking so ashamed.

"I... It is a good thing. Then you wouldn't have to... You know. And I would have you all to myself and..." Castiel abruptly stopped, realizing what he said, his cheeks blushing in such and adorable way, Dean had to smile.

Castiel smiled back, awkwardly, but certainly feeling a bit more relaxed. "Ok, ok. How about we start again?"

"Sure." Dean said through his smile.

"Ok. Since Sunday is my day off, I was wondering if... You would like to spend the day with me?"

But that was just it. Sunday was also Dean's day off. It was the day he would visit his parents graves, silently pleading forgiveness and then he would go to see Sammy and spend the entire day with him. Still, he couldn't afford to say no to Mr. Nov... Castiel. He might interpret it wrong and drop him as a client and Dean couldn't let that happen, no matter how chilled the man seemed.

He couldn't deny that a part of him actually wanted to do this, but the guilt would consume him if he didn't justify his agreement, even if it was the truth. He was doing this for Sammy. Mostly.

"I think I would like that."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this turned out waaaay cheesier then I wanted/planned... but what the heck.

The elevator ride down was the weirdest thing. Just yesterday Dean stood in the exact same spot, determined to give the best blow job to the man that was standing next to him. Needless to say, the silence was so awkward. He would glance at Castiel every few seconds, but it was like the man felt his gaze, so he looked at him, and Dean quickly averted his eyes, not to be caught staring. When Castiel finally caught his look, he smiled at him and Dean felt his cheeks blush.

_What the fuck's a matter with you? You some kinda ova girly girl? 'Oh, look at me, I am blushing like a damsel being courted!' Get it together, man, you're fucking embarrassing yourself!_

They walked through the lobby of the hotel side by side, unlike Dean, Castiel seemed much more focused on where he was going. Dean on the other hand kept catching glimpses of the looks he as given by the staff and the receptionist, even other guests. Like the whole world knew he was out of place, meant to be nothing more but entertainment.

" _Everywhere I go, people know the part I'm playing._

_Made for every dance, selling each romance..."_

The song kept playing in his head, and Dean shrunk down on himself, looking down on the ground. The outfit he was wearing wasn't helpful, the ripped old jeans and that awful yellow polo shirt... Ugh. Maybe he could ask Castiel if they could stop by the club so that he could change?

The sight of the big white limo seemed to take his breath away again, and he didn't know why, because he was here, he wasn't in the club nor was there Alistair waiting for him, nothing bad had happened, and he had a feeling nothing bad will. Or was it just his hope? He couldn't slow down his rapidly beating heart, especially when Castiel leaned forward and actually opened the door for him. He managed only one shy glance before he ducked his head and climbed inside, wishing he could have at least offered the man a smile, or a 'thank you'.

"Where would you like to go?" Castiel asked taking a seat next to Dean, close enough for Dean to catch a whiff of his pine cologne, far enough so that he wasn't being too much in Dean's space. Not that Dean would mind that. That thought should have caught him off guard, wanting someone's body to be close to his, but it didn't. Dean couldn't figure out why that was yet, or he just wouldn't admit it to himself, wouldn't let his guard down. And who could blame him?

He has been used and abused and every time he thought that the person did something nice, for his own benefit, it turned out to be something... Like when Alistair told him he was taking him to a party and he ended up being passed around between five guys. He seemed all nice about it like it was going to be a nice date or something, and Dean felt oddly excited about it, he let himself get excited about it and it turned out to be one of the worst nights of his life.

_Focus, you imbecile! The man asked you something and he is waiting for an answer!_

"I... Um... Anywhere you like." He finally said, forcing himself to smile.

"I am new to this town, so I don't know what it has to offer... But maybe we could just take the opportunity of the nice day and just... Start with a walk?"

Walk. Public. Good. Dean's mind supplied.

A moment ago he wanted be close to the man, and now his mind is telling him something that wasn't really true. Sure, a walk is nice and a lay-back option, but it was almost as if he was afraid to be alone in private with the man. Which he wasn't... Maybe that's just his brain working on autopilot? Old habits die hard.

"Um... Sure. A walk sounds... nice." Dean managed, his smile a little less fake now.

"Ok. Any preference?" Castiel tried with a raised brow, his lips twerking upward.

"I... Um... I don't know..." Dean's mind was cussing at him for being so stupid. Of course he knew, he knew all the places in this city... There was that park with swans and duck and turtles, there was that long boardwalk by the river, there was the awesome fortress across the wide river. _Damn it, say something_!

"Maybe... um... Downtown..." Dean tried and Castiel's smile widened, encouraging him to say more. "There... There is a monument and a wide walk zone and... It is... It's nice. There is always something happening and... maybe there is something going on now too..." Yeah. Real eloquent Dean. You have such a way with words.

Castiel never dropped his smile, feeling it was important not to discourage Dean, but he wasn't so sure that the town center would be an interesting place for them. He has been there, his company bought a building there and were expending and the whole thing, even if it was nice, reminded him too much of Wall Street. Business people running here and there, and a few stands with food, small shops in the bases of some interesting looking buildings, but that's it. No, he once saw a street performer with a guitar, so yeah.

Still he didn't want to disappoint Dean, so he pressed a button on the roof of the limo, and spoke up. "Take us downtown, Benny."

"Sure thing, chief." Came Benny's voice from a speaker.

"Um..." Castiel's attention was brought to Dean as he tried to speak.

"Yes?" He urged him to continue.

"Could we... Could we stop by the club so that I could, um... Change?" Dean asked blushing again and God, he was so adorable like that, Castiel just wanted to lean in an kiss those pink cheeks. Took a lot for him not to do that and instead tell Benny they were making a pit stop on the way. Dean smiled in appreciation and then they were there and he stepped out of the car and the second he shut that door, Castiel's smile faltered.

He didn't know why, but the thought of Dean ditching them came to mind and sudden sadness washed over him. Dean wouldn't do that, would he? It isn't as if Castiel didn't freak him out enough with all of this. He felt so joyful when Dean agreed to spend the day with him and he thought about all the things that they could do together, and in his mind it always ended up with him just holding Dean like he did the night before. Having the man sleep in his arms. It felt so good, just... Just to have someone there with him.

Castiel was always too busy working to notice he was alone. Even when he was in a room filled with people, he was alone. And he never noticed it. Never cared enough to notice.

But then he saw Dean when he was waiting for that CEO of Shurley Pharmaceuticals, Zachariah Adler. Why would he chose to met there, Castiel had no idea. And he even ended up being stood up. Not a great move for the head of the company he was taking over, but it worked out when he saw Dean on the stage. The whole world just stopped and all he could see, all he could focus on was the dancer as Dean stripped, revealing more and more skin, showing those beautiful muscle formations, the perfect body and then he started moving and swaying to the rhythm of a song that is so not meant to be for striptease, but Dean somehow made it work, and it was just beautiful.

_"Your love is like bad medicine,_

_Bad medicine is what I need..."_

And then he was twirling on that pole and when he bent on it, showing off his flexibility, Castiel felt so aroused, he had to get away, he had to get out before he embarrassed himself. He almost made it to his car and felt such relief when he managed to reach it without anyone noticing his hard-on.

But he knew he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about the dancer, so he called Benny and his trusted driver arranged a night with him and Castiel was so thrilled and excited up to the point that Dean tensed. And it hit him like a cold shower.

And suddenly he wanted Dean to want it, to want him. He wanted Dean to feel the same attraction he did, but he also wanted it to be... Deeper. Meaningful. Why now all of a sudden, he had no idea, maybe it was just the right moment, maybe it was because he was getting old, or maybe... Maybe he was just waiting for someone like Dean and didn't even realize it?

Jesus, he had completely lost his marbles.

What was he even thinking? How would it even work? His entire company depended on him, and his time and with this merger happening he was supposed to be working even more, but he just kept blowing off work and... Well, Charlie has been his second in command for a long time, she did deserve his trust and she could do this... She told him so. She told him to try and have a bit of fun and...

All thoughts of work were instantly forgotten when the car door reopened and Dean entered the car. Castiel's mouth dropped and he just stared at Dean for a moment. He changed into a plain black shirt that soooo did his perfect body justice, tight and flattering and dark blue jeans that hung just right. His hair was styled a bit, nothing too formal, just perfect for the occasion. The outfit, the shirt especially made an amazing contrast with Dean's pink lips, and emphasised even more his beautiful green eyes, and Castiel just had to say

"Oh, wow. You look... Great." He was going to go for beautiful, amazing, all of the above, but stopped himself before he made Dean too uncomfortable.

Of course Dean blushed again, but smiled too and it just warmed Castiel's heart to see it.

The town center was so much different on weekends, Castiel was amazed! It turned from a business people filled Wall Street to a... space filled with families and kids running around and music and just... It was unbelievable.

The food carts were still there, selling hot dogs and cotton candy and even cob corn, but the venders were actually smiling, unlike on work days. The place was just so... Alive. The street performers were there, loads of them and the street that lead from the town square to a huge park was actually decorated with signs that implied there was a street performers music festival happening later on. Dean explained that during the work days, the singers and guitar players worked for themselves, on these types of festival, all the money went to a charity to support two orphanages in the town.

It was just so... Uplifting, Castiel couldn't believe it. There was a fountain where the children played, splashing their parents with water, there was a woman with a huge bucket of soap and thick strings tied to two sticks and Castiel had no idea what she was doing until she dipped the string in soap, and then pulled it through the air, making enormous bubbles. He suddenly felt like a child and wanted to just go and burst each and every one of them.

He kept repeating how amazing everything was, he was so astounded and in all that excitement he grabbed Dean's hand to pull him towards some guy who was making some interesting paintings using bottle sprays in under five minutes.

Still Dean loved every moment of it. Seeing Castiel like this reminded him of how he felt during dinner when he was given a huge steak and pie for desert. He reminded him of a child in a candy store, but it also showed him one important thing.

He was only human.

He might have money, or power, and a big ass company and could probably buy this whole place and everyone in it, but seeing that joy on his face, brought on by the simplest of things, things so common to Dean he paid so little attention to them... He was so happy to be able to share that with him.

Until he saw Alistair.

_oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit_

But luckily, he didn't see them yet, and Dean had a moment to try and avert them from going in that direction.

"Oh, look, it's _Scheherazade_. This place is supposed to have the best hot chocolate in the whole town." Dean pointed to a coffee shop.

"Isn't it a little warm for hot chocolate?" Castiel asked with a frown and looked at Dean. Dean could tell he was being eyed curiously, especially when he told Castiel he should try it anyway with some urgency in his voice. But if Castiel figured something was wrong, he made no comment and just followed Dean to the coffee shop.

They sat at the only available booth in the back of the coffee shop, isolated and cosy, and Dean seemed to relax once they ordered. Castiel was still curious about what would make Dean act like he did, but he dared not ask. It wasn't his place. Instead he opted to tell Dean how much fun he was having.

"I know I said it like a million times in the past two hours, but this place is really amazing." A smile finally broke across Dean's face, and Castiel was so glad he was able to bring it back up. "No, seriously, have you seen this place during the work days? Filled with grey or dark suits and briefcases and serious faces and it is just so... Ugh. But now? It is so colourful, so lively... Just so... Amazing."

"I think you like that word just a bit too much." Dean commented a bit shyly and Castiel laughed, nodding in agreement.

"Honestly... – Castiel turned a bit serious even if he still had a smile on his face – I don't remember when was the last time I had this much fun. Thank you, Dean."

"Of course." Dean replied. Even if he was basically being paid to do this, it still brought him joy to see a man like Castiel loosen up and smile and enjoy. Even if he was being paid to do so, putting a smile on that face made something in his chest flutter.

The hot chocolate soon arrived, just as Castiel was telling Dean a little bit about his job and they both paused to take in the sight of the drink – hot chocolate with whip cream on top of it, chocolate sprinkles and chocolate syrup and a – yeah, you guess it – chocolate roller.

"I never actually seen so much chocolate in one... Drink? Dessert?" Castiel offered.

"Me neither." Dean replied eyeing the tall glass.

"You never tried it before?" Castiel asked and immediately knew it was a mistake. Dean replied with a quiet no, shrunk back and looked so sad. Even if Castiel knew it wasn't an all that expensive drink, Dean must have been looking after every penny spent and never treated himself with something as delicious as this.

"Well, here's to the first times!" Castiel said trying to lighten the mood and lifted his glass towards Dean.

Dean didn't quite smile, but his lip did twitch to the left and a bit up and Castiel took it as a win. But then Dean brought his drink down and he had the whip cream moustache and Castiel couldn't contain his laughter. Dean looked at his questioningly and Castiel tried to explain, unable to stop laughing at the mix of Dean's expression with the white whip cream above his lips.

"You... You have... Here..." A combination of some huffed words and pointing to his own mouth did the trick and Dean Oh-ed, quickly picking up a napkin and wiping most of it off.

"No, still have some on your left... No, your left... No, you missed it." Castiel tried, every Dean's attempt to wipe his face clean of the whip cream and failing made Castiel laugh some more. "Ok, no... That's... That's not working... Here, let me." He said and scooted over across the U shaped booth to reach Dean.

He wiped that illusive piece of whip cream off Dean's lip and froze. The moment he touched Dean's lips, Dean gasped and closed his eyes for a second and oh fuck, something happened there.

A part of Castiel was freaking out, he promised himself he wouldn't touch Dean without him wanting it to, but he didn't... He wasn't... It wasn't supposed to be anything sexual, he didn't want to... But Dean's eyes opened and there was something just a bit different there, something Castiel couldn't quite decipher. They stared at each other for a good few minutes, neither moving, neither blinking.

And then... Dean glanced down on his lips only for a split second, and if Castiel wasn't staring at him he wouldn't have noticed it, it was that fast. Dean's eyes snapped back to Castiel's and he could hear him suck in a breath like he was sucking up the courage to do something. But what?

"You... You have some chocolate here..." Dean whispered and his hand slowly reached towards Castiel, his thumb brushing over his lower lip, lingering there a bit too longer and before Castiel knew it, Dean was already retracting his hand. Did he... Did he really have chocolate there or did Dean just want to touch him?

But good God, did it feel good!

And then... Oh my God! Dean took his thumb and licked it clean. And then paused, realizing what he did, because that was not his attention, it was just... A habit or something? He blushed like crazy, and closed his eyes in shame and Castiel found him so fucking adorable right now.

Deciding to just let that be, Castiel scooted back just a bit, not quite where he was before, but far enough to give Dean some space. Still he couldn't help the plastered smile on his face and reached and took another sip of his drink.

Dean glanced at him, _what the fuck are you freaking fucking doing!?_ reached for his drink and took a sip.

"Do... Do I have some whip cream on my face?" He asked, whispered, so tenderly, slowly, and Castiel's eyes snapped back at his. Was he... He was joking, right? But that look in his eyes, God! There was some sort of a plea there, like he wanted Castiel to play along and he licked his lips just a bit, his tongue barely there, and... Wow.

Castiel gulped but came closer once more, reached and brushed his thumb over Dean lower lip, slowly and softly. Dean once more closed his eyes, and Castiel felt like he was relishing in his touch. And best of all, Dean's lips were so soft and a bit puffy and damnit, he just wanted to...

"You... You have some more here..." He heard Dean say, and gasped. Are they really playing this game? Why are they even playing a game?! He didn't know, but he knew one thing for sure. He did not want to stop.

"Here?" Castiel asked and ran his fingers over the right side of his lower lip. His heart skipped a beat seeing Dean watching every move his hand made with focused wide eyes.

"No... H... Here..." Dean's thumb brushed over the other side, following the curve of Castiel's forming smile.

"All gone?"

"All gone." Dean confirmed.

"Would you like anything else?" The waitress interrupted their moment and Castiel cleared his throat while Dean scooted back, away from him. Damn polite waitress.

"D... Dean, would you like anything else?" Castiel asked and when all Dean did was shake his head, he replied "We'll just take the check then, please."

Dean was at a complete loss. His mind, both sides of it were screaming at him _what the fuck was that/what the hell were you thinking/ why did you pull back, you chickenshit?/do you want to be assfucked that bad?/such a fucking coward/you're a fucking slut/there's still time..._

He didn't know if Castiel could sense his unease, or just the awkwardness in the air, but Dean was glad he offered a solution, something for both of them to just... Forget that happened. "The, um... Street performers music festival is starting, I can already hear them playing."

And within minutes they were moving through the crowd, from one stage to the other, watching and listening to some amazing people play instruments, and Castiel tried to get his attention to... A guy with bongos, or the girl with violin that was actually planning Metallica, but Dean was as silent as ever.

So conflicted with what he wanted, if he even dared to want something, and what he needed to do. Sammy... Sammy takes priority. Taking care of Sammy is a priority. He can't risk it, he shouldn't risk loosing a client like Castiel to what he wants.

But what if... What if Castiel wants the same?

Fuck, he has so much on the line now. So much to loose. He felt hopeless before, but somehow he pulled through. Still he was younger, some things worked in his favor. They don't anymore.

God why couldn't he have died too back then?!

"Would you like to go back to your home... The club?" Castiel asked and Dean nodded absentmindedly, not fully registering what he was agreeing to. Since the crowd only got bigger, Castiel hesitated for a moment, but then grabbed Dean's hand and lead him out, back towards where the limo was.

They climbed inside without a word, Castiel clearly giving Dean the space he needed thought most of the drive. It was only when Benny accidentally (?) hit a bump on the road that Dean seemed to come back from his thoughts and frown, coming to the realization that... The atmosphere was heavy.

It was just like this morning when he woke up and laughed and felt something warm around his heart only to be drenched in guilt for being happy. For allowing himself to to laugh and to have fun. For allowing himself anything.

_What were you thinking princess? That there will be a prince Charming waiting for you at the end of this story?_

_You wreck everything you touch. Just look at him. Look at what you did. You don't deserve a damn thing. You don't deserve the air in your lungs, much less a guy like him, you stupid son of a bitch_.

And Dean did look. And saw Castiel quietly looking out of the window, some sadness seeping out of his posture. And he was so happy today when they were out in the square and he was astounded by everything and held Dean's hand as he ushered them from one attraction to the other. He held Dean's hand. He held his hand.

Dean's eyes fell down on the hand on his lap, and he looked at it curiously, trying to understand what it meant. His mind wondered back to the game they played and how his touch made Dean feel... All tingly inside. And he kept... Playing. He was amused a bit by it, yeah, but there was that look in his eyes...The car stopped and Dean looked out of the window to see that they reached the club.

"I want you to know I had so much fun today, I can't even remember when was the last time I..." Castiel trailed off, huffing a small smile. "Well, anyway... I got to get up early tomorrow and I have a lot of work, but, um... I was hoping I would get to see you again in the evening..."

Oh, God! If he didn't feel like crap before, he certainly does now...

"... I mean only if you want. You... You don't have to answer now, I'll just send a limo and... See what you decided then."

_Dear Lord, the man has his heart out on a sleeve for you, you fucking baboon! Fucking do something you little shithead!_

Dean reached for the door ready to step outside.

_Grow some fucking balls, you great big sack of horseshit!_

"Um..." He said letting go of the knob and turning towards Castiel, scared and uncertain. "Um... Do I... Do..."

_Breathe, breathe. You got this. You can do it. Come on._

"Do I have some whip cream on my face?"

There was a moment of silence complete with Castiel's baffled look and Dean was already internally cussing again and calling himself names that would mostly translate into stupid. But then... Then the man smiled and his eyes sparkled and it was the most beautiful sight Dean has ever had a chance to see.

"I am... I am not sure..." Castiel started and saw Dean pull away and he just... He had to stop him, he had to... He had to make a move, even if he promised he wouldn't. "I am... Not sure. I might..." And he leaned just a tad bit closer, slowly so Dean would have plenty of time to back away. "I might have to take a closer look..." He squinted his eyes, shifting them from Dean's greens to the man's lips.

Inching closer and closer, he could feel his heart racing like mad, and he really really hoped Dean wouldn't back out. "Maybe, there is a bit right... Here..." His lips were hovering just in front of Dean's and he wanted this so much, but if Dean...

The most incredible thing happened. Dean came up the rest of the way and before he knew it, his lips were moving against Dean's and they were so soft and send a hell of a lot endorphins cruising through his system, not sure where they were supposed to go. But then Dean opened his mouth and licked his lips with his tongue and oh! the tingles that ran up and down his spine.

He let his own lips part and was instantly overwhelmed with the taste of hot, sweet chocolate and suddenly he never wanted to stop kissing those luscious lips ever again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wouldn't mind some comments to see if you are all enjoying the story...


	8. Chapter 8

Dean couldn't fall asleep deep into the night. His mind kept going back to that kiss, those soft lips, that taste of mint mixed with chocolate...Oughhh... Damn. That was... Mind blowing. His heart wouldn't stop racing, his palms wouldn't stop sweating and trembling. And it was so damn nice and so damn overwhelming... God! Dean turned in his bed for the umpteenth time, he kept tossing and turning, because every time he closed his eyes, there would be this phantom feeling lingering on his lips making them prickle and then he would open his eyes and find... Noting there. Damn!

It was all so vivid in his mind. The slow, tender brush of Castiel's lips over his, they were so soft and careful, not moving much, but letting Dean take the lead, letting Dean set his own pace and do what he wanted. How he wanted it. And fuck, did Dean want it. He wanted it all, to feel, to taste, to excite... And it freaking scared the bejesus out of him, but he wouldn't let the fear paralyze him, not yet.

For the first time in his life, the id prevailed over the superego, the need and desire prevailed over the common sense, and he moved forward, daring to use his tongue to brush against the man's lower lip, clouding his own mind with the mix of fear and exhilaration of what would happen next. He dared to do something on his own, for himself, because he wanted it. And then... He was rewarded for it.

Castiel let out a silent hum, a combination of surprise and thrill, and he let his lips part for Dean, inviting him, urging him, encouraging him to go for more. And without a second thought, Dean did. He let his tongue slip inside the man's mouth, shyly exploring, tasting, enjoying. Castiel hasn't moved, content with just letting Dean probe around, but not even he could stop the small gasp when Dean's tongue brushed over his, and Dean felt it. And it felt so damn good. Every fiber of his body wanted more, so he brushed his tongue over Castiel's again, this time electing a small groan and then gingerly, the man's tongue moved, brushing against Dean's, dancing, licking, damn right tickling. Dean barely contained the tiny moan that wanted to escape his throat, feeling himself getting a bit intoxicated with how good this whole thing felt.

He didn't know how he had enough focus to catch a glimpse of Castiel's hand reaching towards him, and stopping midway, hesitant and nervous and suddenly he wanted that hand on him, anywhere, on his chest, on his neck, on his ass, it didn't matter as long as he could feel it's warmth. And _that_ thought scared him.

_You WANT him to touch you there, you want him to probe around? You are a dirty little slut, aren't you? You like that, you like to be used, you like having your ass full of dick, don't you, you fucking whore? You're so pathetic._

Castiel must have felt the shift in his behavior, because he retracted his hand first, calmed the heated kiss and then slowly pulled away with a kind smile on his face. He was just starting to discover the mystery behind Dean, and the first thing he learned was that he was scared, but wouldn't fight back if someone were to force anything on him. The reason still alluded Castiel, but it didn't matter now. What mattered was that Dean actually took a few steps on his own, and this kiss was so much more then Castiel could have hoped for.

It was a small step, but in the right direction.

"So does this mean I will get to see you tomorrow too?" Castiel said softly, and maybe a bit teasingly and it did just what it was meant to. Dean relaxed and his lips twitched to form a smile, but he shied away from those piercing blue eyes and just nodded. Castiel's smile widened, some warm feeling filling his chest, either from Dean's agreement to see him again or from the blush on his cheeks, or maybe even both. "Ok, then. Go and rest a bit, and Benny will pick you up tomorrow. Whenever you're ready." Dean nodded once more and turned to open the car door.

"Dean?" Castiel called him back, some strange seriousness in his voice, and Dean's blood ran cold for a moment, but he still complied and turned around, eyes wide and fearful. But Castiel's face was still soft and kind and he breathed out a sign of relief when he noticed he was just being handed a piece of paper. "I want you to have mine and Benny's phone number... Just in case... Anything you need, don't hesitate to call, ok?"

Dean blushed even more, but nodded, appreciation brightening the green of his eyes. He paused, then looked down on the piece of paper in his hand, a smile tugging at his lips, but he wouldn't let it come out. And then the strangest thing happened. He turned towards Castiel, some doubt and anxiety in his entire posture, but he seemed to struggle to push it down, to push past it. As fast as a cheese-stealing mouse, Dean moved, set a small kiss, a peck on Castiel's cheek and _poof_ he was out of the car, leaving Castiel baffled and smiling, his hand reaching out to touch his cheek in some disbelief.

_What the fucking fuck was that? What are ya, a little high school girl? Acting all shy and restrained when the truth is you want him to fuck you. You want him to spread your legs apart and shove his great, big..._

"Shut up." Dean whispered to himself and rolled in his bed once more. He was so conflicted about it all, and his inner voice wasn't helping one bit. The worst thing, the thing that scared him so much is that what the voice was saying might be just a bit true.

 _You're messes up, that's what you are. Been fucked too many times, left you so fucked up you want more_.

"Shut up!" Dean whispered and rolled again. But what if it was true? What if he was so... mentally disturbed that... No, no that wasn't it. He didn't want that. He didn't want to be fucked.

He wanted to be kissed and touched... NO. He wanted Castiel to kiss him and caress him and... He didn't want to be fucked, alright? He just wanted...

 _What? What do you want, princess?_ \- his mind mocked him. Dean screwed his eyes shut, something heavy pressing down on his chest. He did not know the answer.

* * *

Dean didn't remember when he fell asleep, but as soon as he woke up, all sorts of thoughts attacked his mind. From his desire to see Castiel again, to his brain mocking him again like it did last night, to having thoughts that this shouldn't be happening. Because Castiel was a client and not Dean's... anything.

And because everything Dean touches, he destroys.

You want proof – just look at his entire life.

He wanted to surprise Mommy and make her breakfast in bed and ended up burning the house down with her trapped inside. Dad never blamed him, or at least never said so, but when Dean was old enough to understand, he blamed himself. Even if she might have been saved if dad was there and not passed out drunk in Mr. Elkin's car workshop.

Aunt Missouri was a good lady who offered to make Dean some lemonade while his father was working on the fuses in her home. He would forever blame himself and his thirst for her being electrocuted by a juice maker.

Uncle Bobby was nice when he let them stay with him, in his house, even if he seemed like a grumpy old man. He saw Dean was interested and curious about some of his guns, so he decided to show him how to properly use them, how to click the safety on and off, how to unload and reload the gun, to squeeze the trigger and not pull. Dean would always blame himself for dropping the gun and have it fire straight into Uncle Bobby's head, even if it would never have happened if dad didn't come in and screamed at him.

Dad wasn't a bad guy, he never hit Dean nor Sam, he tried, he really tried. Sometimes things would get hard and he would allow himself to get drunk and pass out of a couch in a random place they were staying at, and Dean would sometimes have to go and find food for Sammy. But that was the least he could do after being the cause off all their problems.

But dad was a good guy, he never blamed Dean, not for anything. They didn't have much money, sometimes none at all, but he would still try and do something nice for both of his boys. Like on Dean's 16th birthday when he surprised Dean by telling him he would teach him how to drive, sat him in the driver's seat while he took the passenger one. And Dean was so happy, he understood everything on the first go, didn't make the car shut down, didn't speed or hit the brakes too hard. Even Sammy was enjoying this, giggling in the back.

But he would always blame himself for that truck driver that fell asleep at the wheel, missed a stop sign and slammed into their car from the right side. Dad was killed on the spot, but Sam...

He was nothing but poison to anyone he ever cared about.

Dean glanced at his radio clock. He woke up relatively early, so he had time to do what he didn't get to do yesterday – visit Sam. He threw some clothes on and got out of his room. It was just around lunch time and there was a delivery from the restaurant next door, some pasta with minced meat, a nicer meal for a change, but Dean decided to skip it and hurry to go see Sam.

"Where do you think you're going, princess?" He heard Crowley's voice from behind and turned to him. "What, are we now too high and mighty to eat with the common folk, huh?"

Dean huffed at his antics. Crowley was... Cold and restrained, and he would always give these snarky comments, but deep down, Dean knew he meant well. "No, I just wanted to..."

"You wanted to skip out on a meal? And when there are so many starving people in the world?" Crowley said with a glare and Dean threw him a wtf look. Did he seriously just use that parental line on him?

"C'mon. Before it gets cold." Crowley added, clicking his jaw to the left and raising his brows at Dean too see if the younger man would comply. Dean rolled his eyes at him, but couldn't contain his smile.

"Fine. I'll take a bite or two."

"Atta boy!" Crowley commented and Dean just shook his head before he followed him to a large table in the middle of the club. It was unopened yet, so no customers, and they could sit properly and have a meal. Adam and Kevin were already there, finishing up, and Azazel was half eating, half talking on the phone with his mouth full. Dean never really talked much to any of them, Crowley included, and this occasion was no different. That sat and ate in silence (boss not included), and when they finished, they all pitched in and helped clean it up.

Soon enough he was on his way to see Sam. Not much has changed since his last visit, so when he got there, he sat and started reading _Master and Margarita_ again, aiming to finish the book this time. Hours pasted and he just sat there and read out loud, not once moving, not once stopping until he read the very last two words.

"The End. Well whatcha think? You liked this one?" He paused as if he was waiting for an answer even in he knew there would be one. "I kinda actually liked this one too. Was fun to read... So what should I bring next time, huh? Maybe more of the Russian authors? Or maybe something older, like... Ancient Greece? Adam told me about this book called The Odyssey, maybe you would like a change?"

He paused and took a deep shuddering breath, feeling tears prickling in his eyes.

"I think he would like that." came a female voice from behind him and he saw a familiar face, a cute little redhead with a round face, a sad look in her eyes, but a kind smile. She had flowers in her hands.

"Hello, Meg."

"Hello, Dean."

"Good to see ya. You doing good?" He asked and Meg just shrugged at him.

"As good as it gets." She replied. There was that nostalgic look in her eyes that spoke volumes of loneliness and longing, and as much as Dean would wish he could see her smile actually reach her eyes, he knew there was nothing he could do to make it happen. So he just let it be.

"Ok, I gotta go now. See ya around, Meg."

"See ya, Dean."

Normally he would take a few minutes and chat with her, but he really was in hurry. He wanted to finish the book, so he ended up staying a bit longer then he normally did, risking being late to the show.

And he couldn't be late.

He was the star, after all.

* * *

Breathless, Dean ran out of his room and through the bar to get to the stage. He was covered in leather head to toe, complete with a leather collar with spikes and his entire apperance was a mixture of old mullet rockers and BDSM, maybe a bit too perfect for the song he told Crowley to put on. He got up on the stage and started slow with the rhythm of the song.

You're a cruel device   
Your blood, like ice   
One look, could kill   
My pain, your thrill

By the time the first verse ended, Dean already took of his leather jacket, exposing his bare chest with some other straps across, moving faster as the rhythm picked up.

I wanna love you but I better not touch   
(Don't touch)   
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop   
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much   
(Too much)   
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison   
You're poison running through my veins   
You're poison I don't wanna break these chains

Throughout the chorus, Dean's hands were all over his upper body, caressing and touching, going up his arms and down as if he was hugging himself, then running down from his chest to his crotch and back up, teasing. His eyes were closed and he bit on his lower lip, and kept his expression as such.

Your mouth, so hot   
Your web, I'm caught   
Your skin, so wet   
Black lace, on sweat

His hands squeezed all the way down to his crotch in one hot move, reached and ripped the leather pants off, earning a cheer from the crowd when they set their eyes on his black lace thongs. He grabbed his own thighs and dug his nails into them, hard enough to almost draw blood.

I hear you calling and it's needles and pins   
(And pins)

Dean dropped on his knees.

I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name

He slammed his fists down on the ground, his upper body dropping forward.

Don't wanna touch you but you're under my skin   
(Deep in)

Dean lifted his ass up a bit but quickly brought it down.

I wanna kiss you but your lips are venomous poison

Like a snake, he twisted his back back up and eyed the crowd as he started crawling to the center stage.

You're poison running through my veins   
You're poison I don't wanna break these chains, poison

And there he was. The monster of his nightmares. Waiting. Grinning. Watching.

One look   
(One look)   
Could kill   
(Could kill)   
My pain, your thrill

But Dean already spoke to Azazel and he was heading out tonight too, apparently already all paid up, so he dared to grin back at Alistair, mocking and continued to touch himself for the pleasure of the crowd. He really wanted to make this performance special, because it is the only one they were getting tonight. Azazel's orders.

He was to make himself more presentable, to make sure he kept this client that seemed to be willing to pay a lot for Dean. Not that Dean knew that. Azazel told him to do whatever is necessary to keep Mr. Novak happy and pleased and he shoved a bottle of those blue pills in Dean's hands and sent him to his room, yelling after him to use a butt plug until he is ready to leave.

Dean came in his room and stared down at the bottle in his hands. Azazel had no idea they didn't actually have sex. Should he have told him? Why didn't Castiel? No, Azazel would loose it if he knew. So much so he might... No... No... He might order... Tell Dean not to go see him. No... No... Dean couldn't... No, that... That shouldn't happen, that can't happen. He can't... He can't stop seeing Castiel, he just can't.

But then again. Maybe he should. He is poison, he destroys everything he touches.

However, if he doesn't than that's it. That is it for him. And he couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let Sam down. He couldn't give up now.

He didn't deserve the option to quit.

* * *

Castiel was dead tired. He hated Mondays. Today he spent all of his time, even his lunch break going in and out of meetings, first with his own board of directors, then with that jackass Zachariah Adler, then with Shurley Pharmaceuticals board of directors. He spent his lunch break with Charlie and Henry, as they prepared the drafts for the merger contracts and then met up with both boards again to discuss the drafts that ended up discarded. Each and every one.

Basically, everything he did today ended up in the trash and he was no where near the completion of the merger.

So when he finally came back to his penthouse, all he wanted to do was take a quick shower and hit the sack, sleep till next Tuesday if possible. But half way through the shower he remembered Dean was coming and he instantly felt a bit more awake, a bit more excited. No, the shower had absolutely nothing to do with it.

He out on some dark sweatpants and a plain grey shirt, ordered them a meal even if he wasn't really hungry. He didn't bother much with setting the table this time, knowing Dean would be more focused on the food. Frankly, having someone not caring about these kinds of things, etiquette and stuck up manners was quite refreshing. Made everything so much more natural and personal.

He sat at his armchair and waited for Dean and the food to arrive. His mind wondered back to the previous day and the kiss. Dear Lord that was amazing. And he wanted more, so much more. But he would settle for at least one more of that amazing kiss. Or at least having Dean fall asleep on his chest.

God, what that man did to him. It was driving him crazy, but in a good way. In fact, if it wasn't for Dean and that kiss, he probably would have sent them all to Hell today and stop the merger. The memories of Dean kept him going, kept him pushing forward and giving everything just a bit more of an effort. Even if it all turned out to be a bust, at least he knew he gave it his best. And tomorrow, he would do the same.

He didn't know when he dozed off, probably somewhere between thinking about the kiss and about Dean in his arms, but suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder that was shaking him slightly, and a voice sounding like the finest music to his ears. "Ca... Castiel? Wake up. Please." Castiel didn't notice the slight fear in the voice, nor the worried look in those eyes because as soon as he looked up, those emotions were gone.

"Gmm... I apologise... I must have fallen aseeeeyya..." Yeah, you guessed it, that was a yawn that interrupted Castiel mid sentence. He quickly shook of the drowsiness and took a deep breath to refocus. A wide smile spread on his face as Dean came into clear view and he froze for a moment, the sight of those vibrant greens rendering him speechless.

"I... I..." He huffed a nervous laugh and took another deep breath. "Shall we eat?" To that, Dean shyly nodded and stood awkwardly as Castiel got off the armchair and rounded it, going past Dean to the elevator where the cart with food should be.

Honestly, when Castiel got up and came close, Dean expected a kiss or a touch, but none came. And he was... Relieved? Sad? Bit of both? Leaning towards sad. He moved, following Castiel to the watched him pull out the cart. He wondered if he should offer to help, but he didn't want to make it sound like Castiel was incompetent or anything. He did however helped him set the table and gasped when he lifted the dome, only to find a very nice juicy and caramelized piece of chicken breast with garlic-butter-parmesan smashed potatoes. His mouth started to water and when Castiel told him to dig in, he happily complied.

They were both silent during the meal, glancing at one another with small smiles on their faces. Dean didn't know if Castiel just wanted some pease and quite and was a bit dreadful of what will occur tonight, even if a part of him knew Castiel wouldn't make him do anything. And the more he watched Castiel, the more Dean could see just how tired and drained the man seemed.

His eyes were half closed most of the time, a slight line under them forming bags. He kept rolling his shoulders and and one point he reached with his hand and massaged the junction between his neck and shoulder. He was clearly tense, probably from a long day at work. He said he had an early start today and considering it was getting close to midnight... No wonder he fell asleep waiting for Dean.

Waiting for Dean.

It suddenly occured to Dean that the position they slept in two nights ago, on that two seater wasn't helping Castiel's case, and it was Dean's fault. If only he hadn't fallen asleep snuggled under the man's arm, Castiel would have moved to sleep on the bed and he would have rested better.

It was all his fault.

He had to make this right.

So he waited until Castiel finished his last bite and then forced himself to speak up. "You... You seem tired."

"Oh, no.. No... I'm fine, I'm..." Castiel started all defensive, but quickly deflated seeing the look in Dean's eyes. He sighed "I'm sorry. You're right, I am a bit tired. It has been an excruciatingly long day and I just want to fall asleep... But I... I don't want... I want to spend time with you."

_Oh. He was staying up for me?_

Now that Dean had an undeniable confirmation of that fact, he felt even more at fault. And he felt he had to do something. "Ma... Maybe I can..." He struggled, unaccustomed to speaking up at the clients. "Maybe I can give you a... A... A massage. You know, to help you relax." He offered, quick to add that last part, not knowing if it was for Castiel's or his own benefit.

Luckily Castiel was finished eating, otherwise he might have choked after hearing that. He watched him with eyes wide, surprised and Dean shrunk back on himself, his internal voice cussing at him for being so stupid, stupid, stupid.

" If you... If you want to..." Castiel managed, words getting lost in his throat. He watched as Dean slowly stood up and moved closer to him, then he disappeared out of his sight. He could sense Dean behind him and he knew what will happen, but he still couldn't help the small gasp when Dean set his soft fingers on his shoulders. Even under the shirt, he could feel the warmth of his hands moving slowly and gingerly at first, but then a bit harder, using his whole palm, squeezing and rubbing into the muscle and it felt so so damn good.

He tried to contain the hums, because Dean was really good with his hands and oh, how much he wanted him to move closer to his ear, whisper something, anything, and then set his soft lips on Castiel's neck. He must have been craning his neck to the side, because soon enough, Dean's fingers were tracing there, pushing but not probing. Castiel could help but shudder and Dean paused.

"I'm sorry, sorry, please... Continue..." Castiel urged. "It just tickled a bit, I am aaaaeeee... All good." He managed, losing his breath mid way as Dean's fingers came back to massage the back of his neck. He could feel his head wanting to fall forward and he was barely keeping himself upright.

"You're... You're really tense." Dean commented and Castiel just hummed in response, enjoying every touch, feeling himself become putty in Dean's hands. "You're whole back... Wow... Every muscle is... Hard."

That sounded naughty.

"I mean stiff. Tense. You're..." _Stop before you completely embarrass yourself, you moron._

"I know. I have been meaning to take a few days and just relax and maybe go to a spa or something, but... There's always something... Something that needs taking care off."

 _And who takes care of you?_ Dean almost slipped and asked, his inner voice barely stopping him in time. But something deeper inside of him still wanted to ask. Or to take up that role. Maybe just this once, to show his appreciation for everything Castiel has done for him. And to repay for...

"I... Um... Would you... Can I..." He tried, but anyway he tried, it just didn't sound right. "You're just too tense and I... I would like... I..." He stopped and pulled his hands away, focusing on finding the right words.

Castiel turned to him, trying to muster as much encouragement as he could in those glazed, sleepy eyes of his. "Go on." (I won't bite. Unless you want me to) - Dean's dirty mind supplied and he shoved the thought out of the way.

"I would like... To give you... A proper massage... If you would like that... Please." Dean said stumbling over his words, feeling his cheeks burn bright red and hot. _Please? What are you... Why... Wha?!$#! #!_ Even his mind froze when Dean saw that sparkle in Castiel's eyes and the formation of a wide smile that he tried to hold back. And then he spoke and Dean was astounded by how shy that sounded.

"Only if... If you...If you're ok with that..." It seemed like he wanted to say more, but didn't know how, so he just shied away from Dean's gaze.

"I... I want to... It was my fault you fell asleep on the couch two nights ago and..."

"Dean, that's not..."

"I want to." And suddenly his heart is pounding and his ears are burning, and _what the FUCK did you do, are you out of your fucking mind, you can't just..._

"Alright." Castiel agreed and stood up and just like that – it was alright. Everything was alright. Dean's heart might still be hammering in his chest and there might be some weird pressure in his ears, some thudding sounds, but it was alright. He wanted this. He wanted to do this.

He wanted to be useful and not just a complete failure like with pretty much everything he did.

Except dancing. He is amazing at it, even if he hates it from the bottom of his soul.

A minute later they were in Castiel's bedroom, and Dean actually had the balls to tell him to take his shirt off and what was more astounding, to Dean at least, is that Castiel complied and took it off without a word. Just as Castiel pulled the collar of the shirt over his head, Dean turned away, supposedly looking for a crème, swallowing hard. He will never be able to think about anything else but the sight of those firm abs.

"So I just lie on my stomach, is that ok?" Castiel asked.

"Oh, yeah, that's... That's fine." Dean said grabbing a hand crème that stood discarded on a nightstand and turned back to Castiel. The man laid as he said, on his stomach, his hands up above his head and his face turned away. Dean felt like the air was punched out of him. Without the shirt, every muscle on Castiel's body was clearly visible, in perfect formation under that slightly tan skin of his back, each inch amazing from the rustled black hair down his neck, all the way down to...Oh, God, the curve of his lower back that continued to the man's firm ass... What was he thinking?

"I... Would you... I gotta..." Dean tried, not even sure what he was trying to say. 'I gotta go' or 'I gotta straddle your hips'. _Grow some balls, you started it, now fucking finish it!_ Dean swallowed hard and then blurted out "I gotta get on top of you for best access."

That did not sound right.

"I mean the bed is big and I..."

"That's fine with me." Castiel said and then turned to add "As long as it is ok with you... You don't have to..."

"I know. I want to." _Please let me do this_. To that Castiel nodded and turned back to lie down. Dean took a deep breath and moved closer to the bed, his eyes roaming over the man's back. The bed dipped as he set one knee down on it, right next to Castiel's hip and then his eyes snapped up, but Castiel remained motionless. Dean breathed out and then took another deep breath, lifted his other leg up and moved it over Castiel's body, almost loosing his balance and sitting on the man's ass.

He caught himself on the last second, straightened up and glanced up, but Castiel remained motionless. Dean's breathing was all over the place. Deep breath, exhale, gasp, breath hitch... You name it, he did it. Right now he was holding his breath, his crèmed up hands hovering right over Castiel shoulder blades.

Slowly he set them down and pressed, using his body weight to add to the pressure and froze. Castiel let out such a gut wrenching, highly arousing, long back-of-the-throat moan as he sank into the matress, but then gasped, lifted his head, and burried his face in his pillow. Some muffle words came out, but Dean couldn't understand what he was saying.

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't catch that." He said fearfully. The moan should have been a good thing, right? But what if Dean did something wrong?

"No... I said I am sorry. So sorry, that was... Embarrassing, I didn't mean to..." He turned to speak so Dean could hear him and Dean couldn't help the huff of laugh that escaped him. _It's not like you farted, dude_. Dean's brain commented and Dean barely managed not to break out in laughter.

"Ok, you can't keep going, I won't... Do that again." Castiel said after a moment and Dean happily complied, setting his warm palms on the man's back. His fingers traced around each and every muscle on Castiel's shoulders and upper back, pressing, pushing, easing the tension and then he would set his entire hand and just leaned in, putting more weight on it and continuing to massage.

It actually felt really good, to have his hands on Castiel and lead him away from the stress and into a very soothed state. He moved to tackle his lower back and was surprised how asexual it all felt. It was just... Nice. He was worried (or hopeful) Castiel might get the wrong impression about the massage, and was glad he got to do what he set out - help Castiel feel better and a lot more relaxed.

Pleased with his work, Dean finished up the lower back and glanced between his legs at Castiel's ass, a thought of massaging that crossed his mind, but he quickly shooed it away. He let out a content sigh and got off from the man, opposite of the way he came, so he ended up sitting on the bed. He wanted to look at him and maybe see that warm smile and that spark in his eyes that told him he did something good. But instead he got a much better reaction.

Castiel's eyes were closed and he was sound asleep, tucked away in the blissful state of complete tranquility. And despite being asleep, his lips were still curved into a small smile and it all sent a warm, fuzzy feeling drifting around Dean's heart.

He did it. He did something good.

A yawn escaped him, but he wouldn't let it get too loud as not to wake Castiel up. He felt tired and maybe a bit mentally worn, not that he would figure that out as such. _Maybe I could just... Lay here for a minute and rest my eyes... Yeah... Just one minute..._

So Dean laid down next to Castiel, far enough, but still with his face turned to him, and he fought to keep his eyes open, tracing each curve of Castiel's cheeks, lips, nose, every wrinkle and even his charred hair, as if he was trying to memorize every little thing about him.

Only once before did he manage to slip into the dreamland with ease and without the ghosts of the past or the present haunting him, and that was two days ago, right in this very penthouse, right next to this man before him. What was it about him that made Dean feel so... Different?

What was it about him that made Dean want to snuggle into his arms and never lift his head up again?

What was it about him that made Dean feel so... Safe?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been writing a lot of fluff in the previous chapters, think it is time to get back to the angst a bit, don't you? The real angst...

Dean woke up with a slight flinch and inhaled, his nose filling with the smell of some flowery fabric softener. He felt so relax and rested, and started to look around to figure out where he was, cause his brain wasn't working properly yet and he didn't remember straight away that he fell asleep in Mr. No... Castiel's bed. Finally something clicked and Dean's eyes went wide.

_What happened last night? Did I...? Did we...?_

But then his brain started working some more, first letting him realize there was no pain or discomfort in his...lower back, and then slowly reeling it in, letting him remember the massage and how Castiel feel asleep. He couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips at the sight of the man's sleeping form and the warm feeling returned to his chest. His hand instinctively brushed over where Castiel laid last night and felt a small pinch at the sight of the empty bed. Dean blinked, not sure why he was feeling this way.

He felt so... Confused. A part of him wanted so many things, wanted them all with Castiel and a part of him was scared beyond belief. A part of him wanted to open up to somebody, to share his loneliness and to let someone in, just to... Just to be with someone and not... Not alone anymore. But he had been hurt so many times, by so many people. He had been tore apart, broken, beaten, raped, mind-fucked and... left behind.

The only one that seemed to want him anymore was Alistair, and even him, after dumping all of his cum inside of Dean would discard him until he felt like getting pleased again. And that was when he had the money. Dean was so broken that there was even a part of him that wanted to connect to that monster. At least until Castiel came into his life.

Dean wanted so badly to open up and to let somebody in, but what if... What if he got hurt again? At this point, he doubted he would even mind getting beaten and forced by the man, just as long as he could snuggle under his arm and not be alone anymore. And how fucked up is that?!

However, what little he found out about him, he didn't seem the type to... Step over that line. Be bad to someone in any way. He is just so... Caring. Or is that just Dean's wishful thinking?

Dean sighed and shook his head. He really shouldn't let his thoughts wonder like that. He really shouldn't think about any of this, he should be focusing on his brother. He swung his legs off the bed and sat. He should be getting up , at yet a part of him wanted to go back and lie down. Would there even be a point to it if Castiel wasn't there? But the sheets and the pillow, they smelled like him. And maybe that would have been enough to...

_Don't go there._

His mind warned. Still, his eyes roamed around the room, searching for any clue as to where Castiel might have gone off to.

_He went to work, numbnuts._

Of course, it was Tuesday. Middle of the week. And Castiel had a regular job. Well, a bit more then a regular job, he owned and ran one of the biggest companies it the entire North America. His name was famous in many circles, but not much was known about the man himself, mostly about his company who kept taking over all the small and medium businesses. Some said he helped them, some said he ruined them.

Dean's eyes caught a glimpse of a white piece of paper with his name written in large letters, sitting on the nightstand. Reluctantly he reached and picked it, and held his breath as he unfolded it.

"Had to go to work.

You seemed so peaceful sleeping,

I didn't want to wake you.

I hope that's ok.

I did leave a small peck on your cheek.

I hope you don't mind.

Call down and order breakfast before you leave.

Or stay. If you can.

I hope to see you tonight again.

Castiel"

Dean's hand instantly flew to his left cheek as if he knew that's where the kiss was placed, his eyes sparked up and his lips curled into a joyful smile. And he obeyed. He picked up the hotel room phone and pressed the button for the reception.

"Good morning. How may I be of service?" A male voice spoke up and Dean was suddenly flooded with insecurity, but he tried to fight past it. Mr. No.. Castiel told him to order breakfast and if he doesn't Castiel might find out and then ask him about it and... How could he tell him he was too embarrassed to order? He couldn't lie and say he wasn't hungry. He just... Couldn't lie to the man.

"Hello? Sir?"

"Yeah... Yes... May... May I... May I have some waffles, please?" Dean barely uttered.

"Of course, sir. Anything else?" The voice spoke back politely, and it encouraged Dean a bit.

"Yes, um... Strawberry syrup?"

"Of course. Would you like some actual strawberries, we have them. Maybe some ice cream too?"

"Um... I, um..." Dean suddenly felt overwhelmed. What if he order too much and it showed on Mr. Novak's bill, and he gets angry at Dean? The man on the other side seemed to pick up on Dean's reluctance and decided to help him out.

"It is standard for our guest to get the fresh fruit and ice cream on their waffles. They are um... Free of charge."

Now Dean just felt stupid. "Yeah, sure." He said dryly and hung up. What the fuck is he thinking? This isn't where he should be, this isn't where he belonged. At best, he should be that guy he talked on the phone, a service guy, and not play pretend to belong in the penthouse of the most expensive hotel in town.

The food arrived shortly and he took the cart out of the elevator to the dining room, ate and cleaned up, took the cart back to the elevator and rode down with it. He would forever deny that the breakfast tasted amazing and that once he felt those syrup drenched waffles in his mouth, for a moment he thought he died and went to Heaven.

That couldn't be right.

He belongs in Hell.

* * *

A few hours later, as he walked across the town to go see Sammy, he could help this strange feeling that followed him the moment he left the club. Benny gave him a ride back to the club and asked him if he needed anything else, and when Dean politely turned him down, Benny stated he will be waiting for him after his show, if he decided to join Castiel for the night.

It was strange. The note and Benny and everything. It was like he was being given a choice in the matter. He never really had a choice. He owed everything to Azazel and if he wanted him to dance, he would dance as seductively as he knew how. If he wanted him to suck a dick, he would sick it like it was the most delicious lollipop. If he wanted him to bend over and take it, Dean would bend over and let his ass get filled with a dick, a dildo, or any other object that was handy.

But this whole thing... This 'providing company' to Castiel and having the man actually interested in him? That was so foreign. He wasn't meant for that. He was meant to be used, nothing more.

The strange feeling wouldn't go away not even on Dean's way back to the club, it was this slimy, itchy feeling, like something was crawling over your skin and you just can pinpoint it. And then he paused, just around the corner from the club, thinking he might have finally figured out what the feeling was.

But when he looked around he didn't see anything or anyone. No one he would recognize. And he was so sure he was being followed. Was it just his imagination at work?

_Are you seriously going to stand there and tell me that you think you are important enough to anyone that they would follow you around? Don't be absurd. You are as worthy as that discarded candy wrap on the ground._

His mind had a point. Who would want to follow a piece of trash like him? Still, he hurried along, that feeling still present, like someone's eyes were roaming over his body and it didn't go away until he ran inside the club's back door and finally caught a breath.

"Dean!" Dean flinched and turned towards Azazel, eyes wide and fearful. "Good, you're back. Adam hasn't been feeling good, so we had to make some changes in the show tonight. The first part is all good, except you will take Adam's place for the third act and in the second part, Kevin will take your lead and you will finish up. Got that?"

All Dean could do is nod.

"Good. Then you're up with Mr. Novak. I got a late meeting, so I will be out tonight, leaving Crowley in charge." Azazel added on the way to his office. Dean passed him again when he came out of his room and watched him leave out the back before turning to check on Adam. They all knew what it meant when someone wasn't 'feeling good'.

The stench of blood and cum hit him immediately as he entered the room, and he grimaced. Adam was probably rented out last night and then dumped back here and if Crowley didn't feel like it and Kevin wasn't around, Adam probably crawled into his room, that was probably as much as he could do. "Adam..."

"Go away, asshole." Adam spoke, his voice filled with pain and Dean sighed in sorrow. Adam would always throw anger filled comments at him whenever he tried to help, it was his coping mechanism and Dean knew it. And as always, he completely disregarded all of them as he helped Adam up and to the bathroom and cleaned him up, as best as Adam would let him. He didn't seem to be bleeding, so Dean just left it alone, only making sure Adam had enough of the antiseptic numbing crème for his... Lower back.

God, he hated Tuesdays.

* * *

His first dance went well. That strange feeling was present again as he was on the stage, which was really weird. Feeling of being watched while he was dancing on a stage with the intend of being watched was an oxymoron all by itself, but he still couldn't shake that skin-crawling inkling that something was wrong. Still he had no time to dwell on that. He had another dance to finish up, a bit later then usual and he hoped Benny would wait up for him.

Dean went to his room and changed into a seemingly plain jeans, plain black T-shirt, but then he added a flannel shirt and a leather jacket, topping it with boots. He went on the stage and by the time his favorite lyrics kicked in, he had already removed the jacket, the flannel shirt and seemingly ripped his jeans off, even thought everyone knew they were made to be removed in such a manner.

A different line every night   
Guaranteed to blow your mind   
See you out on the streets   
Call me for a wild time   
So you sit home alone   
'Cause there's nothing left that you can do   
There's only pictures hung in the shadows   
Left there to look at you.

...

And then suddenly, he realized the lyrics have a new meaning for him now, that something deep inside of him has begun to change.

...

Oh, she's a little runaway   
Daddy's girl learned fast   
All those things he couldn't say   
Ooh, she's a little runaway

But what does it mean? What is it? His past is lurking at him from the shadows, but it isn't consuming him anymore and he feels it is too bright for him to be out in the open like this. His past has always pulled him down, drowning him and now he can suddenly breath a bit and his lungs hurt from the fresh air. It is like he has been fighting his entire life, trying to run from his own mind and guilt, but staying put because he deserved it all, and suddenly, the voices aren't so loud anymore and he is scared of what it all might mean.

Dean has cracked.

That's gotta be it, no other explanation. He has fucking lost it.

_There is no fucking time for you to have a mental breakdown, you stupid sack of shit. Benny's waiting, Castiel's waiting, you should be scull fucked for being late. Finish up, get off the fucking stage and go get ready, moron!_

Right. He has somewhere he has to be. With the costume in his hands and wearing nothing but his briefs and the boots Dean walked back to his room, getting goosebumps when he walked the hallway. It was strangely quiet aside from the music that was coming from the front of the club, but that was normal, all things considered. Adam was resting, Kevin has already stepped out with his 'date' for the night and Crowley was slowly finishing up in the front. Azazel wasn't there, so no wonder it was quiet.

But there was something a little too deafening by all this silence, and Dean didn't like it. He picked up his pace a bit and hurried to his room, running in and letting a breath of relief. He didn't notice that the door didn't shut the whole way, nor did he notice the shadow that blocked the hallway light for a split second.

Too consumed with thinking what he should wear, what he and Castiel might do tonight, allowing himself to get just a tad excited, he missed the silent screech of the doors of his room and the footsteps that tapped on the floor.

Maybe they'll sit and have another awesome meal? Dean has been feed better in the last few days then he has been his entire life and he feels so energized. Maybe they'll stay in and watch another movie, and he wouldn't mind falling asleep on Castiel's chest again.

But then Castiel wouldn't wake him again and the would cramp up on the two-seater and then Dean would feel guilty... No, they should sleep in a proper bed. Fall asleep like last night. That was nice. That memory would always put a Dean's face. Waking up, knowing that even if he left for work, Castiel still left a small kiss on his cheek.

Damn... He wanted to kiss him again. He wanted to be kissed again, to feel those soft lips on his, to taste them, to suck on them. He wanted that thrill when their tongues touched, that excitement when they started to move in a dirty dance of their own, he... He wanted... He wanted that Castiel's hand on his shoulder. He wanted to feel his body flush against his own. He wanted... He wanted those soft lips to trace past his lips, around his jaw line, touch there just behind his ear and then travel down his neck, more hovering then kissing...

In fact, he could almost feel that hot breath on the back of neck...

Wait a minute...

"Hello Dean." the nasal voice spoke up from right behind him and all Dean managed was a small yelp before a large hand clasped over his mouth, silencing him. He tried to turn, to fight, but as soon as he realized what was happening, he was thrown against a wall, an elbow slammed to the side of his face to reduce the resistance and then cold fingers hooking at the rim of his boxers.

"You keep quiet there, my little slut, otherwise I will have to gag you with my cock... Or is that what you actually want? To feel my big fat cock in your filthy mouth, huh?" Alistair wasn't really big or fat, but rather long and thin, but Dean, despite feeling woozy from the hit understood what Alistair was trying to say.

He could feel his briefs being tugged down and the second they hit the floor, there was a cold hand on his ass cheek, squeezing. Dean froze for a moment, a part of his mind telling him to _stop fighting and take it, because that's what he was, a whore that deserved to have his ass filled with dick and cum._

But then there was this small voice inside of him that told him to fight, that told him that _this was a downright rape and not something he was getting paid to do. He was paid to be with Castiel now and not Alistair._

Dean couldn't help the scream that tore through him, muffled by the hand on his mouth when Alistair roughly pushed two fingers inside of him and began violently scissoring him, all the while changing from whispering something into his ear and biting down on his neck. Dean snapped and started to squirm, to try and fight him off, and in a second, the fingers retracted and he got another elbow in the face.

"Stop fighting me, you bitch, or I will have to stretch you over my cock instead of my fingers." Alistair spoke into his ear, and Dean heard it as a distant echo, his mind too blurry from the hit. He tried to fight more, but his hands felt numb, his whole body weak from the force of the hit. He gasped when the fingers returned, only this time instead of scissoring, they began to dry pound into him forcefully, all three of them, thicker then Alistair's dick.

The thrusts were so hard, Dean's own limp dick started to scrape over the wall, making Dean cry out with each hit, but it wasn't like he could meet the thrusts to prevent it from happening. He didn't even need to look down, he felt when something inside of him ripped and combined with the burn on his dick from the wall, he was probably a bloody mess.

"Oh, I am going to fuck you soooo good, ruin that perfect tight ass of yours completely for that pompous fuck, that Azazel won't have a choice but to give you to me." Alistair whispered into his ear and Dean let out a whimper, knowing Alistair always kept true to his word. The ramming continued, more and more forceful with each thrust and Dean couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

This was going to happen and he couldn't stop it. He wasn't strong enough to stop him. Nobody could stop him, there was nobody there, nobody that cared. He was alone just like he was his whole adult life.

Alistair pulled his fingers out of him and removed his hand off Dean's mouth, only to shove those blood soaked fingers between his lips and moan at the feeling. Dean tried to spit them out and to shove them out with his tongue, too mind-fucked and scarred to try and bite.

And then he felt it. He felt the head of Alistair's dick press between his ass cheeks, press against the rim of his hole and he screamed and started to trash violently, earning himself another elbow to the head. The pressure on his hole disappeared for a second, returning promptly, but Dean was fighting to stay awake to focus and not let the darkness take him over because God only knows what might happen to him then.

Somewhere in the distance, a deep male voice sounded, calling out, and Dean almost felt as if it was his dad calling for him, telling him it was over and that he could finally rest in peace. Dean wasn't that lucky.

But nothing happened, nothing penetrated him and he felt the body that was pressing against his disappear. Dean didn't have the strength to hold himself upright, so when there was nothing supporting him anymore, he crumbled down on the floor, wincing as his ass touched the cold floor. He didn't know what was happening, and couldn't make his brain function enough to find out, but he did hear some shouts and some arguing and then there was a loud crash and with a corner of his eye he thought he saw something big fall down.

There was definitely Crowley's coarse voice in the distance mentioning police and then there was a warm blanket being placed around his shoulders and on instinct Dean clenched it in his hands, and shrunk into its safety. There was a familiar face before him, but he just couldn't connect it to a name, to a person, not until he heared that Louisiana accent speak up to him. "It's ok, brother. He is out cold, he can't hurt you."

His breath hitched the moment his brain connected the dots and he looked up at Benny, feeing more tears prickle in his eyes, and he so badly wanted to say something but his throat closed off, probably trying to keep the bile down.

"C'mon, brother. Let's get you outta here, okey?" He heard Benny say and then felt him try and lift him up to his feet. Dean winced at the pain, but it wasn't as bad as it was a moment ago and he stood up and let Benny lead him around Alistair's passed out form on the ground and into the hallway where Crowley stood, pale and angry.

"I am going to take him to Mr. Novak, and we will help him. Now, can I rest assure you will hand this pig to the police?" Benny said to Crowley, his voice slightly condescending and bearing a lot of warning.

"Oh, he will burn in Hell; I can assure you of that." Crowley said looking over Alistair with disgust in his eyes before he turned to Benny and squinted his eyes as if he was assessing him. He glanced at Dean "Will you be alright there, squirrel?" Dean always hated it when Crowley would call him squirrel, but the bartender persisted, telling him he would stop calling him that when Dean stops stealing his the nuts and the pretzels meant for customers.

This time, Dean disregarded the nickname and just gave a small nod, never meeting anyone's eyes, instead opting to stare down at the ground. For a moment there it almost seemed like Crowley asked him that because he was concerned for him and not for his job, but whichever it really was, it didn't matter now. Benny was directing him towards the back door where there was a big white limo probably waiting for him, but it wasn't until the back door actually opened, the big white Moby Dick came into view and the chilly night air hit him that Dean finally snapped back to reality.

His lower lip started to tremble along with the rest of his body, and a whole new wave of tears started to spill, and he opened his mouth but the words are still choked somewhere in his throat. Benny seemed to notice this wave of completely understandable anxiety and without much thought, he put his hands on Dean's shoulder and guided him towards the car.

"Tis okey, cher. It is going to be ok. I gotcha. I gotcha." Benny soothed, but Dean couldn't hear him over the screaming of his inner voice. Something about a a car and the fact that he had nothing on him but a blanket a boots. Shakily, his hands gripped the blanket harder, but he couldn't fight being steered towards the car.

Deep down he knew he is safe. And would be safe in the car. And in the penthouse. At yet, his broken mind screamed at him and Dean just... Froze. He didn't remember when Benny opened the door for him and lead him into the limo, or when he drove, or even when they reached their destination.

Dean flinched hard and a son escaped him when Benny opened the back door. The reaction clearly surprised him, but he quickly shook it off and tried to sooth Dean into getting out of the car, realizing it might not go well if he tried to pull him out. Even if he did pull out at the back door of the hotel and not the front entrance. "Come on, brother, I ain't gonna hurtcha. Just wanna take you up to Me. Novak's apartment, where you'll be safe, okey? I promise. Please, brother, come on."

Dean shook his head, closing his eyes and pulled the blanket closer. Benny was looking at him, contemplating what he could do. A thought occurred to him, bit he frowned not sure if it would help. It didn't seem like it could make matters worse so he decided to give it a go. He stepped away and opened the passenger door and Dean could hear him ruffling through a plastic bag.

His mind ran a million and one scenarios including Dean being suffocated by said plastic bag, but none of those scenarios included Benny stepping back into view with a brown-beige trenchcoat... No, wait... That was Castiel's, Dean remembered it from the first night with him when he took it off just after asking Dean to dance for him.

"I was taking it to the drycleaners, I don't think Mr. Novak would mind... I know... I know we left in a hurry and you ain't gotta... Underneath... Yeah. Here... It's something at least." Benny tried as nicely as he knew how and set it down next to Dean before shutting the limo door to give him some privacy.

Dean looked down on the offered piece of clothing. It really wasn't much, just another layer that didn't fit and didn't hide much, but it wasn't about that. It was more about what it represented, and right now, it meant that he could more easily hide the shame he was feeling. He reached for it, letting the blanket slip off his shoulders and quickly put it on.

Immediately, Dean was engulfed in that familiar Pine cologne and a hint of something else and it just felt so much like Cas. Safe. Dean snuggled into it, bringing the collar to cover his face and inhaled deeply, his breath still hitching a bit, but he could feel himself calm down. He took a few more deep breaths and calmed down enough to act normally, even if the voice inside his head, the one that would always spill bile all over him, was silent as mime.

Pulling the blanket back on, he stepped out of the car and Benny out on what was clearly a forced smile before he directed them towards the back entrance. Benny brought them before the elevator and Dean swallowed hard thinking Benny would leave him to go up to the room by himself. He didn't know Benny, but he would rather he came up with him and... He just couldn't face Castiel.

What would he think of Dean?

As if Benny heard his prayer, he stepped in the elevator with him and rode all the way to the top. It wasn't until that familiar ding! sounded, strangely calming Dean's beating heart even more, that Benny spoke up. " Seems like Mr. Novak isn't here yet, I didn't see his car at the parking lot."

Wait, what car? Doesn't he get rides in the limo, doesn't... Doesn't Benny drive him around? If... If he has his own car why would he need a chauffeur? Maybe... Maybe Benny is part of the hotel, the penthouse package or something...

Dean didn't notice when Benny pulled his phone and placed a call, but his eyes did snap back at him when he heard him talk. "Good evening chief... Sorry to disturb you, but..." Dean paled and frantically started waving his hands in front of Benny, mouthing pleads and Nos. "Yes, Dean is here... Oughh, um... Alright, I will tell him... Oh, I... Um..." Benny looked nervous as he kept his eyes on Dean that still silently pleaded him not to say anything. "No, that is all, chief. Good night."

Benny finally caved, ended the call and looked back at Dean with a sigh. There was a thankful look on Dean's face but Benny shook his head.

"The only reason I didn't tell him cause he has a lot on his plate right now, and he doesn't need to hear this over the phone." Benny said.

"Please, don't... Don't tell him." Dean's voice broke as he asked, tears piling back up. Benny let out another deep sigh and made a face, probably thinking he will regret the decision he made.

"Are you hurt, do you need me to call a doctor or..."

"You won't tell him?" Dean asked again.

"Not yet. I want to make sure you're okey, cher. Then... When he comes... You'll tell him. And don't argue with me on that. You will tell him, gottit? Now. Are you hurt?" Benny spoke, his strict and serious face bearing no bullshit.

"I... I'll be fine." Dean said looking down, feeling ashamed. But it wasn't like this was the first time something like this happened even if it was a first that someone stepped in and saved him. "I just need... To clean up and to..." He wanted to lay down and just curl into a ball, but he couldn't tell Benny that.

"Alright. Come 'ere." Benny said leading him towards the bedroom, but stopping short in front of the bathroom. "Now. You're gonna go in there and lie down in the tub and relax and... Heal... Light up some of those fancy candles or whatever. Mr. Novak won't come back for a few more hours at least, so you can... Relax and then lay down. And... I'll leave you to it, but only if you promise to tell him. I will know." Benny said, finishing with a warning. As much as he wanted to tell his boss what happened, he felt like he would be invading Dean's privacy and bugging in where he doesn't belong, but he couldn't just let it go. His momma raised him better than that. "Deal?"

Dean forced a small smile and nodded, and Benny scanned him with some doubt in his eyes before he turned and left Dean to do what he needed to do. Fall apart.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a longer chapter this time, but I just couldn't find a good place to cut it. Not really sure how I feel about where I choose to cut it, but... Nevertheless, enjoy.

Entering the bathroom Dean slowly shed the blanket off himself, but clung onto the coat as he reached to turn on the shower. He clenched the collar and hid his face in it for a moment, taking comfort for the familiar smell of pine forests and... well... Castiel. He inhaled and exhaled, trying damn hard to keep it together, to take anything, any though as a sigh it will all be alright. He is in a clients penthouse, but he is safe. Castiel isn't here, but he is safe. He has his coat and he is... Safe. With a shuddering breath and a shaky hand, he took the coat of and folded it neatly, placing it on the side with full intend of putting it back on once he showers. Before he left, Benny handed him some plain sweatpants and a T-shirt, but he still knew he would need the coat.

This isn't the first time this has happened, but a part of Dean''s mind always justified it with the payments it came with. No matter how bad it was, no matter what was done to him, he always knew why he endured. He always knew he deserved it all and that he should suck it up because it meant that Sammy gets one more day.

But this... This was different. Alistair thought he owned Dean. And that was wrong. Castiel owned him now.

Dean stopped short at that thought, one foot already in the shower. Why... That was wrong, Castiel didn't own him. Well, not... He was paying for his company and if he wanted, he could do things to Dean, anything he wanted and Dean wouldn't dare protest, but Castiel didn't _own_ him. Did he? Or maybe it was that Dean wanted Castiel to own him. And that was even more wrong.

Dear Lord, he has lost his mind.

Dean stepped into the spray and hoped that it would wash away some of the shame he felt. Because if it was true and his weak mind thinks that he _belongs_ to Castiel now... Then he allowed someone else to touch what wasn't theirs. He allowed Alistair to touch what was Castiel's. He deserved to be punished.

Gasping loudly under the shower, tears finally falling down his face along with the water, Dean was terrified. Terrified of the thoughts that started to haunt him, drowning him and he couldn't breath, he couldn't suck in one fucking breath, he couldn't do shit but stare at the wall with his mouth ajar, while all sorts of insane ideas started to rape his mind. His lungs started to burn, his dry throat started to hurt and the tears floated freely from his wide open eyes.

And when it became too unbearable, and when he couldn't take it anymore, he leaned against the wall and slid down to curl into a ball, with his eyes screwed shut, loud sobs escaping before he let them loose completely, unable to hold himself together anymore. He cried out and screamed and banged his fist against the wall, but he just couldn't get rid of those feelings of disgust and shame.

He didn't know how long he was in there, how long he was curled up on the shower floor, but the voices inside of his head were quiet, probably too shocked and sad. Logically, he knew he had to get out of there, to get up and start moving, and _stop being such a_ _wuss?_ , man up and accept what happened and that he is safe now, and that he is ok, and that he will be ok and... If nothing else, Castiel's coat was waiting for him out there.

Maybe even Castiel too.

Oh, God! What if he is out there? What if he is waiting for him out there, pissed for using all his hot water. As if the hot water could run out in a hotel like this. But, as Dean hurried to get dressed and ran out of that bathroom, he realized Castiel was still not there. Probably a good thing. It meant that he could postpone having to tell him what happened. So Dean went back and without much thinking about it, he took the coat and put it on, snuggling in it.

Safe.

Whether it had to do with the fact that it smelled like Castiel or that it was long enough to reach over his knees and cover over 85% of his body, it didn't matter. What mattered is that it made him feel safe. Why he suddenly needed that, he wasn't sure. Maybe because the place that represented safety before, wasn't that anymore.

Uncertain of what to do, he looked back and forward between the bedroom and the hallway that lead to the dinning and TV area. His breath hitched and he went eye wide when the elevator sounded with a familiar _Ding!_ but he waited and waited, and nobody came. Chancing a peek inside, he found a food cart, probably sent up by Benny. Warily, he reached for it with a shaky hand and pulled it in, towards the dinning room.

A small smile crept up on his face when he lifted the dome and found a burger and fries under it, but paused before he reached for the meal. Was this an act of kindness? Was Benny being nice to him just cause, or was he protecting boss's property? He really should stop thinking like that, not when all Benny did was to save his ass from being raped and then offered safety and security. Dean sat down and ate, making sure not to make a mess, and cleaned everything once he was done. He pushed the cart back into the elevator and once the door closed to take the elevator down, he stood in front of it, frozen in spot for good ten minutes.

Mind blank, without a single thought, rid of any emotions while the images of what happened in his room at the club played out before his eyes. When it was over tears started to roll down his cheek once more, but as much as that sob wanted to rip itself out of his chest, he wouldn't let it. He stared somewhere in the distance for another moment or so, and then slowly snapped back to reality and started to look around the penthouse, scared, uncertain and wary. Feeling tired and drain, he finally moved, taking few unsure steps towards the bedroom and once there, he crawled on the bed and, without removing the coat, wrapped himself in the covers. Cocooned, and still shaking, he closed his eyes and started to drift away, wanting Castiel to come soon, wishing he wouldn't.

* * *

Dean woke up gasping for air. He knew he dreamed about Alistair and about what happened, but he wanted so badly to push it aside, push it down and not remember it now. He looked around the room expecting to see Castiel, or at least traces that he has been there, but there were none. Dean glanced at the clock that said 8 AM, and then looked around the room once more, thinking he may have missed any clue that Castiel was there. There was nothing. Sad and quiet, Dean proceeded to get up, wincing a bit at the pain that reminded him again of what happened, but he pushed it down as he pushed himself off the bed and walked towards the window. Removing the shutters, he was instantly blinded by the bright sun that served more to hit him with discomfort then to shine its warmth upon him.

But yeah. It was morning alright. And Castiel never came home.

But no, it wasn't Dean's place to question where the man spent his night or with who. It wasn't Dean's place to even consider wondering if Castiel shared a bed with someone else, someone more eager to please, more giving, more... Just more. More then a broken, old Dean. No, he had no right to ponder over such things. He was nothing to the man but a bought piece of meat. He was nothing but an escort who has overstayed their welcome. He was nothing.

And as Dean sadly and reluctantly shed the coat of his back, folded it neatly and left it on an armchair in the bedroom, he made the bed, soaking up as much as he could about the room and the smell and then turned and left, never once noticing the two powerful voices in his head have been too quiet this whole time. Never once noticing the third voice that lead him astray, louder then anything else, and yet, nothing more then a whisper in the wind. He was nothing.

Not even worth a call. Not even worth a note. Not worth a damn thing.

He was nothing.

* * *

Azazel welcomed him back, saying he heard what happened and that Alistair was banned from the club. And somehow to Dean it didn't feel as comforting as it should. It was more like Azazel did it not to protect Dean, but to protect an asset and for the first time ever, Dean actually questioned his motives for helping him earn money and for helping him with Sammy. But all thoughts vanished the second Dean walked into his room and took in all the mess around. Instantly, the memories of what happened came back full force and his breath hitched, making him feel like he is about to choke.

This place, this room, as crappy and cold as it was, used to be the only safe place, the only place he could come to and let go, relax from all the tension of the day and curl into himself. This was his safe haven. Not anymore. Not ever again. Within a night he has lost that little what was his. And he will never get it back.

It was a Wednesday, a normally slow day, so Azazel told him he is off the hook for the show tonight, which was a bit of a relief, because he didn't think that he could force himself to perform. He went and checked on Adam, who seemed to be a bit better if his snarky attitude was anything to go by, but there was that moment when the two shared a look of understanding before Adam grumbled at him to leave him be.

Dean took the afternoon and went to visit Sammy again. Even if he knew his brother won't be able to see him or hear that shake in his voice when he spoke, a part of Dean didn't want to go and show how vulnerable and broken he was in front of his brother. But the visit, it was all he had left. If nothing else then a moment to escape that room and those memories and replace them with guilt and regret of what happened sixteen years ago that has his brother lying down before him. Just like many times before, Dean brought the flowers, set them up and cleaned around a bit before sitting (with a wince) and reading _Odyssey_ to his brother, even if he knew he probably never heard a word Dean said.

But then evening came and as Dean sat on the edge of his bed, he dared not wonder if there will be salvation for him tonight. As he sat there and stared at one spot, his eyes ever so distant and unfocused, he dared not wonder if there will be a certain great white coming for him this night. He can't. He can't let the hope creep inside and then be crushed when it grows too big. He couldn't bear the thought that he was discarded because he was damaged goods now.

He never had a chance to tell Castiel what happened, so probably Benny did and now... He is too broken and used to be any good for a man such as Ca... Mr. Novak. The man certainly deserved something a lot better then... Dean.

A knock on the door made him flinch and he saw the soft eyes of Crowley peeking inside on him. Now, that was wrong, so very wrong. Seeing concern in those vomit brown eyes that would usually sputter annoyed and teasing profanities was just... Wrong. But then he smiled and it became even more wrong, seeing that grin on his face with a hint of insecurity.

However, when he said that there was a car waiting for him if he " _wanted"_ to go, if he " _felt"_ like he could, Dean completely forgot about Crowley and how wrong his face seemed. All he could think about was that the car was waiting for him, that Mr. Novak wanted to see him and that he won't have to spend the night here, in this room and in these memories. He dared hope.

When he came out, there was a man wearing similar uniform like Benny, but he was a bit taller and seemed a bit uptight. It confused Dean to learn that this new driver whose name tag said Balthazar was here because Benny caught a cold or a fever and "couldn't attend to his duties.". Needless to say he guy was weird, with his strange accent and his head proudly high, rant on and on about anything and everything. And as annoying as someone like Balthazar could be, it was a welcoming distraction. Dean learnt that Mr. Novak's company was a good one, that they are very people oriented and that Mr. Novak was a weird guy. That apparently he was never in a relationship, "like ever" as Balthazar put it and that Mr. Novak was very much focused on work. Apparently, he was in the middle of a very big merger and Balthazar heard he spent the entire night in negotiations and then dived into work with the sunrise like it was nothing.

So that kind of explained why Castiel wasn't there last night. But won't he be too tired now?

Dean was welcomed by an empty apartment and a food cart with spaghetti and three kinds of sauce and Parmesan and a few other things he didn't recognize. He ate and cleaned after himself and went to the bedroom, finding the coat in the exact same spot he left it, so he put it on, snuggled in it and laid down to wait for Castiel. But fell asleep along the way and the morning sun woke him up again, that 8 AM red letters staring back at him. At least the room seemed disturbed now and there was a note.

" Came in late and didn't want to wake you.

Order something to eat.

Hope to see you tonight, though I might be late again.

Castiel"

The note seemed cold and distant, or so the voice whispered in his ear. Mr. Novak didn't owe him anything, he didn't owe him an explanation. Mr. Novak was paying for his time, Dean was his to do what he pleased. Except he hasn't done anything aside from asking him to be near and it was really starting to bug him. Or the voice in his head.

He didn't notice, or chose not to, that the bed was disturbed on the other side, that Castiel was there beside him, probably too tired, but still stealing himself a few moments to stare at Dean with a small smile on his face as Dean slept. He didn't notice, or chose not to, the tingling sensation on his cheek from a kiss Castiel left there before he left for work.

He did notice that Mr. Novak wasn't there, but he was expecting him that night. And Dean will be there. Because that's what he was paid to do.

Thursday came and went the same, night too and Friday welcomed Dean with an empty bed once more third time this week. Only this time Dean wasn't given an out and had to perform for the crowd. Saturday went the same. More new faces, more disgusting men drooling over him, and there was even a new guy, a blond with a nest for hair, about his age that tried to rent him, offering a generous sum, but luckily Azazel declined, saying he already had a regular customer for Dean. The man huffed and stomped out, but Dean didn't feel relieved.

In fact, Dean didn't feel a thing. He went through all the motions of eating, sleeping, doing the same thing he did for the past four days without feeling a single thing, except what that voice was telling him to feel, and even that was somehow muffled and not... Really as strong as it should be. He was slipping, bit by bit everyday, but either he didn't know how to change it, or didn't want to.

It wasn't his place to think, it wasn't his place to feel. He was nothing. His thoughts, his feelings they belonged to someone else, not him. They belonged to Mr. Novak. Even if the man hasn't claimed them yet. Even if he hasn't claimed Dean yet.

And it dawned on him just as he snuggled into the coat and into Mr. Novak's bed. He was adrift between his former owner and his new one that hasn't claimed him yet, that hasn't claimed his right over Dean and that's why he was feeling this empty and strange. He has to be claimed. He has to be owned. Only then will he know his place and only then will he be able to fight off those monstrous thoughts and memories that haunted him for the past four days.

He knew now what he had to do.

When Castiel came in that evening, smiling and happy to have finalized the merger and would be able to spend more time with Dean, he expected to find Dean curled up on him bed again, wearing his trenchcoat. He found it so adorable seeing him like that, and even if he didn't know what incited such behavior, he felt good about Dean taking the coat as if he needed to feel Castiel close. Or at least he hoped that was the case.

What Castiel didn't expect to find was Dean, sprawled on the bed naked, his expression carefully blank, his green eyes piercing him through the shadow that was cast over his face. He froze, taking in the scene that welcomed him.

Dean was completely naked, half lying, half sitting, propped on the head board. His perfectly defined muscles gained from years of dancing shone in the dim light, looking much like he was covered in sweat, but most likely oiled up to create this desirable picture that left Castiel drooling over the amazing curves, the nicely defined biceps, and perfect abs. His legs were spread apart, one bent inward, the foot leaning against a knee side of the other, and in between... A perfect erection of a perfect red, throbbing, precum leaking thick cock.

The sudden jolt of pure arousal that struck right through him almost made him do something he didn't want to do. And even though he was instantly hard as a rock, Castiel ignored it, closed his eyes and turned around wishing the image away. "Wha... What are you doing?" He barely managed, finding his throat really dry all of the sudden.

"What does it look like?" Dean asked, his voice not his voice, sounding too deep, too seductive, too wrong. If there was any ounce of hurt there that Castiel turned around as if he was disgusted by him, it was buried deep, hidden and unheard by Castiel.

"Dean... That's not..." He tried, not even sure of what to say. God, finding Dean like this would be a dream come true, but Castiel knew better. He knew this isn't really something Dean wanted, but thought he _needed_ to do because... Well, Castiel couldn't blame him, he was buying his time like Dean was nothing more than a common hooker. "Dean... Did... Did someone tell you to do this, is... Is the club owner... Did he tell you that you should do this?"

"No... I want this. I..." Dean paused in his speech, but it didn't show insecurity, it was more... Theatrical. "I want you inside of me..."

Yup, there goes his traitorous dick, twitching needily at Dean's words as if it wants to comply. Now! Still, no matter how much Dean's words were making him want to just crawl on top of him and pound him into the mattress, Castiel was still stronger than what his lower brain was thinking and he knew there was something else going on here.

If he really wanted to make this work between him and Dean, he knew he had to talk to him and not cave in to his needs. "This... This isn't you, Dean... You... You don't want this, not... Not really..." He took a deep breath, trying to will all those dirty thoughts away and turn to face Dean and to try and get him to talk, but just as he did, Dean started to move on the bed, turning around and making a display of his ass high up in the air.

"Oh, yes, I do. I want you. I want you to fuck me all the way to the next Sunday. I want to feel your big... fat... cock... buried deep inside of me... Stretching me... Filling me... Marking me..."

Shit.

Castiel clenched his fists, burring his nails in the palm of his hand hard enough to almost draw blood, trying SO FUCKING HARD to resist.

"Dean..."

"I want you to fuck me, Mr. Novak. I want you to fill my ass and cum inside of me and..."

"No. No! NO! Stop it."

There was a flash of hurt from rejection in Dean's eyes, but only for a second before it was covered with determination and Dean stood up, and walked over to Castiel, his step firm and unwavering, his erection bobbing up with each step. But Castiel knew better than to trust that, having seen the little blue pills Dean carried around.

Still, he couldn't help the hitch in his breath as Dean came over and leaned onto him, pressing his very much naked and hot, and OMG! body against Castiel, one hand reaching to grab him by the neck and pull him for a kiss. And why the fuck did Castiel allow himself to be pulled in, he will never know.

The kiss was so hot, so needy, so passionate and hungry; it left him breathless and woozy, and then he felt Dean's other hand undoing his belt and reaching down and... He groaned into the kiss when Dean's hand made contact with his painfully hard cock, but the second Dean's fingers curled around it, Castiel's eyes snapped open. He managed to lean away, and peel himself off of Dean and put some distance between them.

"No... no... s... stop... This... This isn't you Dean..." What happened to that shy, adorable man he was starting to fall in love with. What happened to him?

Dean breathed a laugh as he replied "Of course it is... I am whatever you want me to be. However you need me to be... Wherever... You... Need... Me... To be..." And Castiel watched as Dean got down on his knees and crawled towards him, his eyes trained not on Castiel's eyes, but on his crotch. "I am... Yours..."

 _WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!_ – all sorts of alarms were blaring in Castiel's mind and he managed to dodge Dean and brush past him, practically running to the other side of the room. "No. No Dean, that's not... NO! What happened? Tell me what happened?"

Like in slowmotion, he could see something flash inside Dean's eyes, and then suddenly, Dean was in his space again, pushing his body against his, the seductiveness in his voice replaced by anger "Nothing happened. I just want you to fuck me. Fuck me, Mr. Novak."

"No."

"Fuck me!"

"No!"

"Fuck me! Mark me! OWN ME!"

"NO!"

"Why the fuck not?! You are already paying for this body, paying for this ass, why not own it? Why not take what is yours? That's what you're supposed to do! You pay for it, you own it! SO FUCKING OWN IT!"

"FINE!"

The air grew thick as silence fell over then both, blue eyes staring into the green ones for a moment. Fear shook Dean to the core, but there was no backing away now.

"Lay on the bed, on your back and close your eyes!" Castiel ordered, his voice allowing no bullshit, deep and grave, furious and cold. "Actually, take that sleeping eye-mask and put it on!"

Dean could feel his blood running cold, he could feel his heart threatening to explode on him, but he did as he was told, blindfolding himself and lying on his back, scared shitless of what was going to be done to him. A small voice in his mind, the kind one tried to tell him that it will be alright, that Castiel won't hurt him, but it was drowned down but that little devil that pushed him to demand this, that pushed him to yell at Mr. Novak when all the man did was be kind to him.

Shit!

He didn't know if it was part of the torment that Castiel was taking his sweet time and he cursed at Azazel and those little blue pills that were still holding his dick fully erect when it would definitely be as soft as Grandma's under pits by now.

He dreaded the moment he would feel the first contact with the man, and as fuck up as it sounded, a part of him wanted this to happen, badly. A part of him wanted to be fucked mercilessly without even being prepped because he deserved it. For saying the things he said. For being the most revolting person in world, selfish and a fucking asshole.

Fuck! Can he just go back to four days ago when he was in his room and imagining Castiel's soft lips planting kind kisses on his mouth, jaw, neck...

 _Oh, so now it is Castiel? Not Mr. Novak, owner of slaves?_ That voice was back, sounding suspiciously like Crowley for some reason, but as always, blunt and correct. How could Dean even say that, how could he even think that...

Dean suddenly gasped loudly when he felt something brush against his cheek. He was too tangled in his own thoughts to notice Castiel sitting down by his side, but he could tell he was still wearing his pants at least, and that was... Good? Bad?

"That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Dean heard Castiel's raspy but still somehow soft voice say and he gasped again, feeling something small and soft brush against his cheek once more. The room filled with the sounds of his breaths and nothing else while that soft thing returned to his cheek and caressed him all the way to his lips.

Rose. It has to be. A rose's soft, velvet pedal, a few of them combined. To make a rose.

What?

And just as the rose brushed against his trembling lips he heard Castiel's voice "You have such amazing pink, pushy and soft lips... Lips that call out to be kissed, gently and tenderly..."

What?

The rose lingered on his lips which he dared not move and then moved to the corner of his mouth, slowly tracing it's way to Dean's jaw, just like he imagined Castiel's lips would do. It made him tremble, but for the first time in a good way, feeling goosebumps as the rose brushed down his neck.

"Can you feel it, Dean? Can you feel the pedals? Can you feel how soft they are? Gentle? Kind? ... Forgiving?" He heard Castiel say, the last word coming out as a mere whisper, instantly overwhelming him. Was... Was he forgiven for all this shit he pulled? Could... Could it really be?

His breathing grew deeper and deeper as the rose travelled lower and lower on his neck, over his collarbone and down his chest. And just as it was about to reach his nipple it took a different course and started going up his arm, tickling him a bit in the process.

"Roses are such complicated flowers. They can grow in the wild, but would bloom if given some attention. Still, they always grow with thorns, careful and untrusting... But this rose... This rose doesn't have thorns, it won't hurt you... Do you trust me, Dean?"

W... What?

Oh, God! How could he... How... Nobody ever... They all hurt. They all hurt him one way or the other, each and everyone... But... He... He won't... He just...

Dean couldn't make a single coherent thought, much less nod as he should have, overwhelmed will the sensation of softness and kindness brushing over his skin, the feeling only intensified but the lack of light. Even in the darkness, something kind and caring and selfless can exist.

The rose touched down on his palm and he fought hard, resisting the urge to close his hand around it and keep it in place, fighting the urge to keep all these feelings and clinging onto them when there was a possibility of more.

The rose travelled back down his arm, making him shiver and making his breathing pick up when it reached his chest.

"Roses... Such beautiful flowers..." Castiel's voice echoed in the acoustic room and Dean felt like he wasn't talking about the roses, not really. He was...

"Ooouuu..." Dean let out a low gasp when that soft rose brushed over his nipple once, and probably encouraged by the soft moan, it returned to trace it's softness over that nipple again.

"Yeah... So beautiful..." Castiel's voice came out a bit more deeper, a bit more raspy, and a bit more breathless.

"Yes..." Dean agreed or was saying he wanted to feel more or he was calling himself beautiful, it didn't matter; he was too lost in following that soft pedal as it roamed over his chest and then his stomach, making his breaths turn into pants, making him arch his back yearning for more.

"They... The roses... They just need..." Castiel spoke just as the rose reached Dean's V line, tracing lower and lower.

"Yeeees?"

"They just... They just need someone..." Dean's breath was now nothing but a series of pants and the soft rose pedal reached the base of his throbbing cock.

"They just need... Someone to care for them... Would... Would you let me care for you?"

The rose brushed from the root of his cock up to the top, and then touched down on the head as if it was panting the softest kiss there and the next thing Dean knows he is cumming over himself so hard, white spots form in the darkness of his vision and he is choking down a moan of complete pleasure, trying to get air into his burning lungs and slow his beating heart.

A moment later, once he seemed to completely calm down, Castiel reached for the night mask and removed it, probably thinking Dean is too embarrassed and maybe even a bit scared considering how Castiel ordered him around, but he still hoped Dean got the message he was trying to deliver.

"Dean?"

He tried, but Dean's eyes, thought clearly responsive to the light, were glazed and unmoving, staring somewhere into the non-existing distance.

"Dean?"

He tried again, not really wanting to touch him in fear he might trigger him or something, but getting a bit worried.

"Dean?!"

Nothing. Castiel reached and shook his shoulder, calling his name once more, but when Dean didn't even blink, he reach and took him by shoulders and shook him.

"Dean?!"

Nothing.

His blood ran cold all the way to his bones and pure fear filled him when he realized Dean was just... Not there...

"Dean?! Dean! DEAN?!"


	11. Chapter 11

_Please, please, please._ "Dean? Dean, please, talk to me. Say something, Dean, please." Castiel pleaded, scared out of his mind. _What have I done?_ He watched Dean, eyes filled with concern and worry, heart threatening to give out on him. What has he done? Dean has clearly been upset by something, something big has happened and Goddamnit! Castiel hasn't been around for the past couple of days and he has left Dean alone and... He felt the guilt weighing him down like a cinder-block chained to his neck, drowning him and pulling him down no matter how much he tried to fight it.

"Oh, God, Dean... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, please, please talk to me." He felt his chest tighten, his lungs closing up on him, and he pulled Dean closer, wrapping his arms around him and setting Dean's head on his chest. Rocking them back and forth, he lifted his head high to stop the tears from spilling as he kept muttering "I am so sorry, Dean, please... Please, Dean, please. Please talk to me. I am sorry, I... I will never do anything like this again, just please... Come back. Please come back to me."

Whether it was Castiel's smell, his heart beat or just the fact that he was holding him and that Dean felt safe in that embrace, he finally came to with a small gasp. He clenched Castiel's shirt hard and buried his face in the crook of his neck, letting out a small, gut wrenching sob.

Castiel felt like someone punched the air out of him when he heard it, but held onto Dean just a bit tighter and a bit closer, still rocking and forth. He could hear Dean's heavy breaths and he could feel his shirt getting drenched in tears and all he wanted was to hold Dean close and tell him it was going to be ok. That he is here now and that he will keep him safe.

But he couldn't make that promise, could he? Who was he to make that promise? Just another senseless prick who was buying him and using him to forget about his own loneliness. Even if that wasn't completely true and he did actually care about Dean, he still couldn't make that promise. He couldn't do it and then watch it all fall apart. He couldn't give Dean that hope and end up hurting him.

But he could try. He could try to make his life better, to care for him and keep him safe. And to do that, he would need to know what happened. But how could he? How could he ask Dean now, now that the man was so vulnerable and so small in his arms, so defenseless and hurting. How could he pick that wound when it was still bleeding?

As he keep rocking them back and forth, not daring to shush Dean or to tell him that it will be ok, he made a decision to help him heal at least a bit before he started probing around. So he just kept holding him tight, rocking and listening to Dean's sobs that seemed to tone down the more Dean remained in his arms, until they turned into sniffs. The tiniest gasp escaped Castiel's lips when Dean lifted his head a bit and brushed Castiel's neck with the tip of his nose, letting out one long hot breath and he froze, stopped breathing and his mind went blank for a split second.

But then he heard it, Dean's breaths evening out, his hold over Castiel's now very wrinkled shirt loosen and Dean going just a bit lax in his arms. Dean feel asleep, probably drained and too emotionally shaken to keep the welcoming darkness away. And he fell asleep. In his arms. Castiel closed his eyes heavily for a moment, wishing he could turn back the clock and try harder to talk to Dean and not let his behavior and his words get to him.

Because they were partly true. Even if Castiel never wanted to 'own' him, he did want him to himself. All of him. His body, yeah, that too, but also his eyes when they looked at him filled with wonder, his shy smile, his blush dusted with those adorable freckles. His enthusiasm when he spoke of a random movie or music or a place. Or food.

He wanted to be the one to wipe any trace of that fear in those gorgeous eyes and to always see them smile. He wanted to get rid of all those insecurities Dean had about saying what was on his mind, second guessing things and worrying he would say the wrong thing. He wanted to be the one to put the smile on that beautiful face and to have those breathtaking eyes look at him with hope and adoration and...

He was so tired.

Not wanting to risk waking Dean up, he moved just a bit, only to prop himself against the pillows so that his back would stop screaming at him. Looking down on the man in his arms, curled up and naked, he tried to get at least a side of the sheet that was under them to cover Dean up, but when he couldn't, he looked around for anything else he could use, not wanting to move, to wake him up. There it was, on the side of the bed, his trenchcoat, the one he has seen Dean wear and that he thought was so endearing. But to realized Dean was wrapping himself in it to seek comfort and security because something happened and Castiel was either too tired to notice or just not there... _Fuck..._

Still, he reached for it, pausing when Dean steered in his sleep a bit, but once he settled back, Castiel managed to pull it closer and cover Dean with it. He would wake him later, enough to move him under the blankets, and to tuck him in before he laid beside him, but for now, he could just hold him and let him rest up a bit in his arms, right? Or was he too selfish about this too? Was this really good for Dean, or good to ease his guilty conscious?

Castiel didn't know when he fell asleep, but he vaguely remember waking up to Dean covering them with a blanket and snuggling back into his arms, setting his head on Castiel's chest. He remembered how good it felt to feel Dean so close, to feel his body next his own, Dean's breath and his steady heartbeat. He wanted to stay like this forever.

Castiel opened his eyes, and immediately pulled a grunt, feeling drool on the side of his face. The more clarity seeped into his mind, the more he started to realize a few tings. First, he was in his bed which was ok, but he didn't remember really the moment he actually laid down. Next thing he realized was that there was no tight, constricting shoes on his feet, nor was there a tightness around his waist from the belt. Or any pants for that matter. No, he had nothing but his briefs and his button down shirt on. When did he...?

_Oh, God_! What did he do, did he... In his sleep... He didn't do anything to Dean, did he? Dean... Dean, where... Dean wasn't there. The side of the bed was empty and there was no Dean, and no sign of him at all, and Castiel felt panic starting to arise. Where... was... Dean... Did someone take him? Did he leave? Why? Why walk away from the safety of his arms, Castiel couldn't keep him safe if he wasn't there. Cursing at himself for falling asleep like that, he quickly go up and put the first pair of sweets he could find. Barefoot, he stumbled out of his bedroom and into the hallway, frantically pushing the elevator button.

But then he thought he heard something, a noise, and he slowly and curiously walked towards the dining area. There, much to his bewilderment, he found Dean slowly and quietly setting the table, carefully trying to place everything where it belonged. He watched him trying to figure out if he set the fork and knife in the right place, then positioning the glasses and looking back at his meticulous work, his brows creasing as he was trying to see if he did good.

Something warmed up inside Castiel's heart at the sight of Dean doing this, but at the same time it made him feel uneasy. Dean was clearly trying, and that was really sweet of him, but why? Considering all that happened last night, from the way Castiel behaved, and what he did, to what Dean said and how he reacted afterwards, Castiel had to admit, he was confused.

Just last night, the man before him was broken and hurt, probably not just by Castiel's actions, but those didn't help either, and now he is... Well, not joyous and cheery, but... Not really falling apart as Castiel expected.

"Oh! Good Morning, Mr. N... Castiel." Dean said with a small smile and a blush creeping up his cheeks, making eye contact with the man in front of him for only a split second before looking away, looking towards the table and speaking up again. "I... I ordered breakfast, I hope that is ok."

That was thoughtful of him. Why would he act thoughtful? Why do all this?

Castiel smiled at him kindly, his mind still trying to understand, so Dean nervously kept talking, a slight panic in his voice, worry that he did something wrong. "I... I ordered waffles, but they also had fresh fruit to go with them, and syrup and... and... It's all free, com... comple... complementary."

_Real smooth_. The voice echoed inside of Dean's head.

"And... the guy recommended either juice or milk to go with it, and... I... I didn't know which you prefer so, I... I kinda... I ordered both, I hope that... That's ok." He added and flinched when Castiel startled out of his thoughts, looked from Dean to the cart with a dome over it and then smiled.

"Of course. I love milk." As soon as the words left his mouth, he closed his eyes and shook his head, feeling a bit dumb for blurting that out like that. "What I meant was, that is great. I am kinda hungry. Thank you, Dean."

Dean wanted to be the one to serve, but Castiel motioned for him to sit, so he did. Castiel lifted the dome to reveal a few fresh batches of waffles, two small bottles of maple and strawberry syrup, a bottle of milk and a carton of juice and two bowls, one filled with strawberries, the other with a mix of two bananas, two apples and a few peaches. There was also chocolate syrup and whip cream to the side, and Castiel blinked at that, glanced at Dean and saw him blushing even harder.

"I... I didn't order that." Dean said a bit defensively and at the same time a bit regretfully. Like he was sorry he didn't think to order them. Choosing to ignore that whole thing, because he didn't know what to think of it, Castiel opted to ask:

"What would you like on your waffles?"

"Strawberry syrup. And some strawberries too."

Huh. Strawberries. Dean liked strawberries. That's... Interesting. Castiel nodded and served Dean, then picked up his own plate, put a few waffles on it, poured maple syrup, took a peach and poured milk in his glass. It wasn't until he sat down in front of the meal he made for himself while deep in thought that he realized what combinations he made. Why didn't he put some salt on it while he was at it? Jeeze!

He took a bite of his waffle as he watched Dean dig in, kept his curious gaze no matter how many times Dean glanced at him and shifted a bit uncomfortably in his seat. Castiel wanted to ask, he wanted answers, he wanted to know why Dean was acting like that last night and what happened, but he just couldn't find the words.

Dean quietly finished his breakfast and then took a deep breath and looked up at Cas and accidentally huffed a loud smile. "You... You have some syrup on..." He stopped, seeing Castiel watching him blankly, only tilting his head slightly to the left, and probably wondering what the fuck was Dean doing? After all the shit he pulled last night and then cried himself to sleep, instead of explaining, he was pulling this again? As unintentional as it may have been, still wasn't right.

Dean took another deep breath, focusing on his empty plate instead of Castiel's lips and breathed out before he started

"I'm sorry... About everything... About last night." He looked back up at Castiel gathering as much courage as he could and seeing that Castiel wasn't going to say anything yet, he continued "I... I went too far, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. That... That wasn't nice. You... You keep doing these... Nice things for me and being all nice and _(My God! How many times are you going to say the word nice?_ )... You didn't deserve to get yelled at because I... Because I... I got confused. I am really sorry, and... And it won't happen again... And I...I..."

The more he spoke, the more confusion and disbelief showed on Castiel's face and he didn't understand why would he react like that to his apology. His heart started to race and he started to panic a bit, but then Castiel's expression turned into something soft, comforting and maybe a bit sad. He reached with his hand towards Dean's, but paused and dropped the hand in the middle of the table.

"Dean. What happened?" Castiel asked, an unspoken plea in his eyes that Dean will share. Dean felt his breath hitch and he tried to keep it together, the voice inside his head telling him to stop being such a wuss, to man up and say he was violated.

That was strange. It didn't tell him to get over it like it didn't matter that it happened like Dean would expect it to. Huh.

"Tuesday night after the show... A former... Client snuck into my room...And he... He... I... I didn't see him... And I... He..." The more he spoke, the more his voice shuddered and the more his eyes started to fill with tears.

The moment Castiel realized what Dean was trying to tell him, or thought he did anyway, he gasped "Oh, Dean!" His eyes had a horrified look, his hand came up to his mouth and he was probably sick to his stomach, but Dean thought it was for a different reason.

"No, no... He didn't get to... He just... With fingers, he didn't get to... Benny came and pulled him off... I..." And that's when the tears started to flood. "I... I am so sorry. I should have fought him off, I should have... I should have told him... He was done, he wasn't a client anymore, not since you... He didn't have the right to... He didn't have the right to... Touch me... I... He didn't pay, so he didn't have the right... I am sorry, please... Don't... I..."

_FUCK! OH MY FUCKING GOD_! Was what was crossing Castiel's mind as he rounded the table and embraced a very shaking Dean. Castiel didn't know what was worse, that the man physically assaulted Dean, or that Dean... That he thought that he had no right to do it because he wasn't paying to do so. Which would imply that if he **was** paying, he could do anything to Dean. That he... **owned** him.

_Shit! Shit! Shit!_ That's why... That's what last night was about, that's why Dean... God, that's why Dean told Castiel to fuck him, to mark him, to **own** him. Jesus fucking Christ, that was just... Messed up. Castiel could feel the bile rising up his throat, but he pushed it down, swallowed it and took a deep breath, because he needed to focus on Dean now.

"You... You have nothing, **nothing!** to apologize for, you understand me? What that man did was... That was horrible. And paid or not, he... **Nobody** has the right to do that to you... I... God, Dean, I am sorry, I am so sorry. I didn't... I didn't understand. I... I just wanted to... God, stupid! I am so stupid... I... I am sorry, Dean, I swear I didn't mean to..."

"You did nothing wrong. You... After all I said last night, you still... You showed me what it was like to be touched in a nice way and I... I am so sorry I fell apart after that, I just..."

Unintentionally, Castiel started rocking them back and forth as he shushed Dean and told him he had every right to fall apart and that he is so proud of him for being so brave and for holding it together like he did. Like he still does. He told him, over and over how sorry he was that happened to him and that it wasn't right. That something like that could never be right. And then he took a deep breath before he added one last important thing.

"He didn't own you Dean, when he was paying for your company, just like I... Just like I don't. I... God! Last night, when I.. – he drew a shaky breath, heeling shame wash over him – When I yelled back and ordered you to... God, Dean, I am so sorry."

Dean felt drops fall on the top of his head and he pulled out of the hug to look up at Castiel, blinking in complete confusion as to why he would be crying.

"I... I was just as bad as that guy. I... I told you to lay down and... And to cover your eyes and I... I used you. I did to you..."

"No... No, that was... That was different."

"No, no it wasn't Dean. Don't you understand. You laid there, and didn't move because... Because you though... You thought you had to. Because you thought... That I am paying for you and that I have the right to do what I want to you..." No matter how much Dean shook his head, a part of him knew Castiel was right, and that he did think that, at first, but... Castiel's breath hitched, and Dean abruptly stood up and reached with his arms around the man, holding him tight.

"No... No, that's not..."

"It is Dean. Just like the first night we met. I... I could see the fear in your eyes... That's why I stopped. I just... I was too angry and tired last night to see it, this time. And I am sorry. I am so sorry."

"No. You... You didn't hurt me. You never hurt me."

Castiel pulled away and looked into Dean's eyes, desperately searching for something, anything.

"No... I did, Dean. I did. I took away your right to say no. To refuse to do... I did what I wanted to you and..."

"No! No you..."

"Tell me! Look me in the eye and tell me that you would have said no, that you know you could have said NO. That you could have refused to lay down, that you could have told me to stop and that you didn't want that."

"But I did."

...

...

...

"What?"

"You're right... Maybe... Maybe I didn't understand that I could... Maybe I ... I don't know. Azazel never told me how to... Just told me to behave and to do what was asked... But... I... Last night... I wanted that. I wanted you to touch me and to..." Dean screwed his eyes shut, biting down on his lower lip, and that's when Castiel noticed the redness of his cheeks and his ears and the embarrassment in Dean's eyes when he opened them to look back at Castiel who just stared at him, shocked and confused beyond belief.

Dean took a deep breath and poured out "I wanted you to touch me. And to kiss me like you did back in the limo. And... I wanted to touch you too." This time Dean didn't shy away, didn't look aside, but stared into Castiel's eyes, his own pleading for understanding, for acceptance... For a connection.

Castiel was speechless. He stared back at Dean, not believing his ears. Dean was... Was Dean into him? Did he just... Could it be?

Somehow, it suddenly felt like a huge stone was lifted off his chest. Well, a part of the weight anyway. If this really is true, if Dean really wanted... No, Castiel is getting ahead of himself. Dean told him he wants contact, not to settle down with him. He wants a kiss, not a damn ring in his finger. But it is a start. It is something. He could build on this. This can be strong foundation to build a relationship on. One day.

Still, he has to deal with the whole 'paying means owning' crap. But for now, he needed to react instead if just staring back at Dean, and he needed to do it soon. Because Dean is clearly panicking, probably thinking he stepped over some line, and... What was it Azazel told him... Behave?

Castiel really should tell him that it is ok, and that he wanted Dean to touch him too and to kiss him. He really should tell him that it is ok to say what he wants and that Castiel would respect any boundaries Dean might want to set. He really should repeat that he won't repeat his behavior from last night, ordering Dean around and doing what he wants without asking Dean first if he is ok with that.

But what Castiel ended up saying, and for the love of everything that is holy, he did not know why he would choose to say that, was "Do I... Do I still have syrup on my face?"

_Fucking idiot_! He thought to himself. But then Dean silently sucked in a breath, his face split into a grin, gone as fast as it came and he glanced at Castiel's lips, clearly not sure if he was asking what Dean thought he was.

Dean wasn't ok. Not completely. But worse things happened before and he was much more happy to have someone to hold him, and to embrace him then to spend another night alone. He wanted to focus on that. And on this nice feeling in the pit of his stomach.

For once in his life, he wanted to be selfish.

Slowly and fearfully, he leaned forward, his eyes searching for any reaction on Castiel's face, any indication that this isn't what he meant and that he didn't want this to happen. But Castiel's eyes sparked up at his motions and his confidence grew a bit, letting him lean all the way and set a kiss on the edge of Castiel's lips.

Seeing Castiel didn't step back, but was actually swept away and when Dean pulled away, he almost followed, his confidence grew even more, enough for him to say "Mmm. Maple syrup."

The laughter that broke from the man before him was so pleasant and heartwarming, and all Dean wanted was to keep hearing that laugh and to keep seeing that smile. He did it. He actually did it.

He was selfish and he went after what he wanted and he actually did something right for a change.

Maybe...

Maybe he could do it again.

The second kiss was soft but longer, as he moved his lips against Castiel's, tasting the sweetness of the syrup even more, easily deciding it was better then the strawberry one. He kept his tongue at bay no matter how much it wanted to come out and play, instead choosing to capture Castiel's lower lip between his own and suck just a tiny bit.

Castiel's hand came up to cup his face and Oh, God! did that feel good. He melted into the touch and slowed the kissing, making Castiel pull away to smile at him, but not removing the hand. They stood like that for a moment, just gazing into each other's eyes, the thrill of something new that felt so nice, that felt so good, so right filling their hearts.

Maybe...

Maybe this could work.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : Minor spoilers for Thor:Ragnarok

* * *

Dean had no idea what he was doing. No idea whatsoever. But he was doing it, and it felt damn good. It felt so damn good, healing even, to take that step and to take what he wanted. And he just wanted to kiss him. He just wanted to feel those soft plush lips against his, and to melt into the moment, to forget everything and just... Let go.

He saw, he could read the expression on Castiel's face when the man asked him if he had something on his face, he could **hear** Castiel's brain giving the man a mental eye roll at the stupidity of that question. But Dean found it so endearing, so silly it was adorable. And Castiel, the business man, strong and stoic, acting silly like that... Made his heart make a few somersaults. And of course he did have some maple syrup on the side of his lips, the goof. And of course Dean would want to kiss it off.

The second kiss was even better then the first and for the first time in his life, Dean felt like he could have something, something for himself. Not that he deserved anything, but that, just this once, the universe won't mind if he dared to be just a bit selfish. Besides, this would be good for Castiel too, right? Dean didn't know what the man thought of him, or if he liked him, even if all the signs pointed that he did, because Dean never had a chance to learn how to read those signals. But he knew one thing. Castiel worked hard trying to maintain his company, and had almost no social life, and Dean could see that he was lonely.

So maybe, because someone else was benefitting out of this, it... won't go wrong?

It won't... fall apart?

As if he could feel Dean's worried thoughts, Castiel chose that moment to reach and cup his cheek, surprising Dean who instantly melted to the touch. The hand, so soft, gentle and warm offered more than then Dean could ever dream to ask for and then the thumb brushed over his cheek bone and Dean... He allowed himself to get lost in the sensation, his heart swelling so much,it started to ache.

He opened his eyes when Castiel pulled his lips away, not yet retracting his hand and he watched him smile at Dean, kind and amused, and a small blush started to creep up his cheeks, feeling a but embarrassed by his reaction. Their eyes met, those vibrant blues piercing straight down to his soul.

"Can you stay?"

He heard Castiel ask and he nodded without thinking, never wanting to part that soft touch. Castiel's lips spread into a wide smile, his hand slipping down Dean's neck and landing on his shoulder.

"I am so glad to get to spend another Sunday with you, Dean."

Sunday! Sammy! Shit!

Dean's eyes widened at the exact same moment Castiel's looked away, so the man didn't notice Dean's reaction to his words. Meanwhile, Dean thoughts were frantic, as he was starting to panic, feeling like God Himself will come and strike him down for daring to forget about his brother.

"And considering I have successfully completed the merger and I don't have to think about work, I am so glad I can focus on... you and me for at least a day." Castiel said avoiding the word us, his back turned as he gathered the plates from the table.

Castiel, he... He needed Dean. He needed him too. Feeling the heavy guilt stuck in his throat, Dean took a deep breath and swallowed it down, hoping that Sammy wouldn't mind if he, once more, came to see him a day late. Maybe this time he could stay longer and read a few extra chapters to make it up to him. He could bring more flowers, but not roses. Tulips. Sam liked those when he was a kid. Yeah. That... that could work.

Oddly enough, the voice inside his head didn't make a comment about any of this.

Should Dean be concerned about it?

"What would you like to do today? Maybe go and watch a movie, or check out that fortress across the river? Or just take a walk like last time?" Castiel asked as he finished gathering the plates on the cart and Dean jumped to help take it out of the room, feeling a bit awkward. As much as he would like to show Castiel the hidden caves and catacombs in the four hundred old year old fortress, have them sneak round there in the dark, snickering and behaving like two teenagers, or to go to take him to the carnival that was on the other side of the town and lick the cotton candy off the man's lips, something deep inside of him felt some strange unease.

"Can... Canwestayhere?" Dean mumbled, looking down on the ground after glancing at Castiel and seeing the suspicious look in his eyes. But then, he must have figured out why Dean would want to stay, he must have figured out Dean was still reluctant to be in public, and that he would feel better in the safety of Castiel's current home, and dared he hope, Castiel's arms. Dean heard him huff a polite smile before he walked over to Dean and set his hand on Dean's shoulder. Such a nice, friendly gesture, but Dean wanted nothing more then to tilt his head and brush his cheek over the man's hand like a damn cat.

"Sure we can stay. We can just relax and and watch some movies... Just hang out. Together." Castiel said and took the cart to push it inside the elevator. A part of Dean so badly wanted to ask if they could cuddle too, but he was too embarrassed to ask. Things happened between them, but Dean was still unsure about where was the line between what was ok to do, and what needed to be approved first. There had to be some boundaries, right?

"I... I would like to watch movies." Dean replied shyly. Maybe they would end up cuddled in the two-seater again. Maybe Castiel would wrap his arm around him again. Maybe this time Dean would lean in and kiss him without being prompted to do so. All on his own.

"We can make it like in the movies. We could get popcorn and Pepsi, or licorice..." Castiel started with a smile on his face.

"M&M's?" Dean asked, his eyes sparking up at the option.

"Of course. Wouldn't be a movie without M&Ms." Castiel said, his smile simply radiating. "How about you go ahead and find a movie you would like to watch and I will order us a snack and just jump in the shower real quick, cause last night... Hey... Hey, hey... " Castiel tried to sooth as soon as he saw fear flash in Dean's eyes. It was stupid, really, and Dean didn't understand where it came from, that irrational fear of being left alone in this penthouse again, even if he wouldn't technically be alone just in the next room, like he was this morning when he was setting the table. But he couldn't help this awful feeling that suddenly flooded him and then it only got worse when Castiel tried to sooth him and told him "It's ok, Dean. I... I can take the shower later... "

Dean blinked the tears that started to fill his eyes (where did they come from?) and huffed a nervous smile. "No, no, that's... That's ok... I'm sorry, I don't know what... Can we just... Can we just start over?" Castiel watched him warily, uncertain, but nodded anyway. "Thanks. I... I'll find us a good movie." He said and turned towards the TV room, but before he managed to run away from those worried eyes, Castiel called after him to wait, his voice unchanged and naturally deep stopping Dean dead in his tracks because of a simple command. He sucked a deep breath when he felt two large hands on his upper arms and allowed them to turn him around. Another breath hiccuped in his throat as Castiel pulled him in a firm, comforting hug, hooking his chin on Dean's shoulder and Dean tensed.

"I won't go. I won't leave you."

He felt so stupid. It was stupid, to feel like this wasn't it? I mean, the man was only going in for a shower, he won't leave him, of course he won't leave him. If anything, he would kick him out, not leave the comfort of this penthouse. Stupid. Stupid.

"Hey. Look at me. I won't leave you." Castiel repeated, pulling away and cupping Dean's face. Dean raised his eyes at him, fearful and uncertain and Castiel leaned to place a soft kiss on his lips, reassuring him. When he pulled away, and their eyes met once more, Dean huffed a fake laugh, and turned away blushing slightly. He waved it off and whispered "I know that.", not really believing it.

"I would ask you to join me if I didn't think that was inappropriate." Castiel said nervously, and failed to see the spark light up in Dean's eyes for a moment at the mere thought of having those strong arms soap him up, but his mind, that would usually tease him for having such thoughts, only reminded him of the part where Castiel said it was inappropriate. Dean's excitement crashed down, balanced and settled, and laughed the whole thing as a joke.

"I'll just wait for you in the... the TV room." He said and this time managed to run away this time, leaving a smiling, but still deeply worried Castiel to shake his head and proceed to the bathroom. And Dean was ok. He was good. He was fine while he was looking for the remote. He was excited while scrolling through the endless possibilities of movie titles. He was thrilled to find Thor: Ragnarok and he hoped Castiel would want to watch that.

He busied himself looking for other options in case Castiel wanted to watch something else, and then there was that familiar _Ding_! and he ran to the elevator and almost squealed in joy when he saw a cart filled with all snacks he could think of, not just M&Ms and popcorn, but nougat and chocolate, peanuts and Reno's, Pringles, Doritos, Cheetos, Butternut and Oreos... Dear Lord! Dean carefully pulled the cart into the TV room, his eyes wide with wonder looking over all the treats as if he hadn't finished a full batch of waffles only half an hour ago. He sat back on the two-seater and eyed the cart for a few minutes, thinking what he would like to eat first. Some things he hasn't even tried before, and he was excited that he might get a chance to do so now.

But as the minutes passed by, and with nothing else to do, nothing to busy his hands or his mind with, Dean started to feel that unease creeping up on him again, and he took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to remain calm and steady his beating heart. He was ok. He was safe and he was ok. Everything was going to be ok. Castiel was going to come out of his shower smelling like his pine cologne and they were going to sit there and watch a movie and everything was going to be ok. Dean would snuggle to his side and Castiel was going to wrap his hand around him, and everything was going to be ok.

Castiel kept cursing around the bathroom. He hasn't really been 'home' for the past few days, only in and out, and in the process, his entire routine was messed up. Since he had 'no room service' policy, he changed the towels and sheets himself, or rather Dean did in the past few days and Castiel hasn't even noticed it. He remember he ran out of shampoo and discarded the empty bottle in the sink and he is positive he didn't throw it in the trash, which meant Dean did. He could only hope that Dean saw there were more shampoos in the bathroom cabinet and that he didn't actually go out and bought him a new one.

He never put the caps back on the tooth paste, and it annoyed him that he always forgot to do that and that the paste dried out, but the tube of paste was neatly put away, cap on, his toothbrush rinsed and in a glass and he wondered if he should ask Dean if he wanted to have a toothbrush of his own here too. That would be a nice idea that ran a little deeper then he was willing to admit to himself.

Castiel caught himself before he started to daydream and realized he has been in the bathroom too long and hasn't even started to shower yet. He quickly turned the water on and jumped inside, letting out such a girly scream when he was suddenly hit with cold water. God, he hoped Dean didn't hear that.

Wanting to get out as soon as possible, he washed himself quickly and stepped out, nearly falling on his ass as he slipped, but played it cool and dried his hair a bit with a towel, wrapping another one around his waist. Brushed his teeth and looked at himself in the mirror, as always asking himself how did the man staring back at him age so quickly.

"Oh Fff... Fudge!" wasn't really the cuss words he was going for, but he decided way back to cut some negativity from his life and apparently that included such fulfilling words. The reason he almost said it now was because he realized he forgot to bring in a change of clothes and, more importantly, his underwear, which meant he has to step out of the bathroom with a towel and nothing more. Castiel really hoped Dean wouldn't see him, he didn't want to give him the wrong impression that he was expecting anything of him, especially considering what happened.

The second he stepped out of the bathroom, he noticed Dean curled up on the floor next to the door, his arms around his knees and his head buried down in the small space between as he sat against the wall. All other thoughts flew out of the window as Castiel knelt beside him, alarmed, and set his hand on Dean's shoulder at the same time Dean lifted his head. His worry filled eyes roamed all over Dean's face, not finding a single sign of discomfort aside from the slight fear in those beautiful greens of his. "Dean?"

"I... I'm sorry. I... I just..." Dean struggled with his words, but Castiel knew what he was trying to say and what he didn't want to say. He was scared of being alone, so he shushed him and pulled him in for a comforting hug. Dean buried his face in the crook of the man's neck and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and clearly feeling safe. There was something deeply arousing in the way Dean was pressed against Castiel's bare skin, but it wasn't sexual so much as it was fulfilling. It was like there existed a part of Castiel that always longed to hold someone in his hands and to hide them from the world, to keep them safe and only his. Without realizing he was doing it, he tightened his hug, relishing in the feel of Dean's steady and calm breaths against his skin and Dean didn't seem to mind.

It wasn't until he felt a draft between his legs that he remembered he had nothing but a towel around his waist. He pulled away from Dean, and huffed a nervous laugh before saying "Let me just go put some clothes on and then we... We can get back to this..." Dean actually blushed, and lowered his gaze to the ground shyly before looking up at him again, those greens making Castiel's heart flutter and then he nodded, leaning away from the man.

Castiel hadn't noticed how Dean's eyes darted over his body when he turned to go into the bedroom or how he bit his lower lip eyeing the strong broad shoulders and the slight sway of the towel that was obstructing his view. Castiel closed the door behind him, taking a moment to inhale and exhale deeply, but then hurried to get dressed, worried more about Dean waiting for him then about his own bubbling feelings. When he opened the door, Dean was waiting for him at the exact same place, only standing up now and he even smiled at him. "You're hair looks... funny."

The way Dean's eyes sparked and the way he bit his lower lip, Castiel would say 'funny' wasn't the word he wanted to say, but he didn't think his rustled half wet hair was that attractive, so he only huffed a smile and motion for Dean to lead the way. Seconds later, Castiel was sitting in the two-seater, his hand draped over the backrest in an inviting way. Dean sat attentively next to him and gave him one shy, but questioning look and Castiel raised a brow with a smile making Dean puff the air out and thus making Castiel start to laugh.

"Dean. If you want something, ask, don't beat around the bush and expect me to read your mind. Just ask, ok?"

"Ok." Dean said, but remained frigid and silent. Castiel huffed another amused laugh and moved, angling his body towards Dean.

"Ok, how about I show you how to do it. How to ask, huh?" Dean looked at him, paused a moment and then nodded. "Good. Dean, would you like to come closer and cuddle with me?" To that, Dean's eyes went wide for a moment, probably because the question was so blunt, but then his eyes fell closed and he laughed, shaking his head slightly.

"I..." He started when he refocused on Castiel, but decided instead of saying it, that he would show it, and scooted over to the man whose welcoming arms wrapped around Dean and he snuggled against his chest, sighing happy and content. His heart skipped a beat when Castiel set a small kiss on the top of his hair and he felt tingles going down his spine, but he ignored them and put the movie on.

"Oh, I have been meaning to see this one." Castiel said and Dean smiled pleased. They watched for a few minutes when Castiel shifted and Dean raised his head to look up at him. "Can you... Can you pause it for a moment?" Dean nodded and did as he was asked then turned his questioning, if not slightly nervous gaze upon Castiel once again. The man shifted and Dean rose up, still sitting close, but this way he had a clear view of the man in front of him. He saw Castiel's face screw up with a frown and the anxiety inside him grew before Castiel looked at him with those amazingly piercing eyes that would wipe any logical and illogical thought from his mind. Castiel took his hands in his and Dean felt some warmth spread inside of him while he waited for Castiel to speak. Castiel took a deep breath, he too was clearly nervous, but unwavering and determined to speak his mind.

"I would want nothing more then to ask you out on a date. To ask you to date me. But considering your... current employment, and your job, I had no choice but to... Pay for your company. Because of that... Unique arrangement, I didn't need to ask you out, and I could make sure that you would spend your time with me. But after that first night, there was absolutely no part of me that wanted to... Simply use you, or... How did you... Oh. Own you. I don't own you, Dean, and I... I never want to, not like that. Do you understand?"

Dean's brows were furrowed slightly in consideration of what was being said, but otherwise his expression was blank, like he was still processing what that all meant.

"If... If it would help you understand, I would... I would stop paying and I would just ask you out like a normal person... But I am worried that then someone else would... 'buy' your time and... I know we don't know each other that well and that... I would want to ask you to quit that awful job and come stay with me, but I know I am in no position to ask that of you, no matter how much it would make me feel better. So that's why I kept paying. And I will continued to do so until you decide that... That you think you might consider my offer. To come stay with me..."

Castiel spoke, shifting his eyes from Dean to the ground, and he missed how Dean's eyes widened when he mentioned he would stop paying. And he thought he understood, because he knew he would have turned down an invitation on a date, he would have to, he couldn't get attached, Azazel wouldn't like that. And he owed Azazel. For taking him in and helping him earn the money and for helping him pay his debts when he didn't have to. He needed to explain this to Castiel, but he also wished he didn't have to. Because he would have to tell him the whole truth and when Castiel heard about how he is bad luck to everyone around him, and how they all end up suffering because of him, he might want to cut his ties with Dean and... His chest started to ache and his lower lip started to tremble at the idea of loosing Castiel and he just froze.

"Dean. Hey, Dean, it's ok... I didn't..."

"No. No it's not." Dean said, something inside if him breaking. "It's not ok, and it's not fair. You... You shouldn't be doing this, you..." He doesn't deserve a man like Castiel, but he knows that, no matter what, it is him Castiel wants and so he decided he won't go there, he won't let his mind go there. If Dean is what Castiel wants, Dean is what he gets.

But he needed to explain, he needed to let him know that he too would want nothing more than just to be with him and not to have to go back to that damn club ever again, but that he has to.

"I... I want to. I want to stay with you, and be with you and... – huffed a smile – date you. But, I... I can't, not... Not like... I owe Azazel, I owe him my life, and I just can't... I can't turn my back on him. He... He took me in when I lost... He took me in, and helped me and fed me, and... I..." God, how he wanted to say it all. How he wanted to say that he was sick and tired of dancing and being passed on from one customer to another and how a part of him hated Azazel for making him do that, but at the same time he was thankful, and it was so fucking messed up, even if he had the balls to tell him the whole truth, he wouldn't even know where to start.

And he wasn't really panicking, the thought of telling someone everything actually started to feel... Liberating. But he must not have seemed like that because Castiel squeezed his trembling hands and smiled kindly at him.

"And that is ok. It is. Look at me. It is ok. I will make sure you are covered for each and every night and that you spend it here with me, ok?"

"I... I can't ask you to do that for... For _(a nobody like)_ me."

"You're not asking. I am offering and you are agreeing. Unless you don't want to..." Castiel assured he wanted to do this, a part of his mind already coming up with a few other ideas, but he needed to make sure Dean really wanted this. That it wasn't some obligation.

"I do. I really do. You..."

"Then it is settled. I will meet you tomorrow and we will go toothbrush shopping and we are going to put it in the bathroom." Dean frowned at him for a moment before he realized, or rather remembered seeing in the movies what it meant and he smiled so wide, happiness seeping out of his entire expression, his eyes lighting up like Castiel has never seen before. And he will make sure to bring that spark back up whenever he can.

Before he could stop himself, Dean leaned in and surprised Castiel with a powerful kiss, filled with admiration and gratitude, and a hint of something else, something much deeper and much more powerful. Having felt that, a low moan got caught in his throat and even if he contained it, Dean still felt it. So when he pulled back, Castiel bashfully smiled and nodded towards the TV.

"I have never seen such a scared face on Thor before; what is Stan Lee going to do?"

To that, Dean grinned, having seen a clip of what was about to happen and he unpaused the movie. "Oh... Watch this..."

"Oh, no... NO... Not the hair. Not his precious hair." Castiel said laughing, and Dean laughed too and somehow, everything felt right. Without making a big deal out of it, Dean simply retuned to Castiel's chest and Castiel wrapped an arm around him, back to feeling good and content. And just plain happy.

* * *

"Oh, look. The room service sent that chocolate syrup again." Dean said pulling a bottle from the cart filled with treats. At the mention of the liquid chocolate, Castiel's mind went back to their first... Well the first that counted kiss and how ludicrous the whole situation was, but how much it turned him on.

The next thing he knew, Dean was squirting some in his mouth and using his tongue to smear it all over his lips before turning to Castiel and, looking very shy and unbelievably adorable, he asked "Do I have some chocolate on my face?"

Knowing exactly the game Dean was playing, Castiel smiled and simply leaned in to kiss away any trace of chocolate off those lips. He didn't want to linger much, not to give Dean any wrong impressions, especially since he thought he felt Dean's kiss turn a bit more passionate. He backed away and after a moment he watched, in slight confusion, as Dean poured a few drops of chocolate on his fingers. Dean raised his eyes to look at him, and blushed just a bit before his hand reached towards Castiel's face.

"You... You have some chocolate here..." He said as he put the chocolate on the corner of Castiel's lips and then leaned to kiss it away. Castiel watched him, enjoying the game they were playing and grinning because of it like a damn idiot; then his eyes slipped back on the bottle and back at Dean, like he was indicating it was Dean's turn.

This time, Dean (accidentally) smeared a bit over his cheek too. Castiel kissed it all off, and licked his lips as he pulled away. Dean huffed a smile, but his eyes were... Different, pupils dilated a bit, and the thin green ring around the irises was just a bit more vibrant. Castiel watched him bring the bottle up and to Castiel's mouth, like he was offering him a drink, but before he could decide whether he wanted to take it, the liquid dripped, falling on the side of Castiel's face and over his jawline, and started to ooze down his neck.

He flinched and started to move, only to stop when he heard Dean's "Oh, shit I'm sorry." and saw the sight panic in his eyes. Castiel huffed yet another smile and looked back at Dean kindly.

"That's ok. It's just chocolate." He said as he started to get up.

...

"You... You have some chocolate on your face." Dean said and Castiel frowned at the statement, turning his head back in Dean's direction and going all eye wide when he realized what Dean was saying.

"I... I do?"

"Yeah, I ... I think you do..."

Castiel's breath hitched as Dean leaned in, his soft lips gently pressing against Castiel's cheek as they altered between sucking the chocolate off and parting to let the tongue slip out to lick the liquid off. His breathing picked up as Dean followed the flow of the dripping chocolate over his jawline and down his neck, gasping loudly for air when Dean's lips found that sweet spot in the juncture between his neck and his collar bone and started sucking down on it.

His mind was clouding up, but he was still there, at least enough to slip his eyes on Dean's when he pulled away to look at Castiel, something strange in those beautiful greens of his that were... Pleading? Asking for permission? Another loud gasp tore off when he felt the cold, thick liquid drip down on his chest and over his belly and... when did he loose his shirt?

Dean, the little devil actually squeezed the bottle and let a generous amount fall all over Castiel's chest, coating his nipples and running down towards his belly button.

"Oh. Look. You got some more chocolate here..."

 _Fuck! How did he...? What is...? Oh, fuck! He's really doing... Oooohhh. Fuucck!_ all those cuss words he avoided came flooding back when Dean's lips started licking the chocolate away, slowly moving from his collarbone to his chest, straight down to his nipple. His already half hard cock started twitching joyfully and filling up faster and faster. Dean was well on his way to the other nipple when a moment of clarity struck Castiel and he tried to speak, too weak to move and try to... Well, not stop him, but slow him down to make sure...

"D... Dean. Are you..."

"I want this." Dean immediately assured continuing his path and just before he captured that second nipple between his lips and sucked on it, he added. "I want to cover you in chocolate and then lick it all off, inch by inch, trace every patch of skin until I reach... That hard piece of candy."

_Holy mother of everything that was holy, fucking shit, Jesus Christ, mother fucking Chris Hemsworth..._

Castiel's back arched as Dean continued to plant soft kisses down his belly, licking and slurping all that chocolate and then Dean let out a quiet moan that broadcasted just how good Castiel tasted and Oh! My! God! Castiel almost came just from hearing that. He was panting, becoming a moaning mess as Dean's lips travelled lower and lower and when the fuck did he loose his sweats and his underwear?

He looked down on Dean and Dean raised his head to meet his eyes. Without breaking contact, Dean lifted the bottle and the chocolate started to pour out right over his throbbing cock and Castiel gasped, choking on his own breath. Seeing Dean look down up on the 'mess' he made, licking his lips and glancing at Castiel with a smirk made his heart start to pound and all the excitement to pool in the pit of his stomach and then Dean turned his attention back to, as he called it, 'hard piece of candy' and slowly parted his lips about to take him in his mouth and...

"AaaaaaaAAAAaaaaaaAAAA..."

"AaaaaaaAAAAaaaaaaAAAA..."

Castiel was startled awake by what he will learn later to have been a Led Zeppelin "Immigrant song" and he blinked his eyes open to see Thor, with an eye patch (?), flashing with thunder and fighting some... What the hell?

"Good dream?" Dean asked still lying on his chest.

"D... Dream?" Castiel asked baffled and Dean moved to look up at him.

"Yeah. You fell asleep and just before you woke up, you... You sorta started moaning and... I am gonna take a guess and say it was a good dream." Dean said a bit shyly and Castiel was at a loss as to how simple moans could tell Dean he was... _Ooohh!_ His cock twitched in his sweats, hard as a rock, and clearly outlined for Dean to have a perfect visual. _Oh, shit!_

"That's ok. Happens, right?" Dean added like he was trying to ease his mind and tell him it wasn't that big of a deal, reminding him that the same thing happened to Dean only a week ago on this very couch. Dean settled back down on his chest, focused on the TV, but Castiel still felt like he should apologize for something that was beyond his control.

"I dreamt I had some chocolate on me and you kissed it clean." What kind of an apology was that? That wasn't what he wanted to say. Dean moved again, his wide eyes looking up at Castiel's before they glanced down on his lips. Probably thinking a man such as Castiel wouldn't get this worked up over a dream of Dean kissing his lips, Dean chose this to ask.

"Where?"

"Where what?"

"Where did you have chocolate?"

Castiel's mouth opened, and closed, opened and closed and he glanced down over himself, his eyes immediately flicking back on Dean, as if they knew they shouldn't have done that, that they revealed what Castiel was too embarrassed to say. Dean followed the gaze, his gorgeous green eyes roaming over Castiel's body until they reached a certain spot and Dean subconsciously licked his lips. The loud gasp that escaped Castiel was enough to draw Dean attention back on those vibrant, lust blown eyes, and locking onto them, staring, completely frozen aside from that Adam's apple that bobbed up and down as Dean swallowed hard.

Castiel said if he wanted something, he just had to ask, right?

Castiel followed him with his gaze and Dean moved in slowly, inching towards his face, his lips and leaning his entire body against Castiel's. Their lips met, danced around tenderly before Dean's lips parted and his tongue peeked out, just as shy as Dean is when it want something, and Castiel gladly took the lead, licking Dean's bottom lip to invite the tongue back out. He didn't know if it was the dream or if Dean ate some of the treats, but he tasted like chocolate and it made Castiel hum with pleasure.

Suddenly, Dean pulled away and looked straight into Castiel's eyes.

All he had to do is ask, right?

"Can I... Can I touch you?"


	13. Chapter 13

_Wwww... whaaa... what?_

Did he hear him well, did Dean just ask if he could touch him? Or did he start hearing things? Maybe he was still asleep? But, Dean was looking at him with a vastly dissolving anticipation in his wide eyes and, no... this wasn't a dream.

Wh... what should he say? If he said no, it will destroy any self esteem Dean has built. And it wasn't as if Castiel didn't want Dean to touch him, on the contrary. But, how could he just say yes, just like that? He felt heat rising up, he felt like his ears were on fire and he was probably blushing like crazy. He wanted this. He dreamed about this, only a few minutes ago.

So why the fuck wasn't he saying something?

Dean blinked and and looked away, a bit sad and embarrassed, and Castiel felt like someone punched all the air out of his lungs. His mouth went dry and he licked them to bring more moisture, but then sucked a breath seeing Dean's eyes back on him, or rather on his lips.

"If..." he cleared his dry throat before he tried once more. "If that's what _you_ want."

The moment those words slipped over his lips, he could see Dean's eyes widening and then sparking up as his pupils dilated. For a moment a thought occured that Dean just might jump him now, but that wasn't in character. He was scared and shy, just as every move he has ever made was, and Castiel should have expected him to start off with something... a little more familiar.

Like a kiss.

A very slow, tender kiss, that had Dean's lips dance with his until they captured Castiel's lower lip and applied just a bit of suction to make Castiel open up to him. Dean's tongue was as insecure as always, but Castiel didn't expect those small soft hands to reach out and cup his face. He sucked in a small silent breath as that movement sent shivers all throughout his body, but otherwise didn't react, allowing Dean to do whatever he wanted to, not wanting to stop him or delay him in any way.

There was also a part of him that maybe compared this to what he did to Dean the night before, and how Dean remained still for him. He would always think of that night as how he used Dean when he was already so broken and he won't ever be able to completely forgive himself no matter if Dean said he wanted that.

Too lost in that guilt, he missed when Dean's hand started to move down and under his shirt until those soft fingers landed on his collarbone, but at the same time, Dean's tongue made contact with his, and damn, there was that taste of chocolate again that took his breath away. He could feel Dean breathing him in as they kissed and his own breath quickened as those soft fingertips started travelling lower.

Suddenly, a powerful jolt of electricity rushed through his system as those fingertips brushed over his nipple, but Dean bit down on his lower lips tenderly, grounding him at the exact same moment and Wow! the feeling was so unbelievably thrilling. He didn't know Dean had that... Teasing side to him. And just when he thought that could be fun, Dean's hand slipped lower, over his ribs, sending a sensation of over a million ants crawling on his skin as he bursted laughing.

Dean froze, clearly frightened but relaxed when Castiel said that it tickled. Something flashed in Dean's eyes at that moment and Castiel couldn't help but feel as if he took that piece of information and stored it somewhere for a later misuse.

But now, the kiss was broken and so was the moment in a way, and while Dean's hand was still on Castiel's hip, unmoving, Dean's eyes watched Castiel with something soft and kind and goddamm, Castiel could just melt at that. And then, oh, my, fuck, Dean licked his lower lip and pulled it inside his mouth and seeing that it made Castiel's breath hitch in a good way, his thumb moved tenderly over Castiel's skin, eliciting a accidental hum from the man.

Dean hand started to move, but Dean kept his eyes locked with Castiel and damn! was that hot as fuck. He watched as Castiel's jaw dropped when his hand slipped under the waistband of his sweats and pulled them down, and he heard the loud moan he gave when Dean's fingers wrapped around his length.

Dean saw Castiel's naked body, he saw his erection that first night and he knew the man was... sizable, but actually feeling that rock hard cock in his hand made his own twitch in excitement. And as he started to slowly stroke him and watched Castiel screw his eyes shut, revelling in the feeling and biting down on his lower lip, Dean couldn't help the wave of arousal that suddenly hit him.

That was... new.

He had never felt like this before, similar yes, but not like this.

It was almost as pleasurable as if he was stroking himself.

Watching Castiel fall apart under his willing touch was so much different then jerking off some... No, no, he didn't want to think about others now and the things he has done, the only thing that mattered was here and now and how... liberating this whole thing felt. But... what was it?

What was this thing that was awakening all sorts of funny feelings inside of him.

_Control_

Oh, God! That was it, wasn't it? He was actually being given some control here and whoa, did it felt good. He could stop right now, and nothing would happen. But for the first time in his entire life, he didn't want to stop. He wanted to see Castiel reach those heavenly heights only over Dean's touch. Knowing that Dean could do that to him was so empowering and hot as hell.

"D... Dean... ooh..." Castiel's shaky voice brought him back and he glanced down upon the throbbing cock that he was making slide in and out of the tunnel that his hand has made, feeling his heart rate increase along with his breathing. He upped the pace and watched with delight as Castiel started to squirm a bit under him, and he looked so... Beautiful.

His hips trying to remain steady and not thrust into Dean's hand, sweat breaking all over his body, his mouth open, his breathing rugged and... his eyes... closed. Would it be to much to ask of him to open them? Dean was already allowed beyond any limit, taking what he wanted, doing to Castiel what he wanted. Dared he ask for more?

He wanted to look in those sky blue eyes and just get lost in them, holding the man's gaze as he made his orgasm explode from within him. Keeping his pace, he leaned in, bringing his lips to Castiel's ear and after letting it one hot breath he whispered.

"Can... can you open you eyes?"

Castiel's eyes snapped open and searched frantically for the owner of the voice until Dean pulled back slightly and made contact. Dean watched those amazing blue eyes lock on to his and stare, stare, just stare, widening bit by bit with every stroke Dean made until something magical flashed inside of them, something so beautiful and breathtaking, Dean didn't realise Castiel was moaning one long syllable and spurting all over himself.

For a few moments the room was completely silent aside from Castiel's panting. Dean froze once again, torn between the lack of that inner voice that would say how wrong it was of him to act upon his own desires and that amazing and arousing feeling that he elicited all those sounds from Castiel and made him come just with his hand.

"D... Dean?" Dean flinched to the sound of his name and he refocused on Castiel seeing fear? in his eyes. Fear and uncertainty and a plea of sorts and... oh! He must have thought Dean snapped again traumatised or something, but Dean wasn't really that fragile... Right? Anyway, he needed to assure Castiel that he was... well, more then alright.

"That was... um..." he couldn't find words, a bit embarrassed by what he has done and what that has done to him. Luckily he was still positioned a bit on the side, on his left hip and the bulge in his own sweats was yet unseen, and honestly? He didn't know if he wanted Castiel to see it or not. So maybe... maybe he should try and focus on Castiel instead. "Was it... was it good?"

Dean will never forget the first time he saw Castiel blush so hard, it would put a blood-red rose to shame.

"That was... was...um..." Castiel tried, stuttering and then barely managed to lift his gaze and meet Dean's eyes. Dean had a goofy smile plastered on his face and it made Castiel huff a smile to, unable to contain himself. He closed his eyes and shook his head, and then refocused on Dean, his voice bearing a slightly serious tone. "That was amazing, Dean. Felt really, **really** good. But... are you ok?"

It was Dean's turn to blush now, but still holding that smile, he just nodded.

"You sure?"

Nod.

"Possitive?"

A slightly more vigorous nod.

"Positively sure?"

Dean rolled his eyes at him but started laughing and Castiel was right there with him as that last ounce of awkwardness between them dissipated and they both felt growing closer to one another. And that. Felt really, really good.

"Ok, if you're sure... Then I gotta go take another..." shower. He was going to say shower. But he remembered Dean only a few hours prior curled up on the floor next to the bathroom door. He couldn't just leave him. No,he would just go and fetch a wet cloth and wipe himself and... The look in Dean's eyes was like someone stabbed him in the chest. It was something odd, mixed with fear and wrongness and...

"Oh... oh... we... I... I'm sorry, I made a mess." Dean said with slight panic in his voice and something else, something that didn't go with that fear and that panic that Castiel thought he saw. But Dean was indeed panicking, not because he actually made a mess, but because he got an idea and... and he wanted to ask, but how could he ask for more when he already took so much... But he could feel his own hard dick react joyfully to the possibility and...

"No, Dean, that's..."

"No. I made a mess and I... I have to clean it up." Dean said and Castiel had no idea how he could seem so apologetic and determined at the same time.

"Oookeeey..." Castiel said uncertain, and grew even more confused when Dean's eyes sparked up at his response and a grin spread wide over his face. The baffled expression didn't cease when Dean offered his hand and Castiel took it, deciding in a heartbeat that Dean was trustworthy, and if his smile is anything to go by, he wanted do to something else that he thought would please Castiel. Not that he could ever go wrong.

Castiel was still confused as he watched Dean lead them towards the bathroom and a silly little thought from this morning peeked inside his head, but he shooed it away, not really thinking Dean would be up for something like that so soon. Boy, was he wrong.

The door of the bathroom closed behind them, why when they were alone, Castiel didn't know, but he wouldn't question Dean's actions in this matter. He probably just felt safer like that and Castiel didn't mind. There was an awkward moment when they entered and stopped, Dean turning to him and, looking quite unsure, and struggling? Like he really wanted to do something, but was afraid to ask. Maybe Castiel could help?

"Tell me what you want me to do." He said, his voice somehow both strong and confident, and soft and kind. But it seemed like that was enough to get Dean going again and he took a deep breath, smiled nervously and nodded. He turned and opened the taps, fixing the temperature of the spray inside the shower and turned back to Castiel. He took another deep breath and took a step closer.

"Can... Can I... - he shook his head - May. May I..." he kept trying, stumbling over his words and looking everywhere around but not at Castiel. It would have been so endearing and adorable and Castiel would in any other circumstances tease him for it, but considering all that has happened to him, he knew he couldn't. And not just that, he knew he had to help Dean ask for what he wanted, to help him find his voice and to make sure he knew he could say no, but also that if he wanted something, he had to ask, he had to show. He really needed to get Dean out of this shell. So he gripped his chin and forced an eye contact, but with a smile, Castiel nodded at him, encouraging him to speak up or act up.

Their eyes met for the millionth time that day and Dean felt that familiar pull, so without much thinking, he leaned in and set a soft kiss on those pink lips, finding them a bit dry this time, probably due to the heavy breathing Castiel was doing not so long ago. He pullsd back and with a shaky voice, he repeated. "I... I made a mess and I... I have to clean it up."

A moment of complete silence befell as Castiel eyes searched Dean's. He really hoped he wasn't making things worse by letting Dean do this.

"Do what you have to do."

Giving Dean a green light, he didn't quite expect to get another kiss, but Dean joined their lips together once more, still wary and uncertain as ever with his approach, but the kiss felt just a bit more confident, and to Castiel, that was actually really sexy. He gasped when he felt Dean's hand on him again, on his hips and Dean pulled away, his eyes fearful and searching. All it took way a one sided huffed smile from Castiel to tell him to go on and he did, slowly building up to that confidence as the slow kissing continued.

Castiel made sure not to startle him again with sudden sounds.

Dean's hand slowly found it's way under Castiel's shirt, fingertips tracing over his waist, but not moving away from there, so Castiel set his own hands over Dean's and pushed down, pressing Dean's hot palm against his skin and humming upon contact. Motivated by that, Dean's hand started to slowly move, caressing and feeling the muscles on Castiel's back. Then, Dean's hand caught on the shirt and started slowly pulling it up and Castiel shivered with the feeling of Dean's hands going up, over his ribs and he could feel the jolt that this action sent to his groin. It would be impossible for him to get hard so soon after his release, but it seemed that he was slowly heading that way, as mindboggling as it may be.

He allowed Dean to pull away and remove his shirt, looking back at him with some strange adoration, and after the shirt hit the floor with a quiet scuffle, the only sound remaining was the sound of their breaths. In fact, Dean was breathing just like him, just on the border of panting and it was probably from the long kissing. As Casteil's eyes started to drift, to take in the site of Dean and not just focusing on his eyes and lips, Dean suddenly quickly moved towards him and pecked his lips once more, pulling away immediately to look in his eyes and await for any reaction as his fingers caught on the band of Castiel's sweats.

Making sure not to react at all, Castiel just kept his look unwavering as Dean's hands lowered his sweats and his briefs at the same time, exposing his... flaccid cock. No matter how hot it felt to have Dean hands back on him, no matter the small jolts of arousal this sent through his system, it still wasn't enough to make him hard so soon. Not that he wasn't headed in that direction.

Dean didn't seem to ming thought as he extended his hand and, and once Castiel took the offer, he stepped out of the clothes that pooled around his ankles and allowed Dean to lead him into the shower. Stepping into the warmed spray immediately relaxed Castiel, and he closed his eyes, relishing the feeling and at the same time getting a bit more excited.

He figured what Dean meant with the whole needing to clean the mess he made and he would love nothing more then to feel Dean's hands on him again, but this whole thing started to feel a bit like a master/servant kind of thing, even if Dean was the one allowed to lead. And Castiel never wanted to treat Dean like that. But how could he say no and stop Dean when he just managed to do something on his own?

Dean lead him into the shower and watched Castiel sigh in content as he entered the warm spray, taking a moment to appreciate the man's strong body with a smile on his face. Castiel's eyes opened and he smiled back at him, clearly waiting for Dean to carry on with what he was doing and lead this little game they were playing.

Castiel never really had a thing for playing games until he met Dean. Somehow, that gorgeous man with his beautiful green eyes could make anything fun and hot at the same time. But then, oddly, Dean took a step back and bit down on his tongue, some alarm flashing in his eyes and Castiel was just about to speak up, to reach out, anything when Dean completely surprised him by grabbing the hem of his own shirt and pulling it over his head. Castiel's jaw dropped open and he blinked at Dean, trying to figure out if this was what he thought it was. Is it... is it possible?

"Don't... don't want to get all wet while cleaning the mess..." Dean said, his breathing on the border of panic, but he was managing and pushing forward and keeping his eyes locked with Castiel's and that was helping too. Castiel froze and just watched him take the rest of his clothes off, his breath hitching a bit when he saw Dean's erection.

He remembered himself and calmed down, an image of the bottle with little blue pills flashing before his eyes. It felt a bit... off. Sad even. Disappointing that it wasn't he that made that happen, that Dean wasn't... Naturally aroused. But he was still into this, and that should be enough for now. That was way more then Castiel could imagine and hope for.

No matter the slight pinch in his heart that it caused, he still felt the wave of excitement when Dean stepped into the booth next to him, the spray only slightly reaching him. Castiel watched as Dean hesitantly reached for the bath creme and picked it up, turning it in his shaky hands and pouring a generous amount in his hand. He nodded, encouraging him further to reach and set his hands on Castiel again, this time going straight for the chest. Castiel could see Dean holding his breath until his hands touched bare skin and smiled so widely when it finally happened.

"I... I can... I can feel your heartbeat." He whispered, blushing and lowing his head, and all Castiel wanted to do was grab his chin to bring his gaze back on him and to set a soft, chaste kiss on his lips, just to show how that that little line made him feel all warm and tingly inside, but he refrained, not wanting to derail Dean from his current mission.

The more Dean's hands moved, the more his confidence grew and Castiel could see that his erection is still very much present. As Dean's soft hands glided over his biceps and upper body, Castiel couldn't help but melt a bit into it all, closing his eyes and just letting himself get lost in the feel of Dean's touch. Dean nudged him just a bit and dazed, Castiel turned around while Dean worked on his back, his magic fingers massaging over each muscle. Reaching the lower back, Dean paused and Castiel waited to see what he would do. Dean's hands left his body, but he could feel them ghost over his ass, and he moved back on purpose, grinding down on them, making Dean gasp, but astoundingly, he regained fast and started gently rubbing and massaging, occasionally squeezing those perfect round cheeks.

Castiel felt his cock twitching with interest. A lot of interest.

Then he made a mistake, a stupid little slip up of one silent "Oh...", that had Dean stopping immediately and nudging him to turn back around. If Castiel didn't know better, he would think he did that on purpose. However, the moment he turned, Dean's hands were instantly on his hips and going down on his thighs and Dear, Lord! he was 'cleaning' him good. Very thorough. Almost shamelessly, Dean's hand moved between his legs and over his groin, cupping his balls making Castiel dizzy. His dick was already interested and eager, but all it got was two strokes as Dean actually cleaned him.

He could swear to God, Dean was doing this on purpose.

But then his hands were back and Castiel's thighs and then on his knees and oh! God!...

"Sss. Stop. Stop. I... I'm ticklish." Castiel lied. Dean was obviously doing all this because he wanted to, cleaning him and... servicing him and it all just struck a bit, and Castiel just had to draw the line at Dean washing his feet. Maybe he wanted to, maybe he had a foot fetish or something, and if so, Castiel will allow him access to his feet, but not... not like this.

Dean is not his servant, and Castiel does not want anything to do with that notion whatsoever.

Dean glanced up at him and then slowly rose back up. There was a smile on his face and an expecting look in his eyes, like he wanted to be told he did well. Like he wanted a praise. It hurt, to see someone like Dean so insecure and just yearning for a kind word or a soft touch, it hurt, making Castiel's heart sink, but he still forced a smile. He could not get himself to tell Dean he did a good job, he couldn't get those words over his lips, but he could show him how much he appreciated this.

Castiel leaned and captured Dean's lips in a slow, tender kiss, glad to feel Dean relax to it after a moment, and allowing their lips to caress one another. He knew he should pull away, but the way Dean's lips moved against his, there was something exhilarating about it, spreading more warmth all over his body.

By the time they broke away, Dean's breaths were a bit more uneven and rugged, and Castiel didn't know why, but there was again that look in Dean's eyes... what was that? Castiel raised a brow, curious and hopeful it wasn't anything bad, and then nodded, hoping Dean would tell him.

"Can... c... can... I... " but the more Dean tried, the more he started working himself into a frenzy and when it became clear he was on the border of panic, Castiel reached, cupped his cheek and whispered that everything will be ok. Dean took deep breaths and tried to relax, leaning a bit closer and setting his head on Castiel's shoulder.

"You can tell me anything."

"Can't." Dean mumbled against his shoulder.

"Why not?" Castiel asked, and waited and waited, but when he didn't get an answer, he tried something else. "Can you... can you show me?"

Dean instantly pulled away and looked back at Castiel, that insecurity back in his eyes along with that inexplicable emotion. It was almost as if watching Dean lead an internal battle and trying so damn hard to be brave and to open up, to speak him mind as go for what he wants.

It was gut wrenching and beautiful at the same time.

His breath hitching, Dean reached with shaky hands and took Castiel's, then slowly lead them to his own hips. His eyes slipped onto the bath creme and then back at Castiel and Castiel smiled, finally getting it. Being as gentle and as meticulous as Dean was, he slowly and tenderly washed his body, a smile plastered on his face as he looked at Dean and seeing how much he was enjoying this. It was when he reached his nether regions that he paused, and waited for Dean to tell or rather show him what to do next. Dean's erection was as present as ever, but that wasn't as thrilling as it would be if it was a natural occurrence.

Still, Castiel didn't think Dean would want him to... touch him there, and he was surprised when Dean, without daring to open his eyes and meet Castiel's bewildered look, guided his hand towards his cock.

Dean gasped upon the first contact and let out a small 'tmpth' or whatever sound that was, when Castiel's hand moved across his lenght. Then there was a choked off moan when Castiel's fingers closed around him and stroke him only once before pausing.

"Can I ask something of you?" Castiel whispered quietly, not wanting to startle Dean or ruin the moment.

Dean's fearful eyes snapped open.

"Can you not contain those amazing sounds? With your eyes closed they are the only clue I have that you're enjoying this."

There was a nod followed by a silent whimper when Castiel's hand stroked him once more. His other hand came to trace the muscles on his chest, and to caress as he continued with his slow pace, growing more and more aroused with each little moan Dean released. Loving the sounds and the look on Dean's face, gradually he started moving faster, the other hand brushing over Dean's nipple and eliciting such a dirty little sound from Dean that powered Castiel's own erection.

"God, you're beautiful like this." Castiel slipped, seeing Dean fall apart because of his touch, seeing Dean barely able to stand on his own two feet. Dean eyes snapped open and locked onto his, gazing deep as if they were searching for any proof that what Castiel did in fact mean that. Castiel meet that searching gaze proud and strong, his pace unwavering. To add to the point, he spoke up again. "Just love those sounds you make."

Dean stared at him for a second longer, his heavy breathing and the sound of shower going the only sounds filling the moment, and then his gaze slipped down on Castiel's full, red, rock hard cock. His hand snapped down upon Castiel's and paused the stroking and Dean took a deep breath as if he was preparing himself to so something before he chickens out. Holding tight on that hand, he whipped around and lifted his ass just bit, then, using his other hand, grabbed Castiel's hip and slammed his body against his own.

Confused by the sudden motions, Castiel had no time to figure out what Dean was doing when he found himself slammed against Dean's body, his erection fitting perfectly between Dean's ass cheeks making him gasp.

Dean let go of Castiel's hand but kept the one on his hips, not letting Castiel move back, and he lowered himself just a tad bit, grinding his ass against the man, making him moan loudly and continue jerking Dean off. The more Dean pressed his ass backwards, the more Castiel's pace quickened and before each knew it, they were moving faster and faster, making a symphony of dirty little sounds and moans that would put any porn star to shame.

Castiel could feel Dean's dick twitching hard and he knew he was almost there, that fact alone brought him closer to the edge. He leaned even closer, and without much thinking started planting wet, sloppy kisses on Dean's neck, as much as his own breathing allowed him, and soon Dean was falling apart, coming with a cry, a moan so delicious, Castiel wished he was kissing his lips, so that he could get a taste of that sound and swallow it down.

His hand was sticky and covered in cum, but he held onto Dean's cock as he thrusted between his cheeks, Dean himself resuming his grinding the moment he came back from his high. When a thought wondered in Castiel's head that he was going to paint Dean's ass with his own cum, it alone was enough to make his orgasm explode from him, followed but a deep guttural moan that had Dean cock twitching in interest in his hand.

Castiel slumped over Dean, feeling Dean's hand shot up and slam against a wall to keep them both upright, and only then it occurred to Castiel how strong Dean really is. Physically, but mentally too. Shoving those thoughts away for now, he gathered himself, unable to take down the smile off his face and pulled back. Dean began to turn, but Castiel's hands on his hips stopped him, and he stood perfectly still, sighing in contempt when he felt Castiel cleaning him up, using the bath creme and a lingering gentle touch to wipe off all the mess he has made.

Once he was done, he tapped Dean's hip to make him turn, only taking a moment to get lost in those jungle green eyes before pulling him flush against himself and capturing his lips in the most amazing kiss Dean has ever felt.


	14. Chapter 14

Castiel could feel the exact moment Dean relaxed into their kiss, and he felt Dean's hands come up to him, shaking and shy, reluctant to do anything they weren't told to do. But then they wrapped themselves around Castiel, and it felt so good, to be held by someone, to be touched and at least a bit cared for. To have someone to hold, and someone to hold him back. It felt even better when those hands tightened around his waist, even if it should be a bit awkward considering they were flush against each other, their flaccid cocks... Touching. Castiel didn't care and he hoped Dean didn't either. He felt so... Happy, dared he say.

Their kiss broke and Dean buried his head in the crook of Castiel's neck as the water of the shower still kept spraying all over them. Dean's hands tightened even more, as if he was afraid to let him go, and Castiel felt so damn good, he didn't even know it could feel like this. To have someone to hold you and to be there with you. To have someone support you, even if was only physically this time. Maybe, there is a small chance this could grow beyond that?

Dean's lips let out a deep shaky sigh, snapping Castiel from his daydreaming, and his eyes widened remembering that Dean has been though a lot and there is no way to tell how all of this affected him. Even if he thought he wanted it, this could still have triggered something, and Castiel was too wrapped up in his own mind and his own desires to notice. He quickly pulled away from Dean, gripping him by the shoulders to keep him from dodging Castiel's eyes. Heavy guilt immediately flooded him when he saw Dean's slightly red, watery eyes, and if they weren't already wet from the shower, he was sure Dean's cheeks would have traces of tears on them.

"No, no... Dean..." Castiel started, his face screwing up with the pain that wrecked inside his chest, but Dean shook his head, still unable to make eye contact, and oddly enough, there was a smile on his face. Why... Why would he be smiling? Why...

"I'm sorry, no... It's... It was... It was so..." Dean tried, it was obvious to Castiel he was trying real hard to speak his mind, hopefully maybe to say something that would ease his worry. "That felt amazing." He finally managed, an octave above a whisper. And Castiel would agree, to him it was amazing too, but he didn't think it was that good for Dean. Those were definitely not the words he expected, so he just stood there, a confused expression on his face with a hint of disbelief in eyes that were still directed at Dean.

"I... I never... God." Dean was clearly forcing himself to explain, somehow seeming overwhelmed by it all and blushing like crazy. A tear rolled down his cheek and he huffed a laugh, his sparkling green eyes finally locking onto Castiel's. He searched them as if he was looking for his own courage and then finally mustered to say something.

"I have never... I never... Never like this. I never came like this."

The worry in Castiel's eyes loosened just a bit, to be replaced by even more confusion, and his head titled to the side just a bit, his entire expression pleading Dean to explain further. Dean's eyes closed, trying to hide from the embarrassment. When he opened them, he stared at the floor of the shower, and Castiel just knew not to push the eye contact and allow Dean to come out of his shell and say what caused him to... React like this.

"I never felt this... excited... about anyone ever before. And I especially never... Reached the top, just with that... excitement alone." Dean tried and maybe it would have helped if he didn't use the word excitement to describe the fact that he was sexually aroused. He glanced up at Castiel and he clearly hoped that Castiel understood him. Aaannd... He did not. Castiel had no clue as to what Dean was trying to say. He was clearly emotional a bit here, but it didn't seem like it was a bad thing, or at least that's the impression Castiel got. Still, seeing Dean struggle like this, struggle to express what he wanted, and adding his own alarming curiosity, he urged them both out of the shower.

"Let's... Let's step out and talk, ok?" He offered and Dean nodded then followed Castiel. They both stepped on the mat and before Dean could do anything, Castiel wrapped his upper body in a soft, fluffy towel and rubbed his shoulders over in a soothing manner. "You... You can tell me anything, Dean, you know that?" Dean nodded, a bit reluctantly like he wasn't really sure that was true, but leaned into the warm touch, and closed his eyes for a moment.

Opening them back up he glanced at his clothes. Maybe it will be easier to show, like last time. Pulling out the bottle with the little blue pills, he looked back up at Castiel and tried to come up with a way to explain, but before he even had a chance to think, Castiel sighed heavily and shook his head.

"I know. It's ok, I know about those. And I... I am ok with... If you feel like you need them. I just... I don't want you to ever feel... Like you have to, ok? Like I will think any differently if you..." There was sadness in his voice and as soon as it dawned on Dean what he was saying, he had no stop him.

"No. No. No... No, that's... That's what I... That's what I am trying to... To say... I... I... I didn't... I didn't use them... Not this time."

Castiel's mouth remained opened, the words dying down on his lips and his eyes slowly widened as he blinked at Dean, completely confused for a moment. Did he hear that right, did Dean just say... Then that meant that... That Dean... That he... Was... Was that possible?

"You... You mean to tell me you... That... That was all you? That you... You liked it?" Castiel asked hopefully, swallowing down as he waited for an answer. Dean looked so shy, but his nod was unmistakable and so adorable and added to the fact that Castiel actually turned him on, it all had Castiel feeling overwhelmed. As if Dean told him he loved something.

He reached and his 'no-touching' policy now completely out in the wind, he pulled Dean in for a kiss so soft and emotional, it had him almost melting in Castiel's arms. And Castiel himself was no better. It matter not to either of them that they were still naked and still kind of wet, all that mattered is that Dean actually felt attracted to him and acted upon that and it was so much more than Castiel dared to hope for.

Wait... Didn't Dean say... He has never... Not without... Oh, God.

Dean has never felt attracted so someone to actually get a hard on. He was never aroused by someone's touch and he never climaxed without being medically induced to.

And it was a big deal, it was. It was sad that he never experienced that, but to think that Castiel made him feel good enough, that he allowed Castiel to make him feel even better, that Castiel was the reason he got to experience it now... No wonder Dean was so overwhelmed with tears streaming down his face.

Somehow Castiel found himself embracing Dean, he had no recollection of the moment they stopped kissing, but he knew he had his nose burried in Dean's neck, sniffing his stuffy nose and holding tightly to the man who he hoped wasn't freaked out by his sudden mood swing.

"Are you..."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I am... Overreacting." Castiel interrupted pulling away, feeling the heat rise up his neck.

"I... I was no better." Dean offered huffing a small smile and Castiel's eyes rose up to meet his. No matter the assurances Dean offered, Castiel still felt like he was being stupidly emotional about this. It isn't like he took Dean's virginity through a consensual act. It isn't as if Dean waited just for a guy like him to 'sweep him off his feet'. Right?

But Dean was sort of right, he did react strongly to all of this. Reacted strongly to him. So maybe... Maybe there is a chance for this to grow into something more.

"Yes, you were. You were amazing. And I..." _should really tell you how I feel to make sure you understand, but I am not going to because I fear I might scare you away. "..._ I really enjoyed that." Castiel mentally shivered at his choice of words, feeling disgusted with himself for saying it like Dean really was just a paid company and nothing more.

"I really enjoyed that too." Dean spoke up, with a genuine smile and for a moment Castiel thought the man never got such a (weak) praise that he actually took it so close to heart. It stung that Dean was happy to take how little was offered, one kind word and hold it in the palm of his hand like it was the most precious thing. It hurt that nobody showed this man enough kindness that he deserved.

Well, Castiel will change that.

"You hungry? I think it is a good time for a late lunch, or an early dinner, however you want to call it?" He asked, putting a towel first around Dean's waist and then around his own. Dean's eyes were focused on the floor most of the time, shy and adorable as always, but he did glance up once they were both covered, and gave the tiniest smile that spread so much warmth through Castiel's heart. "How about you pick?"

Dean's eyes sparked up a that, and he grinned before asking silently "Can we... Can we have pizza?"

Castiel smiled back, his eyes bearing much adoration. "Of course. Anything you want."

* * *

_Ding!_

"Pizza's here!" Dean shouted even if they were not only in the same room, but right next to each other, cuddled in the two-seater watching the Avengers: Infinity wars. No that Castiel paid much attention to what was going on, he was more focused on Dean, observing him, smiling at his little exclamations and his reactions to the movie, and noting every small thing about him.

His curvy pink lips that always seemed to want to stretch into a smile and reveal those pearly whites, but were holding back for some reason.

His freckles-dusted nose and cheeks under those beautiful eyes that held the world in them, sparkling with wonder and excitement, but always with a hint of sadness.

His soft, trembling hands, reaching out in a desperate need of contact, but so shy and scared to be slapped away.

So Castiel took his focus off the movie and directed it at Dean, stealing kisses and gentle touches, making him smile more, making his sad green eyes a tad more joyful, his movements a little less shy.

Until the pizza came. That child-like happiness that was written over his face when Castiel told him they could eat in the TV room, so that they could keep watching the movie was worth more then anything Castiel indulged himself with ever before. No rented company, no expensive trinkets, no exclusive parties could ever compare to seeing Dean this excited and grateful over a simple thing like that.

They ate and finished the movie, and only when Dean stood up, despite Castiel's protests, did he notice another dome in the lower part of the cart. He reached for it, curious, and gasped, seeing 8 slices of mouthwatering pies, and most amazingly... Dean could name them all. There was a simple chocolate-cream pie, the famous Key Lime pie, then Strawberry Rhubarb, crunchy Blueberry Custard, Chocolate Walnut, yummy Banana Cream, and his two favorites - Cinnamon Apple pie and Year-Round Cherry pie. The look on his face was absolutely priceless.

"I know you said you would prefer it if we stayed in, but I was still hoping you wouldn't mind stepping out on the balcony with me to share these desserts and just... Watch the people below? Or the sky? It... It is quite an amazing view." Castiel offered hoping Dean would accept and that after everything today, the fresh summer air would do them both some good. Dean nodded, glancing at Castiel for a moment, before pulling his gaze back on the pies. Castiel just smiled and shook his head.

"C'mon, it's through here." He said and lead them out of the TV room, and deeper into that same hallway, reaching a all-glass balcony door. When they stepped outside Dean's amazement grew as he took in the view. The balcony was long, so he didn't have to near the edge and show how much scared of heights he was, but it was open enough to show all of the town. And not just that.

On the right side, the view of the town spread wide, and in the distance he could just barely make out the shape of a suburbs, that seeped into a village and farmer fields beyond. On the left side, there were hudge cypress trees and in between them there was a view of the wide river that separated one part of the town from another and just beyond that, all the way to the left was a glimpse of the 17th century fortress.

Dean was amazed to notice that there was another door that lead to the balcony and that it actually lead back into the bedroom. Castiel motioned for a small table in the corner and rolled in the cart with the pies as Dean sat down and watched Castiel uncover the pies and set them on the table.

When Castiel said they would share, the old Dean would have thought he might get one slice a least, or maybe a bite of each at most. He didn't think he would he would get to eat most of it, much less fed by the man he started having some strange feelings for. Heck, the whole time they spent out on that balcony seemed like one perfect date, completely with them watching the sunset.

Still the tasting of the pies was the best part. Castiel asked him which he wanted to try first and when Dean couldn't decide, Castiel put a hand over his eyes, and like a goof, he circled the plates with the fork and then finally sunk it into a pie. The key-lime pie. Like he knew to pick Dean's least favorite first.

But that moment when he was offered a bite and Dean opened his mouth and took it, moaning slightly as the fork slowly slipped through his spit slicked lips... He had no idea why such a simple act had such an impact on Castiel, who stared at him, mouth ajar, eyes sparkling and clearly flustered.

Maybe he did have some sort of a food kink.

"You trying to fatten me up? Cuz I tell you, it isn't going to work. Fast metabolism and all." Dean tried, blushing like crazy. He wanted to say something, to try a joke to make himself come out of his shell a bit, to show he could, but it didn't come out as he wanted it to. It came out too accusing and depicted Castiel as the witch of the Hansel and Gretel fairy-tale.

But Castiel just smiled it off, of course he would, and gave him another bite, replying with a genuine astonishment behind his words.

"No, I am simply amazed at how you take so much pleasure in the simplest of things."

Yeah, that didn't help Dean's blush at all. But he took a fork, picked up a bite of the blueberry custard and offered it to Castiel, hoping he picked well.

"Oh. Never tried that one before." Castiel said as he took it in his mouth, and Dean could surely now understand the appeal of feeding someone and having them moan around the fork, having it vibrate in you hand. "Oh! Oh, wow! That's so good." Castiel said with a mouthful, making Dean laugh.

By the end of their little feeding game, they were both so full, both grunted in their seats. And then Dean, revealing more of that teasing side of his, smeared his finger in some leftover cherry filling and nonchalantly brushed it at the corner of his lips, while he watched Castiel with teasing and daring eyes, and a devilish smirk on his lips.

Castiel simply informed him he had some cherry sauce on his face, picked up a napkin and brushed it off.

He was barely able to contain his laughter at the surprised, baffled even look on Dean's face, and before that look could turn sad, Castiel scooted closer and with a kind smile, he planted a kiss on the corner of Dean's lips. They gazed in each others eyes, like the real love birds that they are, uncertain and scared to admit their growing feelings towards one another. After they watched the sunset together, curled together and sharing a few innocent kisses, Castiel asked Dean to stay for the night and the joy in his eyes would illuminate the nightly sky when Dean agreed.

Still unsure and still feeling a bit awkward and shy, Dean watched Castiel strip to his briefs and did the same, then laid in the bed, facing him. They both had matching goofy smiles on their faces and kept eye contact, just watching one another without saying a word for quite a while. It was Dean that broke the silence. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"..." Some inaudible sounds left his mouth before Dean cleared his throat and tried again "Can you... Can you hold me?" Castiel's lips widened in a wide smile as he nodded and Dean turned around, and snuggled against the man, becoming the little spoon. Castiel wrapped his arms around him and planted a small kiss on the back of his neck, making Dean shiver and a blush spread over his neck probably reaching his cheeks once again. Castiel huffed a smile and pulled Dean even closer, holding him tight. Dean's hand reached to lay across Castiel's, brushing his thumb over it's top and sighing in what seemed like content.

"Good night, Dean."

"Good night, Castiel."

But Dean didn't fall asleep long into the night, thinking about it all. Truth is, the question he asked... It wasn't what he wanted to ask. He wanted to ask why Castiel liked him so much, why he cared so much, why do all of these things for Dean. Not that he wasn't grateful, not that he wasn't excited about being with him, not that he didn't like him too. He was just scared, not only were these feelings new to him, but they felt so good, and anything that was good in his life always paid the price for being near him.

* * *

"Morning sleepyhead." Dean heard Castiel's voice through the fog of his sleep. "I gotta go to the office to sort a few thing out, but you can go back to sleep... Order some breakfast if you like, I'll see you tonight." He heard him say, groaning as the man nudged him a bit. A smile spread on his face as he felt soft warm lips peck his cheek and he reached, still drowsy and pulled the owner of those lips closer. "Dean... I...mgm..." Dean pulled him closer in for a deep kiss, shutting him up and mid way, he snapped his eyes open, finally realizing what he was doing.

"I... Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..." He tried, defensive, backing away. But Castiel smiled brightly and reached to grab his hand and still his motions and his rising panic.

"That was the best way to start a working day. Will be thinking about that kiss the whole day..." There was a teasing note in his voice that soothed Dean. He began to think that such actions on his part were more then welcomed, and he made a note of that, thinking that he wouldn't mind eliciting more smiles like that from Castiel. "Go back to sleep, and I'll see you tonight." Castiel added, pecking his lips one more time before reluctantly leaving the room, letting Dean doze off again.

It was past 11 am when he woke up, stretched over the bed lazily with a smile on his face. It has been a good weekend, his life felt a bit more bearable, and he felt as if he had more strength to go back to the regular course and deal with a few things. After taking his time in the shower and with breakfast, lingering in the penthouse until the last possible minute, Dean finally took the elevator down. Unlike so many other times when he would receive looks of disgust or annoyance, this time nobody even paid any attention to him, and as odd as that was, it felt ok. Good even.

Dean decided to skip going back to the club and just go straight to visit Sammy, buying some tulips along the way. Once there, he did the usual, changed the flowers, cleaned up around a bit, even if there really wasn't anything to clean, and sat on his usual bench with _Odyssey_ in his lap, ready to be picked up and read. But Dean paused, taking a moment to think about it all, his life and his strange relationship he started, and the secrets that weighted down on him. He couldn't tell Castiel about all of his, not yet, but maybe... Maybe he could tell Sammy about him. Even if Sammy couldn't really hear him.

"I... I'll start reading in a bit, but first... I just wanted to tell you I met someone. It's a... It's a he. Yeah... I... His name is Castiel and he is... He is good, you know. He helped me, and he is kind and... I think he cares about me. Not really sure yet, but... I hope... I... It feels good to be around him, it feels nice. And... I don't... I don't remember if I ever had... If there was ever anyone... I just feel like I could talk to him, that I could... I am getting my hopes up, I know, but I just can't help it, Sammy. I... I can't do this alone anymore, I..."

Dean took a few deep calming breaths. It was true, he felt like his legs were giving up on him from all the weight he was carrying, and it was easy to do so when he was younger, but he isn't young anymore, he is growing old and he can't carry it all anymore, no matter how much he felt like he deserved to have all that weight crush down on him. He still didn't think he deserved to have someone like Castiel in his life, and surely, the man could do so much better, but he wanted him, and Castiel, the angel that he is, deserved whatever he wanted.

"I'm... I'm just gonna read, ok?" Dean shoved all those insecurities back in, deep down, so that they could claw on his insides and not bother Sammy with it. So he picked up that book and started reading. He knew something was happening to him, he knew it felt nice and he felt happy for a few moments before guilt would rear it's ugly head and bring his ass back on the ground, trimming of his wings that Castiel's kisses and soft touches provided.

The only problem was, there was just a bit more of those kisses and soft touches that were slowly drowning that guilt.

Time passed quickly, and Dean made good progress on the book, but it was time to head to the club and get ready for the show tonight. Dean was not looking forward to preforming, but he was looking forward to what would, what should come after that, he was looking forward to see that great white whale parked by the back entrance and he was even looking forward to seeing and talking to Balthazar or Benny. He hoped the big Louisiana driver was feeling better and that he got over his cold.

Walking back to he club with those thoughts in mind, Dean didn't notice a grey Toyota Corolla trailing him, much less the driver behind the wheel, whose eyes were trained on Dean watching him and his every move like a hawk.

Dean reached the club and entered through the front, just twenty minutes shy of the opening time. He paused when he heard one of his favorite bands singing a song he hasn't heard in a while, and the lyrics instantly made him smile and think about Castiel.

I can't stop the feeling   
I've been this way before   
But, with you I've found the key   
To open any door   
I can feel my love for you   
Growing stronger day by day   
An' I can't wait too see you again   
So I can hold you in my arms

Ok, so he hasn't really felt like that before, and he wanted to be held, not the one doing the holding, but still. The song kind of hit the right spot, asking the same question he was scared to ask himself out loud, to even admit he thought about it in such a way.

Is this love that I'm feeling   
Is this the love that I've been searching for   
Is this love or am I dreaming   
This must be love   
'Cause it's really got a hold on me   
A hold on me

Yeah, Whitesnake had a good point, was that what falling in love felt like? Or was this all just one big elaborate dream? But it felt too real, and Dean felt that even if he did try to back away, to close up, to put the walls up, that they would just crumble down from just one look of those bright blue eyes.

"Azazel wants to see you." Crowley interrupted his thoughts and his daze, smirking devilishly at him, and Dean nodded, hurrying to the boss's office. Lately, or better said for the past eight years, Azazel barely had a decent conversation with Dean, giving him a few pointers and orders, telling him where he needed to go or what he had to do without even lifting his eyes of some paperwork. The exception was a week prior, when the incident happened right there in his club and he assured Dean, in brief words that Alistair was banned from the club. He almost seemed like he cared enough to feel sorry for what happened. Almost. That might not have even happened if Dean was well enough to perform the two nights that followed, even if they were slow nights.

"Ah, my boy! Good to see you..." The moment Dean entered the office, Azazel spoke up, his voice as nasal as ever, but what really freaked Dean out is that he actually got out of his chair, came close and almost hugged Dean. Thank God he decided to go for a pat on the shoulder, because Dean would have absolutely no idea how to react to that. "You... You kid, you never cease to amaze me, you know."

"Uugghh..." was Dean's confused response that had Azazel throwing his head back in laughter. When he first took Dean in, he knew those cute freckles and that prefect little ass would attract the crowd, but he had no idea he would end up being his golden goose. When he first stepped on that stage with Azazel's words "Do it for Sammy." echoing in his head, and he delivered, dancing so beautifully, gracefully, arousingly, he had the whole crowd up on their feet. And then he started accepting private dances, and then private 'meetings' and... Azazel didn't know what to do with all that money. Sure, he had to set aside a little for Dean's needs and eventually he learned he couldn't allow much misuse of his little golden boy, not because he cared, but because it cost him a lot.

Even now, he managed to attract such a wealthy client who rented his pretty little ass each and every night, not caring that there were others much younger and probably much more flexible. And he wanted Dean. He wanted him so bad, he was willing to give a small fortune for even more of him. Azazel always wondered what was it about Dean that made him desirable, but he was wise enough never to shit where he ate, never to test his own merchandise, no matter how tempting it was.

"Tell me something, boy. You still like dancing?" Azazel asked. He knew he liked it before, he liked the attention and that he could choose his own music and just let go. But lately, it was clear, at least from backstage that Dean's enthusiasm was gone, that he looked tired and worn. "Tell me honestly, now."

"I... I... I don't know." Dean said. "I don't know." Truth was, he really didn't know. The attention he used to relish in, now made him feel dirty, and his knees were aching after every act, he knew he was getting too old for it all, and that the crowd slowly became more thrilled about Kevin and Adam then him. Fresh, young meat.

"What if I told you, you didn't have to dance anymore?" Azazel offered and Dean's eyes went comically wide. He wasn't sure if he heard it right, if he understood what Azazel said. He _didn't have to_ dance anymore? Not that he couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't, but _didn't have to_. "See, I got a client interested in buying a bit more off your time, dances included. And honestly, it would bring a more steady income than what you made on stage, so... I would like to agree to that, especially considering it would set up the payments for little Sammy for a substantial amount of time. What do you think, kid? Wanna quit dancing and hang out with this client for a while?"

Azazel thought he was so smart, making this perfect pitch and selling it to Dean. But he didn't know what exactly went on between him and Castiel, and he didn't know why Castiel was paying, and he didn't know that this was the kind of a thing he would do just to make sure Azazel was all settled with his money while Castiel got to just spend time with Dean. He was too happy, if the grin on his face wasn't indication enough, the guilt drowned and washed up dead on the shore and Dean nodded vigorously.

Grinch-like grin spread widely across Azazel's face and he patted Dean on the shoulder harder then needed, making Dean stumble forward. "Excellent!" He exclaimed. "The car is waiting, so pick up whatever you need and head out." Dean just stared at him bewildered. He had no idea this was happening now, and that he wouldn't have to preform tonight, but Azazel dismissed him, so he hurried to his room, changed to his best outfit and combed his hair.

His heart was pounding in his chest so hard, he thought it might make a jump from it when he opened the door. He froze in place when there was no big white limo there, instead an old, but shiny metallic Toyota Corolla. Sharp pain spread through his heart as if someone plunged the knife thought it as he moved his eyes away from the car and at the man leaning against it. He was wearing jeans and a simple blue T-shirt, a leather jacket swung over his shoulder.

"Hey there, handsome. You looking for a date?"

Dean felt tears prickling in his eyes as he started laughing so hard at his own stupidity and his own impeccable ability to jump to conclusions. There stood Castiel, all macho like, leaning against what probably was his personal car, looking like he just came out of a cowboy movie, hot as fuck, and Dean didn't fucking recognize him. Castiel laughed with him and watched Dean come close. He lifted his hands and set them on Dean's hips, pulling him in for a nice, warm kiss. He pulled away and opened the passenger door for him, saying:

"Now, how about we start our date with a toothbrush shopping?"


	15. Chapter 15

The whole week was just amazing. Castiel arranged to work shorter hours and while he was at work, Dean spent his time reading to Sammy, managing to finish up the entire _Odessey_ by Friday. He would go to the club just long enough to change and then he would step outside and be welcomed by that shiny metallic Toyota and he would spend the evening and the night with Castiel.

They spent Monday evening in a big grocery store, going from isle to isle and picking up random stuff. Of course, the fist thing on the list was a toothbrush for Dean, and he loudly protested when Castiel wanted to buy him an electric one, saying those are completely unnecessary and expensive and made for lazy people. But when Castiel whispered he owned one, Dean stumbled over his words and apologized over and over, saying he didn't mean it. As retaliation, Castiel managed to guilt him into buying some more stuff for Dean, like the shampoo he liked or a few nice, fluffy towels. Dean was amazed that Castiel never tried gummy bears and he made it his mission to get him to try, even when Castiel protested saying they were made of gelatin, which was made of skin, bones, and connective tissues of domestic cattle.

Strangely enough, Dean said he knew that, even reacted like he knew that, and still wanted Castiel to try. Castiel said he would think about it, and Dean dropped it for now, working a plan in the back of his mind.

Once they were at the register, and he and Castiel started putting all their purchases on the conveyer, Dean started to fidget and was becoming more nervous by the minute. He let slip a few times that maybe he didn't need the fluffy towels or that they didn't really need that much snacks, but it wasn't until Dean said the gummy bears were stupid and he tried to return the big mix bag Castiel picked up for him, that it became obvious what was bothering him.

"No, sorry. Can't take out a single thing. I need them all." Castiel simply said and Dean looked at him a bit confused.

"Even the gummy bears?" He asked shyly.

"Even the gummy bears." Castiel proclaimed and he would indure tasting far worse things than gelatin made, color dyed bear snacks, just to see the birth of that small smile on Dean's face. The smile that sent a thousand thank yous for being there and caring enough to shower Dean with attention and make him feel comfortable about his own needs. Even if it was over something as trivial as gummy bears.

They went to dinner on a burger place Dean recommend and he had to admit, listening to Castiel moan around the bite he took was very arousing. But that night, they laid in bed and Dean snuggled against Castiel feeling more content than ever before.

Tuesday went by with a walk on the river bank and them eating corn dogs and even cooked maize, just walking and talking. Dean shared very little about himself, while Castiel went on and on about how he was a single child and how his parents were two simple people still living in their little house half way across the country. He spoke of how he earned his first money doing some simple trading on a virtual Wall Street at the age of sixteen and then it just grew and grew. When Dean asked, Castiel explained that his company wasn't focused on one or two areas, but on plenty, from medicine and pharmaceuticals to construction and architecture to engineering and computers. You named it, Novak Industries had its fingers in it.

And then, when they laid down that night, Dean remained facing Castiel listening to the things he liked and enjoyed, like discovering new things, helping people, and how, much to Dean's dismay, he enjoyed musicals and old movies. He tried to convince Dean to watch with him one of the old comedies with Jerry Lewis. When Dean said he didn't know who that was, Castiel made a show out of YouTube clips and Dean laughed and laughed and Castiel laughed along with him until they both fell asleep.

Castiel was curious about Dean and about his past, especially wondering what would ever bring him to lead the life he had been. All he knew is that Azazel took Dean in and that Dean seemed to feel like he owed him his life for that. Wednesday morning, when he came to work, he had Charlie call up that P.I. that gave him the creeps. He guy was a sleezebag, and Castiel hated having to hire people like him, but he got the job done, and if Castiel insisted he didn't break any laws while working for him, he would respect that. This time, P.I. Marvin Metatron was instructed to look into Azazel Gold and his nightclub called ZaZ, but not to bother any of the staff or let anyone even considered the club was being looked into. He was instructed to follow the paper trail and find out where all the money was going and what else did Azazel have in his sleeve. He said he would have the information within a week.

Castiel had forgotten all about it when he picked Dean up that Wednesday afternoon, and considering it has been a very hot day, suggested they could try out the beach. He said he heard about this awesome beach called Paralia, which strangely, when translated, meant beach. Castiel's light mood deflated a bit when he saw a forced smile on Dean's face and a not so enthusiastic reply of "Sure."

"Ok, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong." Castiel asked turning towards him.

"Cnt swm." Dean mumbled.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Castiel asked, his eyes kind, his words soft, trying to get Dean to open up.

"I can't swim." Dean whispered with his head hung low.

"Oh. Well. Maybe I can teach you?" Castiel offered and Dean just stared at him, blinking a few times. He expected Castiel to mock him or to laugh, even if he knew better that the man wouldn't do that, but Castiel was actually real nice about this and offered to teach him, catching Dean by surprise. He ended up agreeing not fully realizing what it meant.

And what it meant was a lot of touching and Castiel's hands all over him either for emotional support or for a physical as he held him by the waist and told him how to move him hands and feet. They were constantly in shallow water and at a part of the beach that wasn't very popular so he had no fear of drowning or being mocked for being a grown ass man who didn't know how to swim.

Dean's heart still raced constantly, but not because of the fear, rather cause of Castiel's hand's caressing him and his half naked body so close, wet and the way he would lean to whisper reassurances into Dean's ear making him shiver and secretly biting down on his lower lip trying to draw in his slowly growing hard-on.

He freaked when Castiel backed away a few steps and told him to try on his own, and he shook his head, not daring to try, not feeling confident enough to do that yet.

"Come on, Dean, I know you can do it." Castiel encouraged, smiling back at him with his pink lips and his hair slicked back from when he dived into the water and his bright blue eyes sparkling up from the reflection of the sun in the water. Of there was anything more inviting that that, Dean had no idea what it was.

"I can't." He said defeated. He wasn't even that scared if the water anymore, it was only up to his waist, and he could just stand up at any given time. He was scared of failing, of Castiel having invested his time in him and him ending up one big disappointment. Like he always was to everyone around him.

"Oh, come on. Dean. You can do this, I know you can. I'll be here, I promise." Castiel said and it sounded so good, the thought that he will be there for Dean whenever Dean needed him. that he will be there, in his life, to support him and to care for him, and to lo... He was getting ahead of himself, he shouldn't think like that. But he could steel a few moments, and bask in the warmth of that wide smile ad the shine of those water blues. He could try to be what Castiel wanted him to be, it was the least of what the man deserved. So for Castiel, he took a deep breath, more to calm his beating heart then because of the fear of drowning and he pushed himself off, letting his body glide forward and in five long hand swipes he was there. Right before Castiel who was shouting cheers, his smile wider, his eyes glimmering brighter, making Dean's heart flutter and fill with joy.

Just as he was about to take Castiel's hand, he lost focus for a second and all of the sudden the water above his mouth, then nose, then eyes... Strong hands reached for him and pulled him out and he breathed and blinked and opened and closed his mouth a few times like a damn fish on dry land. When the world came into focus again, and mind you, this was all under a minute, all Dean got was those bright eyes filled with worry staring at him.

No, wait.

Those pink lips were opening, but no words came out... Or maybe Dean just couldn't hear them? A mere second later, the water left his ears and he could hear the concern in Castiel's voice.

"Dean? Dean, you alright? Dean?"

Dean started laughing. He wasn't really sure why he was laughing or what at, but he just felt so silly and so free, and almost careless. Castiel huffed a few laughs along with him, but had his eyes trained on Dean just in case. As he calmed, Dean found himself staring back into the two beautiful sapphires, completely mesmerized by the emotion he thought he saw in them.

Caught up in that strange feeling of joy, Dean inched closer, took Castiel's hand in his and captured his lips in one long, breathtaking, knees-buckling kiss that left them both feeling intoxicated with each other. Dean's hands let go of Castiel's only to grip his hips and pull him closer, not realizing he is perhaps being too forward. And since Castiel responded by allowing Dean anything he wanted, soon enough their bodies were flush against one another's, and even with the swim trunks between them, their erections coming into contact had them both gasping and getting even more worked up.

"Why, I'd never..." A woman's voice snapped of their moment and they both looked in the direction it came, finding an elderly woman standing there appalled, reminding them that their little part of the beach wasn't completely private.

Dean immediately pulled away, feeling ashamed and shrunk into himself, but Castiel was frowning, looking a bit angry. He just opened his mouth to tell her that it doesn't matter what gender a person's partner is as long as they are making each other happy, but luckily, before he could embarrass himself she spoke up.

"Didn't your parents teach you the difference between public and closed doors? Now, I understand having urges, I felt them with my Alfred, even more so when I was young and in love, but I knew better than to allow him to get all handsy on me. In public."

Ok, so she wasn't scolding them for being gay or whatever, she was scolding them about their manners and general decency. And she was kinda right. They were getting a bit too close and personal in public. Since the weekend they have shared a few short but sweet kisses, and honestly, Dean wanted more, but the timing was never right, and he dared not initiate much on his own. If only he knew Castiel was also holding back for a similar reason.

Both blushing like crazy, they pulled away and excused themselves, then got out of the water. They stayed on the beach till the sunset, and Dean hoped they could go for a night swim too, and maybe share a few more stolen touches, but the beach was closing and nobody was allowed to stay. Dean wanted to suggest they move to another, more private stretch of shore, but he was too much of a coward to say it, and to perhaps have to explain why he wanted that. So they washed up on the showers that were on the beach and headed back to the penthouse.

By the time they settled, they were both pretty tired from all the physical activities of the day, and I do mean swimming, and when Castiel came back to the bedroom after taking a call from work, he found Dean peacefully asleep. Slowly the crawled into bed next to him and just watched him, taking in the sight of his gentle features, his lips that pouted when he slept, and the adorable freckles that dusted his nose. To Castiel, he was beautiful, and he only wished he could fall asleep gazing into those breathtaking emerald greens that bore so many emotions and weight behind them, that Castiel had no idea how they carried it all.

That morning Dean woke up to a constant and quite annoying ringing sound, and not really being a morning person, took him a while to figure out it was the hotel phone ringing. Sudden fear and panic washed over him and he wasn't sure if he should answer it. The hotel staff should know he was alone there and that Castiel went to work, so there was a real good chance it was either them calling him to say to vacate the premises, because Mr. Novak didn't want to bother telling him they are over or it was someone else, calling for Mr. Novak. Either way, Dean did not want to answer.

But the ringing was persistent and when it finally stopped, it only took thirty seconds to start back up again, and a new kind of fear arose inside of Dean. What if something happened? What if something happened to Castiel? What if he is hurt or... or worse... Oh, God, what if...

Dean scrambled to his feet, tangling himself in the covers, but managed not to fall and reach the phone, quickly picking up and letting out a breathless, worrisome "Hello?" Needless to say he was so relieved when it turned out it was Castiel himself on the other side, even if he did sound a bit alarmed.

"Dean! I am so sorry to wake you, but can you please look and see if I left my briefcase with my laptop back there?" Castiel spoke, his voice urgent and it only took Dean a few moments to scan the room and spot the briefcase in question.

"Yeah, it's here."

"Oh, thank God! Well, not... I can't believe I forgot it. I really need it. I... I guess I can send Balthazar to... What? He isn't... Oh." Castiel spoke and he didn't seem to be talking to Dean most of the time, but rather someone else who was next to him. This was obviously some sort of an emergency and Castiel needed whatever was on his laptop and without even thinking it though, Dean spoke up.

"I can get it for you."

"You... Really? Thank you, Dean, that means a lot."

"Yeah, sure. I mean, no big deal. I'll just throw some clothes on and catch a cab and..." Dean replied nervously.

"I'll have the hotel call you a cab, it will be waiting for you downstairs. And Dean? Thank you, really." Castiel belauted and he sounded like e had a big wide smile on his face and it warmed Dean up to hear it. He could do this, yeah. He will do this, and be useful and see Castiel and that alone was enough to get him going. Within a few minutes, he was stepping out of the hotel and into a cab with the briefcase in his hand, smiling widely. Maybe Castiel will invite him for a breakfast considering he didn't have time to get any, and then he would leave him to work and go see Sammy like he did everyday this past week and then he would meet with Castiel later again and... Life was good.

 _Life sucks!_ His mind commented when Dean shyly came up to the security guards in the front lobby of the Novak Industries building, telling them he brought Mr. Novak's briefcase and they just laughed at him. It only became worse when he insisted and they had to call in the head of security, a guy named Marcus Pierce who took one look at him and told him that if he didn't vacate the premises, he would have to call the police.

Dean's emotions were all over the place. He knew how important this was to Castiel and he really wanted to help, but they won't even call him and at least ask him about it or take the bag, to give to him. He said he would bring it and now he will fail Castiel just like he failed anyone who ever mattered in his life and once again he can't do anything to prevent that. He felt so helpless and conflicted because a part of him just wanted to break down and cry and the other part was just plain pissed. At himself, and those idiot guards, and the entire situation and at the whole fucking world. But mostly at himself for not making the small investment and buying a damn phone, instead choosing to save up for when Sammy...

"Dean?" he heard a familiar friendly voice speak up from behind him and it instantly made him feel... Safe? He turned around only to find a old friend standing there, his outfit business casual, nice black shoes, blue slacks and a white shirt, no tie or jacket. He was holding a stack of papers close to his chest and a coffee mug in the other hand, while his blue eyes watched Dean with a surprise and confusion with a dash of thrill.

"Nick? Is... Is that you?" Dean asked, and watched his old friend approach. With some surprising authority, Nick dismissed the guards and lead Dean towards the elevators.

"What are you doing here, Dean? I mean... Wow. I am so glad to see you, to see you are ok... Are you still in Zaz?" Nick seemed eager to find out more about Dean, looking happy to see him again, and Dean shared the feeling, but he had a more pressing matter to entertain before he could focus on Nick.

"I need to get this to Mr. Novak, he... asked me to bring it to him." Dean replied, lifting the briefcase to show it, looking a bit sheepish, not sure how much he should say. This was his friend who knew him in his best and at his worst, but he obviously worked here now (how that came to be, Dean had no idea), and he didn't know how much of his personal life Castiel shared to the people around him. How close was Nick to him, anyway? Suddenly, coming to Castiel's work place didn't seem like a good idea at all. What should he say if Nick asked him how he knew Castiel? Or how he had his stuff?

But Nick just nodded and smiled and told him he will take him to Mr. Novak. The elevator dinged at the top floor and Nick motioned for Dean to follow him, completely disregarding all the looks other people were giving him and Dean. As they walked through the maze of cubicles, Nick told him that he left that bastard Arthur Ketch he ran away with a few years back and that Dean was right bout him all along. That he was a control freak and they argued a lot, until one day when their argument escalated and Arthur tried to hit him. He did not expect Nick to fight back.

Dean had to huff a smile at that, he knew Nick well, and knew that unless Nick allowed it, nobody could man-handle him. He was a bit worried when Nick said Arthur wound up in the hospital and that Nick visited him only once to tell him it was over. And he is glad he did that, because that's where he met the man of his dreams, a Dr. Anthony Wilson. Who was incidentally a childhood friend of Mr. Novak's, the only friend he ever had. It would amaze Dean as to how Nick managed to tell him all of this in just a few minutes, but he knew Nick well enough, he was always a chatterbox when he was comfortable with his company to talk about himself.

The moment Nick lead him into a meeting room and all eyes snapped at the new arrivals, Dean shrunk into himself, not liking the attention, which was odd for a stage exotic dancer who should be used to having all eyes trained on him. Was it the scrutiny of their looks as opposed to drooling faces that left Dean feeling more naked and exposed then when he was actually naked on the stage, he didn't know. But the moment his eyes met Castiel's, they locked onto them and held on for dear life.

Castiel jumped out of his seat when he spotted Dean, a wide smile spreading over his face and in just a few short strides, he was there, reaching out to Dean, and a wave of anxiety washed over Dean, so he quickly lifted he briefcase and, despite Castiel's slight frown, the man took it off his hands. "Thank you, Dean." Castiel looked at him, then at the audience they had, and he seemed to be torn between walking back to his seat and walking closer to Dean.

"Do you need me on the meeting, sir? If not, I would like to catch up with my old friend." Nick jumped in, sensing the awkwardness of the situation and glanced at Dean who had a thankful look on his face. Castiel simply nodded, hiding well his surprise that the two knew each other.

Dean spent the entire morning with Nick, learning that he finally put his ability to plan things and his attention to details into a good use and, thanks to his new boyfriend, he became Castiel's assistant. He told Dean all about his life now, but not once did he push Dean into saying how he knew Castiel, but Dean figured he already knew, if that little moment in the meeting room was an indication of anything. He just didn't know if Castiel was just another client or if he was something more. He asked about Sammy and about the club, happy to hear that Dean wasn't seeing Alistair anymore, even if Dean didn't tell him what happened between them.

They parted ways with a promise too see each other again soon, and Nick gave him his phone number, to have just in case. Castiel was held up a bit that day, he called and Crowley passed on the message, so Dean ended up sitting in his room waiting for him, and thinking it all through. He was happy, truly happy about Nick and that he found what he was looking for, but it had him questioning himself.

Would he ever earn a chance to be happy? To be truly happy, without a guilt of his life weighing him down? He questioned, but he already knew the answer, he would never be happy, because every time he would go see Sammy, and there was no way he would ever stop going, he would always blame himself for what happened and he would always feel that survivor's guilt. He would always feel like it should have been him there, and then his helpful mind would scold him and tell him he is the one that has to suffer and try to make amends.

Or was it just helping him, trying to make him think Sam was the lucky one? If he was in Sam's place, Sam would be in his, and he could not, would not imagine his baby brother going through what he went through. So he decided he was happy. He was. His father didn't have to see what he has become, his brother didn't have to do the things he has done and he was paying his dues. And he will continue to do so for as long as he could.

The minute his eyes spotted the shiny, metallic Toyota, and a familiar figure in front of it, Castiel's eyes filled with joy to see him again, he felt like falling a part. He didn't deserve a man like Castiel, he didn't deserve his kindness or his gentle touch. But than that annoying part of his brain supplied that he couldn't choose how he made his penance, he couldn't choose the way life decided to punish him, so he just has do deal with what he was given, play with the hand he was dealt and try to make the best of it. So Dean took a deep breath and stepped into that car, choosing to feel grateful instead of undeserving.

And the more time he spent with Castiel, the better he felt, smiling and laughing and simply enjoying their walk through the park and next to the small pond filled with ducks and swans. Castiel told him he talked to Nick, and that he knew about his past even before, that they were friends now, through Tony. He told Dean he shared with Nick what sort of an arrangement they had, and that Nick was ok with that, but that he didn't comment much.

Castiel didn't mention that he told Nick that he had growing feelings for Dean, and he didn't mention Nick's comment that he was glad Dean found someone like Castiel. He didn't mention Nick teasing him about finally knowing why Castiel was in a better mood lately and why he was always smiling and having dreamy eyes. He did not mention Nick teasing Castiel that he had fallen in love.

He did not mention he hadn't thought about it, not until Nick mentioned it.

That Thursday night he laid beside Dean and Dean could tell he was distracted, so he just snuggled close to him and fell asleep, not knowing it was him that occupied Castiel's thoughts, nor that the man came to a definite realization that he was, in fact, in love with Dean.


	16. Chapter 16

**Warning: Minor spoilers for the movie Kingsmen: the Golden Circle (the second part)**

* * *

It was Friday and Dean was getting a little antsy. He finished reading _Odyssey_ for his brother and had time, so he decided talking might help him get rid of this feeling of anxiety. He knew where it originated, but he couldn't just shut these emotions off, no matter how much he wanted to. Not because he didn't want to feel them, but rather because he was scared. Terrified that it would all fall apart at one point and he would end up alone and blaming himself, but worst of all, Castiel would end up hurt too. Or worse. And Dean didn't know if he could handle this.

"I really wish you could talk back to me and tell me what to do. You were always the smart one... And even... If you... You wouldn't even know what I am talking about and you would still say something that would make everything ok." Dean yearned to hear that little puberty-cracking voice again, even if his brother was far from that 12 year old that would tease and offer support from the back of the car before...

Dean swiped a hand over his face, feeling a bit tired and lifted his gaze up just to see Meg smiling back at him.

"Hey, Dean."

"Hey, Meg."

"So... Did Penelope ever get reunited with Odysseus?" Meg asked.

"Yup. Another happily ever after. Although a bit more bloodier then your average fairy-tale." Dean said with a huff of laugh

"Life usually is." She replied, then turned to do her work, but Dean made her pause.

"Meg?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something? You think... You think there is such a thing as a happily ever after in real life?" Meg took a moment, considering her answer as she moved he jaw left and right, her adorable round face taking a serious and maybe a slightly hopeful expression.

"I dunno. But I like to think there is. I like to think that some day... Some day I'll get my prince Charming to sweep me off my feet. Or get my sleeping beauty to wake up." She said throwing a glance at where Sam was and Dean huffed a smile, thinking she was joking. She smiled back, her heart aching, but just like Dean, she was good at hiding that. "I would rather live with hope then without one." She added, and Dean had a thought that if she didn't have hope, she would have looked a lot sadder.

Hope is a strange thing. It can lift you up and put you down at the same time. But one thing Meg had right, if they didn't have hope, what would they have?

Dean dared not even thing how hopeful he was that this thing with Castiel, whatever it may be, would last. He dared not even consider that it wasn't just about being treated like a normal human being that had Dean drawing closer to Castiel, but that there was more to it than simple kindness and a few gentle touches. There was more than just being viewed as person and not some sort of a fuck toy for everyone to play with and discard when they get bored.

There was more, Dean could feel it in his touch, he could see it in his eyes, taste it in his soft kiss.

But dared he dream, dared he hope it would last?

That day when Dean walked out of the back door of the club, and saw Castiel leaning against his shiny Toyota, he couldn't help the sudden joy that filled his heart, no matter how much he tried to contain it. It weight him down, to think that he couldn't help what he was feeling, that he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face.

"Okay, were are we going today?" Castiel asked like he always did, his eyes focused on the road, but his hand covering Dean's like it was the most normal thing to do, and it felt so good, too good that it was bad. Dean knew that soon enough, he would get too distracted by what might happened to ruin this and he hated it, he hated that he knew he would feel like that, act like that, and wouldn't be able to stop himself.

"Can we... Can we stay in today?" Dean asked his head bowed low.

"Sure." Castiel responded and caught the moment they were at a red light to look at Dean, really look at him and take in his expression and to try and make eye contact. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it is, everything is fine... I just... I don't feel like going out today. If that... If that's okay?" Dean said sheepishly, wishing he could avoid Castiel's firm, worried gaze, but fearful it would hurt his feelings or maybe make him think Dean is lying. The truth was, Dean just wanted to snuggle next to Castiel and hide away form the rest of the world. From life.

"It is okay Dean. We could order in and watch more movies, I don't mind..." Castiel said, his tone a bit strange. It seemed like he wanted to add something more, but wasn't sure, and ended up pausing, holding his breath for a moment before he spoke again, his voice oddly shy and silent. "I don't mind... As long as I can hold you close."

Dean blushed like crazy, but a shy smile spread and he bowed his head, glancing at Castiel who was obviously worried to try and look at him, concerned he said too much, or something. Considering his recent behavior, Dean came to the conclusion Castiel was holding back, waiting for Dean to initiate contact, and Dean hated it. He wanted to feel his soft touches on his skin and his soft, kind kisses on his lips and he hated that he would have to ask for it. But he understood that Castiel wasn't sure how to act around him and considering Dean's outburst a week ago, he was certainly afraid of hurting him or driving him in that state once again.

And then the pieces fell into place and it finally clicked that Castiel was in fact holding back because of what happened to Dean and how Dean acted after that, and Dean felt guilty at first and then frustrated with himself. He needed to show Castiel that it was ok, that he really was okay, and that he wanted every touch he could give him, every brush of his tender lips. But how? How could he come out of his shell and ask for something for himself. How could he dare to?

Maybe this wouldn't be just for himself. Maybe this would be for Castiel too. To help him step away from that edge of not knowing how to act around Dean. The more Dean thought about it, the more he remembered moments where Castiel wanted to touch him or lean in and kiss him, but seemed to change his mind at the last second and pull away. It must have been a torment for him. Dean has to put a stop to it. But how?

How does he tell Castiel he wanted to feel those soft fingers in his hair? Or those strong hands on his hips? Or those plush lips on his neck? Or his whole body pressed against him? His chest pressed against Dean's, his leg slipping between Dean's thighs, spreading them apart... His big, throbbing cock pressed right against Dean's, touching, brushing...

"Are you sure everything's ok, Dean?" Castiel interrupted his... vivid train of though and Dean turned his dreamy gaze towards him.

"Huh... Uh... Yeah, yeah, everything is okay. Really." Dean fell back to reality, assuring Castiel that what he was saying is true. Or will be... Tonight. If Dean figured out how to tell him. Or maybe... Show him? He just needed... He needed a good moment, he needed to pick the right one. Yeah. He's got this.

"Alright. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I... I sort of have a surprise. I was going to show it to you tonight when we got to the penthouse this evening, but..." Castiel's voice went from a flat line when he said 'alright', to slightly spiked with excitement when he said he had a surprise and then he suddenly trailed off and grew a bit pale and Dean got a feeling it was because of their premature arrival to the penthouse.

What Dean would later figure is that Castiel was worried of how it might seem to Dean what he decided to do, but now, he was just curious of the surprise. And as they stepped into the penthouse, Dean started glancing around trying to spot what was different, and glanced at Castiel a few times too, hoping the man wouldn't keep him in suspense much longer. Castiel sighed and actually managed to look adorable with his lower lip trapped under his teeth, nervous and uncertain how Dean would react. He nodded and lead them towards the bedroom opening the door for Dean and letting him enter first.

Dean's eyes went wide with wonder and he turned and showed his wide smile to Castiel that had the man instantly relieved. "You... You had them put a TV in the bedroom?" He asked not quite believing his eyes.

"Yeah, I um... We tend to fall asleep watching TV, so I thought that... This was we could be a bit more... Comfy." Castiel replied sheepishly and Dean barely contained the girly squeak that wanted to escape his throat and he barely contained himself from coming up to Castiel and giving him a small peck on the lips as a thank you. He picked up the remote and went to sit on the wide bed and then paused when a thought occurred to him. The point was not to hold back, right? So Dean turned back, walked over to Castiel and kissed his lips in one small short brush, his entire face burning up red, and then ran back to the bed, sitting and turning the TV on like nothing happened.

Castiel stood there amazed and grinning like an idiot, pleased that Dean didn't misinterpret this in any way and that it earned him a kiss. He would get plenty of those small, shy kisses throughout the evening, for letting Dean choose a movie, for letting Dean choose what they would have for dinner, for letting them have dinner in bed, for ordering Dean's favourite dessert. So there they were, watching the new Jumanji Movie with Dwayne Jonson AKA the Rock, laughing and eating Pizza and sharing kisses and Castiel didn't know what happened, but Dean seemed more cuddlier and wanted more contact and it felt so good, Castiel didn't dare question it.

They watched Jumanji and then Kingsmen: The Secret Service and were just starting to watch the sequel Kingsmen: The Golden Circle when Castiel surprised Dean with a big bag of gummy bears, smiling widely when Dean's eyes filled with joy and excitement. He honestly didn't know where Dean fit it all, but as long as there was that enchanting smile on his face, he didn't care.

Dean offered him the gummy bears a few times, but Castiel politely declined, content with just watching Dean enjoy them, but Dean wouldn't back down. "Please? For me?" He said holding a green one between his index finger and his thumb. Castiel glanced down at it and then meet Dean's green eyes. He knew that he couldn't deny Dean anything that would keep that smile on his face, so he opened his mouth and allowed Dean to drop the little bear inside.

Dean's breath caught when his fingers neared Castiel's mouth and when he felt he man's warm breath. He dropped the gummy bear on Castiel's tongue and retracted his hand without Castiel realizing what effect that little simple act had on Dean. He shoved his hand back in the bag and fished out another gummy bear, bowed his head and stared at it for a moment. When he first started seeing Castiel, he thought the man had some sort of a food kink, wanting to have dinner with him and make it all feel like a date.

Dean smiled remembering how nice Castiel has been with him from the start, how he must have felt... Attracted? to him and wanting... Something more? God, it was right there in front of him the whole time. Castiel like him. Him. Not his body, not his dance moves, him. He wanted to get to know him, find out what he liked and disliked... He wanted something more then just... A sex toy.

He wanted to connect. And Dean wanted it too. And more, so much more.

The gummy bear in his hand grew a bit sticky from his warm fingers, so Dean quickly put it in his mouth, fingers and all, licking them and freeing them from the sticky substance. Dean did not miss how Castiel's eyes flickered in his direction for a moment before returning his focus on the movie. Dean dug in the bag for another great and stared down at this one too. He thought what Castiel did before was a food kink, but the idea that started to grow in his mind was closer to that term than anything else.

But he was going to do it. He was going to show Castiel that he wanted more, more touches and kisses, more closeness, more. More of Castiel. He just... He just had to man up and not falter... Just show him, and lead him and...

"Want another one? Please?" Oh, God, he sounded... He didn't even know what to compare it with. He started casual, but his voice cracked at the plea, which was a very stupid thing to add, making him sound pathetic.

Castiel didn't move for a moment, his eyes flickered at Dean, staring, piercing to the depth of his soul. And then he just... Nodded. Dean tried to contain his giddy smile, not to spread too wide and he reached out and placed a gummy bear in Castiel's mount, grazing his lower lip with his finger. There was a spark in Castiel's eyes, but otherwise he didn't react beside chewing the treat.

"More?" Dean perked up, completely ignoring Hallie Berry and Channing Tatum revealing that Eggsy's mentor Harry was still alive somehow. Castiel once again glanced at him and silently nodded. His lips parted, less then before and Dean pushed in a gummy bear, his index finger entering Castiel's mouth and brushing at the tip of his tongue. Dean's breath hitched, a side of his lips twitching in a smile as he stared at those plush pink lips. He lifted his gaze up to Castiel's eyes and saw the lustful look in them, his whole body shivered with excitement. "M...More?"

Castiel quirked a brow at him, but nodded, looking amused and definitely interested to see this is going. Dean put yet another gummy bear in his mouth, a yellow one this time, and his finger made more contact with Castiel's tongue. Dean's lips parted unintentionally, and his heart started beating harder and faster. Quickly, he fished out another bear and brought it closer to Castiel's mouth, watching him following the bear with a predatory look in his eyes.

Dean slowed his advance, and when the bear finally reached Castiel's mouth, he sucked it in, along with Deans finger and closed his lips over it. Dean mouth dropped open and he silently gasped as Castiel's tongue swirled around his finger, licking it clean of any gummy bear residue before releasing it. Dean stared at him and continued to stare as his hand dug around the bad, pulling out another treat and shakily reaching to feed those hungry mouth.

Castiel smiled and pulled Dean's finger inside his mouth again, sucking on it and teasing the fingertip with his tongue all the while watching Dean and his reaction carefully, probably still fearful if he might trigger something. Fearful that he wasn't imagining the lust in Dean's eyes and hoping, really hoping that Dean really wanted to... Play around.

Dean gave him proof of that when he bit down on his lower lip, pure arousal washing over him, his eyes still fixated on his finger in Castiel's mouth. The feeling was... Amazing, and thrilling, the moisture of his mouth around the finger, the warmth of his tongue pressed against him. Dazed, he started to lean in, his own mouth parting slowly as if he wanted to get in on that action. His thumb rose up a bit and brushed over Castiel's lower lip and suddenly Castiel's tongue flickered out, twirled around the thumb too, pulling it in.

The index finger fell out, forgotten while the thumb got all the thrilling action as Castiel sucked on it, holding it gently between his teeth before he let it go with a loud popping sound. Dean made a series of incoherent sounds while Castiel laughed.

"I really enjoyed the gummy bears." He commented, still smiling and Dean thought this was the perfect moment for a perfect comeback. But he couldn't think of one, not of the top of his head, so he just ended up staring for a moment, one moment too long, but fortunately, before Castiel could begin to worry, a lightbulb switched on.

"I... I want to enjoy them too." The moment it came out of his mouth he cringed, because that did not come out right. Not wanting to dwell on it more, focusing on the momentum of their actions, he reached, took a gummy bear and put it in his own mouth, biting down on its belly, leaving its red legs to dangle right outside his mouth.

He raised a brow at Castiel and nudged him with his hand and Castiel laughed and shook his head before he leaned in to snatch that treat out of Dean's mouth. Their lips met and Dean split the bear with his teeth, letting a half fall into Castiel's mouth and the other half in his. But it seemed like Castiel was greedy and his tongue pushed its way inside of Dean's mouth, fishing the other half and stealing it.

"Hey, that was my half!" Dean fake pouted as they pulled back and Castiel just grinned at him. Dean picked another red one and plopped it whole in his mouth, but before he could even get a proper breath, Castiel launched forward and stole the bear right out of his mouth. Dean tried to look shocked and then to pout some more, but he couldn't stop laughing no matter how much he tried. He took another bear and threw it in his mouth, rolling it between his teeth with his tongue and teasing Castiel to 'come and get it'. And Castiel did.

For the first few minutes, they battled over the gummy bear, but soon enough it turned into something a bit more serious, a bit more passionate and none of them knew where that bear went, none of them cared, because they were kissing, devouring one another as the arousal between them built. Dean could feel Castiel's shaky hands trying to reach for him, but stopping, unsure. Since Castiel was almost on top of him, it gave him a perfect opportunity to push himself up, coming closer and take Castiel's hand to set it on his chest. He could feel the man relaxing into the kiss as if Dean's heartbeat soothed him. He parted Dean's lips and dared to move onto his neck, getting an earful of Dean's rugged breaths. Castiel hummed when Dean too found courage to reach and trace his hands over Castiel's arms, caressing his biceps for a moment before going around and feeling out his back.

Suddenly, Castiel stopped and quickly pulled away just a bit, enough to make eye contact with Dean. Confusion flashed in Dean's eyes for a moment as Castiel kept his fixed gaze upon them, searching and Dean instantly remembered that same look in Castiel's eyes back then, on their first night. He hadn't known what that meant then, but he did now, he knew Castiel was still fearful of making a wrong move, of Dean's reaction and of hurting him in anyway. Dean wished so hard he could just come out and say it, say he was alright and that he wanted this, that he wanted Castiel, he wanted the intimacy between them to grow. But voice out what he wanted was still very hard for him, so... _show it. I gotta show him._

And he had no idea why he just didn't pull him into a kiss or groped his ass or something, why decide to keep up with this silly game, but it somehow seemed like an easier thing to do. His hand found that bag and without much rustle, he managed to draw out another gummy bear and bring it closer. Castiel's eyes flickered to his hand and followed its motions until said hand reached and set the treat on Dean's chest. "More?" Dean asked hopeful, barely able to contain his smile at this ridiculous game. Castiel's eyes moved from Dean's chest to his eyes, squinting for a moment and then back down on the stupid gummy bear. Dean's breath hitched when Castiel started to lower himself and he could feel the warmth of those hot lips as they leaned in, captured that gummy bear between them and sucked it into Castiel's mouth with a small slurping sound. Castiel made eye contact with Dean again and he must have seen how lust blown they are, because his lips quirked into a semi-smile.

Dean's own mouth widened in a big, expectant smile when Castiel dropped the gummy piece lower on his chest and then asked "Can I have more?". There was no reluctance in Dean's eyes, there was no hesitance in his almost vigorous nod. This time when Castiel's lips made contact with Dean's skin, they lingered a moment longer, setting a hot, wet kiss that had Dean let out a small moan. Castiel looked at him again, slightly surprised, but also seemingly glad and then leaned back down to plant more thrilling kisses on his belly. The lower Castiel went, the more Dean altered between moans and whimpers, his head thrown back, and his eyes closed.

The feeling was... amazing. Castiel's light fingers danced around his hips, caressing softly and tenderly like they were nothing but silky feathers. His lips mapped every part of Dean's stomach, lovingly brushing against the tender skin. And it wasn't just the fact that those were the kindest, softest, most loving touches Dean has ever felt. It was the fact that he felt safe, completely safe and without the slightest chance of getting hurt in any kind of way. It was the fact that he had freedom, freedom to ask Castiel to stop, freedom to ask him not to do something and knowing Castiel would do it in a heartbeat. And the freedom to ask him to keep going, to do what Dean wanted to do and the freedom to ask for... "Mmm... more?"

It came out just right, it came out like a plead of an already wrecked man and combined with the lower lip that was caught under his teeth, nearly bleeding got him exactly what he wanted. Castiel slowly hooked his fingers on Dean's sweatpants and started pulling them down, mindful of Dean's reactions and waiting for any sign of anything being wrong. If nothing Dean seemed even more eager to loose his clothes, so he lifted himself up and allowed Castiel to remove it all, exposing his very hard cock. He managed to look down and see just how close Castiel was to his member and yet another wave of arousal hit him like a train. "Mmm... more." He managed, sounding a lot more demanding this time, quickly rising to a sitting position and pulling Castiel for a long, lustful kiss, his hands shamelessly reaching under the man's shirt and while caressing his body, lifted it up and broke the kiss only enough to get it off of him.

He could feel Castiel eagerly returning the kiss, letting Dean do what he wanted, surprised by his enthusiastic movements, but finding them extremely arousing especially when those hands found their way in Castiel's pants and grabbed his ass, squeezing tight and making Castiel's mind fog over. Next thing he knew, Dean was yanking his sweats down and his cock didn't even get to feel the dash of fresh air before Dean drew him closer, kissing him like his life depended on it and falling down, pulling Castiel on top of him.

Castiel's larger dick slotted perfectly next to Dean's, making them both gasp loudly, and Castiel buried his face in the crook of Dean's neck, kissing and leaving a trail of hot breaths, listening to Dean moan as he tried to move under him. He got one long loud "oooohhh..." from Dean when he moved just a bit, grinding against him, making that sweet, sweet friction, quickly loosing all common sense. Somewhere in the back of his mind a worried voice tried to outshout all those voices that were humming their excitement, it tried to tell him to slow down and to make damn sure Dean was one hundred percent okay with what was happening, but it was silenced the moment Dean started panting in Castiel's ear, whispering "Mmmore... Moooore... Oh, God, please, more...", and grabbed a handful of his ass, starting to squeeze it and pull it even closer.

Castiel started to move as Dean requested even if they were both a little too dry for this, but damn it felt so good to be this close to Dean, get lost in the smell of his skin, lost in the sound of his voice and his rugged breaths, to know Dean was enjoying this as much as he was. The mere thought of it, of the fact that Dean was this aroused and this eager for contact had him nearing that edge faster than ever. He let Dean's name slip off his lips a few times and was overwhelmed when Dean's reaction was to arch his back in a desperate need for more, and started whispering his name in return.

"Oh... Castiel... Casti... Cas... Cas! Caaaas!" He shouted, his whole body shaking under Castiel as he came, long and hard, arching his back once more, right into the man on top of him. The moment Castiel realized Dean's cum spilled all over his and Dean's cock, adding more than enough lubrication for that friction, he was loosing the battle of the control he was trying hard to maintain and with just a few more movements, he too came with a strangled cry, breathless and drunk on the idea that he just shared yet another amazing orgasm with Dean. He had just enough of brain cells left at the moment not to slump over Dean and kick all the much needed air out of his lings, so he tried real hard to move to the side, feeling just how weak his legs were from all the strain. Dean wouldn't let him go far, and reached to grab his arm, making Castiel slip, but luckily managing to fall just next to Dean, his right hand falling over Dean's chest. Dean's hand shot up and rested over his arm, not letting it get away and Castiel felt his heart fill with a new kind of happiness.

He let Dean have a few moments to catch his breath, before he lifted his head to make eye contact and feel the thug at his heart upon seeing that blissful smile on Dean's face. He was good, he was okay, and Castiel couldn't be more happy about it. Feeling carefree and elated, he smiled remembering a moment when Dean was too far into his intoxicated state to realize what he had said, and Castiel just ad to try and tease. "Cas?"

"Huh?" Dean's curious eyes snapped onto Castiel's as he vocalized his confusion.

"You called me Cas." Castiel replied with a small smile.

"I... I did?" Dean's eyes went wide, and then the worst possible thing happened that made Castiel curse at himself - those beautiful green eyes started to fill with fear.

"Hey, no, no... I... I actually liked it. A lot. Nobody ever... Um... Nobody ever came up with a nickname for me." Castiel tried to sooth him, revealing a part of a sad truth that nobody cared for Castiel enough to give him a nickname and Castiel actually found it extremely endearing. "You... you think you could call me that form now on?"

"You... You sure?" Dean asked clearly relaxing back to his previous state and Castiel smiled so happily and nodded, and Dean smiled back at him. They could both feel that this is something big for both of them, something new and exciting and heartwarming, and Castiel reached and picked up Dean's hand and twirled his fingers around his.

"Yeah, I'm sure." He said and was really close to cracking and just telling Dean that he is head over heels for him. But he was scared, scared that Dean would feel compelled to say the same, regardless if he felt it or not. So he bit his tongue and nuzzled under Dean's shoulder, breathing and calming his breathing heart.

It was Dean who broke the silence after a few minutes, saying they should probably get up and clean themselves up and Castiel perked up at that. "Oh. I made a mess... I should clean it up." He said mimicking Dean's words from a week ago, smirking and raising his brow to see if Dean would catch on. To that, Dean started laughing hard, and after managing to finally catch his breath, he replied before jumping off the bed but naked and bolting out the door.

"Race you to the shower..."


	17. Chapter 17

Dean woke up and without even opening his eyes, he snuggled back into Castiel's embrace grinning. The images of their activities last night still vivid in his mind, he just let them come, relishing in them, especially the shower part where Castiel insisted he made a mess and hoped Dean would let him clean it up. Like Dean would say no to more soft touches. It was so amazing feeling those hands caress his body, gliding over his skin lubricated by the shower creme, rubbing and gently massaging his every muscle. Dean felt so loose and relaxed after that, he literally floated out of the shower. Castiel was constantly smiling at his blissful expression as he wrapped him up in a huge towel and dried him up, his hands never parting Dean's body. He caressed Dean's thighs as he knelled and helped Dean into a pair of briefs, then lead him back to the bed. He set Dean down and laid beside him, and let out a small gasp when Dean snuggled so close to him. His expression matched Dean's, feeling so elevated and so drugged on joy, he fell asleep with a wide smile on his face.

Dean watched him fall asleep and fell a little bit more in love.

And then Saturday came. Somehow, Dean let himself be persuaded to attend one of Castiel's friend's birthday party, and they spent most of their day shopping, looking for a gift for this friend. A friend Dean didn't know much about, aside that his name was Anthony Wilson and he was some kind of a brain doctor. If he understood it correctly, Dean would compare him to McDreamy of Grey's Anatomy. That type of a doctor.

Eventually Castiel settled on a leather binder, like a journal of sorts and was delighted when Dean suggested a fancy box of chocolates to go along. Castiel said it would be perfect for Anthony's partner. Another person Dean had no idea about.

The closer the night came, the more worried Dean was, because he didn't know what to expect and strangely, Castiel wouldn't tell him much. He was even more nervous that Castiel choose to ride in the company limo instead of taking his own car, but the man eased his mind, saying he didn't want to drink and drive. Dean was on the edge of his seat the entire ride, with each passing minute more and more anxious. What if he messed up? What if they went to a fancy restaurant and he made a fool of himself? Worse, a fool of Castiel? Oh, he just knew he would. Especially I there were many people there, people he would have to talk to, explain who he was, memorize their names? Oh, God. He was definitely underdressed for this, and why... Why didn't he tell Castiel that he...

"We're here... Hey. Dean. You ok?" Castiel spoke next to him, and Dean only then seemed to notice that Castiel was underdressed too. Seeing that the car stopped just in front of the best burger bar in town made him sigh in relief. Why would he even think Castiel would be into some fancy dinner parties?

"Yeah, I... I'm good. A little nervous to meet your friend and his partner, but otherwise... Good." Dean replied honestly.

"Oh, nothing to be nervous about. After all, one of them is your friend too." Castiel replied with a slightly devilish smile and got out of the car before Dean could ask more. And the man was right, there was nothing to be nervous about because apparently, Dr. Anthony Wilson, the tall brown haired, brown eyed man had a very sassy, blue-eyed blond for a partner, a guy Dean knew well.

"Nick?"

"Heeeey, Dean! Ough, you brought chocolates, my favorite! Thanks. But you do know it is Tony's birthday, right?" Nick joked, and Dean relaxed instantly. Because if Dr. Wilson was dating Nick, he must be one helluva guy to put up with him, and Dean knew he would like him. If nothing, they could always bond over how difficult Nick could be sometimes. Or how they both probably wanted to kill him more then once.

Turned out, Tony was actually the perfect guy for Nick. He put us with all his comments, giving him a firm eye when Nick would start to go too far and surprisingly, the blond would reel it in and shut his cakehole. They chatted about work and everyday life and at one point, it hit Dean that Dr. Wilson probably knew who, or rather what he was, considering how close he and Nick were. And he was completely ok with it. None of them mentioned their past, or the club and somehow, Dean was thankful for that. Just before the dessert hit the table, Nick rose from his seat and looked at Dean, giving him a head tilt.

"If you would excuse us now, gentleman, me and my friend have to go powered our noses." Nick announced and Dean watched him with a shocked expression, blushing like crazy. Castiel and Anthony laughed, but nodded and Nick pulled Dean by the arm and lead him to the bar.

"How you doing, kiddo?" He finally asked, nodding at the bartender and ordering them two beers.

"I'm good. Really good."

"I'm glad. I would even go so far as to say I am... Happy for you?" Nick teased and Dean huffed a smile. "So... How is everyone back at the club? I take it you're still... With them?" There was a careful, almost guarded expression on the blond's face and Dean, who felt a lot of things but never embarrassed by what he did, now suddenly felt the urge to let Nick know he wasn't dancing anymore.

Maybe it wasn't embarrassment, maybe it was guilt. Not that old guilt that has been eating him up for the last sixteen years, but this new one, the one he felt whenever he remembered that Cas was still financing his mess. Nick's words brought him out of his thoughts.

"Good. How's Sa..."

"Don't!"

Nick rose his hands in a surrender mode, only for a brief second and lowered them before the others could notice. He darted Dean's eyes the same way he did just before he left ZaZ and told him that Dean should go with him.

"You should tell Castiel about him. I know he would want to help. He clearly cares about you, Dean." Even if every fiber of his being was screaming NO, Dean knew Nick was right and that Castiel deserved to know the truth about his past.

Once again, Dean listened to what Nick was saying, but he didn't hear what he was saying. Just like before, when Nick left ZaZ, trying to tell him that Azazel was using him, feeding him breadcrumbs while he got all the cream, picking up the fruits of Dean's labor. Azazel was still doing it, and Nick could only hope that Dean would get that soon. Not just for Dean's sake, but for Castiel's too. Because he knew his boss and he knew he wouldn't just sit back. Especially cause he was so damn obviously in love with Dean.

"I will. Soon." Dean replied quietly and if felt strange how that decision made him feel just a little lighter and the air a little more breathable.

He enjoyed the rest of the night, watching Castiel let go a bit too, and it was funny to see him slightly drunk. Tony was the same, and Nick just kept teasing them and making fun while they all drove in the limo on their way home. Castiel was so much more loose, much less worried about reaching out and touching Dean, a hand over his, a knee next to his, lips on his neck, fingers in his hair.

It wasn't until they dropped the other pair off that Castiel leaned in a kissed Dean so deeply, so passionately it took Dean's breath away and feeling the fabric of his pants tighten up around him. Castiel kissed him breathlessly, his hands still gentle as they ran up Dean's thigh, caressing his ass over his clothes and make Dean's heart pound in his chest.

All too soon they reached the hotel, but the heavy make out session continued in the elevator, even though there were probably cameras in there, not that any of them cared. Dean just had to leave him for a moment to go to the bathroom and when he came back... Castiel was sound asleep sprawled over the bed, fully clothed. Dean smiled at his sleeping form, took his shoes off and the trenchcoat, then the rest of his clothing, leaving him in nothing but his underwear as he tucked him into bed. He stripped himself too and crawled under the covers, scooting over into Castiel's embrace once more.

* * *

Once again, Dean woke up in Castiel's embrace feeling nice and warm and cozy. He never dreamed he could feel like this, so... everything! So happy, so fulfilled, so... Cared for...

It was like Castiel knew what Dean was thinking, and still asleep, he tightened his arms around Dean, humming in delight. This must be so good for him, to have someone next to him, not doing anything, just... Being there. Dean has learned a lot about Castiel, but never quite understood why he was alone. He sure was a great guy with those piercing blue eyes of his that were more beautiful then then the sky, a body that was hot and masculine, it would knock anyone off their feet. He was such a generous lover, tender and caring, and not just in bed.

Dean knew he was starting to develop feelings, and as he glanced back at Castiel's sleeping form, a part of him wished they could stay in their little bubble like this forever. But he knew that was just wishful thinking and that he shouldn't get his hopes up and dare to even consider imagining that...

_Oh, for the fuck's sake! If I have to listen to any more of your fucking whining thoughts, I swear I will give you a fucking stroke, I don't care if it hurts me! Always overthinking and yapping and fuck I feel like I am in a fucking Greek tragedy or something! Quick fucking around and stop crying, and fucking act already. Do something. Anything! Any fucking thing!_

Dean's brain seemed to have a mind of its own, and if he was being honest, it was kinda right. He should stop overthinking this and just enjoy. He should stop asking himself what if and just do what feels right, what feels good. He should...

_That's it, I'm pulling the plug! Lights out! Fucking crybaby!_

Dean slowly turned, careful not to wake Castiel and as his was positioned just right, he slowly lifted his head, and started placing small kisses up the man's neck, so soft and light as a feather, they were barely brushing against his skin. Each time he would pull away half an inch, moist his lips and set them on the soft patches of skin. He could hear Castiel him in his sleep, the kisses probably sending little tingles throughout his body, but he was still fast asleep.

Dean wondered just how much he could get away with before Castiel woke up and abruptly decided to test that. He started by tracing his fingers over the man's biceps, the palm of his hand gently sliding up Castiel's arm, over his shoulder and then down to his chest. Castiel hummed and seemed to lean into the touch, but otherwise didn't wake.

His lips still trailed around the Castiel's neck and collarbone as Dean's hand went lower, the fingertip of his Intex finger brushing over an exposed nipple, making Castiel hums a bit more deeper. Dean smirked into his skin and while his hands moved lower, onto the man's belly, feeling the slightly soft skin of his not-so-firm abs, Dean's mouth simultaneously moved along, his soft lips peppering kisses all the way to that nipple.

The moment he caught it in his mouth, his tongue swiped over it, and Castiel's hums weren't hums anymore, but rather low, silent moans, and yet, he did not wake. Dean continued to swirl his tongue around the hardened bud for a moment longer, feeling the rumble that originated deep within Castiel's chest, the sound so elating, it made Dean's arousal blossom and he couldn't wait to see what other sounds he could drag out of the strong man next to him.

And there it was, a small, barely auditable whimper when Dean's hot lips parted and left the perky nipple and Dean paused, watching the man steer in his sleep. When he didn't wake, Dean's hands started roaming the warm body once again, touching the soft skin, caressing all the curves of those amazing muscles. Castiel was by no means a body builder, and some parts like his stomach weren't firm and tight, but it was obvious that they once were and that the dark haired man still worked out from time to time.

Dean had no idea it would feel this good to be able to touch, to have the freedom to explore someone's body and then... There it was. The little peg, a twitch in his heart, because this wasn't... Right. Not really. The man was asleep, and even if a part of Dean knew Castiel wouldn't really mind being woken by the wetness of Dean's mouth wrapped around his cock, Dean still didn't feel right doing this. Maybe some day, when their relationship evolved, sure, but now...

Dean moved back up the bed, and took a moment to take in Castiel's sleepy form, before he leaned in and brushed his nose against his partner's. Castiel scrunched up, the skin around his nose and on his forehead creasing up in such an adorable way and then his eyes slowly opened up. The moment they focused and saw Dean close, a spark ignited and a wide smile spread across the man's face.

"Mmm... Morning." Castiel said and his eyes widened for a split second as Dean leaned in for a kiss, then pulled back and smiled.

"Good morning." He replied and they spent the next few minutes just staring at each other before they broke into a small laughter. Castiel then got up and stretched and Dean couldn't help but stare at the sun bathed body and the impressive bulk tenting the man's briefs. Feeling quite aroused himself, he wondered how he could _show_ Castiel he wanted some... Intimacy.

Dean followed Castiel's actions and crawled over to his side of the bed, seeming as if he will get out too. He sat in the edge and remained there for a moment before he took a deep breath, looked up at Castiel's curious eyes and reached out with his hand. His palm landed on the back of Castiel's thigh, right under his ass and he pulled him closer. Castiel sucked in a sharp breath, but allowed Dean to run his hands up and down the back of his thighs just up to the his ass as he faced him, his trapped cock right in front of Dean's face.

"Ddd... Dean? What are..." Castiel asked carefully, not really wishing to stop him, just maybe to make sure Dean... Knew what he was doing? Yeah, like that made sense.

Dean glanced up at those wide blue eyes and saw Castiel chest heaving from the deep breaths. His tongue darted out, moisting the lower lip and feeling his heart beat a thousand a minute, he finally took his chance and gave voice to his desire.

"I want... I... I want..." _I want to suck your big fat cock, lick it up real good, have you moaning and begging me and calling my name as you spill your precious cum in my mouth..._ "I want to make you feel good..."

Dean watched as Castiel closed his eyes heavily and how his (still trapped) cock twitched in interest. There was something between a hum and a moan rolling somewhere deep in Castiel's throat and Dean reached, hooked his briefs and slid them down, releasing the throbbing caged animal. His eyes slipped up to meet Castiel's gaze once more, to see that lust in his dilated pupils and those shaking parted lips. Dean refocused on the task at hand, leaned in and placed one wet kiss on the top of the head, and it felt so good to hear Castiel's breath hitch at that. Slowly, Dean opened his mouth and took him in, twirling his tongue gently around the stiff cock. He took him in as much as he could and then slowly started bobbing his head.

Castiel's hand flew to Dean's head, his fingers in Dean's hair, but he didn't force anything, in fact, it seemed more like he was holding on for dear life, if his breathing and moaning was any indication. It was only a few minutes later that Castiel was clearly reaching that edge and he gently tried to pull Dean away, "De... Dean, I'm gonna... I can't... Oh, God I can't hold... Dean..." It was cute to see him struggle, wanting to warn Dean that he is about to come, uncertain if he should let it happen while his member was still in Dean's mouth. At his words, and in order to wipe any doubt, Dean started bobbing his head faster, one hand wrapping itself around Castiel's cock to hold him steady, the other shooting up to squeeze his ass to hold him close, and it was all it took for Castiel to loose it. His entire body convulsed as he came, hard, and shook as he actually felt Dean swallow around his cock. He stiffened, and just breathed in and out for a few moments, slowly coming to, and Dean let his member fall from his mouth, smiling to himself proudly.

When Castiel looked down on Dean, those vivid blue eyes so filled with adoration and amazement, something inside of Dean's chest swelled up. He gasped when the dark-haired man dropped to his knees, leveling himself with Dean, and kissed him without restraint. It was similar to his kisses from last night, filled with need and desire, free and undisputed, but a lot less sloppy. It seemed like Castiel would finally stop tiptoeing around him. The man broke the kiss and searched Dean's eyes for any itsy-bitsy sigh of discomfort, and when he found none, he glanced down at Dean's erection.

"Can... Can I make you feel good too?" Oh, God, that almost desperate plea in his voice was so damn hot, Dean had no idea how come this could be so arousing. To be given so much control over what happens between them. He shyly nodded and allowed Castiel's hand to push him back on the bed as the man started kissing up his thighs, fast and dirty, making Dean loose all coherent thought. His hands roamed freely over Dean's body and he arched and leaned into every touch, letting out a series of purrs and moans and hums and whimpers as Castiel reached his (only slightly) smaller member, took it in his hot, wet mouth and started sucking like a goddamn professional. When Dean too came with a strangled cry only a few minutes after Castiel even started, there was no doubt that the man managed to make him feel so much better then 'good'.

"I am sorry if that was a bit... I promise to make it even better next time." Castiel said and Dean lifted himself on his elbows and stared at him in slight disbelief trying to catch his breath. How could he make _that_ better? Dean was already mind-blown by not just the man's skill, but how he managed to make it dirty and gentle at the same time.

"How better?" Dean asked confused, not even realizing what he was asking, and Castiel quirked an eyebrow, still kneeling between Dean's legs and smiled. What he said next, was said with a careful observation of Dean's reactions to the words.

"Next time, I will take my time, teasing the tip with my tongue and then slide it up and down the shaft, while I keep my eyes on firmly on your face, watching you fall apart and let out more of those delicious sounds without holding back. I want to hear you shout my name as I take you in all the way, one of my hands slipping to caress that perfect ass of yours while the other plays with your balls until you come undone, spilling not in my mouth, but directly down my throat."

"Yes, please." Dean said before Castiel even finished pronouncing that last T, and the man smiled, slightly blushing. He rose up and laid next to Dean to give him another amazing kiss.

"I wouldn't mind hearing what you would like to do too..." He whispered in Dean's ear, his voice deeper and husky sending tingles thoughtout Dean's body. Dean took in a deep breath. This is what he has been struggling with since this whole thing began and... God he wanted to tell him everything, he wanted to tell him that he was starting to heave feelings for him, and that it scared the shit out of him and he wanted to tell him about his past and how much he feared this thing that they have will fall apart like everything in his life. He wanted Castiel to tell him that it won't, he wanted Cas to assure him he will be there and that he won't walk out on him and that he won't let... God, destiny or whatever big bad out there was dictating his life, that he won't let them break this apart. He wanted to tell him how much he wanted more, so much more, how he wanted his soft touches and his kisses and to feel his body next to his, on top of his, all over him, more, just more. More of this, more of it all. More passion, more affection, more Cas. He wanted it all.

"How... how about I tell you tonight?" Dean offered, knowing he was starting to work himself in a frenzy and that he would only end up saying god-knows-what, and it would only make Cas more worried, and that was definitely not what he wanted.

* * *

They ended up going out after breakfast, and Dean finally persuaded Cas to go and explore the huge fortress across the river. He had no idea why Cas was so reluctant to go, but he soon find out. Every time they would walk through a long dark tunnel, Cas would squeeze his hand tighter and his breathing seemed to become a bit more shallow. It was clear he wanted to say 'No' when Dean asked if they could go check out the catacombs but instead he put on a fake smile that Dean saw right through and just nodded his consent.

"Cas, what's the matter? You obviously don't want to go there, so why pretend? Tell me what's wrong." Dean asked facing him, his hands reaching out to hold Castiel's and Dean rubbed his thumbs over them, while he waited patiently for an answer. Castiel huffed a laugh first, trying to hold up his facade before he let it crumble down and bit his lower lip, looking so adorably ashamed as if he had anything to feel ashamed about.

"I... I'm a little claustrophobic." He finally uttered and Dean - Dean himself had to reach and lift his chin, and force Cas to look at him like the roles were reversed. Dean's expression was so filled with understanding and there was not an ounce of tease, no pity, no mock in them that a big, strong, powerful man such as Castiel Novak was afraid of a little tight space and some darkness.

"Cas... Hey, it's okay. We don't have to go there... Besides, there isn't much to see in the dark anyway, probably some stale air and trash all around..." Dean said, and Cas wanted to protest, because he wanted to give Dean this experience and give him everything he wanted.

"No... You want to go, so we will go. I gotta face my fears sometimes, right?"

Fears? What fears? Who has time to think about the darkness and the confining space around them when the guy Cas was really into was kissing him like there was no tomorrow, pressing him against a wall and letting him feel his erection slotting against his own. They haven't even entered the actual catacombs, just the dark tunnel that lead to them and Castiel could feel his panic started to rise one minute, and then the next all he could feel, all he could think is Dean and how it felt great to have him take control like this just to help Cas out and to reward him for wanting to face his fears for Dean. Fears? What fears?

Castiel was completely lost when Dean's hand sneakily slipped into his pants and if it wasn't for some other visitors of the Great Fortress, he is sure that Dean would have either jerked him off or blown him and that alone made him want to try and face his fears again the next time. Dean giggled as they fled before a group of visitor and God! how good it felt to hear him so carefree and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the chapter might seem to abruptly stop and that is because as I was writing it, I realized that it was turning into a monster chapter and that I had to cut it. The good news is I now already have a part of the next one written so... Yay? Would love to hear some feedback, am I getting too fluffy?


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I usually update on Saturdays, but I wanted to surprise you all, not just with an early chapter, but also with a fact that there will be a chapter on Satuday too. Enjoy and thank you for reading. Drop a comment, tell me how it was.

That night, when they finally got home, and funny how Cas never saw the penthouse as home until he found someone to share the space with, they were both smiling happily, looking back on a perfect day, but also filled with anticipation of a perfect evening. Because Dean said he would tell him what he wanted tonight. What Castiel didn't know is that Dean wanted to tell him everything, but driven by the constant arousal of the whole day, he would choose the physical intimacy first.

"So... Are you going to tell me what you would want? You promised..." Castiel teased, even if he knew that if Dean chose not to say a thing, he would still be happy. But his smile grew as he saw Dean bite down on his lower lip in uncertainty, and he just knew that if he did this right, he might just see Dean come out of his bubble a little bit more. Not that he wasn't impressed by his strength and willingness and how much he had already progressed, but he just wanted to see that careless smile and hear that carefree laughter some more.

"How about I promise that, if you tell me, tell me what you would like, I promise we will do it. Tonight. Whatever it is. Anything... Anything at all." He could hear Dean's breath hitch, but he knew he hit the mark when Dean's eyes widened and he visibly shivered in excitement, his lips curving into a semi smile.

"I... Iwn t c you strp." Dean whispered, and screwed his eyes shut for a moment, taking a deep breath. Before Cas could even ask what was it that he said, Dean repeated his words loud and clear. "I want to see you strip. For me. I want to lay here and watch you dance for me. And then I want you to lay beside me..." Dean said in one breath and it seemed like he wanted to say more, but he ran out of breath and was probably discouraged by the setback to have the bravery to say more right now.

But that was okay, because Cas was smiling wide, pleasantly surprised and when Dean wouldn't meet the approval and the growing desire in his eyes, Castiel chose to ask "Any musical preference?"

It brought him back to the first night Dean came to his penthouse and he shoved away those memories of a frightened broken man, because that wasn't Dean, not anymore. When Dean shook his head No, Castiel put something on that he hoped wouldn't bring any bad memories and would also maybe draw a laugh out of Dean. It wasn't anything ridiculous like ' _Too sexy for this shirt_ ' or ' _Do ya think I'm sexy',_ or any other cheesy thing like that. No, he went with another song, a little less shabby and hopefully a little more seductive.

And as the dark room filled with slow sound of a guitar, he couldn't help but smile at Dean's reaction as the green-eyed man sucked in a breath and looked amused and aroused at the same time.

"Santana?" Dean asked and smiled widely as Tito started singing 'After dark', the sexiest slow dance song ever written.

"Heard it in a movie." Cas replied as he slowly started pulling his shirt over his head, swaying his hips left and right and making his stomach move a bit too. The collar of the shirt went over his head, messing up his hair completely and making it stand out in each and every direction and Dean just kept his wide smile, watching the Castiel's every move.

What seemed like teasing but was actually Cas being unable to undo the stubborn button of his jeans fit perfectly into the song, the success of the act aligning perfectly with the change of melody. He let the jeans pool around his ankles and he showed off the bulk in his underwear that was all too eager to come out and play. As he seductively lifted his leg to step out of the jeans, his toes caught up on the material and he stumbled and fell face down with a loud thud.

"Oh, shit Cas, are you okay?" Dean was by his side in an instant, helping him up and watched as the man started to blush like crazy.

"The only thing I hurt was my pride, thank you."

"Come on..." Dean said pulling him towards the bed.

"No, I said I would make it happen, and I stick to my word." Castiel protested and Dean looked at him for a moment. Castiel cussed internally at himself and letting anger prevail over something as insignificant as this, but he really wanted to give Dean what the handsome man desired. And then Dean went and said something that completely stunned him, not just because expressed his wants, but because he showed bravery and stood up to Castiel in a way.

"What if I told you I would now rather have you in the bed beside me, kissing you?"

That. That right there was why he fell in love with Dean. He could be so strong when he wanted to, especially if he was fighting for the comfort of others, of people Dean cared for, or at least Cas hoped Dean it was the case. He just had to push him, and hopefully see some more of the real Dean under those layers of self-loathing and guilt.

"What else? What else would you want me to do?"

Dean paused for a moment again, and then suddenly jerked Cas onto the bed. Cas fell on his face for the second time that night, but at least it was on the soft mattress this time and he turned around just in time to see Dean fall onto the bed beside him, giggling. Castiel smiled and leaned in to kiss Dean, but when he tried to pull back, Dean's hands shot up to cup his face and hold him in place as he deepened the kiss. Their tongues swirled together and for once Dean didn't let him lead, instead battled him. It seemed like he enjoyed the clash for the dominance, the battle rather than the dominance itself, so Cas gave him what he wanted.

The kiss was getting pretty heated and Cas was so into it, he had no idea when Dean managed to get rid of all his clothes and Castiel's briefs too, and suddenly they were lying on the bed, butt naked, facing each other, their erections so close, so freaking close if Cas just scooted an inch...

Dean suddenly broke the kiss and waited for the clouds in Castiel's head to clear before he spoke. "I want you."

"Wwwhat?" Castiel said not catching on and Dean took a deep breath, overcoming his inner opsticle once again and speaking up.

"I want you. I want to feel you. I want to... Connect, to... To feel you inside of me." Dean hid his eyes, his freckles turning red along with his skin as he blushed like crazy. Cas stared at him, his expression one of shock and disbelief. "I... I just want... More." Dean added shyly, lowering his head. Finally Castiel snapped out of his shock, reached and cupped Dean's face lifting it up to meet his gaze.

"Dean, I... I couldn't be happier that you want more, but you do know you don't have to do this. I am completely fine with what we have and I care too much about you to let..."

"I care about you too." Dean interrupted with such adoration in his eyes. "And I know I don't have to do this, I want to... I want to. Because I have never felt like this and it feels so damn good, I want more. I know... I know I might be a bit selfish, but I just... I want to connect to someone... No... No, not someone, I want... I want to connect to you, to, oh God... I want to deepen what we have here and I... I... " Dean was starting to panic a bit, his breath quickening. It was his first time to verbally express his own desires like this and having to talk this much he was starting to drive himself into a frenzy. But Cas must have seen it, because he leaned in and captured Dean's lips into a soft, tender kiss. He didn't let his tongue wonder about, instead choosing to use his lips and to just caress Dean, to sooth him.

He could feel Dean slowly relax and only then did he let his hand slip from his cheek to his neck, just gently gliding down, to his shoulder. He let it sit there, offering whatever comfort Dean could draw from it and broke the kiss, their eyes meeting once again.

"I want to... Connect to you too. And I am... Really glad you want to do this, but I have to ask, I have to make sure... You are doing this because you want to? Not because of me? Not because you think you owe me or..." Castiel asked gazing deep into those incredibly green eyes that widened at Castiel's suggestion.

"No, Cas, no... I would never do that to you. I know... I know you are so much different than all of them, and I... God, this is..." Dean was getting nervous again, and it only then hit Castiel of how open Dean was. He hasn't said anything, he was struggling to show what he liked and disliked and now he is talking, actually talking, and it was amazing that he has been able to be so upfront with what he wanted. And he was clearly struggling as it was, and then Castiel had to go and push him to talk more. There was a sudden tightness in his chest and all Castiel wanted to do was to stop harassing Dean and just follow his own instincts on this - they haven't failed him yet.

So he leaned in and captured Dean's lips once more, and just let him enjoy the softness and the tenderness of the kiss. He lazily caught the lower lip and only barely grazed it with his teeth and he could tell by the small whimper that Dean enjoyed that too. So he pulled it a bit more, sucked it between his teeth and ran his tongue over it. Dean released another silent moan and finally reached for Castiel. He set his hand on the man's bare arm and slowly traced it down, then up to his shoulder, over his collarbone and to his chest. Castiel's own hand mimicked Dean's motions and the moment he laid his hand on Dean's chest he could feel his heartbeat, slightly faster, but strong and almost determined.

Only for a moment, an image flashed in his mind. An image of Dean pushing him down and straddling him. An image of Dean on top of him, so hot and beautiful. He felt his cock jolt playfully at that thought and he set the image aside, hoping that one day, if this thing between them grows, that they would play around and explore more. But for now, Dean wanted him, he needed him, and Castiel's heart was so full, because he knew just how much trust Dean put into him, into all of this. And he would be damned if he would do anything to betray that trust.

Castiel lifted himself up a bit, never breaking that dizzying kiss and Dean followed, immediately realizing that Castiel wanted for them to reposition, lie properly on the bed. The moment his head hit the pillow, Castiel was moving on top of him, and he gasped not just at the feeling of a warm body covering him like a blanket, but the feel of Castiel's erection slotting next his. He didn't know when he closed his eyes, but when he managed to peel them open he saw Castiel's careful expression monitoring him.

"That... Feels so... Good." He manged between breaths, this whole thing was already getting to him, making him so aroused and so dizzy at the same time. Castiel smiled and leaned to kiss him, slowly staring to rut against him. Dean felt his breaths grew more heavy, pure arousal washing over him in waves as Castiel moved against him and he let his hands wander all over Castiel's back, subconsciously learning every curve of every muscle. He wanted to go lower, debated it for a moment, but didn't let his old self prevail. _Show what you want, tell what you want. Express what you want_. So he did.

He let his hands slip lower, over the swell of Castiel's perfect ass, caressed to the right position and then squeezed and pulled him even closer, making Castiel gasp this time. He broke the kiss and looked down at Dean with an amused, but happy smile and Dean bit his lip as he stared back, a tad bit of defiance in his forest greens and Dean squeezed and pulled close again. Castiel's lips parted, sucking in a deep breath as Dean's actions caused that sweet friction that had his mind clouding up and his entire body to shiver. Dean's lips twirled in a semi-smirk, gone faster then it came and he pulled Castiel in for another deep, needy kiss.

They stayed like that for a while, kissing, their legs intertwined, their hands roaming the other's body, both getting drunk with the feeling of another so close and so willing. Castiel's lips parted, but didn't go far as the man continued to trail hot kisses over his jaw and then slowly down the neck. He could hear Dean's deep rugged breaths and could actually feel the goosebumps that started to crawl on Dean's skin and he knew Dean was really enjoying this. His lips traced lower, over Dean's chest and down to his nipple and he just brushed over it with his wet lower lip and then ghosted over it, letting his breath affect the hardness of the bud. Dean whimpered at that and Castiel glanced at him only to see his lips parted and even though his eyes were closed, it was still obvious how good he felt.

Castiel slowly moved and captured the other nipple between his lips, wetting it, then teased it with his tongue delighted at the sounds Dean was making. They were quiet, barely there, but the more Castiel played, the more vocal Dean got and by the time the man reached the lower belly, plastering kisses and small nibbles all over the soft skin, Dean was humming his pleasure, filled with sweet anticipation.

Dean could feel it all, even when Castiel's hand silently reached and opened the drawer of the nightstand, probably to find lube. He huffed a smile as Castiel continued to kiss him, planting his wet lips on his hips and back at his stomach, going lower and lower. There was a small pause and just as if Dean knew it was what Castiel needed, he finally opened his eyes and looked down at the mad between his legs. He saw the same look in those ocean blues as he did that first night, only this time it was laced with adoration and, dared he think? - pride, and he could only hope that his eyes were giving out just as much excitement as Cas's were. He didn't know just how much fear they bore on that first night and how relieved Cas was not to see that ounce of fear in them now. Cas's expression seemed to soften and he kept his gaze upon Dean just for a moment longer, then parted his mouth as if he was trying to say something, probably to ask Dean if he was still okay, but did get a chance to as Dean spread his legs wider for him. Cas's eyes snapped down to follow the motion and were back on Dean's within a second, and he kept that gaze as his hand slowly moved up Dean's inner thigh, slowly reaching his groin.

The back of Castiel's hand brushed over Dean's balls and his thumb pressed and slid just within the leg's juncture and Dean's breathing picked up, and still there was nothing but anticipation in Dean's eyes as his fingers traveled closer to his hole, circling, teasing.

"Cas... Please..." Dean whispered and the man's eyes widened at the plea that tugged at his heart stings and at the same time sent a wave of arousal coursing through his entire body. He ceased his play and moved closer, setting his finger against Dean's entrance. "Pplease..." Dean whimpered and Castiel slowly pushed the finger within him, instantly closing his eyes and both savoring the feeling of the immense warmth and shoving it away to ease on his own arousal. Not wanting to play with Dean, he started moving it and was hit with another wave of that intoxicating feeling when Dean started moaning silently. And the more he moved the more Dean let himself go and the more sweet sounds he made.

With ease, Castiel added another lubed finger and Dean arched his back, forcing himself down on those fingers just a bit. His mind was swimming and he thought this part would be unpleasant, but he just so badly wanted to feel Castiel, wanted to feel just how different it would be with him so gentle and caring, but he had no idea that even this part would be so... Freakin' hot.

Castiel's hand slowly crept up his thigh and just as he started pumping those two fingers , his hand clasped over Dean's cock and started stroking lazily. His fingers twirled up inside, and Dean let out such a loud dirty moan that he immediately blushed and closed his eyes ashamed, his hands coming up to cover his face. It was so strange how even this part felt that good, with Cas going so slow, dragging it all out making Dean more and more lost in that subspace between awake and total bliss.

It took a few moments for his mind to clear up and for him to realize he was actually enjoying this so much more than he thought he would and that he wanted... "Mmm... Mo... More..." And Castiel added another finger and curled them as he pushed them all the way in, and once more Dean's back arched as he pushed himself down on those thick fingers.

"Oh, God, Dean..." Castiel let out and only then did Dean notice the dilated pupils, the drooling mouth and the heavy breaths, bit to mention the throbbing cock that were so eager for him, but holding back and making sure he was all good and stretched and prepared for this whole thing to be the least painful out of all his experiences.

"Cas... Oh, Jesus. That... Stop..." Dean said and Castiel instantly obeyed, starting to pull his fingers out. "No, stop... This. Not. That." Dean said as his hand reached for Castiel's that was stroking him and steadied it. "Stop or I'll... Just... Keep doing... Keep going..." And Castiel obeyed pushing all three fingers back inside, as deep as they would go. "Ooohh... Jesus Christ..."

Castiel took a chance and started moving just a bit faster, making Dean gasp and moan, shouting out his name along with "Jesus, oh, Lord, dear God, Christ. Oh, Cas..." Then suddenly, Dean jerked himself up, reaching for Castiel and closing his breath-dry lips over his, kissing him with such urgency and hunger that Castiel's mind fogged over and then next thing he knew he was in top of Dean, slowly pushing his way inside of him.

The warmth and tightness was so immense, Castiel felt like something was stuck in his throat and wouldn't allow anything but a choked off sounds to come out. At the same time, Dean was moaning so loudly in his ear, as he held onto him, held onto his biceps, held on for dear life. Finally, a few OHs slipped out and with them his breath. The new intake of air had him thinking more clearly and realize he might have moved without permission, and that he might have hurt Dean, so his focus was instantly on the man, his questioning and worried gaze searching Dean's expression and those vibrant green eyes.

"Ooh, just... Just a... Little... Mmmore..." Dean said feeling all different then ever before and when Castiel didn't move, he reached down, grabbed his ass and pushed him further in, and even thought it burnt slightly, hitting his prostate in just the right way was all it took for Dean to completely disregard the discomfort. "Oooohhohi... Oh, dear Lord, fuck... That's... " He uttered and completely missed the string of curses Castiel whispered as he was buried deeper inside that sweet hole.

They both paused right there, catching their breaths and as Castiel finally lifted his head that was buried in the crook of Dean's neck and met those fearful green eyes, the world around him started to crash. That is until Dean spoke. "I... I am sorry, I didn't mean... I didn't mean to... I just... I never felt anyone... This was... So much different."

"Oh, Dean... Don't... - cue a small grunt - don't ever apologize for this. Don't ever apologize for reaching and taking what you want, not to me." Another small grunt parted his lips and Dean turned slightly to the side, and kissed him so tenderly, so lovingly, Castiel thought his heart might explode from the sensation. While trapped in that amazing kiss, Castiel felt Dean wiggle underneath him just a bit and he slowly pulled out, grabbed a pillow and actually lifted Dean to set it under his lower back. And then... slowly, he pushed back in. His mouth vibrated as he swallowed down Dean's moan, and he broke the kiss to once again look at the man underneath him. It wasn't so much that he needed to make sure Dean was alright, it was that he just couldn't get enough of looking at the gorgeous man, and he felt so damn lucky to have met someone like him.

Even if happens that this thing doesn't last, he will always cherish each moment spent with Dean.

"Mmore... Moove... Please..." Dean moaned and God! how good it felt to hear that plea, to know Dean wanted more of him, in each and every way. He let his eager cock slowly slip out and he immediately pushed back in, setting a slow, torturous pace that had Dean whining and sweat breaking over both of them. He moved, gentle and caring, each long-drawn-out thrust lifting them both up to those incredible heights and by God! it has never felt like this for either of them. Castiel wanted to maintain these leisurely motions because not only was this building up to be the best intercourse he has ever had, but because he was, with each thrust, becoming more assured that this is what it felt like to 'make love' to somebody.

And he couldn't imagine doing it with anyone but with Dean.

Dean seemed to be enjoying this relaxed and unrushed built-up, if the sounds he was making were any indication, and not just that. The way he would move just a bit to meet each thrust, deliberately arching his back whenever Cas would bury himself in, biting down on his lower lip, the look of complete ecstasy in his eyes was so erotic, Castiel felt nearing that edge faster than he ever thought he could. Usually so proud of his stamina, it was mind-blowing how Dean is able to make him all hot and bothered in an instant, and this time it isn't any different.

"Dddean, oh, Dean..." Castiel moaned his name as he parted his lips once more, this gradual escalation so intense, his orgasm crept up on him so fast, his head was spinning. It only then occured to him, that even if Dean was actually enjoying this, he needed to take care of him too and while keeping up with the slow and steady thrusts, his hand gipped Dean's hip, then slowly started to move closer to his achingly throbbing cock. He only managed to reach the base, his fingers brushing his V line when he heard Dean's breath hitch and fuck if those emeralds didn't shine as they made contact with Castiel's eyes, so filled with amazement and hell, was that love?!

The pupils dilated and Dean's mouth dropped open as he sucked in a breath, and suddenly moaned so loudly, so dirty it would put all those porn stars to shame. Before Castiel could even figure out what was happening, Dean's cock started shooting rope after rope of cum all over himself and all of his muscles tightened and spasmed, including the ones around his tight hole. Dean unconsciously clenched up around Castiel's member and the sensation was so unbelievably amazing, Castiel tumbled over that proverbial edge and came with a strangled cry, unable to pull out because Dean constricted so much around him, he feared he might hurt him.

Barely holding himself upright above Dean he met his gaze once again, and just basked in it as he tried to catch his breath. Dean reached and pulled him in, making Castiel slump over him without a hitch in his breath and once more Castiel found himself astounded by Dean's strength. Their lips met in a slow, lazy kiss, the one that showed just how much they both feel wonderful, and how happy they are.

"I... I can't believe..." Dean whispered in Castiel's lips, huffing a smile, but his voice filled with a certain dose of misbelief.

"Dean?"

"I came... And you didn't even... You didn't even touch me..." And it was true, because Castiel was reaching, but never made it to the destination. He made him come untouched and if Dean's words were any indication, this is another first. Another first Castiel managed to be a crucial part of.

"I take it that has never happened before?" He asked, just to make sure and Dean shook his head, smiling, his eyes closed in slight embarrassment as his cheeks reddened. Castiel leaned back and kissed the redness off, as he carefully pulled out. "You hurt?" He asked concerned after Dean hissed at the motion.

"Nah... I'm good. In need of a shower, but... - another loving look, another kind smile - I am good. So good." Castiel managed to lift himself up and get out of the bed, and Dean moved with a small groan and huffed another smile. "I'm not racing you to the shower this time, you'll definitely win, you got the advantage here..." _Advantage of the lack of a sore ass, not that I'm complaining_. Dean's mind supplied. Castiel leaned down to Dean's ear, bending so that his ass was sticking out and he actually wiggled it as he whispered something that made Dean's eyes grow wide, that made him gasp and gawk at Castiel with a dumbstruck expression on his face.

"How about next time, you take the advantage?"


	19. Chapter 19

This morning he woke up with a wide smile on his face as he was welcomed by the sight of the cutest, funniest facial expression of one Castiel Novak. The man had his mouth slightly ajar, drooling all over the pillow, but it was the most relaxed he has ever seen him. That was another reason why Dean pushed himself to be a bit more normal, and a bit more open about what he wanted, just for a chance to see Cas not worry about him so much.

Suddenly, the idea he had yesterday came to his mind, and he nudged the man next to him, managing to make him move on his back while still asleep. Dean crawled under the covers and between Castiel's legs and after a few minutes of hums and moans, the man woke up with a loud gasp that continued into heavy breaths. The moment the initial shock passed, Cas quickly lifted the covers and the sight of Dean taking him in all the way down had his eyes rolling in the back of his head.

What a way to wake up.

There was a smug, proud smile on Dean's face a few minutes later, after he lifted his head and swallowed and Castiel was just astounded by the sight. Those kissable pink lips stretched into a smile, those forest greens had a spark in them that just made him want to curl up next to Dean and spend the eternity like that.

"Stop staring at me, you goof, or you will be late for work." Dean warned with a laugh and started to get up, but Castiel grabbed his wrist, brought him close and set one tender lip kiss, as he swung his arms around him. Dean giggled as he seemingly tried to break free, and once Castiel allowed him to pull his lips away, Dean rolled his eyes. "Seriously, you're going to be late."

"I don't care. They could survive one day without me. I just want to lay here and hold you in my arms the whole day, and just... Enjoy the life." Castiel commented. Dean's face still had that smile plastered on as he shook his head. He leaned and stole one more kiss before he whispered one word - "Tonight".

Dean walked back to the club, enjoying the fresh air, every third step had a certain skip to it, and his every move was joyful and perky, the world seemed just bit brighter today. He entered the club through the back, passing by Azazel who was rushing out, probably late to a meeting, a hand gripped tightly over his chest and his breathing a bit more rugged, like he ran a marathon. Dean just shrugged and walked past the dancer's rooms, glancing inside. Kevin and Adam were nowhere to be found, which was a good thing, because if they weren't in bed on such a beautiful day, that meant they weren't hurt, sore or anything like that. And he was glad. He came out to the bar and greeted Crowley who squinted his eyes at Dean and studied him for a moment before he spoke up.

"You seem awfully cheery today." He commented as he polished a glass and set it against the others. He was an odd man, always behind that bar, whole day and most of the night, cleaning, organizing the drinks, serving, cutting lemons... He was meticulous with everything he did, even with his scrutiny of others. But he seemed softer towards Dean, always did.

"I am. It is a good day. Everything alright here?"

"Gah. You are more chipper than a teenage girl on a prom night, just like the other two. What is with you lot? Don't any of you know it is Monday?" Crowley spat out, no real heat behind his words. "They are out, having a ball. The boss doesn't seem so perky though, looking pale and out of breath this morning. Wonder what crawled up his arse?"

"Why, what did he say?"

"That's just it, he said nothing. Usually he is here to give some ludicrous orders I never listen to, but he has been held up in his office all morning. Then he came in, looking for water. Water! Drank a litre, sweated like a bloody waterfall and then just upped and left like someone was chasing him."

"I hope he's ok." Dean commented sincerely and Crowley rolled his eyes.

"I hope he drops dead."

"Crowley! That's not nice."

"When was I ever nice?" Crowley asked looking appalled. He put aside another spotless glass and changed the subject. "So, you going off to see your brother?" Dean nodded and Crowley nodded back. That there was actually quite a nice conversation, one of the better ones he had with the man. Maybe it is just something about this day that is making everyone act nicer.

On his way to see Sammy, he stopped by the library, returned the _Odyssey,_ since he had finished reading it to Sammy and wandered around looking for something new. He always picked up books in the classic section, and he didn't even know why. Maybe somewhere deep down he hoped that Sammy could hear him and considering he was such a geek even at the age of fourteen, that this is what he would like to read.

A colorful display caught his eye and he paused in front of the horror section, glancing at the layout of the books. He had never heard of them, never paid attention to anything else here, but they sounded interesting and short, so maybe... Maybe he could take one or two and read them to Sammy too. And he had read him some classic Russian literature, then Greek, and maybe it was time he circled back to some classic American novels. So he picked up the two thin R. L. Stine's _Goosebumps_ series and then, in the Classic American Novels section, he picked up _Wuthering Heights,_ by Emily Bronte. It looked a bit girly, but what the heck, it was a short read.

He read both _Goosebumps_ books to Sammy that day, and he knew it was just his wishful thinking, but by the end of it Sammy seemed almost as if he was smiling, his cheeks not so pale, his lips not so dry. Dean knew he had Meg to thank for everything she did for his brother, the things he couldn't because of the hospital policy, and he hoped that some day, he might be able to repay her for it all. Knowing she didn't work Mondays, he didn't linger long after finishing his read, heading back towards the club.

The day was turning from happy to somewhat melancholic the more Dean thought about his life as he got ready to meet Castiel. He completely forgot he wanted to tell him more about his life yesterday, but considering how things... Evolved, who could blame him. Still, he was determined to do so tonight, he would break that dam, and let it all flow out, with nothing but hope that it wouldn't crash on the harsh rocks. Leap of faith is what the movies would call it. And he just had to have faith that Castiel wouldn't judge him. It was his fault, that remained unchanged, but he hoped that Castiel would accept it.

In fact, the more he thought about it as he redressed, the more certain he was that Castiel would be okay with it all, if not immediately jump to offer any kind of help. Dean would of course refuse, it is his burden to bear, and he was already starting to develop ideas and plans of how he would take that financial weight on himself completely. He had to if he ever hoped to have anything relationship like with Castiel, not wanting to depend on him or have the fact that he has money ever be an issue between them.

His heart warmed as he thought about going long term with Castiel. He had never dreamed about finding someone, anyone he would care this much about, someone who would care about him. Him, and not his body or what he could do with his tongue or mouth. Cared about him, just as he is. And God, he could already imagine them together, maybe in a small house somewhere not too far from the city, so that Cas was close to work, but far enough to have a back yard, a large two-seater swing and a bit of nature around.

Imagining what his life might look like, and actually thinking this was a possibility, he exited the club through the back, not even checking in with Azazel who, as it seemed, wasn't even there. Dean paid no mind as he climbed into the car that was waiting for him out the back and his smile dropped as soon as saw who was actually sitting in the drivers seat. It hit him then, the small things he missed, like that the Toyota wasn't shiny metallic, but rather matte grey, that the familiar dark haired man he was falling in love with didn't wait for him like he always did - leaning against the bumper.

Dean shook his head as a small sting of No-s escaped his lips in a scared whisper, and his eyes filled with tears at the face before him, but when he turned and tried to open the car door, he felt someone grab the back of his head and slam it into the car's center pole. The nasal voice laughing in his ear was the last thing he heard before the darkness enveloped him.

For the next five days, nobody will know where Dean disappeared to.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have officially hit the 150 mark on the kudos. Thank you guys, you are the best. ❤❤❤

Five days later, Castiel stood outside the hospital room, staring through the room window at the broken, bandaged, intubated, barely alive man he cared so deeply about. It still hurt like hell to learn what was done to him, the doctor's words echoing in his heard.

"... severe fractures of rib cage... broken bones... bruises, scrapes, cuts... spinal injuries... swelling in his throat from constant... severe tearing of the anus, stitches... scull fractures, brain swelling... surgery to remove... beer bottle in the rectal canal..."

His lips pressed into a thin line, his fists clenched, Castiel felt such rage like he had never felt before, and some of it was even directed at himself. He would always carry some of that guilt for being late that day...

**Monday:**

Castiel waited and waited, leaning up against his Toyota, but Dean didn't come out. He got held up at work, and was late to pick him up, so of course he thought that maybe Dean headed to the hotel on his own. But after talking to the receptionist who confirmed that his guest did not show up today, Castiel grew worried. He was just about to circle around and enter the club when the bartender walked out, grumbling something about being left alone to tend to the whole club as he took out the trash.

They locked eyes with each other and both kind of squinted, and Castiel was just about to ask about Dean when the grumpy bartender spoke in a British accent "Isn't Dean supposed to be with you?"

Shivers went down his spine, but it wasn't logical, Dean could still very well be on his way to Castiel's hotel, there was no real reason to think something has happened. Still, Castiel couldn't shake the slimy feeling that crept up his skin as he drove back to the hotel to wait for Dean's arrival, cursing at himself for not persuading Dean to buy him a phone. In fact, the darker it got outside, the darker his thoughts were, and the more worried he became, blaming himself for not trying harder to find him, for being late, for any little thing he could think of. He wanted to go and look for him, but logically knew there was nothing he could do, not tonight. All he could do is sit and wait and hope Dean would show up.

Fat chance! Castiel Novak was not the man to just idly sit by and do nothing. On his way down to the reception, he phoned Benny and Balthazar, asking them both to get behind the wheel and start searching the town, promising them large compensation, but when both heard that Dean was missing, they declined payment and said they would do whatever it took to find him. Castiel made sure to shove a roll of bills in the receptionist's hands as he told her to call him immediately if his guest was to show up, but not to detain him, to rather let him up.

The dawn was breaking when Castiel got back to the hotel without Dean, broken and worried as to what might have happened, and he crashed down on the bed, exhausted and drained, but only managed a couple of hours before a nightmare woke him up again.

**Tuesday:**

Castiel walked out of the elevator wearing the same outfit he did yesterday, and it was clear he didn't even bother to shower. He spent the next four hours reporting Dean as a missing person, but the moment the cops heard Dean was a dancer at ZaZ, they quickly lost interest, saying they will look into it. Castiel saw red.

After demanding to speak to their superior, he was escorted to the office of the police chief Drebin, an older man with grey hair shook his hand and explained that some cases take priority. Castiel then explained that, if they manage to find Dean, that a substantial amount of money will be donated to their particular precinct, and suddenly police chief Drebin changed his tune and promised they would leave no stone unturned. Castiel didn't get his hopes up that they would actually find him, but it never hurt to have more people searching.

He checked in with Benny and Balthazar who, after a couple of hours of sleep and a shower, were back circling the city, checking with other contacts and looking for Dean.

Castiel went back to the club to try and talk to the owner or that bartender, but it was just his luck that all he found were a couple of scared dancers without even the security around the club, who had no clue what might have happened to Dean. In fact, some were pretty clear that they disliked him; probably saw him as a competition and they were glad he was gone.

Since he couldn't get any information on the bartender or the owner, not even their phone number, he went back to the office, just to check in, tell Charlie what happened and that she would have to take over for the time being. He had full confidence in her and told her such, assuring the insecure redhead that she's "got this." Finally, she nodded, but set up one condition. That he had to go and eat. Castiel promised he would.

He searched the town, mostly the places they have been before and some places he thought Dean might go to, until he finally ended up knocking on Nick's door at midnight, nearly collapsing with exhaustion. The blond took him in, called Anthony who was on call at his hospital. Tony told him to make sure Castiel ate something that won't upset his stomach and to keep him hydrated and that he will be home as soon as he can. He also said he would reach out to his contacts in the state hospital and have them call him if they checked in a patient under Dean's description.

Castiel was so tired and tormented by the scary thoughts of what might have happened to Dean that he just ate the porridge Nick made and collapsed on the couch.

**Wednesday:**

Castiel was awaken by the sound of his own phone, but by the time he located it, it had stopped ringing. Somehow he was in unfamiliar bed, wearing nothing but his own briefs and the memory of the last two days slowly crept back into his mind. He was at Nick's, but that didn't matter, because Dean was still missing. He quickly found his clothes, and got dressed as he read Nick's note which stated that he would go to the club and ask around.

He grabbed his phone and checked the messages just in case Dean somehow contacted him, or somebody else had any information on him, and he blinked at the familiar name. Castiel had completely forgotten about the sleazy PI he hired to look into the club and his owner.

"Marvin! What did you find out?"

"No much, boss. The club's papers are clean, everything's legit. There is a large sum of cash being drawn from the profits, but that's legal, if the owner wants to keep his money in his safe and not the bank. I tried to trace the money, but you know cash doesn't leave a paper trail to follow. You sure you don't want me to look closely at the owner or the employees?"

"Do it. I want to know everything. And I'll triple your pay if you get me something good today." Castiel said without skipping a beat. He wouldn't normally do this, but Dean was missing. In fact, he planned on heading to the club again himself, considering it was where Dean was last seen. After finishing the conversation with a suddenly all too cheery PI, he grabbed his keys and was just about to leave when he heard the front door.

The next few hours seemed like a total waist of time as Tony made him take a shower, redress in his, slightly tighter outfit and forced him to sit and have breakfast. He tried to persuade Castiel that he should take it easy, and that Dean will turn up, but the last straw was when he said he should trust the police to find him. Deep down, Castiel knew his friend meant well and that he was worried about him, but he didn't have time to sit and relax and hope that thing will turn out alright.

Dean was just too important to leave anything to chance.

Unfortunately, he struck out with the club today too, when he arrived, all he found was one pissed of Nick and that same dancer that didn't seem to like Dean, in a heated argument about the whereabouts of the owner and the bartender. Apparently, Nick believed him when he said he didn't know where Azazel was, but found it extremel Iy hard to believe that Crowley managed to reconcile with that bitch of his mother and was currently visiting her.

Nick lead him to a house a few blocks away from the club, a nice secluded little place, with what could be a very nice garden and a cozy little porch if the place was maintained properly, not that Castiel paid much attention to that right now. He was more interested in why Nick brought him there. The blond looked around, saw a white Honda civic parked in the driveway, and he banged on the door, banged and banged, but the place seemed to be deserted.

"Damnit! Where the fuck could he be?!" Nick spat out as he hit that door one more time.

"Why are we here, Nick, who are you looking for?" Castiel asked, sounding slightly impatient.

"Azazel. This is his place. But I don't get it, his car is here and he is nowhere to be found. I..." Nick trailed off as Castiel brushed past him, came up to the front door and with one bad-ass kick, blasted the front door off his hinges. He knew he was breaking and entering, but he didn't care. He needed to find Dean and if the owner of the club had any information, Castiel was going to find out. Whether Azazel wanted to or not.

Once more, the man's luck struck out, as they found the owner sprawled on the floor near the staircase, pale and barely breathing. After explaining to the cops that they were just concerned friends who didn't know what happened to Azazel and went looking for him, they watched as the ambulance hollered the old man away. He was still alive, just barely, and the paramedics said it was probably a heart attack. But Castiel did not like how coincidental this was - Dean goes missing and Azazel gets a heart attack? Something wasn't right here.

But by the time they were done with the cops and were allowed to leave the scene, the night fell and there weren't any leads to follow right now, so Castiel dropped Nick off, checked in with Benny, Balthazar and Charlie, as well as the hotel, and then went on to pointlessly drive around the town until dawn cracked, looking and searching.

**Thursday:**

It was close to 9 am when Castiel returned to his penthouse, on the verge of collapsing from both physical and emotional exhaustion. He fell on the bed without removing even his trenchcoat and slept for a couple of hours before the nightmares took over again. He saw Dean being violated, tortured and raped, forced and beaten until there was nothing left but a pile of flesh and bone and a huge pile of blood and he woke up desperately gasping for air, tears he could not contain running down his face.

He dragged himself out of the bed and went to the bathroom, pealing off one disgusting layer after another and throwing them all on one pile before he stepped under the spray, hoping the warm water would help him, but it only made things that much more heavier to bare. After years of not even realizing how lonely he was, years of dedicating himself to his work and his company, he finally, _finally_ found someone, someone he didn't even know his heart was looking for, and then... He didn't even leave, no, he was taken from him. Taken away against his will and...

Wait, was he?

Did someone take Dean, or did Dean... did Dean take off on his own?

A giant black hole opened up in his chest, threatening to swallow him whole. It hurt so much, but it was an option. What if Dean just took off, tired of getting abused and sold and passed on from one client to the next. Tired of having to dance as others conducted the music and just... Oh, God! What if... What if Dean let because of Sunday? Because he didn't like it, because he though he had to do it, had to please Castiel and service his client and... Oh, what if that was the reason he left? The tears streamed down Castiel's face unseen as the spray hit hi chest and he leaned and threw his hand to the wall to support himself from not falling as he struggled to breath, eyes wide, mouth open and lips trembling.

He tried to stand, he tried to be strong, but this was just too much. He remembered the loving look in Dean's eyes, the excitement and the willingness to go... make love. God, he pleaded, he asked for more... He did, right? Castiel didn't imagine it all? He... He didn't hurt him, did he?! Oh, fuck... Castiel slid down, his back against the wall, and he curled into himself, his knees coming up to his chest and he hugged them, he hugged them tight, staring in the distance, utterly distraught. He bit down on his lower lip to stop it from trembling and to stop the sobs that wanted to escape him, but he ended up biting down so hard, he split his lip right open, blood slowly ticking down his chin.

Castiel didn't know how long he was there, but when he finally managed to drag himself out of that shower, he was so cold and shivering, but it felt like nothing could warm him up. His trenchcoat was thrown over a chair and the image of Dean curled up in that wretched thing popped in his head and his breath hitched. He found it so endearing and so sweet that Dean would put that on, and that was before he found out the real reason behind it. Dean had spent five days in total agony before he finally broke and lashed out and not only didn't Castiel notice something was wrong, but he also played right into his little outburst and... It hurt, it hurt so fucking much that he didn't see it, that he was such an idiot and that he might have even hurt Dean.

Wallowing in all those bad emotions and allowing the dark thoughts to fill his mind, Castiel completely disregarded his ringing phone until the thing died on him some time around 7 pm, and spent his day curled up on the bed, wearing nothing but that damn trenchcoat and trying to stop his heart from wanting to explode on him, as more doubts filled his mind. Around 10 pm, he heard a familiar _Ding!_ , some ruckus outside in the hallway and what might have been Nick's voice along with a few others, but he paid it no mind, too lost in his heartache and he just let his fears and his despair consume him as his mind clouded over and unconsciousness took him under it's wing.

**Friday:**

"Chief? Wake up, chief." Castiel heard a familiar voice as someone tried to nudge him awake and he just swatted the hand away and grumbled his 'go away!'

"Come on, chief. Time to wake up." Benny wasn't taking it and he grabbed his boss's shoulders and shook him more firmly. Castiel finally pealed his eyes open, a deep frown embedded on his face and he was just about to yell at his driver and tell him to go to hell when Benny's words sliced though him like a samurai sword. "We might have a lead on who took Dean."

Castiel's eyes went wide and he froze for a moment, one fact reaching his mind and simultaneously making him glad and pissed. Dean didn't walk out on him. Dean didn't left. And _fuck! fuck! fuck! fucking fuck!_ he wasted a whole fucking day on self-pity and _fuck! such a fucking idiot!_ He jumped out of the bed and stood right in front of Benny, his eyes darting, his voice grave and serious.

"What did you find out?! What is the lead?"

"Maybe you should put some clothes on first?" Benny offered stretching his words a bit like a true Louisianian and trying not to look down. Aside from the trenchcoat, Castiel had nothing on, but he didn't allow for that to distract him. He kept his glare firmly on Benny as he covered up a bit and like he was using the coat as a robe, he picked up it's belt and died it around himself tightly.

"Tell me!"

"Well, your friend Nick was here last night, trying to reach you, but the hotel staff didn't know him, so they wouldn't let him up. He ended up thrown out on his tush for breaching security. But when he tried again this morning, I happened to be here too, so he sent me to convey a message." Benny spoke and Castiel was almost bouncing, wanting him to get to the point. "He said the bartender returned to the club last night and that they spoke, and that the back entrance was covered by well hidden cameras and that he couldn't show him last night, but will be happy to do it this morning. He said he already checked the footage and that there was indeed something not right about it." As soon as the last words left Benny's mouth, Castiel was climbing over the bed, choosing the fastest route to any clothes and without a shred of decency, he let the trenchcoat fall of him before he even found a clean pair of briefs. Benny simply turned and walked out of the hallway to give his boss some privacy.

On their way down, Benny also told him that Balthazar started circling the town again this morning and that his assistant Charlie told Nick she found some hacker named Ash who was on standby if they found a face or a car that needed to be located. Apparently he is good at tracking people without even leaving his apartment. They met up with Nick who threw a smug glance at the receptionist as Castiel greeted him, but otherwise said nothing as they walked out to the limo. Nick said he had no other news and they sat in complete silence as they drove to the club, with Nick throwing Castiel a few worried glances. The man was clearly a mess, but he didn't care. Dean didn't leave. Dean was taken. And Castiel let doubt slow him down and stop him from trying to find Dean.

The short British man simply nodded at them when they entered the club, and Castiel at the stage, the image of Dean dancing around the pole flashing briefly in his mind, but he shook it off to focus on the more important issue. The bartender walked them towards the back and they passed those two dancers Castiel encountered before - Kevin and Adam. And while Kevin didn't even make eye contact, Adam had a condescending and a disgusted look on his face as he watched them pass by. In any other circumstances, Castiel might have wondered why he was like that, but now? There was something more important to do.

The bartender, Crowley was right, the footage was odd. It showed a silver Toyota picking Dean up, and anyone watching would think it was Castiel, like it had been him for the past week. But Cas knew better. For once, he always got out of the car, if nothing other than to watch the smile split Dean's face whenever he laid his eyes on Castiel. And then his car came into view, and of course he stepped out and leaned against it and waited and waited. It was obvious the car color was a bit off, the previous Toyota was a bit darker in tone, but other than that, they didn't have much to go by. No clear shot of the licence plate, nor a good view of the driver.

Castiel wondered why would Dean get into the car, and if it was someone he knew, someone he trusted. He certainly wouldn't go in if it was the attacker from a few weeks ago, right? Rewinding the tape, he watched closely at Dean and even if it was an odd angle, he tried to get a read on him, but all he saw was a slight cheery bounce in his step as he walked out and entered the car. And then his eyes went wide.

"Rewind it again!" Castiel said and watched as Dean got into the car, his head turned away from the camera until it wasn't. There was clear panic in his expression as he turned but then his head got slammed into the window and Castiel fucking growled like a wild animal making the room extremely silent. Guilt and rage hit him in waves and he couldn't focus and he couldn't even move and thank God nobody tried to reach him, talk to him or touch him at that moment because he could have ripped someone's head off.

"Can you make a copy? Actually, make that three. - Nick almost whispered to Crowley - We'll give one to the cops, keep one just in case and I'll have Charlie send the third one to Ash, he is our best bet now. He'll find him. He'll find him."

The rest of the day, Castiel spent in silence, his entire body rigid as Benny drove them around in what was definitely a futile effort now that they knew someone was smart enough to use a similar vehicle to grab Dean. They were smart and they wouldn't be found so easily, Benny knew that, but if his boss felt just a bit better with this pointless driving, then Benny was happy to oblige. Until Castiel jumped out of a moving car and charged the incoming traffic. Benny first thought his boss lost his mind, as he hit the brakes, but when he turned , he saw him stopping a grey Toyota and he was surprised and intrigued at the same time. He watched as Castiel dragged out a man, not much older then himself, his hair blond and straw like, as if he had a birds nest on top of it. In fact, Benny vaguely remembered seeing a guy like that at the club...

"Where is he?! What have you done to him?!" Castiel screamed, holding the man by his collar, while the guy was on his knees, his eyes wide and terrified, his hands up in the air like he was surrendering.

"I... I... I don't know what you are talking about..." The man said just as Benny exited the limo.

"Chief..." He tried to reach him, bit Castiel was ready to tear open some sculls, and Benny wasn't sure if he could even reach him.

"Where. is. HE?!" Castiel's deep voice echoed thought the streets and the man before him started to tremble, scared out of his mind.

"I... I don't... I..." He tried, tears streaming down his face and Castiel lifted his hand and was ready to strike the man down, when Benny caught his hand.

"Chief... Stop... He doesn't know anything, he's not the guy..."

Of course. He was just some random guy in a millionth grey Toyota Corolla that could be seen on the streets of the town. But when Castiel saw it, he just snapped, all of that pent up anger and despair clouding his mind and making him see things that might not even be there. Benny managed to drag him away from the poor man and managed to convince him he needed to rest.

Most of that night Castiel spent trashing the penthouse, destroying everything that irked him, but completely unable to even touch anything that reminded him of Dean.

**Saturday:**

"What?!" Castiel shouted into his phone, nothing less angrier than he was last night. It was just pay noon and in a few hours it will be five days since Dean was last seen. He voice on the other side of the call let out a few fearful sound and only then did Castiel pull the phone away to look at the ID. Charlie. Shit.

"Charlie. I'm sorry, I... - he sighed heavily before he continued - I have no excuse, I apologise."

"Understandable...I actually... I got some news." She said and wouldn't let him speak up as she continued. "Well, I don't have news, but my friend Ash does, so I am gonna put you thought to him and let him explain. Is that... Is that alright?"

"Yes, yes, yes, put him on!"

"Oh, wait... The line got disconnected. Let me try him again." Charlie spoke, sounding a bit scared, probably of getting yelled at again.

"Give him my personal number have him call me." Castiel said swiftly getting up. He didn't know what Ash found, but it sparked some hope in him, more than he had since Dean disappeared. As he got dressed, Nick called, to check in and was glad there will be news soon, but Castiel quickly hung up with him, waiting for the other call.

When it rang, Castiel picked up just as he pulled a shirt over his head. "Ash, what have you got?"

"Um... Sorry, chief... It's Benny..."

"Benny, I don't have..."

"I got some news."

"What is it?"

"You remember the guy you... Yesterday, the guy in a random Toyota? Well, I spoke to the bartender this morning and I described the man, and he said he knew him. He said, he was at the club a few times and that he tried to... Buy Dean's time, but came up short."

Wait, he had him? Castiel had him and he let him go?

"I, um... I also remembered that other guy that tried to... That attacked Dean a few weeks back, and I got that guy's name - he is Alistair Gold, a private contractor that is slowly loosing his business, or so I have heard."

Castiel couldn't believe he had him.

"Chief... You there?"

"I... - a bip of his phone interrupted his thoughts - I got another call, Benny, hold on." Castiel pulled away, squinting his eyes at the unfamiliar number, but still, he put Benny on hold to answer it.

"Hello."

"Yo, man, whassup?"

"Excuse me?"

"Nah, you cool man. Check it out, I got a lead on that car on that video you sent me..."

"Ash?"

"No, matte grey Toyota. Oh! You meant me, yeah! Yeah, this is Ash."

Deep breath, focus. His guy has information and it might be important.

"Alright, Ash. What have you got?"

"An address."

"I beg your pardon?"

"No need man, I ain't on death roll. Anyway... I hacked the security cameras around the town, as well as the city cameras and I tracked down your Toyota. I was able to get the licence plates and trace it to a dude name Abraxas Gold. I mean, who named the guy, right? Abraxas. Sounds like a villain from Harry Potter..."

"Did you say his last name is Gold? Does... Does he have any relatives, any siblings?"

"Wait, lemme check it out... - distant sound of clicking and typing - ...Oh, yeah. A brother. Alistair." Castiel sucked in a breath as the pieces started to fall into place. Those two motherfuckers were in on it together, kidnapping Dean and... God, what were they doing to him. Jesus, it has been five days, he could be dead by now and Castiel... No. No. He refused to accept that.

"Address. You said you had an address."

Half an hour later, Castiel was ready to leave the penthouse, storm into that house across town and, with Benny's and Balthazar's help, rescue Dean. He wanted to inform the cops and tell them to get ready for a carnage, but figured they might only slow him down. No, he will call them after the fact. He was just out of the elevator and going through the lobby when his phone rang again, and if it was anyone else, Castiel might have ignored the call.

"Tony?"

"Hey, Castiel. I..."

"Sorry Tony, I can't talk now, I got a lead on Dean."

"That's why I am calling. I got a call from a colleague from Mercy West. He says they just administrated a patient fitting Dean's description. No ID on him, so he is listed as John Doe. Castiel... It's bad."

Cas's heart dropped to his feet, his chest tightened and all he could think is getting there, getting to Dean.

And now, standing outside his room, watching the man he cares deeply about, hell, a man he loves, breathe thought a fucking tube, Castiel once again felt his anger bubbling up, as his fists clenched so hard, his knuckles turned white. Dean's injuries painted a pretty good picture of what was done to him by the two brothers, but Castiel was glad. He was glad that Tony's call came before he gotten to their lair.

He might have gone too easy on them.

That evening there was a knock on Abraxas's door, a simple knock and he opened the door as he laughed back at his brother's comment about a slutty club dancer, who has 'learned his place and will forever remember their little pow-wow.'. Seeing the man who dragged him out of his car in the middle of the street, a man Abraxas now knew was Dean's new sponsor, had him going paler then a white rag. And as Castiel simply stated down at him with Benny and Balthazar by his side, he watched in complete discuss as the man before him pissed his pants as if that would make Castiel feel sorry for him or something.

Later that evening, in front of another hospital across town, two men were thrown out of a speeding limo, screaming, crying, whaling and barely conscious from the blood loss and it was determined that they were castrated in the most gruesome way, but couldn't be helped much as those certain body parts were never found.


	21. Chapter 21

"I don't know if you can hear me... Or even if you can feel my hand on yours... But I have to try. I have to try and tell you that I am here. I am here, Dean. And I... God... I am so sorry, Dean. I am truly, deeply sorry for being late and for not finding you sooner, I am so... I am so fucking sorry. If only I was... If only I found you sooner then they might not have hurt you as much as they did... Then maybe you would have... No. No. I am not going to bring them up, they are done. They will never, ever hurt anyone ever again. And they will have to live with the consequences of what they have done. But, it doesn't matter... They don't matter. Only you matter Dean... Only you. You are the only one that matter to me."

Castiel let out one shaking breath as he stood by Dean's bed. They have taken him off the respiratory system that was helping him breathe and have removed the tubes, but are keeping him sedated at least until some of his wounds start to heal. It has been over a week now and Castiel only left Dean's side to go home and shower, making sure beforehand that Benny stayed with him every moment until Castiel's return. Eat and sleep, he did it right there on that crappy chair next to Dean's bed.

Nick was there every day during visiting hours, offering support. It was day two when Tony visited and Castiel suggested they transfer Dean to his private clinic. Tony took a look at his charts and spoke to the doctors that operated on Dean as well as his attendings and assured Castiel that Dean was best to stay put. It wouldn't do much good to move him, not just yet and when he regenerated enough, Tony will work to set Dean up in Castiel's penthouse. All that was left to do now is wait.

That lousy PI Marvin Metatron called a few times, but Castiel didn't answer, not being able to deal with him right now. Having been the only one _not_ to produce a clue to Dean's whereabouts, Castiel really had no desire to hear what he had to say. He knew he received his paycheck, Charlie made sure of that, so there was no other reason to call aside from trying to wiggle in some useless information hoping to get himself an extra buck or two. It wouldn't be the first time he attempted that.

Charlie kept him updated on everything, not that Castiel really cared about what was going on in the company right now. He knew it was in safe hands with Charlie and Nick running it, and the support of the rest of the board of directors, he decided to take time off from work. For the unforseen amount of time.

Each day he would spend most of his time just sitting and watching Dean. Watching him sleep peacefully, knowing the drugs sent the nightmares away, and couldn't help but wonder how severe the mental damage was. He knew he would stand by Dean's side, be his support, be his rock, be whatever Dean needed him to be for as long as he needed him. But what if he didn't? Didn't need him? Didn't want him? What if he sees him as just another... No. No, he shouldn't think like that.

He watched him sleep, wishing he could gaze into those beautiful green eyes and see the whole world in them. Those wide green fields, those huge green forests, that beautiful land that grounded him, God how he missed seeing them. He watched his lips as they remained motionless and wanting nothing more than to set a soft, gentle kiss upon them and wake Dean up as if he was a sleeping beauty.

This was no fairytale. Never was, never will be. He tried to give Dean his happily ever after, and he failed him. He failed him and let the monsters get to him.

Not this time, thought. He will tear apart whoever so much as looks at Dean the wrong way. He will make sure that they all know there is someone who cares about Dean and who will go to no extent to keep him safe.

He had Ash run a background check on each and every staff member in the hospital. Well, he had Charlie have Ash do it. He wasn't sure he could stand listening to the guy without telling him to go to Hell. The search came up with a few dirty secrets on the hospital's chief and on a few attendings, and one surgeon, but nothing important to pose a threat to Dean. A few misdemeanors, marijuana smoking and parking tickets along with half a dozen love affairs.

It was after that first week that Castiel noticed a small redhead nurse glance their way a few times too many, but just as he was about to react, the doctors came bearing news. Apparently they thought Dean was stable and well enough to be awaken for the first time. Castiel's first response was to call for a second opinion, but once Tony got there, he agreed with the hospital's doctor.

Castiel watched as they administrated an injection into the IV, an injection he knew wouldn't harm Dean but was intended to make him lucid and he waited and waited and waited. Tony said Dean might take a while to wake up and even then he might not come to completely, drifting between sleep and awareness and that Castiel shouldn't be discouraged by such state of things, that it was normal.

So Castiel waited and waited and eventually fell asleep waiting, but instantly startled awake when he felt his hand being squeezed. Highly alert he looked at the hand underneath his and gasped felling it tighten around his once again and then finally dared to look up. And dear Lord, there they were, those astonishing emeralds looking back at him. They were tired and drowsy, but showed only care and admiration with a hint of relief.

Before Castiel could even get out a soft "Dean...", the eyes closed and man of his life drifted off to sleep once again.

Castiel didn't even notice the second time they opened, a few hours later as the dawn broke. He was busy talking to the doctor and gasped as he glanced at Dean only to see his gorgeous eyes watching him. They weren't exactly blank and emotionless, but they didn't give out anything else either. Dean's lips remained shut and after a few moments of following movements as Castiel practically ran to him, those vibrant green eyes closed again.

The third time he heard him before he looked to see Dean awake. He heard grunts and it seemed like Dean was trying to call his name, his voice sounding like sandpaper, so coarse it was painful to listen to.

"Shhhh, don't speak. It's... Ok. I'm here..." Castiel took a couple of breaths as of he wanted to say more, but gave up and then tried again, but what would he say? _Hey, Dean, sorry your throat is so soar, but those two assholes fucked your face so many times, deepthroated you viciously that for five days you survived solely on the proteins of their semen._

Yeah, no.

Still, Dean seems to relax to the sound of his voice and gripped his hand tight and Castiel forced himself to smile at him and hide away the guilt he felt. Dean kept his gaze on him as if he feared Castiel would just disappear if he closed his eyes and the dark haired man felt a necessity to assure him.

"I'm here Dean. You're safe. You are safe. They... They can't get to you, not anymore, not ever, ok? I'm here and I'm never leaving, you're safe... You're... Safe..." He couldn't help the tears that started to prickle in his eyes as he spoke, nor the huffed laugh that escaped his lips as Dean reassuringly squeezed his hand.

He was confused for a moment as Dean took Castiel's hand in his and then reached to turn it around so that Castiel's hand was palm up this time. The man gasped as Dean's fingers brushed over the palm, drawing a line, curved and closed with a spike at the end.

"Dean, was that..."

And Dean did it again, drawing a perfect heart over his palm. The tears spilled, Castiel couldn't contain them anymore, nor could he contain the sob that ripped itself from his lungs. He closed his eyes, trying to regain himself, trying to be strong for Dean, for them both and Dean just went ahead, placed his hand over Castiel's and squeezed it tight. Fuck, that man is so much stronger than Castiel could ever be. After all he went through, _he_ is the one to comfort Castiel, when it should obviously be the other way around.

Collecting himself, Castiel took a deep breath and calmed his beating heart, his eyes refocusing on Dean's seeing a soft, happy look in them, with a hint of... Admiration? Adoration? Fondness? L... Love? He couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips and he huffed a laugh.

"I'm sorry, my mind is... I am all over the place. How are you feeling? I mean, I know it isn't good, but..."

Dean just nodded with his eyes closed, his expression showing discomfort as if he was trying to say _Everything hurts, but I'll be ok._ And God, damnit if he didn't look like he really was going to be okay, that he is holding it together somehow, and Castiel had no idea it was him that was the reason for that. He had no idea that just seeing his face and hearing his voice gave Dean the strength.

He had no idea that he was the reason Dean fought them every step of the way, not letting them have the pleasure of him submitting. He had no idea he was the reason Dean spat their semen back into their faces and told them to go fuck themselves. That might have spurred them on, and he might have come out of this whole thing a lot less hurt, but he wouldn't, he couldn't bend to their will. Not anymore.

Castiel made him see that he is strong, that he is a person with feelings and desires and and not just an object for someone to use and discard when they get bored with it. Truth was, and Dean knew this, the actual reason they 'let him go', or rather kicked him out at the first hospital was because they were scared. He heard the fear in Abraxas' voice when he told his brother that Novak found him, that he pulled him out of a running car and was sputtering fire like a freaking dragon.

Even if he didn't literally save him, he was still his knight in shining armor.

The one who showed him he was worth, who showed him what he wants mattered and that sometimes, and only sometimes he has to put himself first. Because if he doesn't look after himself and gets hurt like he did now, who will take care of...

Suddenly Dean's heart rate spiked as he started looking around the room. Castiel was quick to try and sooth him and do the first thing that came into mind which was to offer a glass of water. Dean took it, hoping it would ease his burning throat and help him get the answers he needed. He tried to talk, but it hurt so damn much, and Castiel couldn't even understand him, so he had to try another way.

He squeezed Castiel's hand once again and traced his fingers over his palm drawing one letter at the time.

W. H. E. R. E. ?.

"It's ok, Dean you're in a hospital, you're safe." Castiel comforted, not understanding why Dean would react like this to being in a hospital. From the machines and the whole look of the room it was clear they were in a hospital, so why would Dean...

W. H. I. C. H. ?.

"Which? Which hospital you mean? Mercy West, why? I... I don't..." Castiel was confused, why would it matter what hospital they were at? He grew even more baffled and honestly a lot worried when Dean started to move, wincing and grunting in pain, and it seemed like he was actually trying to get up.

"No, Dean, you need to lie down, you need to rest." Dean just shook his head, his expression showing off alarms and some sort of fear and despite Castiel nearly holding him down, he still fought to get up.

"Dean, please. Please, calm down. You have to lie down, you have to rest... If you try to get up, you'll rip the stitches and make everything worse, please. Dean. Please..." Castiel pleaded, but it seemed like Dean wasn't even listening. Something was pushing him to move, to get out of that room and go... Someplace? And he wasn't taking no for an answer. Castiel has never seen him like this, but was sure that if he didn't do something, Dean was only going to get himself hurt.

"Ok... Okay... How about this? Hear me out. We lift these - Castiel lifted the sides of the bed, so Dean won't fall off - and we unhook this - he removed some of the cables connected to Dean, but kept the IV line - and I'll get you where you need to go, ok?" If he had to push him across town in this bed he would do it.

The look of pure adoration Dean had in his eyes was totally worth it.

Castiel maneuvered the bed out of the room and towards the elevator as Dean pointed it to him. It was close so they somehow managed to avoid any nurses or doctors as they entered it. Castiel was about to reach and push the ground floor button (they were on 5th), when Dean rose his hand, showing three fingers.

"Third floor? You want to go down to the third?" Castiel asked confused, but also intrigued. What would Dean be looking for down there? He pushed three and as the elevator slowly descended, Dean found his hand and squeezed it tight once more as if he was thanking him for something. Castiel smiled brightly at him and nodded.

He couldn't believe how driven Dean seemed, and couldn't understand yet what made him act like this, but he knew he would after they reached their destination. At least Dean seemed okay, all things considered. Well, there must be some deep psychological trauma after what happened, that was unavoidable, but he was better of than Castiel imagined.

The elevator door _Ding!_ -ed and a small smile flashed on Dean's face and Castiel caught it and mimicked the smile, thinking it probably reminded Dean of the elevator in their penthouse. Some strange form of happiness sparked up in Castiel's heart knowing that Dean would get to hear that sound of their elevator once again, that he will bring him back home and snuggle next to him and maybe... Be happy?

Dean pointed to the left and Castiel pushed his bed though the left corridor. They ran into a few nurses and attendings that gave them an odd look, but otherwise didn't try and stop them, even that redhead nurse that seemed surprised, but still shot them a small kind smile. Others just looked away and passed them by. They all knew who Mr. Novak was and they knew his 'friend' was in the hospital and they have heard rumors about what happened to his 'friend's' attackers, so everyone just thought best to stay out of their way.

Dean then motioned right, so Castiel took them right, then another left, passing the 'Coma Ward's sign and just around that corner, Dean pointed to a patient's room. Castiel pushed him to the door and opened it, taking a peak inside. There was a man, a tall man lying perfectly still on the hospital bed, and since this was obviously a ward for comatose patients, Castiel figured that was a part of what was wrong with this man. But who was he?

Dean made a kind of a whining sound to draw Castiel's attention back to himself and then pointed at the room. He wanted to go in there. Castiel lifted his hand to tell him to give him a second and he peaking back inside, looking around to room and to see if there was a way to manoeuvre Dean inside.

"Give me a moment, ok?" Castiel said glancing at Dean and once he got a nod, he entered the room, his focus split between the man on the bed and Dean, who he could still see through the open door. He wouldn't, couldn't let him out of his sight. He pulled the man's bed closer to the wall with the window, opposite the door and then went back outside, moved Dean so that the part of the bed with his feet would enter the room first and he pushed him in, just past a cupboard and then walked around, turned him by 90 degrees and pushed him so that his bed was now right next to the other man's.

As soon as he could reach, Dean's hand shot up and grabbed the man's hand tightly, his eyes focused on him with a mix of love and relief. Castiel felt a jolt in his chest, that pang of jealousy lodging itself into his heart. Who was this man? Better yet, who was he to Dean? Why would Dean go though all this to see him, to... Make sure the man was alright? Well, still in coma, but alive...

Worst off, Castiel felt like he was intruding on a moment here, and he couldn't help the hurt and disappointment that suddenly filled his heart.

But then Dean turned to him and looked at Castiel with that same adoration in his eyes and reached with his other hand and without skipping a beat, Castiel came closer and took it, and Dean squeezed tight, a small smile spreading over his face.

S. A. M.

"Sam? This is Sam?" Castiel asked trying hard to keep his voice leveled, but Dean could see the confusion and slight fear of loosing him in Castiel's eyes.

B. R. O.

Not that familiar with slang much, Castiel didn't catch on what Dean was trying to tell him, eyeing the tall man, not sure what to think of him. This was obviously someone who mattered a lot to Dean, but as it seemed, the man has been here for a long time. Needing to know more, Castiel walked back around and grabbed the man's chart, flipping it open.

The first thing he learned was that the man's name was indeed Sam, or better yet Samuel Winchester, and if the last name was any indication, added to that word Dean half spelled, he was Dean's brother. Or at least Castiel hoped he was. He also learned that his chart goes back over 16 years and that the patient was in a comatose state, that he had awoken a few times, but that his brain functions were 'misfiring' and that he would always go back into the comatose state. The more Castiel read, the more he had a feeling that something was off here. He wasn't a doctor, but some of the things that were written on the chart sounded off. He wanted to ask Dean, he wanted to know more, but since Dean couldn't respond properly yet, and he was more than content to be near this tall brute, Castiel thought best to leave it be. For now.

He would make sure to have Tony check Sam over.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and Castiel fished it out, frowning at the caller ID. This man could really be annoying. He let it ring, and let it go to voice mail, but a moment later it vibrated again, this time in a two short buzzes indicating he got a text message.

 _"Azazel Gold's death revealed a few things if you're interested..."_ the text said, and Castiel had to hand it to him, he had quite a sales pitch. He didn't even know Azazel had died, but his best guess would be that heart attack that occurred when he and Nick found him. He glanced up at Dean, seeing that he fell asleep while still holding Sam's hand and he sighed. Dialing the number he took a deep breath and listened to it ring.

"What information have you got?"

"I want double than my standard fee."

"Of course you do. If the information is that valuable, you know you will be paid accordingly."

"Excellent. The old man died, apparently he had a heart disease he didn't even know about. Since there was no will and testament in case of his death, his assets all go to his adoptive sons. Now this is were things get interesting - apparently, sixteen years ago Mr. Gold adopted two boys, age sixteen and twelve, after a car crash took their father's life. Mother was already deceased. He took upon himself to take care of the older boy, and made arrangements for the state to pay hospital bills for the other since he was badly injured in the crash. And here is the bonus, since I knew where to look now, I was able to follow the cash that Azazel took out of the club to a doctor there, one Raphael Helbreder. My guess, he wasn't paying him to help the boy, you know... But I have no clue yet as to what it might be... Want me to find out?"

There was a pause on Castiel's behalf as he took in all the information, all the puzzle pieces falling into place perfectly.

"No, Marv. I got that covered. But thank you. You did good. Call Charlie and stop by the office for your check." Castiel could almost see the man beaming up with pride on the other side of the line.

"Hey, don't you want the names of the kids he took in? They inherited the entire club and the house..."

"I am looking at them right now. Goodbye Marvin." Castiel said and hung up the phone, then quickly shooting Charlie a text to issue a check to Marvin Metatrone, triple the regular amount. He rose his eyes and looked at Dean and apparently his little brother. It all became so clear to him now, why Dean was working as an escort and a dancer, how he sacrificed his whole life just for a chance to see his brother awake one day. If his suspensions were correct, and he hated how dark his thoughts could get, but what he hated even more is how those same dark thoughts were usually quite accurate, Azazel was paying the doctor to keep Sam under while using Dean as his golden goose.

What kind of a man would do that to a twelve year old child?

Looking over at Sam, he could see how skinny he was, not much muscles, how his face was pale and his skin clammy. It must have been torture for Dean to watch him slowly wither. Making a quick decision he picked up his phone and dialed Tony. He knew he needed someone with a medical background to check Sam over and to help him confront the doctor in question. He only hoped that Tony would get there before someone alarmed the good doctor of another patient crashing his patient's room. Castiel didn't trust himself enough not to hurt the son of a bitch.

If it is proven that he deliberately kept Sam in a coma, then Castiel would do anything in his power to see the dr. Raphael Helbreder brought down, loose his licence, discredited and incarcerated for his actions. And then pay someone to make sure he wound up in a temporary coma each and every day while in prison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helbreder means healer in Norwegian.


	22. Chapter 22

Castiel stood beside Dean's bed watching him sleep as he waited for Benny to show up. He texted him, telling him about the room change but nothing more than that. Unlike Balthazar, Benny was never too curious (read nosy), and Castiel appreciated it and would somehow always end up confining in him. As he would now, considering he will need help Castiel untangle this mess and hold all eyes on every loose string, while he was focusing on Dean and his recovery.

Right now, he needed to find Dean's doctor, and make sure they don't sound any alerts of a missing patient and a missing hospital bed. Considering how giddy dr. Gavin McCloud was when Castiel brought Tony in, he figured the young doctor admired him and he would allow Castiel to relocate Dean's current room to Sam's.

As he suspected, dr. Gavin was happy to assist, commenting that if they needed him, they should contact nurse Masters at the coma ward and she would help them. Dr. Gavin had his suspicions about the good doctor Raphael, but he never thought he would go so far as to keep a patient in a comatose state for 16 years.

As Castiel descended back to the third floor, he could help but regret that his friend happened to be on call that evening and won't be able to back him up when he confronted the good doctor during the evening rounds. Rounding a corner, he almost bumped into that short redhead nurse he saw before, but she was too quick to get away and he didn't have a chance to confront her and ask why she was spying on them. He had to make sure she hasn't done anything to Dean.

Running into the room, he saw nothing has changed, Dean was still asleep, his hand wrapped around Sam's and Benny leaning against the wall seemingly unfazed by Castiel's rapid entrance.

"She was here. Smiled at me, checked Sam's vitals, then Dean's, written them down in their chats and walked away." Benny reported and Castiel sighed thinking she was most definitely headed to the good doctor to tell him about an extra patient in Samuel Winchester's room. Okay, that meant he would have to confront the bastard sooner rather then later. And all he wanted was to focus on Dean right now.

Time ticked away and nothing happened.

Eight o'clock came soon and it was time for the rounds, Sam's room being one of the first in line. But it turned out the good doctor wanted to start from the furthest and work his way back, so Castiel was already edgy by the time footsteps echoed in front of the door.

Castiel glanced at Dean's sleeping form. Even beaten and bruised, he was still beautiful. Strong jaw and full plush lips fitted his character perfectly and Castiel felt unworthy. He fought and worked hard to bring his company up and build this empire, but Dean... Dean worked hard and fought and bled to earn money to keep his brother alive. He sacrificed his life, his happiness, just for a chance to see his brother open his eyes again and talk to him.

Castiel could never measure up to that, but at least he could help Dean achieve that goal now.

He stood up and took a deep breath, turning to face the ajar door. That redhead nurse came to view, but she didn't peek inside the room, instead she lingered at the door. "I have checked Samuel's vitals, his condition is unchanged. His medication is due tomorrow after the morning rounds." She said and sounded... Odd.

As if she was trying to avert the attention and have the good doctor pass the opportunity to go into the room, but at the same time providing information about Sam's treatment. Not until tomorrow morning after rounds. That was good, because Tony will be there 5 am sharp, right after his shift.

"That's good." Came a deep voiced reply. "Once I finish the paperwork, I am signing off for tonight and won't be in until tomorrow for the night shift. I expect the medication properly administrated this time, Miss Masters. We don't won't any slip ups, now do we?" There was a certain threatening gravity in his voice and Castiel could see her standing her ground, but still nodding sadly, swallowing hard. He observed her every micromotion, studying her body language.

This was actually the nurse Dr. Gavin spoke of, one that would help. She must have made a few 'slip ups' with Samuel's dosage before, thus getting in trouble, but with the new information coming to light, Dr. Gavin must have figured she was trying to help the patient.

"Yes, doctor. There won't be a problem." She replied softly and glanced at Castiel very briefly, knowing well that the medication won't be administrated at all. The good doctor must have missed the undertone in her voice, so he spoke freely.

"Excellent! His father should be coming in today with his donation and we wouldn't want to disappoint him with the lack of care for his son, correct? You do know how easy it would be to loose a job as a nurse in my department, not to mention your reputation." As he spoke, the rage inside Castiel bubbled, but the man clenched his fists and tried to breathe through. Now was not the time for a confrontation. Tomorrow they will have enough evidence to get him fired, to have his medical licence reworked and sued for malpractice.

The footsteps echoed away and Castiel visibly relaxed, letting out a long breath. It wasn't as if he wouldn't be able to face the good doctor on his own, but even with Benny here, he feared he might do something that wouldn't help their case, like beat the living shit out of the bastard. Tomorrow is wiser. Tomorrow they will bring him down and start the path of healing, for both Samuel and Dean.

Dismissing Benny for the night, Castiel sat in the hard chair next to Dean's bed and took a moment to just look him over. Dean was still holding Sam's hand tightly, turned toward him. When they first got to the room, Dean hissed and grunted, but had to turn to face his brother and as much as it pained Castiel to see him like that, he felt immensely proud of him. Dean was so strong and so focused on his brother and Castiel knew he would go to no extent to help them both. Thinking about the man he cared for, he started dozing off when he felt someone sneaking into the room.

Jerking awake, he clearly startled the redhead nurse that froze the moment he stood up. Even if Castiel recognized her as someone who would help and won't be a threat, there was a long road from that to actual trust. He stood eyeing her carefully as she forced a smile and lifted her hand, only then did his eyes slip down to see what she was carrying. Castiel frowned at a sandwich she was extending.

"I know people usually forget to eat in these situations, so..." she said shyly, her voice almost a whisper. Castiel looked back up at her eyes for a moment, then nodded and took the offering.

"Thank you." He said and paused, taking a deep breath. "For creating a diversion. I don't think I could have stopped myself from tearing him apart."

A small smile flashed upon her face, gone faster then it came. She reached into her pocket and Castiel stiffened, following her movement, but all she did was take out a small iPod and walked over to the window. She set it up, plugging it in, so that it wouldn't loose power, then turned towards the statue of a man.

"I used to play some music to Sam when he first came to the ward. When Dean found out, he bought a iPod and I put some music after the evening rounds." She explained, them looked back at Dean with a kind smile. "When he learned that I played music, he got his hands on every book he could find to research about sounds involving coma patients. He read that they might hear music and that it is soothing for them... Did you know he was here every day, reading to Sam? I don't think there is a Russian, Greek, Roman or American novel he hasn't read to him. He would always say that Sammy was the smart one and that he would prefer classics rather then sci-fi." She added, the kind smile broadening. It was clear she held both of the boys dear, just by the way she spoke and that caring look in her eyes that just couldn't be faked.

Castiel relaxed and took a better look at her. He was always a good judge of character and had a knack for noticing the little things. Like no ring on her finger or the sad look in her eyes, especially when she looked at Sam. In fact there might have been something more there, some sort of longing, and Castiel couldn't help but wonder if maybe she helped them because she had fallen for the sleeping brother. The fairy-tale kind of love. The kind Castiel had recently started to believe in.

"I am Castiel. Castiel Novak. Dean's... Partner." He almost said friend, but there were so much more than that, even if it was too early to be throwing around titles. But friend just didn't sound right, and boyfriend was too high-school-teenage-girl for him, so... Partner it is. Besides, it spoke of some sort of equality between them that Castiel wanted to kindle.

"I know." the nurse said with a soft smile. Of course, everyone knew who Mr. Novak was. Only a few knew Castiel. But much to his surprise, the media and the papers weren't where she knew him from. "Dean spoke of you. Not to me, of course, but to Sam. I accidentally overheard. He does care about you a great deal, you know?"

So much for not being a high-school teenage girl, considering the heat he felt rising up on his cheeks and a goofy smile that he tried to contain by pinching his lips together. I mean, Dean spoke of him? To Sam?

"Anyway... My name is Meg Masters. I do hope you are able to get them out. To help Sam." She said looking back at the shadow of a man that lied still on the bed next to Dean's. There was a heavy sigh and Castiel's attention was back on her and the whole Sam issue. Logically, Castiel knew that what she did here, concealing them and going against doctor's orders could be catastrophic for her career, even if she was right not to administer more sedatives into Sam's system. Castiel also knew that people like her were good folks, worth time and attention, help even. Right there and then he decided he would speak to Tony about her once they fixed this thing. But for now, he needed more information, on the treatments, on the good doctor and Sam's state in general.

They spent the next two hours talking, and she explained that Sam was brought in before she started working in this hospital, but that she learned he was in a car accident. Later, when she met Dean, the guilt within him told her he might have been behind the wheel or was otherwise responsible for what happened, but no matter her efforts to talk to him about it, he would always just shut down. So she stopped prying.

Castiel learned that by the time Meg learned about Sam and his condition, she was already too deep and Dr. Raphael threatened her, not only with losing her job, but making her an accomplice if not the person responsible for the whole thing. She had a little kid at home to look after and she couldn't loose this job. It was a very difficult decision, one she made for the benefit of her son, and Castiel couldn't blame her.

"But ever since I made that call, it has been eating me up slowly, so much so that I can't look at my son without seeing contempt in his eyes. I know it isn't real, not yet with him being only two, but someday... He might look at me ashamed because I didn't do the right thing..."

"I was on the fifth floor helping out the main nurse when I saw Dean. And then you... And I have been trying to find a way to approach you and tell you... It doesn't matter anymore. You're here and you will help him, right? Right?" There was so much hope in her eyes, and fear that maybe Sam was beyond saving. Castiel couldn't tell her that it will all turn out alright and that he will help wake Sam, but he could tell her he will give his damnest to make it happen. For Dean. And for her.

She left after that, going to attend to the other patients, but before she left she turned on the iPod and let Dean's favorite music fill the air. Ballads of the 70s, 80s and 90s filled the room, voices and music of Bon Jovi, Whitesnake, Scorpions, Def Leppard, Aersomith, Led Zeppelin and many more echoed through the silent night and after just staring at Dean for a good hour, it seemed like he was looking a bit more relaxed. When Castiel glanced over at Sam, he could see the similar change in him, his face just a tad less pale, his skin a bit more shiny, his mouth almost curling into a smile. Or was that just wishful thinking?

Castiel dozed off thinking about if comatose people could really her the world around them or was that just a romantic notion invented by those left to watch them wither and slowly perish, just to make themselves feel better because there was nothing else they could do for them. It was around 2 in the morning when Castiel startled awake, immediately winching at the cramp in his neck. It took him a moment to realize what had woken him, and as soon as he did, he was by Dean's side in an instant, gasping seeing the state of the man he loved. Heavy, silent tears rolled down his cheeks and his face was screwed up in pain and fear while he kept whaling and whispering pleas, begging someone to stop.

"Dean... Dean, wake up. It's... It's just a nightmare, it isn't real." Castiel said slowly, quietly, not to startle Dean awake and risk him further injuring himself. And like he was incited to, like he heard the worry and care in Castiel's voice, he opened his eyes and in an instant, all the fear and pain drained from his face, replaced by a relieved smile and a spark of joy in his eyes. "Hey, there..." Castiel said, not even sure what that came from, but feeling some sort of warmth spread deep in his chest.

"-ass..." Dean tried and closed his eyes, as a blush crept on his face. That didn't come out right. Not as Castiel's full name, not even an attempt if his name of endearment. Still, Cas chuckled, amazed how with one single syllable, Dean managed to lighten the mood.

"So..." Dean tried after he opened his eyes, but Castiel stopped him.

"It's ok, Dean, I know what you meant. And I am glad this little mistake brought some color to your face." Castrol said. He saw Dean looking up and glancing at his brother and Castiel felt the need to assure him. "He is here. We won't be leaving him."

And even though it sounded like they were just simply staying in his room until further notice, that statement bore a little bit more meaning to it, one that Castiel felt it was too early for Dean to discover. He needed his rest and his sleep, he didn't need to get his hopes up because of what Castiel thought could be done for Sam. It wasn't as simple as stopping the sedation. There were so many unforseen consequences that might come up and he needed to discuss them with Tony first.

Sam could wait until morning. But Dean could not.

Dean just had a nightmare, probably a very harsh, scarring one, if the redness in his eyes was any indication. Castiel needed to calm him, to make sure he was ok and to help him get more rest. Since Dean was turned slightly away from Castiel, not being able to lie directly on his back due to the stitches in his anus, Castiel chose to use the access he had to Dean's back and rub soothing circles between his shoulder blades.

Dean let out a long breath and leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. A few deep breath turned into something close to purring and Castiel smiled, filling like he was finally able to do something to help Dean, to make him relax and forget about the trauma, if only for a few moments. When Dean opened his eyes a minute of so later, he looked at Cas with a tremendous amount of gratitude and admiration, but as he scanned him, his tired eyes, his over-a-few-days old stubble and his missing tie but an ever-present trenchcoat, he couldn't help the sigh that escaped him.

"It's alright, Dean. Go on, rest, try to sleep some more. I'll be right here, okay?" Castiel said, not interpreting Dean's look as one of worry for his well being, because this wasn't about him, this was about Dean, about what Dean wanted and what Dean needed.

And apparently Dean needed to tug his hand.

And Dean needed to make undefinable sounds made out of "...phm...tmp...hmh..."

And Dean needed to pull his hand and curl his arms around it, leaving Castiel in an very awkward position in which he had only two choices. Take his hand back, yanking it out of Dean's embrace, or... Lie on the bed next to him.

Which was probably what Dean wanted. And needed.

Slowly and very carefully, Cas climbed next to him fully dressed, kicking off his shoes as he went up. His ass kind of dangled off the edge of the bed, but he made sure Dean didn't try and scoot away to give him more room, it was enough and besides, Dean shouldn't move.

The moment Castiel's arm hugged Dean and Castiel came closer to embrace him, his whole body leaning against Dean's, Castiel tensed. He forgot Dean has been through an extremely traumatic event and that this kind of a contact could trigger him, but Dean just seemed to purr again, melting against the warmth of another body by his side.

Like he knew what Castiel was thinking and worrying about, he managed "Safe." in one silent breath, easing Castiel's mind and letting him know this was exactly what he needed. And for the first time in over a week, Dean was back in Castiel's arms, safe and loved, and everything was right with the world once again. Castiel felt that gaping hole inside his chest fill and he finally let himself relax, and drift off to the dreamworld listening to Deep Purple's " _Soldier of fortune"._

* * *

Castiel woke as the warm rays if sun shone upon his face, coming out of that daze of a dream. In it, unlike in this current position, he was holding Dean more closely, his hands caressing the blond man's arms, chest and shoulders all the while whispering sweet proclamations of love in his ear. He would hear Dean's breath stutter from excitement, feel the goosebumps spreading across his skin, and Castiel would kiss down from his shoulder along his arm, slowly, carefully, lovingly. And just that. Nothing else. Completely happy to just have him in his arms and stay like that forever.

Bon Jovi's voice brought his attention to the still working iPod and he could think that maybe it was that song that spurred on his dream...

_With an ironclad fist_   
_I wake up and french kiss the morning_   
_While some marching band keeps_   
_Its own beat in my head_   
_While we're talking_   
_About all of the things that I long to believe_   
_About love and the truth and what you mean to me_   
_And the truth is, baby you're all that I need_

_I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses_   
_For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails_   
_Oh, I wanna be just as close as the Holy Ghost is_   
_And lay you down on a bed of roses_

And it was true, the bed of nails, it was the most awkward position to sleep, half dangling off the bed, his arm prompted up for a pillow, the other holding Dean tight, but not to tight, because it might hurt him or it might trigger him. And still, it was the best sleep he had in over a week.

Gradually and with much reluctance, he peeled himself off Dean and moved to get off the bed, taking a deep gasping breath when he noticed a figure in his chair. Immediately calming upon meeting the smile of his friend, he huffed in slight annoyance of being caught in a somewhat discriminating position. Not that Tony would ever say anything.

"Morning." Tony greeted and Castiel just nodded, picking up his shoes to put them back on. As the room came into focus, Castiel could see the curtains drawn, but the bright sun still shone and it's rays managed to sneak in the room, bright and strong. Castiel frowned.

"What time is it?" His gruff voice made Dean stir so he made a note to whisper from now on, as not to wake him.

"It's almost 7." Tony responded and watched Castiel, awaiting for his reaction. Castiel wanted to shout out, confused and slightly angry at his friend for not waking him up, but for Dean's sake he managed to get himself under control.

"Why... Why didn't you wake me? How long have you been here? Did you get a chance to..." His anger dissipated into eagerness to deal with the situation at hand.

"It's taken care of, Castiel." Tony simply said.

"Wwhat?!" Castiel really took an effort in trying not to shout.

"I got here just after 5, after my shift. Nurse Meg Masers was here, making sure no other nurses bothered you and after I introduced myself, she showed me Sam's charts and all the drugs that were administered. And you were right, Castiel. At the beginning, Sam was indeed in a comatose state for about a year and a half, but after that he slowly started to wake. As far as I gathered, his next of kin - that would be Azazel Gold - was notified and he must have made a deal of sorts with doctor Helbreder, probably to make regular payments to keep Sam down under. " Tony explained.

"From what Meg told me, Sam was actually pretty strong and managed to fight the medication and wake a few times, making doctor Helbreder having to up his dose. Meg tried to sooth Sam on a few occasions and try to explain it to him, and to maybe avoid alerting the doctor he needed a change in dosage, but Sam was too incoherent and his mind overstimulated to understand what she was trying to say. Basically, he was all over the place." Tony added and saw the worry wrinkle on Castiel's forehead.

"I know it doesn't sound like it, but it is actually good news. Means that Sam is still in there. If he was calm, unresponsive after his awakenings, that would be a reason to worry, as it might indicate no brain activity, but this... There is hope, Castiel."

Castiel let out a breath he didn't eve know he was holding, and a small smile crept on his face as he glanced over at Dean and Sam. He couldn't even imagine Dean's reaction to the news, but he could imagine the wide smile he would have after he processed the news and it made Castiel feel warm and fuzzy in his chest. Still, the situation that brought them here was not... But at least this will be a bright moment in Dean's life and Castiel could only hope it could outshine the events that followed up to this.

Not that it served to diminish what happen to Dean and make his feelings about it less important, but to at least give him something good, give him hope and something to look forward to. Castiel only wished that he wasn't giving Dean false hope and end up with a man more broken then ever before.

"As for doctor Helbreder..." Tony started tentatively and Castiel snapped his eyes at him, sharp focused. "...I know you wanted to make sure he paid for what he did, but I have already taken care of that. Half an hour ago, police knocked on his door, informed him that he had lost his medical licence, was fired and will be taken into custody to await for trial. Brady, with Charlie's and Nick's help already filed a malpractice lawsuit, and together we have set things in motion. Benny and Balthazar filled us in on some other details that helped and... I know you wanted to personally attend to this, Castiel, but we all felt it was more important for you to be with Dean and focus on him right now. We got this."

Castiel was speechless.

He was always good and kind to the people around him, only a few of them he considered his friends, and just because they themselves proclaimed as such, like Tony and Nick, but the fact was, he had considered them all good people. He just never thought, never could have anticipated they would come together like this to help him. To help someone he cared about. Tony came closer and set his hand on Castiel's shoulder, and spoke before he walked out of the door.

"I am going to head out and catch some shut eye, I had a double shift, but I will come by later today to check up on you guys. We could discuss moving them both somewhere more... Comfortable, in a few days. Let the others do the rest regarding justice and setting things right, you just focus on Dean. We are here for you so that you could be there for him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week has been hell work-wise, so I didn't have time to work on this chapter until yesterday, but when I sat down, words just flew right out of me. I just wanted to have this up for you this Saturday. Still, it feels strange for me not to have the chapter reread a few times before posting it, so I would love to hear what you thought of it.


	23. Chapter 23

Dean slowly came to, waking up from a daze. He remembered having a nightmare, but he also remembered Castiel being there, dispersing all his fears just by being present. So the next time Alistair started advancing towards him in his dream, grinning his madman smile, Dean just imagined Cas standing between them, but not facing Alistair and acting like a shield, rather turned towards Dean and drawing his attention away from the bad. He was afterall the only light in his life, his guardian angel.

But he remembered pulling Cas to lie on the bed next to him and now... He's not there... Oh, no, wait. There he is. In the back of the room, stretching, the shirt coming up, revealing a bit of skin and Dean suddenly felt so overwhelmed. He wanted to touch, he wanted to taste that skin right the fuck now. What was wrong with him? After what he has been through, and not for the first time, he should want to stay clear of any physical contact with anyone.

But Cas isn't anyone, now is he?

His touches never hurt, his kisses were always so pleasant. His hands gentle, he actions... Called for. He never did anything that Dean didn't want him to. And more then that, Dean felt safe. Completely safe. He might not know what he did to deserve it, but he will be damned if he won't cherish it.

Someone came into the room and Cas turned towards them and his perfect ass came into view and all Dean could think about was his hands massaging those perfect round globes. What the fuck was wrong with him?!

_Okay, okay. Focus on something else, anything else. How about that person he is talking to? What is that she is giving him?_

Something was definitely off when his own brain was being helpful and polite. But Dean still shifted his eyes away from Castiel's hot body to the redhead behind him. Wait, she was familiar, Dean knew her. She was... Meg? Yeah, that was Meg, Sam's nurse. But what was she doing... Oh, shit. Sam!

Dean's head snapped up to his right and to the bed right next to him, to the face he has memorized, every curve and facial hair. Sammy... He was here. With him. Dean was suddenly overwhelmed with a different kind of emotion, happiness mixed with sorrow, joy and sadness, relief and a drowning sensation and he gasped once, twice, trice, his breath hitching, his lungs burning, his heart pumping fast and his thoughts going a hundred a minute.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, Dean... I'm here, everything's alright." He heard Castiel's kind voice and he snapped his head back to look at him, instantly feeling soothed and calm. Cas was here and everything is going to be alright. It has become a sort of a mantra for him. Back when he was held captive by Alistair, all he thought about was getting back to Castiel and that everything will be fine. Somehow he knew that no matter what, Castiel will be there, at the end of the road, waiting for him and that all he had to do is endure and find his way back to him. Alive, or dead.

Castiel was his shining star that led the way. That told him to fight against them and not let them break him. And he fought, tooth and nail and he bit and spit, kicked and punched until Castiel saved him. He didn't come storming in, this isn't a fairytale, but somehow, he managed to find him, to learn who had him and to threaten them into letting Dean go. Despite one of his eyes being swollen shut at that moment and the other filled with his own blood, he could still see the fear in Abraxas' face when he came back and told Alistair that Castiel Novak was on their tail and that he pulled him out of a running car. Dean was wowed by the mental image the bastard's fearful words depicted.

Castiel. His Castiel. His guardian angel.

"Meg brought over some noddle soup for you. Would you like some?" Castiel's voice brought Dean back from his daze and a small smile tugged at his lips as he nodded. Castiel helped Dean turn a bit, pulling out a round inflatable cushion and placing it under Dean's tush to ease the pressure off... Well, we all know how hemorrhoid cushions are used and if not, look it up. Poor Dean was already blushing so hard, embarrassed, and he doesn't need us talking about his... Tush. Without much fuss and without paying much attention to Dean's red face, Castiel sat at the edge of the bed, far enough as not to disturb Dean, he opened the plastic container, dipped the plastic spoon in it and lifted it up, soup and some very small, easy to swallow noddles and fed Dean. He lifted each and every spoon and fed Dean until it was all gone.

There was something about Castiel acting so caring and protective that had Dean's heart warming up and it wasn't because of the soup.

"Cas..." Dean's coarse voice made Castiel snap his head up to meet his gaze, and as he scooped up more of the salty liquid, Castiel fed him the spoonful and shook his head.

"It's ok, Dean. You shouldn't try to speak yet, it will only hurt. Let's finish this and then we'll talk, okay?" Castiel suggested and Dean just nodded, taking his lead. How will he talk without speaking was something he will see in a bit. Only after Castiel scooped the last of the soup and fed it to Dean, did his angel speak up again.

"While you slept I took the liberty of learning about... Your bother, Samuel. I hope you don't mind." There was a flash of shame, embarrassment in Dean's eyes as he pondered how much did Castiel find out and if he knew Dean was the one driving. Considering he was so friendly with Meg, she must have told him a few things. Dean took a deep breath and nodded for Castiel to continue.

"I know he was in a car crash and that... That you have been taking care of him ever since." Castiel said softly and Dean's blush only deepened, because he felt a praise of sorts in those words. "I looked it up and I know you were driving." Castiel said and Dean's wide eyes snapped up at him, his lips parting to say something, but Cas just raised his hand to stop him.

"I know you probably feel responsible, but I also know it was a drunk truck driver that hit you, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. And dedicating your whole life to him... You have done good, Dean. Really good. And I know that when he wakes up, he will appreciate it." Castiel finished and watched the surprise rise up on Dean's face. Hope and tears filled his eyes and his lower lip trembled.

"-ake up?" He forced himself to say, grimacing at the soreness in his throat.

"Shhh. Don't talk. Wait - here. Use this." Castiel said as he turned and picked up a notepad and a pen and handing it to Dean. But he didn't give him a chance to write anything down, instead opting to explain. He took a deep breath and let it out with a heavy sigh, not sure how Dean would take it all.

"Yes, Dean, wake up. Tony was here to look him over and there is a very good chance of him waking up. We are just not sure how he will react, or behave. Tony can't make that prognosis until Sam wakes up and we see. But Dean... There is something else you should know..." Castiel sighed again as Dean watched him closely, taking in his each and every word. Castiel new there was no use in beating around the bush and that he should just rip that band-aid off.

"Azazel lied to you. Sam... Sam recuperated a long time ago, but he and doctor Helbreder kept him in the comatose state to use you. Every cent you... Brought in, Azazel gave half to the doctor, to keep Sam sedated, and the other half he kept for himself. He... He has been using you this whole time, Dean." The look on Dean's face, the shock and devastation in his eyes was so heartbreaking to see, Castiel choked out those last words, feeling his stomach lurching up.

"I am sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry." Castiel barely managed and let Dean take a moment to process this. He watched Dean's eyes land on his own lap, distant and lost as he took it all in, as he understood what it all meant. His eyes remained sad and distressed for only a few moments before they shifted towards Sam. There was a flash of something in his eyes and then he took the notepad and wrote something down.

" _Sam is going to wake up? There is a chance he'll be alright?"_ the paper said and Castiel repeated that he will wake, but that they don't know what state he will be in and if he will be able to recuperate, much less how long that would take. As he explained, Dean's eyes were glued to Sam, the hope in them returning and if Castiel was a betting man, he would bet that Dean though it was worth it. All his suffering and sacrifice that could have been avoided was worth it. Maybe it was better to let him think that, to stay positive and optimistic and to focus on Sam, rather then to think about the past, about how much he has been hurt by people around him. Better to look on the bright side, right?

Dean let out a reliving sigh and looked back down on the notepad. He scribbled something on and showed Castiel.

" _What is going to happen to Azazel?"_ Oh, right. Dean didn't know.

"Dean, um... Azazel is dead..." he saw Dean's eyes widen again, darting at Castiel as if they were pleading him to tell him he didn't kill him. It was kind of endearing, because Dean knew Castiel would go to that extent to have someone killed just to protect him. "...He had a heart attack. Nick and I found him at his home, still alive, and he died in the hospital." ... _alone, and hopefully miserable..._ Castiel's mind supplied.

"But! For his scheme to work, he had to adopt you both back then. Legally you two were his sons, and so... After he died, you inherited everything. His house and the club. All that money he **stole** from you... It's yours now Dean. Yours and Sams." Castiel added, following Dean's view of the situation and deciding to point out the good side of things. And besides, he could focus on Sam, knowing that he wouldn't have to worry about money and a place to stay. Not that Castiel wouldn't provide that, but this is better for Dean. For him to have this independence.

" _A house? All ours?"_ the notepad read and Castiel nodded.

"The club too."

Dean took another moment to take it all in, breath and relax. Considering that he just woke up and his whole life was turned up side down, Dean seemed to be taking this well. He seemed so focused on Sam and the fact that he is happy, genially happy to learn that Sam might wake up, and that fact alone left all others in the shadows. Castiel could see just how much this meant to Dean, he could see the tears forming in his eyes, he could see some of that heavy burden disappear and let Dean breathe just a bit more easier.

" _Thank you. Really._ _Thank you."_The note said and Castiel smiled back at him. He wanted to tell him that it was nothing, that he deserves this, and that everyone is just happy to help, himself included. But instead he leaned in and Dean eagerly turned to him to meet him half way in one nice, small brush of lips.

"Ok, you rest now. Tony should be here later to talk to us about Sam and his progress, ok?" Castiel said and Dean nodded, but instead of laying down, he picked up the notepad and started writing. Castiel hung around for a moment, thinking Dean will show him what he wants to say, but a few minutes later, it became clear that whatever Dean was doing wasn't a brief note, but something longer and he sat down, picking up his phone and scrolling through Charlie's messages. She sent a few reports during the day about his entire business, but it was irrelevant really. He knew she could handle everything that needed to be taken care off.

"Cas..." Dean called for him and he got up and walked over to him, taking the offered notepad. His first reaction was a surprise, considering how much Dean has written in such a short time, but it was evident it was written from the heart, unedited and sincere.

" _Thank you. Really. Thank you. __You came in my life and immediately made it better, showed me that it was alright to ask something for myself and showed me what it felt like to be cared for. I figure you understand now why I lived the way I did and did what Azazel told me, even if I was an idiot to believe that Sam needed money for his treatments, to keep him alive. But he was all I had left and I couldn't... Everyone that ever got close to me, they all end up hurt and I thought if I could just keep him alive, if I could save him, that would mean I am not a total failure._

_That why I allowed Azazel to persuade me to perform and then later to... Become an escort. And I never complained, I never told them to stop, I never tried to run, because I thought Azazel wouldn't get the money he needed to keep Sam alive. That's why I allowed them all to use me and to do whatever they wanted as long as it meant Sam would have one more day._

_But then you came to my life and I learned that... I learned so much. I learned that it was wrong, that it was all wrong and that I shouldn't let them do that. That it is okay to say what_ _I_ _want, and what_ _I_ _didn't want. That it way okay to say NO, because if I let them do whatever they wanted, that they might hurt me so much that I would be useless to help Sam._

_But it isn't just about Sam. It's about you too._

_While Alistair had me... I want you to know I fought him and his brother. I fought them every step of the way. And not just because you were 'paying' for my company now and not them, but because I didn't want them. I wanted you. I want you. You came into my life and instantly made everything better, made me look forward to the next day and brought some joy in my life I never thought I would have._

_So thank you. Really. Thank you for being there and for being my rock. Thank you for fighting for me and for helping me._

_❤️_ "

By the time Castiel finished his reading and looked up at Dean, there was some embarrassment in his eyes and his cheeks took a rosier shade of red, probably due to the words he didn't write. Probably because of that little heart at the end, one that wasn't really a proclamation of love, but quite close to one. Castiel could help the smile that crept on his face and he reached out and set his hand on Dean's before he spoke.

"I heart you too Dean."

Dean closed his eyes, trying heard not to laugh out-loud at that, because it was funny to hear something like that coming from Castiel, while his throat was still a bit sore, but the words still filled him with happiness and warmth. He took his hand and pulled on it, drawing Castiel closer for another sweet soft kiss. He wanted more, he wanted to kiss him deeply and show him exactly how he felt, but he was pretty sure it has been over a week since he brushed his teeth and no way in hell would he kill the man he loved with his dragon breath.

So instead, he reached and cupped his face and once they broke their kiss, he pulled him into a tight hug.

* * *

Just as promised, Tony came back just before 7 pm, right on time for the evening shift. He checked in with them and said he was on his way to talk to the chief Cain Forstefod* and doctor Mick Davies - their chief of neurology along with doctor Gavin McCloud. He wasn't really necessary for this conversation, but since he was a good trauma doctor and Dean's doctor, they wanted his opinion.

An hour later, Meg came by and said they need to take Sam to do some MRI's and other tests, but she still assured Dean that he will be fine and that she will look after him. There was an odd look in her eyes that Cas noticed. It was as if she was happy that Sam will finally be saved, be given the help he needed, but sad at the same time because he will soon be transferred elsewhere and he will be gone from her life. Which is why he knew he made the right choice.

"Meg, hold on a sec. I know this is perhaps a bit sudden, but doctor Wilson and I have been talking and he wanted to offer you a position in his private clinic. As far as I understood him, it would be basically the same job you have here, only better paid and with a chance to maybe advance some day? But there are house-calls, so I am not sure... Would you be interested in something like that? No, no, don't answer right away, think it over, it isn't a decision to be made lightly. And you would need to discuss it further with him anyway, all I know is that as far as I can see it is a good offer, but maybe... I was thinking, and if Dean would agree - Cas said glancing at Dean - that your could consider Sam to be your first patient for house-calls?"

This is actually the first time Castiel wasn't sure about what he was asking. He had mentioned this to Tony and Tony already agreed to this, saying how it is hard to find nurses that aren't too cold and unfriendly and that she really seemed sweet. But to offer her to still look after Sam? He hoped he wasn't stepping on Dean's toes on this, considering it will be happening in their home. Especially considering he hasn't told Dean about Sam being out of the hospital if everything pans out.

Still, the wide smile that spread across her face along with Dean's affirmative hum was enough to assure him he made the right call. They could use more people to look after them, anyway. Once Meg took Sam out Castiel turned to Dean, only to see him scribbling something on his notepad.

" _Do you guys really think Meg could work for Tony? I was going to offer her to come and help with Sam and his recovery."_ was what he wrote, but it felt like he he wasn't finished, like he wanted to write more just had trouble phrasing it. Until...

" _If we really inherited money from Azazel and we got the club, I want it all to go to Tony, for Sammy. Whatever he needs."_

"Hm... Yeah, sorry Dean, but Tony wouldn't hear it. And before you even think it, no, I am not paying him either. He wants to do this pro bono. Besides, I don't think Nick would allow him in their apartment if he even considered taking money for this." Castiel responded. Dean took a moment to mould it over before writing.

" _But then at least let me pay for Meg while she is helping Sam?"_

 _"_ That would be something to discuss with Tony and Meg, not me." Castiel said, kind of reminding Dean that he won't decide things like this for him. That it was never his place to do that, even before when he was paying for him. He would always ask what Dean wanted and if he was okay with a certain decision.

" _And you?"_

 _"_ What about me?"

" _Can I repay you?"_

 _"_ Yes. Yes you can. But not by money. You can repay me by following your dreams and doing what you want to do. You are free, Dean. Free to live your life the way you want to and... I just want to see you happy."

To that Dean smiled and wrote down. " _Only if you stick around."_ to which Castiel returned the bright smile and kissed Dean, short but sweet.

Waiting on Tony to come, or for Sam's return, Dean thought about all the things that have suddenly changed in such a short time. Castiel was right, he was free. He didn't have to dance to a single beat, nor do private lap dances (it has been a while since he did those anyway). He didn't have to play pretend he liked someone and go with them and suck them off or let them fuck him... But... He didn't have to do any of those things even before. He didn't have to do any of that practically since he met Castiel.

That though brought a smile on his face.

Truth was, with Azazel gone, and some money left and a club to his name, things weren't all that different. Sure he had more freedom to do what he wanted and he could decide how to live his life without feeling obligated to work for someone, he can take care of Sammy all on his own. But he didn't want to do it on his own. In fact, he couldn't picture it doing anything without Castiel by his side. And maybe Meg by Sam's? Having friends like Nick and Tony, that cheery redhead at Castiel's office... Benny. Balthazar even. Heck he would even take Crowley.

Oh.

What about Adam and Kevin?

He would have to make sure they stayed. No way would he want them out in the streets. They could... They could wait tables. But that wouldn't be enough money for them, would it? He would have to think of something.

One thing is for sure. ZaZ, the strip club - it's finished. No more strip-dancing, no more escort service, no more prostitution. Maybe... Maybe he could turn it into a restaurant? Another smile crept up on his face at that thought. It was true, not much has changed for him. Except now he has a chance to change something for the people around him. Like Castiel did for him.

Door opening brought him out of his thoughts and he looked up to see Sam being brought back into the room, Meg, Tony and Dr. Gavin pushing his bed. With a few exchanged pleasantries and Dr. Gavin checking on Dean, he and Meg left the room. Tony took a deep breath and nodded with a smile before he started talking.

"All was as I have suspected. His brain functions seem normal, and there is a good chance he could recover from this. Unfortunately, despite nurse Masters and her attempts to do some physical therapy with Sam, his muscles are atrophied and the will have limited movements in the begging, which might affect his mental recovery. I would suggest, since we have stopped giving him the sedation as of this morning, that we move to a different, more permanent location as yet as tomorrow, so that when he wakes up, it would be in a controlled environment, one that will in time become his safe space." Tony elaborated.

"Now, I have spoken to doctor Gavin and he feels that he could discharge you tommorow as well, given that you stay in bed for at least another week. So. What do you think? Ready to go home?"

Dean swallowed. This was happening. This was really happening. He froze, those thoughts creating misfiring of his neurons for a moment, but then there Castiel was, standing by his side, squeezing his hand in a comforting manner and telling him that it's all going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Førstefødte means Firstborn in Norwegian.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the short chapter, but I got lucky to even write this much. Doing some renovations around the house and on top of that I got stuck reading one of the most antagonising slow burn Destiel ABO story that would make you want to either throw your phone at a wall, or scream at if as if Dean or Cas could hear you. Brings a whole knew meaning to the 'idiots in love' tag. Anyway, if you want to be pissed at me for a week or so, go and check out Expectations by everandanon.
> 
> Chapter warning: Depictions and mentions of light BDSM, but only in this chapter.

It seemed as though those sparkling blue eyes could see straight to his soul, leaving him completely exposed. They were so bright and so blue, so intense he felt completely mesmerized by them. And the adoration and admiration that seem to seep out of them was so warm, so overwhelming, Dean found himself unable to look away.

Dean's own eyes widened as those sapphires seemed to come closer, and closer, unbelievably close and then they hid away behind the eyelids, but Dean didn't mind. How could he mind when those incredibly soft, kind lips were brushing against his own, barely touching, tickling until he couldn't take it anymore. He pushed forward and captured those elusive lips between his teeth and dragged them out, savouring the flavor of them.

But once he pulled back, he was confused to see the wide smile on Castiel's face with his lower lips bleeding profusely. He didn't bite him, he didn't sink his teeth through his skin did he?

Castiel crashed their lips together, his arms flying around Dean's neck to hold him in a tight embrace. Dean felt the coppery taste of Castiel's lips and it felt wrong, it felt unnatural and all he could think about is pulling back and getting away from those strong hands, thinking about how they were in the way.

The next thing he knew, he was shoving Castiel backwards and the man fell down on the bed, and the sight made Dean's mouth water. Castiel sprawled over the bed wearing nothing but that damn hot trenchcoat that was just barely covering him up. Like a predator, Dean sunk his knee into the mattress, then the other, then started crawling up to Castiel.

It wasn't until he reached him and gotten on top of him, did Dean look back and saw the bloody trail of his bites along the bay. From Castiel's foot, over his clavicle, both thighs, stomach and chest. But when he looked back up, back at the man underneath him, all he was met was love and lust in those clear-water eyes. He captured his split lip once more and pulled and tugged until he could feel the taste of blood again, and in just that moment, Castiel's arms came up, his hand all over Dean's bare body, his fingers leaving soft, gentle touches that made Dean's skin tingle.

He liked it. He really liked it.

But then why was he grabbing Castiel's wrists and shoving them up the headboard, tying them down?

When Dean pulled back and took it all in, he felt oddly aroused. Castiel bound, his bare chest heaving, his lip glistering in the light... His throbbing cock twitching next to Dean's... And his lust blown blue eyes piercing through Dean as if they were daring him to do more. So Dean did more. He trailed hard bite-like kisses down Castiel's neck marking him with hickeys and bruises before he reached those perky nipples and sunk their teeth into each, making Castiel cry out and spasm underneath him.

He pulled back again, but it just didn't seem like Castiel has had enough. Still Dean knew exactly what would wipe that loving look from his eyes, what would make him cry and beg, beg Dean to stop. Getting back on his knees right between Castiel's tights, he aligned himself with his lover's entrance and chanced a look at him once more, those vibrant blue eyes simply staring back at him, so filled with life and trust.

A part of Dean screamed at him, telling him to stop, not to do it, that it would hurt Cas too much. That he wasn't stretched, not prepped for him and that there was no lube to ease this, but another part of him just said that the blood would act as a lubricant once he tore Castiel open. Dean looked back into those eyes for the umpteenth time, trying to find any hint of resentment, of hate, but found only love and care, and it felt so damn undeserved, so easy, too easy. This couldn't be right. He couldn't just do that, he couldn't just trust him, he shouldn't. He shouldn't just love him, and look back at him like he is the best thing in the world, because he is not.

All those thoughts and doubts kept nagging and nagging at him and he just wanted out, Dean just wanted it all to stop, so he shoved them, pushed them away and pushed, forcing his way inside of Castiel. He felt so incredibly tight and dry for only a second before Dean felt something give and then he was surrounded by something hot and wet that had tiny electrical jolt running through him. And the damn angel didn't say a word. He didn't cry, he didn't scream, all he let out was one word, loving and caring and comforting sound of:

"Dean."

"Dean?"

"Dean wake up. It's okay, it's not real. I'm here, Dean, it's okay." Cas soothed, his hand running up and down Dean's arm slowly bringing him out of his nightmare.

"NO, no... I don't... I don't want to hurt you, no... Please, no..." Dean pleaded, still dazed, shaking and whimpering.

"Dean. Dean! It's okay Dean. You won't hurt me, you won't. Okay?" Castiel said the first thing that came to mind, not even sure if Dean meant him or not, but at this point he would say anything just to get Dean to calm down. They just needed to last this one night here and then in the morning, Dean and Sam would be out of the hospital and settling down in their new home.

Strangely, Dean didn't relax into his embrace like so many other times before, instead he seemed to tense even more, stiffening his body so much, if Cas didn't know better, he would say he was hugging a statue. His breathing was still erratic, but it seemed like he was trying to force himself to calm, the action causing the opposite effect. Not wanting to cause him a panic attack or worse, Castiel pulled away, his hand lingering on Dean's shoulder just in case.

It was after all a very traumatic thing that happened to him and with the news about Sam and Azazel dying, he didn't have time to process it, but Castiel knew not to push it. What he didn't know, or was uncertain about, was whether he should offer to talk about it, or divert Dean's attention. Taking a moment to consider this, he missed the examining stare Dean was giving him while he slowly back away and let Castiel's hand fall off his shoulder.

"Dean?" Castiel said like that little word held all the questions and looked deep into Dean's searching eyes. He waited for Dean to collect himself and just gave him some breathing room, but didn't go far only taking one step back, showing him he was still there, if needed.

"Why..." Dean started but seemed to cut himself off. Castiel didn't know, but the kind, comforting and soothing (trusting?) face he was offering to help Dean talk was in fact triggering Dean into remembering the nightmare, so he ended up just staring at Cas.

"Yes?" Castiel tried, and it seemed to snap Dean out of his thoughts and he just shook his head and looked away.

"No, no, nothing... Nevermind."

Castiel should have pushed. He should have asked what was on his mind and if he wanted to talk about it. If Dean refused, he should have told him that it was okay for now, but that he should talk about it. Maybe Dean wouldn't have refused, maybe he would have talked to Castiel had he offered.

But no, Castiel just stood there and watched Dean slowly shift on the bed, grunting and hissing a bit until he had his back to the man, seemingly settling down to go back to sleep. Not being offered a hand, Castiel didn't lie on the bed next to him, instead sitting down at (his) chair and just watching Dean (pretend to) sleep.

It wasn't really that Dean wanted to pretend to be asleep, he really wanted to doze off until dawn, but couldn't. Whether it was fear of more nightmares or just getting too worked up to sleep, it didn't matter. It was so obvious what that dream meant and it was a terrifying idea that one way or another, Castiel would suffer just cause he was near Dean. And knowing his track record...

The only person that didn't die on him was Sam... And considering what he went through, maybe it would have been better if he did...

So many dark thoughts invaded his mind, not even the light if the new day could disperse them all.

* * *

Dean has never really been inside Azazel's house. He vaguely remembered Azazel once telling him that it was family inheritance, and that it was built by his great great great father Samael Morgenstern. Dean never thought it was actually this big. The front door opened up to a big foyer with a medium sized round table as the centre piece, reminding Dean of Castiel's penthouse. Only this whole place was a bit more extravagant and not quite in Dean's taste, but you don't look at the gifted horse's mouth, now do you?

There were large stairs following the curved wall on the right and a small gallery part, the rest of the upstairs hidden by a mosaic wall.

"Okay, now. The kitchen and the dining area is through there..." Nick spoke as he gestured to his right, to a hallway that followed the curve of the wall and disappearing out of sight. He turned and pointed to the left saying "...and through here is the living room, and some sort of relaxation room, whatever you want to call it, and here under the stairs, that hallway leads to a very dusty, probably unused library and ... Wait for it... wait for it... A swimming pool!" He finished with a grin. Dean let a smile slip by while Castiel just gave him an unamused look.

Still a pool would be a very good thing for Sammy. Dean glanced at the stretcher the ambulance drove his brother in, and sighed. He was happy, he was. It was uncertain when will Sam wake, but it should be in a matter of a few days, once the sedation is out of his system. They had a long way ahead of them, but Dean will be there, like he always was.

But this time, it feels a bit different. It feels like he wasn't all alone in this, because there was Nick, who helped set up the house for them and there was Meg, who will help look after Sam and his rehabilitation. There was Benny and Balthazar who were currently carrying Sam on the mentioned stretcher up the staircase and into one of the bedrooms up there. Heck, even that redhead girl... Charlie, right? Even she was here, well, somewhere in the house setting up the TVs and the PlayStations and computers and the security system. Apparently, she had a knack for technology.

And Castiel... He is here too...

Rolling Dean's mandatory wheelchair, and Dean in them to the staircase. Once his eyes landed on the stairs, Dean sucked in a small breath, picturing a very hot image of Castiel, his strong arms and wide chest picking Dean up and carrying him bridal style up said stairs... And then missing a step, falling and tumbling down, and dying of a broken neck, while Dean just lied helplessly on top of him.

"Dean?" Castiel's voice once more brought him back and Dean snapped his eyes up at him. "I will hook up the chair to the railing, I want to show you how it works."

"Railing? You..." That's when he noticed the U-shaped metal that was mounted on the wall, extending from the bottom of the stairs all the way to the top. "How did... Was..." Dean tried, not sure how to ask. It was ludacris to think Azazel would have this for any reason. One thing Dean knew, these things cost a fortune. And Dean should be up on his feet in a few days, so that meant that this was for Sammy.

"It was Tony's idea... He thought that with the bedrooms being upstairs, it would be hard for Sam to come down." Castiel explained, but before Dean could comment, Tony's voice echoed behind them.

"Actually, I said the stairs would be a good exercise later on, but it would be hard for him to maneuver them now. You came up with the railing idea." Tony said and Castiel cleared his throat, frowning for a moment and then changed the subject.

"You mentioned the pool and exercising in it too?"

"Yes, but that is once he gets full function of his limbs. And someone would have to be in the water with him constantly." Tony added.

"I think nurse Masters would be up to the task." Castiel commented with a small knowing smile and Tony huffed a laugh, nodding and agreeing. Whole their little conversation took place, Castiel was pulling Dean's wheelchair up to the wall and Dean heard a small click once the latch hooked to the chair.

"Okay, now, see these buttons? Press the up one." Castiel told Dean and Dean fixed back a smile as he did what he was told. In normal circumstances he would think that this was really cool, riding up and down instead of walking the stair length, pretending to be a king or a very uptight aristocrat, but Dean's mind was preoccupied with concern. And not just with how foolishly Castiel spent his money on Dean and the general concern for the man's wellbeing considering he was brave or stupid enough to get involved with a curse called Dean Winchester. No, Dean was also worried about his brother and how this whole thing would turn up.

He spoke to Tony earlier and the doctor assured him there was very little, next to none chance that what they were doing would cause Sammy harm in any way, much less kill him like Dean feared. Still, he was poisonous to everyone around him, he knew that. That was why he didn't have friends, that was why he didn't get attached. Until he met Castiel and... Forgot about it.

"Come on, Dee. Let's check out how Sammy's settling in and your room too, then we could introduce you to the rest of the place." Nick said as Dean reached the top, Castiel and Tony right behind him. Castiel showed him which button to push to release the latch and Nick swung his arm around Tony, pulling him in for a short, innocent kiss.

Turned out the place had four major bedrooms, two on the left and two on the right side, and a joint bathroom between each. They settled Sam in the first one to the left and Dean chose the one across the hall. The rest of the day passed him by in a blur. They showed him the rest of the house, Nick praising it like it was God-sent, and normally Dean would find each detail really cool and interesting, but today... He just didn't feel like getting excited.

"Do you... Do you want me to stay?" Castiel asked uncertain as the night fell and the others left them to relax and rest. A part of Cas must have thought Dean would ask, but since he didn't... He just wanted to make sure Dean knew the offer was on the table. "I don't have to, of course, but..."

"No. Stay. Please." Dean said, but he didn't sound like he meant it.

"You sure?"

"Y...yeah."

"Dean. If you don't want me to stay I won't, especially not in your bed. But I would feel better if you would let me stay in a spare bedroom, because you're not 100 percent yet and Sam might wake or you might need something and..um I would feel better if I knew there was someone here with you... It... It doesn't even have to be me, I could ask Benny to..." Dean didn't hear the rest of it, too struck with the amount of worry and care in Castiel's voice.

He has been so distant today, ignoring Castiel the whole time, not even... Not even kissing him once. And Cas... He... He probably didn't want to push it, to make Dean uncomfortable. He was his rock, Dean told him so, and now he is acting like... Like Cas is nobody.

"No, no... I want you... To stay. With me." He said, a part of Dean really wanting it, needing it. But another part wanted to keep him at arms length just in case. If he didn't let him too close to the fire, he can't get burnt, right?

It was awkward, to say the least, the tension palpable between them as they changed and laid down, Dean facing away from Cas and Cas uncertain if he should embrace him or just lie on his back.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you can tell me anything, right? If... If there is something bothering you. I'll listen and try to help. You know that, right?"

" 'course I do, Cas. Thank you." He said, then reached and took the man's hand, pulling it to drape over his shoulder, effectively making Castiel spoon him. But despite his best efforts, it seemed as though Castiel could feel something different about him. If only Dean would tell him what it was that was bothering him.

* * *

Dean's heavy breaths landed on Castiel's shoulder as he stood behind him, pressing his naked body against his back, enjoying the view of a fine man, his arms stretched and suspended up, his legs parted and bound down. One of Dean's hands was up front, jerking off his big cock, thumb brushing over the head on an up stroke and over the tight ring on the down stroke, each motion eliciting a low moan of the man before him.

The other hand caressed and pinched those firm buttocks, occasionally squeezing and then slipping down, between the cheeks and pressing the dildo further in, then abruptly turning it on, feeling the vibrations tickle his hand. Castiel whimpered and mumbled, his entire body spasming.

"Do you want to cum?"

"Uh-huh."

"I didn't hear you."

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, please. Can... May I please come now? Please?"

"Well, since you said please..." Dean said and removed the cock ring, while simultaneously shoving the dildo as far as it could go, turning it to the max. A loud scream tore away from Castiel as he ejaculated, the sound and sight fueling Dean's arousal and he pulled that small dildo out of the way and shoved his heavy, throbbing cock in its place, taking only a few hard, animalistic thrusts and coming inside of Cas, feeling the man's second orgasm constricting his tight hole around Dean's cock and screaming his head off with an extremely loud:

"Aaaaaugghhhhh!"

Dean jerked awake, and woke Castiel in the process to, his heart beating like crazy. It looked so real, it sounded so real, but Dean... He would never... He would never hurt him intentionally, he would never do that to Castiel. He had some vague notions about BDSM and knew it was more then just tying someone up and taking them cause they asked for it, but Dean didn't think he could ever do something like that. But it felt so real and not even a bit good, the scream still echoing in his head.

"De..."

"Aaaaaugghhhhh!" someone yelled interrupting Castiel and Dean's eyes widened for a moment, thoughts frantic. But no, Castiel was there beside him, it couldn't have been him...

"Oh, shit!" He shouted and scrambled out if bed, wincing and hissing at the pain such fast motions caused. Castiel awkwardly tried to help him up, but Dean just pushed of the way and ran out the door, crossing the hall and stumbling into the other room where Sam was.

The light was dim, not completely off and Dean almost switched it brighter, but then stopped short, looking over at the bed and seeing two familiar mossy eyes watching him carefully.

"Gnah..." Sam let out, probably unable to speak yet, and watched Dean's every motion as his brother slowly stepped closer.

"Sam? Sammy? It's me, it's Dean..." He said to him, the motion widening those mossy greens before he heard Dean's voice and his entire face lit up in recognition.

"D..."

"Yeah, Sammy, it's me... It's... You're okay. You're gonna be okay..." He said as he reached and draped his arms around his brother, head coming to almost lie on his chest, eyes tearing up and a small sob escaping his lips. His brother's breathing hitched under his ear, but he didn't move, and Dean wasn't even sure if he could yet. "It's going to be okay... I'm here and we're gonna be okay..."

Castiel watched the reunion hidden behind the doorframe, not wanting to intrude on such a precious moment. He was so glad that Sam woke and seemed calm and good for now, but he couldn't help the small twinge in his chest, not even sure if it's cause yet.

Things were changing rapidly for Dean and he couldn't blame him for spacing out and taking his time to deal with it all, he certainly didn't want to add to his plate, but he still wished there was a way he could help, if Dean would let him, if he would tell him what he needed. But Dean seemed to close off and not reach out, not like he meant it, and that...

He probably just needs more time... Right?


	25. Chapter 25

Dean was astounded by Sam's progress starting with mere recognition not just of him, but also of Meg. Dean watched as his brother eyed her warily until the moment she spoke up and introduced herself. His eyes flared up in recognition of her voice and his lips tugged at a small smile. Seeing that on his brother's face was priceless and Dean felt so overwhelmed with joy that Sam is... Alive and conscious and responsive, it was all he could talk about.

When he wasn't with Sam, talking to him and helping him, he was talking about him or thinking about him. And Castiel was there for every moment. Every moment Dean needed him to be, anyway. He shared his bed for the first few nights, but Dean would get so excited during the day, he would come crashing like a kid after been given too much candy, and Castiel didn't want to disturb his sleep, so he moved to another bed room.

During the day, he would sometimes excuse himself and go back to his penthouse, more often so, feeling like he is only in Dean's way. Not because all Dean talked about was his brother, no. It was because he started to shy away from his touch, his kisses were short and cut and less initiated by him. And of course, Castiel didn't want to push, wanted to give him his space.

Dean had luck with the club. Turned out Adam was a college dropout who studied a bit of management, and with his help, and Kevin's and Crowley's too, Dean managed to turn club ZaZ into a very nice restaurant. Nick helped, finding a company called James's bulk stores and made a very impressive deal to furnish the entire restaurant. He and Adam have been working together on the financial stuff, while Kevin and Crowley constantly bickered about the venues and menus and table cloths, but generally, the place was coming along nicely.

Days turned into weeks as Dean watched his brother make his first coherent words, learning that this whole time he was able to hear them, that he knew everything that was going on around him. Dean chuckled when Sam proclaimed he preferred Greek novels to Russian classics, but said he was definitely tired of classic rock ballads and would prefer even disco to it now.

Dean watched him grow from the twelve-year-old boy he was when they crashed to the twenty-eight-year-old man with wishes and desires and... Hidden glances to his nurse? Oh, Sammy... Well, it is good for him to have something to hope for, a reason to strive and keep trying right? Like how he moved his hand for the first time, just to reach and brush it against hers. Or how he turned his head for the first time on his own, to follow her as she left the room.

Slowly, his muscles were being brought back into commission, his movements slow and straining, but he kept going, kept pushing and kept smiling and it was enough for Dean to smile too. They would spend a lot of nights watching movies and shows and even some crappy documentaries, because Sam was intrigued by everything. And he was like a sponge, sucking it all up.

Everyone visited, Tony mostly, keeping tabs on his progress and Nick too. Benny came over a few times, brought flowers which brought such a wide smile on Sam's face that had Dean wondering about the simple things, things he took for granted, things Sam hasn't experienced for sixteen years.

When Sam finally got a hand on his upper body movements, one late afternoon, Dean came and with Nick's help, they carried him to the roof where Dean set up a lazy chair and a small table and introduced him to a non-alcoholic Sunset cocktail as they watched the sun set together. He watched as a tear rolled down his brother's cheek and felt so conflicted and sad. Because for sixteen years, Sam has been practically trapped in his own mind, Dean couldn't even begin to contemplate what that was like. But he knew one thing.

It was his fault.

He did that.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. I am so sorry." He let the words slip up as he stared at his little brother.

"What... What for?" Sam asked as he turned his confused eyes to meet his brother's.

"For you know... I... If... I was driving and if..." Dean tried, not sure how to say this, not sure how much Sam remembered. It has been nearly a month since Sam woke up and they haven't even talked about the accident. In fact, Sam hasn't even asked about dad.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Dude, I was there, it wasn't your fault. In fact, if you haven't pressed the brakes, I think we would have hit that car beside us and killed that family with the baby on board. You making a decision to hit the brakes gave that car time to get away." Sam blurted out, took a deep breath and continued.

"I know... I know you were blaming yourself this entire time, but it wasn't your fault, Dean. Dad never should have let you go up on the freeway and I know the truck driver was drunk, fell asleep on the wheel. I heard it, multiple times. It wasn't your fault." Sam repeated those words, probably hoping they would stick.

"Despite it all, you... You basically gave up your entire life for me. Gave everything up and took care of me, and Dean? I could never thank you enough. No, no, don't shake your head at me, I know, alright? I heard it all, I know. I know what you did, I listened when you thought I couldn't hear. I am the one who should be apologizing. You wasted your entire life to keep me alive and I... I am sorry, I am so sorry..." A small sob escaped him and right then, he seemed like that twelve-year-old again, crying over a girl that turned him down. Dean was by his side in an instant, but Sam kept him at the arms length, his hand shaky as he held it up and tried to maintain it there.

"I wanted to tell you so many times. I wanted to fucking wake and tell you that they are fooling you and that I am here, and that I am fine, but I couldn't... I couldn't and I am sorry. I am so sorry Dean."

"No, no, Sammy. That... That wasn't your fault, they kept you drugged, they..." Dean cried along with him, ignoring his lifted hand and came over to embrace him. Sam hugged him back and they remained like that for quite a while before Sam patted him on the back.

"If you are going to blame yourself for what happened and keep doing unnecessary penance, then I am going to keep feeling guilty about not being able to wake up." Sam stated like it was just that simple, calming down his breathing and reeling in his emotions.

"Sam, I... I can't just do that. I... I am a curse for everyone around me."

"No. You need to forgive yourself. What happened to me and to dad wasn't your fault, just like mom wasn't either, or uncle Bobby or any of them. You just happened to be there when the bad luck struck, but guess what, so was I. So was dad. Each time something happened, we were all there. So I might as well be the cursed one."

"No, no way, that's..."

"Nobody else died since the accident, nobody else got hurt?" Sam countered.

"There really wasn't anyone to..."

"What about Cas?"

Dean flinched at the mention of the name. It was in fact over a month since Castiel saved both him and his brother and Dean realized he hasn't spoken or seen him in almost a week.

"He... He isn't..."

"I heard you talk about him. I heard the sound of your voice when you talked about him, you care for him. So much. And nothing happened to him, right?" Sam tried to make a point, but Dean realized that, since it has been too long when he last heard from Cas, things could have happened. Suddenly his heart skipped a beat at that thought, his mind working up a thousand and one scenario while his mouth just blurted a confirmation of Sam's question.

"You're not a curse Dean, you never were. I get it, it was scary and it still is. But I can't have you babysitting me anymore and let your life pass you by. You are with me every waken moment, and I love you, man, I do... But you gotta get me some alone time with Meg." Sam deadpanned and Dean's eyes widened for a moment before he realized Sam was only joking. For now.

"I saw him that night I woke up. I know it was him, saw him from a far a few times, heard his voice. He was always so reluctant to enter the room, throwing you glances as if to ask if you would be ok for him to come in and introduce himself. But you were always busy looking at me to notice. So he never did." Sam said in a sad tone. Dean opened his mouth to say something in his or Castiel's defense, bit nothing actually came to mind. It was true, he was too focused on Sam and too scared of deepening what he had with Castiel that... Oh, God, he didn't push him away completely, right?

Dean stared at the ground, trying to collect his thoughts and figure out how he went from needing Castiel to be as close as possible to pushing him away to the point he didn't even know where the man was, or what he was doing or if they were even together anymore.

"It's, um... It's getting late and chilly, I should probably get you back in bed. Maybe we could watch a movie?" Dean offered, his mind still thinking about Cas.

"Only if you promise me you'll call him."

Dean huffed a tired smile at that, then with a grunt, he lifted Sam out of the lazy chair and headed for the door.

"Nick said he would stop by tommorow, and maybe we could try the pool. He even teased he would buy me a flotation device before Meg said she would let me borrow Jack's. Apparently it has a Star Wars theme to it, her kid just loves it." Sam said. "So I told her to bring him along. Is that ok?"

"'course Sammy." Dean huffed out. "Jesus, for a person that hasn't eaten in 16 years, you sure a freaking heavy."

"What can I say, Meg is a master with dough. She has been stuffing me since I could hold my food." Sam said with a smile just as they reached his room where Dean tried his best to be gentle as he set Sam down on the bed, then helped him shift up to the headboard.

"Alright so..." He started but Sam interrupted.

"Movie? I think it is my pick tonight."

"Sure. I'll just grab the popcorn and a few sodas and I will be right back. Here - Dean said as he handed him the remote - find something you'll like."

"Promise me." Sam said softly.

"What?" Dean asked confused.

"Promise me you'll try. With Cas or whoever, promise me you'll do something for you." There was a heavy plea in his voice and a part of Dean knew that it was laced with guilt, one he did not want his brother to have to bear. He knew that he was right, that he should have more in his life beside taking care of him. He was told that so many times before, but it kind of seemed different when his brother said it.

Not for the first time today, Castiel came to mind. Memories of their 'dates' and their kisses and the warmth of his body next to Dean's attacked his mind and suddenly all he could think about was the dark haired angel. His guardian angel.

Sam asked him twice if he agreed to watch some documentary about the sleeping habits of sloths before giving up and just putting it on. A small smile on Sam's face went unseen, but he knew he had his brother reconsidering it all. He might not have been fully awake, but he was there and he heard when Dean first spoke of Cas, the way his word were laced with admiration and fascination. He was in love. Sam was read enough romance novels to figure that out.

Dean managed to glance at Sam and at his documentary a few times, trying to be there, but his mind kept pulling him back to Castiel. The fact was, and Dean finally admitted to himself that he was genuinely scared that he might hurt Castiel or that it wouldn't work out between them and it was easier to push him away then to live with a slight chance that his heart might be broken once again. It was already bruised and in scars from all the people that he lost. That left him behind. He didn't think he could handle that happening again.

But then again...

He never felt more alive than when he was with Castiel, and to fall back into hiding and to spend his days dragging his feet around... Sure, there was no way his heart could get broken again like that, but what good was it when it didn't beat?

It was close to 10 pm when the documentary ended and Sam yawned loudly, drawing Dean's attention. He made sure Sam had everything he needed and that he was tucked in before he wished him goodnight and went to his room.

Dean sighed heavily when he was finally alone. Second by second, the air grew heavier, a weight pressing down on his chest. He missed Castiel, he missed him so damn much it was getting harder to breathe. His eyes landed on a phone he bought himself two weeks ago, Nick assuring him he had to have one if he ever wanted to run a normal business, but it wasn't until he mentioned Sam that he really managed to hit a cord and finally Dean went out and bought two, one for him and one for his brother, and Kevin taught him how to use it, how to text and even installed some handy aps.

With shaky hands, Dean picked it up, opened the messenger and send a simple 'Hi.' to Castiel. He waited and then thought better, so he sent another text asking him about his day. He wanted to write that he missed him and to ask him where he was and what he was doing, but a part of him felt like he didn't deserve to know that. Not the way he has been acting.

Dean waited and waited and when half an hour later no answer came, he figured Castiel might be asleep. He put the phone on his nightstand and got ready to go to bed, but as he lied there, staring at the ceiling, he realized he won't be able to fall asleep. With a heavy heart, he tried to recollect when was the last time he felt Castiel's warm body shield him and keep him safe from nightmares and he couldn't. Sure, he remembered the hospital and the first few days when they moved into the house, but after that?! Castiel was there, in this bed a few more times after that, Dean knew for sure, but he couldn't remember. He could remember their exact position, or if Castiel hugged him and spooned him or held him close to his chest. If they laced their fingers together or... Kissed.

Fuck, he needed Castiel now. He needed to tell him he was sorry, and that he wants him. That he wants him back in his life, that he needs him back. Dean picked up his phone, knowing that there was no reply, but still hopefully looked at the screen. When nothing showed up, he sent Castiel another text. 'Are you there?'.

No answer.

Damn it.

Waging his option, he felt too great of a coward to dial and call him, hiding behind a false excuse that he might wake him. Truth was, he didn't know how to tell him he wanted him back in his life. Maybe he could ask Nick, afterall, the man worked for him, right?

**Dean** : "Hey, have you heard from Cas today? I wanted to ask him something, bit he isn't answering his texts."

**Nick** : "Sorry, buddy, haven't seen him lately, not since I took leave to help with the restaurant. Why, did something happen?"

**Dean** : "No, nothing, I just didn't want to call him and wake him. Thanks. Talk later."

Dean sighed when he struck out, but then thought maybe he should try asking someone else. So he tried Tony, but the doctor only said he hasn't seen him all week, too busy at the hospital with some new department opening up. Dean next texted Benny and without waiting for a reply, he texted Balthazar too, knowing how the man had the scoop on anyone and loved to gossip.

Benny's reply came as a negative, saying he wasn't called in to drive him, commenting that he probably used his own car. Balthazar's reply was filled with some weird smiley faces and little pics of buildings and mountains and plane and a bunch of other strange stuff Dean did not understand. Why was there a pic of an eggplant and... Was that a cigarette? No, wait, a familiar looking leaf next to it, yeah, that had to be marijuana. Dean thought best to ignore that.

Lastly, he tried Charlie, but her text didn't get delivered, so Dean figured she must have shut her phone off or something. Except a person like Charlie would never do that, but he didn't know her that well. He didn't know she was in on an emergency meeting and that she wouldn't see the text well after she tiredly dragged herself home, dropped into her beg and slept a few hours off.

Dean wasn't so fortunate and as the dawn crept up on him while he was still staring at that damn ceiling, he couldn't help but feel like he blew it. Nothing major had to happen, no accident or a mishap to plunge Castiel out of his life. Dean himself was enough.

Has he really pushed that hard and ignored the man that he drove him away? Was it too late to try and reprimand things between them?

Because if so, Dean had no idea how he was going to keep going...

It was about 6 in the morning when his phone pinged, startling him out of his thoughts and when he realized he just got a message, he quickly reached for it, nearly tumbling off the bed in the process. Charlie finally got her message and replied telling him that Castiel flew out of town last night, due to some emergency problems with another company and a possible lawsuit they were facing. When Dean asked, she replied that he will be stuck in the capitol for a while because of that.

So, he was gone.

Just gone.

Ok, so he was away for work, not like he left Dean... It was an emergency afterall, right?

But... He hasn't texted back. Maybe Dean should send him another message? Odd sort of chill filled Dean's body as panic started to set in. What if he went back to the capitol and never came back?! What if he was sick of Dean shoving him aside and fuck, he has been so good and so supportive and helped out more then Dean could ever thank him and Dean just... Ignored him? How the hell could he do that? How could he just let them grow apart?

No, Dean can't let this happen, he could. He felt his heart starting to race as determination consumed him, because fuck, he wanted Cas, and fuck everything else, fuck faith, fuck destiny, fuck his bad luck... Fuck it all.

Jumping out of the bed, a man on the mission, he managed to put his jeans on while simultaneously shooting Cas a text saying he was sorry and that he wanted to talk. A few moments later, a reply came through, but not from the person he was expecting. Charlie's name popped on the screen along with a message explaining that Cas apparently forgot his phone and was currently using a landline and Charlie as a personal secretary.

She said she is sorry to have read such a private message and asked him if he wanted her to patch him through Castiel's office in the capitol. He agreed, and she gave him a direct number. The phone rang and rang, each sound driving a screwdriver through Dean's heart as his mind chanted a line of _pick-up-please-pick-up_. But nobody did.

Fuck this shit!

Within an hour, Dean welcomed Meg and her little boy Jack and thanked her for helping him out and being here for Sam. He made them all a quick goodbye and ran out of the house where Benny and his limo was waiting for him. With a frown he got in and just as he was about to ask him why he was there, Benny spoke up. "Charlie called, said she helped you make reservations to a plane ticket to the capitol. Asked if I was inclined to help out too. And I said, I would miss it for the world. Now just sit back, brother, and I'll have you there in a jiffy."

Benny must have seen too many Taxi movies, because he was speeding and making sharp turns and Dean didn't even know how it was possible for the long limo to make such moves. Surely, by the time they reached the airport, Dean thought he was going to hurl, but wasn't sure if it was from the car ride, the fact that he will be on a plane for the first time in his life, or was it just jitters of what he was about to do.

Either way, his mind was made up. He would rather go through the rest of his life being turned down, then being a coward for not trying to have what he wanted. That or die trying. Which with the first turbulence seemed like the most plausible option, but in the end of the three hour flight, Dean did end up throwing up twice, and landed safely letting out a huge sigh of relief.

Now, the only thing left was to get to Castiel.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, guys. One huge sorry for not posting this on Saturday, had some family things to take care off. But cause you were all such great sports, I am posting this chapter now and then the last one on Saturday.  
> Hope you liked this story and this chapter, hit me with some comments, I am not beyond begging. :D

Dean would always look back on this moment, on this day and think what an idiot he was and how stupid he acted, but he knew well that he would never change the outcome of it all. Maybe it was his anxiety working up, even if the voices in his head were quiet. Maybe it was the fact that they were quiet. Or maybe it was the Bon Jovi song that played on the radio of the taxi that drove him to the Novak Industries big bad building.

_..._

_Oh, you're a loaded gun, yeah_

_Oh, there's nowhere to run_

_No one can save me_

_The damage is done_

_Shot through the heart_

_And you're to blame_

_You give love a bad name (bad name)_

_I play my part and you play your game_

_You give love a bad name (bad name)_

_You give love, a bad name_

_..._

Shit, he hurt him. He hurt Cas, didn't he? And after everything the angel has done for him, he just pushed him away. He was selfish and ungrateful and... It was people like him that gave love a bad name, wasn't it?

"Fuck." He muttered under his breath, and ignored the cab driver that glanced at him in the rearview mirror. All he thought about was getting to Cas, and as soon a possible if not before, because it felt like a second later might be too late. If it wasn't already.

He was slowly getting worked up as the minutes ticked away, he started to tap his left foot on the floor and subconsciously bit his lower lip as he looked out of the window at the sights unseen. The traffic was heavy and they were making very slow process and it was killing Dean that he couldn't get to Castiel right the fuck now and tell him he was sorry.

"Hey, man? You okay?" The driver asked and Dean frowned at his reflection before he felt a drop of sweat tumble down his forehead. He was getting so nervous he started to sweat, and with his jittery motions, the man must have thought he was a junky or something. The bags under his eyes from a sleepless night probably didn't help.

"Yeah, just excited to get..."

"Well, crap. Another freaking detour. Why can't they fix the fucking road during the night and not in the middle of a rush-hour?!" The driver interrupted Dean, yelling at the workers in orange vests and slamming his hand on the wheel. Dean's eyes snapped to the big detour sign before them and a new wave of agitation hit him. He couldn't be stuck in traffic now, not now.

In a split second, he was out of the cab, and leaning through the passenger window, throwing a twenty on the seat.

"Keep the change." He said, stepped on the curb and then changed his mind, stepping back to the cab. "Can you just tell me how to get to Novak Industries? Please?"

The cabby gave him a sorrowful look before pointing to the tallest building in the city, on the other side of it, almost a mile away. Dean looked up, blew a breath and then nodded to himself. He can do this, he's got this. With a quick "Thanks." he took off running.

Bad idea. A really bad idea. Half way through he was so exhausted and could barely breathe, his mouth so dry and thirsty, sweating and panting, but he didn't stop. He couldn't stop.

Still, maybe he should have, for nothing else, then at least to catch a breath. Maybe he would have seen the text Charlie sent asking him to tell her when he gets there, so that she could call ahead and tell the staff he was coming. Or he wouldn't be so oxygen deprived that he would have thought of calling her either way, to ask for help.

He definitely wouldn't have looked like a mad man running into the building and shouting that he needed to see Mr. Novak. It was only a week ago that a guy by the name of Gadreel Penikett ran into the bank across the street with a bomb strapped to his chest, demanding all the cash, and to the security guards... This reminded them of said event, and even though they could really see a bomb on Dean's chest, they still saw him as an immediate threat. When Dean saw they were crowding him, cutting off both his exit and his way to the elevators, he snapped, ran a guard down and ran towards the stairs.

And thus began the chase thoughout the building.

One of the more chubby guards managed to grab his jacket and rip it, leaving a piece in his hand, his new phone dropped to the ground, not that Dean even noticed. All he knew is that he needed to get to Castiel. Now. Later he questioned what was it exactly that make him freak out like that and not try to be calm about this entire situation, but the answer will always elude him. Cas would joke and say he couldn't live another second without Castiel. Dean suspected he might be right.

Anyway, he managed about five floors of stairs (or 135 stairs, but who's counting?) before he heard voice up above, not just the shouts from the below floors. Figuring it must be more guards, he decided to hop on out on this floor, then maybe seek out an elevator. He ran to the doors that lead to the fifth flood, and slammed into them, hitting his face before he figured he was supposed to pull and not push.

He ran into a long hall, the voices of guards echoing behind him and after running into several locked doors, he finally found one big ones that weren't locked. They just so happen to lead to a huge room filled with cubicles. Needless to say, all eyes snapped in his direction when he stormed through the door, panting, but Dean didn't care. Hearing a very familiar _!Ding!,_ he took off to the other side of the room, running into people. Shouts were heard as the papers flew freely and two people were down. One guy he managed to shove away (though he did look a lot like that dude named Michael who used to love sucking him off) and a woman that tried to get away from him and managed to walk into a plant.

Dean sighed in relief once the elevator doors slammed shut in the fat guards face. He tried to press the top floor, somehow figuring that must be where Castiel's office is, but the button remained red. He pressed one lower, and still nothing. He ended up pressing down, looking for the floor he can go, his heart pumping hard in fear that the doors will open again and he will be facing that fat guard once more. Eighth floor seemed to be the highest he could reach and he huffed once again, calming down a bit. It seemed like he needed a special key to get to the top floors, but it didn't matter that he didn't have one.

There had to be stairs, right?

If not, that would be a major safety violation, and if Dean had to go outside and use a window washers scaffolding, he would, fuck his fear of heights.

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open, but as soon as he stepped out, he heard a angry "Hey!" shouted out to him and he only managed to get a glimpse of the security uniform before he bolted in the opposite direction. He didn't know where he was running to, but he just knew he couldn't get caught, not yet. He ran through the first door and closed it, but not completely, watching through the crack as a small blond kid ran by. He heard another guard ask him and he heard the kid's reply.

"Alfie! You saw him?"

"Yeah, he just ran past me. I... I lost him. I'm sorry, Bart."

Dean could hear the older guard scold the kid, but it didn't matter now, cause he heard someone clear their throat and he whipped around, eyes wide as they landed on a man sitting behind the desk. He was bald and older and somehow familiar, but Dean couldn't quite place him. The plate on his desk said Zachariah Adler - Logistics Manager.

"You always knew how to make a commotion." The man said and motioned for Dean to take a seat, then took his time eyeing Dean. His voice was familiar too, and he obviously knew Dean somehow, yet Dean had trouble remembering him.

"I suppose you are here to see the big man upstairs, huh? If only you could go around those pesky guards and get into that elevator... Or the stairs, right? But you need is an access key. And I don't suppose you have one?" He said as he slowly got up and weaseled his way towards Dean.

That grotesque grin and that predatory spark in his eyes, Dean knew those, but how? He wasn't a client, not even a one time deal. Maybe he visited the club, watched him dance? The man's hand brushed over Dean's shoulder and he shuddered, but remained still.

"If only there was someone here with that key... If only there was someone here that could help... Someone that would give you the key in exchange for... A favor. Something to relieve the stress of the job. A little... Quid pro quo."

Those three little words brought back the exact memory he needed to remember the man. When he first heard moans coming from Adam's room and found it odd because they never entertained clients in their private quarters. He took a peek inside and was appalled by what he saw, but before he could say or do anything, Azazel found him, pulled him away and told him that Adam has a client with special needs and not to disturb them.

Dean also remembered his obedience and how he simply nodded, bowed his head and walked away. If he was that Dean now, he would just bow down and do whatever Zachariah wanted, but he wasn't that Dean anymore.

Huffing a laugh, he took a deep breath and turned to face the Logistics Manager.

"And I suppose you have the key? And in exchange you would want me to... " The image of Adam's mouth on the man's hole filled his mind and made him want to gag, but he disregarded it for now, opting to remember what else Adam said about him. "...Fill your ass with random objects and fuck you with them? Or use a big ass dildo, if you got one lying around?"

The look on Zachariah's face was priceless.

"Adam did say your ass required so much attention and that you loved to shove things up there. He thought you were one sick mother fucker, but it was better to fuck you then get fucked, so..." Dean had no idea where the words were coming from and how he could remain so calm and so bold and say those things. Strangely enough he did sound like one of those voices in his head, but whatever it was, it was working and he could see the pale expression on Zachariah's face as he slumped back down on his chair, speechless.

Technically, Dean shouldn't have known that, they was supposed to be some form of client confidentiality, but even if they had signed contracts, which they didn't, it wasn't like Adler could sue a dead guy.

Seeing that Zachariah was his best bet now, Dean leaned forward, staring the man down and spoke up, sounding a bit too much like Azazel for his own liking.

"Now. How about I make you a deal? You give me the keys and I don't tell anyone, your wife included - he said glancing at Zachariah's wedding ring - that you are into some really kinky stuff. Things like that could ruin a man's career, don't you know?"

A part of him was so proud of himself and another felt incredibly guilty, but he was making an empty treat, he could never out a man like that. Still when those keys landed in his hand, all was forgotten, because he was a step closer to Castiel. He threw a small "Thanks!" as he got up and was just about to run out of the room when Zachariah spoke.

"Thirteenth floor. His office is on the thirteenth."

Dean looked back at him with slight surprise, but nodded and left. It was strange, he thought he would find Castiel on the top, fifteenth floor. But this made sense. Number thirteen was the unlucky number and probably nobody wanted to have an office there, so Castiel, the good guy that he was, offered to have his office there.

They could have just skipped the number, didn't they know?

Dean managed to get to the elevators without being spotted by the guards that were oddly nowhere in sight. He hoped he would have a clear path to Castiel's office too, it would really be a bummer if he managed to get to his door and be caught then. Strangely, it never occurred to him that Mr. Novak would have been informed and that he would most likely want to see the intruder. So many things didn't occur to him today, but he still managed to get this far. Just a little more.

Just a little more and he will be there, with Castiel and ... Oh, fuck! What is he going to say to him? He... He has to know that Dean cares about him and wants him back and that he is sorry for pushing him away and that he can't live and breathe without him, and that he needs him and that he... Oh.

_!Ding!_

"Fuck!"

"He's here!"

The blond kid, Alfie was there, and without thinking straight, Dean grabbed him by his security uniform and pulled him into the elevator, pushing the ground floor button and stepping out at the same time just as the elevator doors closed. The kid stood eyes wide and frozen, surprised and probably scared shitless, but he'll live.

"Hey!" The other guard, Bart shouted, a stupid move because it only served to draw Dean's attention to him and make him run in the opposite direction. The hallways were empty, creepily so, and Dean ran past what looked like a small kitchenette, then the restrooms and rounded a corner only to find himself at a potential dead-end, with nothing in front of him by the doors to the Archives.

He had no way of knowing if the room had another exit or not, but he came up with a plan as soon as he entered it. There were shelves and shelves of boxes stacked up as far as the eye can see, the room instantly lighting up as he entered. Dean took a step back and hid just behind the door so that when the guard came through, he could slip back before the door closed. Alas, his luck turned and the guard spotted him, grabbing his shirt and tearing it as Dean scrambled to get away.

Running back to the elevator chased by Bart, Dean hopped that the other side of the hallway would lead him to Castiel's office and it was only then that he realized Zachariah might have tricked him. What he didn't know, and would laugh at later, was that the Archives room he was in earlier lead to the server room, which lead directly to Castiel's office. He just ended up taking the longer route to it.

* * *

Castiel sat in his office breathing. Just breathing. An hour ago he barely managed to negotiate a plea bargain over yet another mess Adler made. Ever since Novak Industries took over Shurley Pharmaceuticals, Zachariah Adler was demoted from the CEO position to Logistics Manager, but without a paycheck change.

Castiel always tried to maintain the numbers of employees when he took over a company, and if said number couldn't be maintained, he would transfer them to another sector of his company, so long as they would get to keep a job. People always were number one, and that was his policy. Apparently, not Zachariah's.

He had fired fifty people and somehow that piece of information managed to slip by Castiel. It wasn't even true that their positions weren't needed anymore, and some days Castiel thought that Zachariah would do things like this just to screw with him. Those layoffs were in a breach of the employees contracts and of course they gathered and found a lawyer and sued the company. Castiel and his attorney, Pamela Barns managed to cut a deal, in which the employees would be returned to their positions, no harm no foul, and in addition would be compensated for their time of leave.

Castiel just needed to sit and take a deep breath. He should fire Zachariah, he really should, but he hoped that the man would see the error of his ways. After this... He wasn't so sure.

Some commotion caught his attention and he frowned at the door and stood up to see what's going on. He walked to it, but just two steps before he could reach it, someone stumbled in, shut the door and leaned into it, using his own body to barricade it. The man turned towards Castiel, his green eyes filling with relief and sparking up as they met Castiel's blues. And even though he was panting hard like he just ran a marathon, he still smiled widely at him.

"Dean?"

"Hhh... Hi. Finally found you."

But whoever was on the other side of the door banged loudly, then using his own body weight ran the door, propelling Dean straight into Castiel's arm. Dean yelped, but Cas caught him, glancing down at the one person that could always brighten his day. When he looked up, he saw one of his security guards charging them, taser in hand, and he tried to shout at him, to tell him to stop, but he was too late.

50,000 Volts coursed through Dean's body making each and every muscle spasm and his whole body to shake, too dehydrated and high on adrenaline, before he hit the ground and the world around him went dark.

* * *

The world started to come back slowly, first thing Dean heard was Castiel's voice, shouting at someone and ordering them to bring water and nourishments. He could hear him saying that Dean loved burgers so they should get burgers. He even knew his favourite toppings.

Next thing he figured was that he was half seated, half lying on some sort of a couch, sofa? Something comfortable and long, smelled like leather with a hint of that Pine cologne Castiel wore. Yeah, he made it to his office, this must be a sofa he had in it, and Dean could imagine him lying down on it to take a nap if his day was hard and long.

Last thing Dean figured and with a loud groan, was that everything hurt and his whole body felt somehow sore and off. His vision swam, but he still tried to focus and caught sight of a figure with dark hair with it's back turned to him. He blinked and the figure turned, just as his vision was clearing up. Castiel's worried face came to view and he smiled at him, relief washing over him as he remembered he made it. He made it.

"Dean? How do you feel? I am so sorry... They..." Castiel tried but Dean shook his head, reaching forward to put his hand over Castiel's mouth. His hand then slipped and fell directly into Castiel's. He squeezed it for a moment and then pulled it, non-verbally telling the man he wanted him to sit down. His first words were slurred, but he cleared his throat and forced himself to talk, not letting Castiel interrupt him.

"I don't... It doesn't... huh, uhg... Matter. What happened, doesn't matter. I... Found you. I..."

"It's okay, Dean, take it easy, you..."

"No, I have to... I gotta... I am sorry. I am so sorry, Cas..."

"No, Dean..."

"No, wait, let me say this, I gotta say it. I am so freakin' sorry. You... You are the best fucking thing that happened to me and I ended up shoving you away. And that wasn't..."

"I understand, you just needed..."

"No, damit! No. I should have at least talk to you about what was happening, I should have... I was scared. I was terrified that you would get hurt, that I would loose you like I lost them all, so it was easier to avoid you and to let you drift away from me, but I... I can't... Be like this. I can't. I need you, I need you so much. People have died on me and left me behind and I couldn't face that again with you, and then I ended up without you anyway, and I am... I am such an idiot, and I am sorry, so fucking sorry, please, Cas... Please forgive me..."

"Dean, you don't need to..."

"Yes, I do, I do, Cas. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I pushed you away, and hurt you. And you... You shouldn't forgive me that easily, even if I know you will, because you're you, but, you shouldn't. I have finally found someone that cared about me and I fucked it up. I don't deserve you, I really don't..."

"Dean..."

"No, Cas, I don't. I don't deserve you. But I am still here, asking you to be with me."

Dean said and paused, Castiel speechless just watching him with a stunned expression, but a small smile tugging at his lips. Dean took a deep breath and spoke up again.

"Now that I finally found you, I don't want to let you go. So I am asking you, asking you to be with me. To... Be mine. Because I need you, I need you more then I need food or air, cause I can't... I can't live without you. I need you, Cas... I... I... I love you."

Castiel gasped, his eyes watering up as a soft, kind look in his eyes that spoke of nothing but reciprocated feelings, his lips parted, lower one trembling as he struggled to find words. Dean watched him expectedly, knowing by the look on his face that it was more a stunned silence, shock rather then a turn-down. The more he struggled, the more Dean wanted so smile, his expression turning into an _oops_ one, an apology written on it for springing this on the man like this.

"I... I..." Castiel tried, clearly still struggling and to help him out, Dean leaned closer, but paused a mere few inches. He didn't know but Castiel was so surprised that Dean would finally, finally speak up and say what he wanted, and ask for it, so surprised he didn't know how to react, not having expected this much. But the second he saw him lean in, the crossed the rest of the distance and set his lips on Dean's, goosebumps crawling under his skin as he felt the soft plush lips. And Dean, he just opened up for him so easily, felt so nice and so good, he instantly forgot all about the work and Adler and even this taser-chase incident, all that there was - was Dean.

"I love you. I love you Dean." He managed to murmur into Dean's mouth and even though Dean wasn't tense, not really, he could still feel him sagging down in relief, but only for a moment before he started kissing back, each tongue stroke more vigorous and hunger filled. Before Castiel knew it, Dean was taking charge of the kiss, putting more and more fire in it, making Castiel burn up.

"I need... you... I need to... feel you..." Dean said barely pulling away from Castiel's lips and leaned into the kiss a bit more, making Castiel lean back, slowly falling into a lying position with Dean draped on top of him. His mind was already clouding up when he felt another surge of goosebumps as Dean's hand snuck under Castiel's shirt. His breaths picked up as waves after waves of arousal hit him with every move Dean made, feeling himself getting too hard too fast because someone was taking charge.

Fuck, it was just what he needed. To let someone else take control so that he could let go. Let go and just feel. He started letting out small whimpers and Dean just ate them up, fueling his arousal and powering up, pushing for more. The palms of his hands caressed around Castiel's waist and his hips and he moved closer, flush against Castiel. Their erections slotted together and both gasped, not knowing the other one was that far along, not knowing how touch starved the other one was. Dean took charge and Castiel loved that, loved how Dean was pushing down on him, taking what he wanted, what he needed, at the same time making him feel like his entire body was on fire.

"D...Dean... Oh, God, Dean..." Castiel breathed out, shivering as Dean parted his lips and kissed down on his neck, simply starving for him. And then... Then he started to move. Castiel moaned as the added friction stimulated his erection further and wished with all his heart that there weren't any clothes between them now. So he reached and cupped Dean's ass, but abandoned the stripping in favor of squeezing those round globes and pulling him even closer. Dean let out a sound that somehow sounded like a growl, not that Dean would ever do that, but it was close enough to send Castiel that much closer to the edge.

"Need you..." Dean breathed right against his neck, the warm breath sending yet another jolt through Castiel's system. "Fuck, Cas... I... I need you... I need... I..." Dean shook just above him, the words spoken into his ear making him dizzy as Dean sped up his motions grinding himself against Castiel, one, two, three slides and his air was cut off, his breathing stuttered and he let the most beautiful broken sound, Heavenly music to Castiel's ears.

But when Castiel realized Dean actually came, he orgasmed just by... Oh, fuck. That thought sent another wave of pleasure thought him, and he grabbed Dean's ass, pulling him incredibly close and making Dean groan in his ear, moving him just a bit up and pressing against his still hard cock and "Oh, God!"

With one hard grind, he came, right into his pants, completely falling apart under his green-eyed man. His... His and nobody else's. Just the idea that Dean finally broke through and came to him and said that he wanted him... Fuck.

"Cas? You... Ahm... What's... What's wrong?" Dean asked a bit scared as he saw tears forming in Castiel's eyes, pulling off of him, afraid he hurt him or something.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. Everything is... Just... Perfect. You're... Perfect." He said with a wide smile, not letting Dean pull away. "And I love you. So much. I love you, Dean."

Dean just grinned at him, wide and happy and cupped his cheek before leaning down and kissing him.

**The end**

* * *

**Malic** : Wait, what? No, no, no, no. That's no way to end a story. No. Just, hell no! We need to see Cas and Sam meet, Cas deserves that. And we need to see how they got out of this 'sticky' situation, am I right? And we most definitely need more smut then just these two grinding against one another without actual physical contact!

Screw this!

I am putting my foot down and proclaiming this:

 **To be continued**.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a very special, extra long chapter, a treat for all you readers who stuck around till the end.
> 
> Warning: Do not attempt any stunts written in this chapter, they are purely fictional and would not work in real life.

They laughed so hard as they stumbled through Castiel's apartment door, kissing and giggling like teenagers. Dean felt so ridiculous over what he did, and so embarrassed and adorable with his little blush, but Castiel still would walk proudly through the entire building with the wet spot on his slacks. He even offered Dean his coat so he could cover himself up, but when Dean asked what he would use, and Castiel said nothing, Dean didn't want the coat. He didn't want to go out in the public at all.

Then Castiel came up with a brilliant idea to use the company helicopter and simply fly them over to Castiel's apartment building, Dean was... Well, reluctant. Somehow the idea of walking around with his cum drying in his pants seemed like a much less terrible idea then flying in a helicopter. Dean barely survived his flight, having one panic attack after another. But then Castiel assured him he was one exquisite pilot and that nothing can happen, Dean was so stunned by the fact that Castiel knew how to fly that the fact itself kind of turned him on.

His guardian angel can fly.

Well, operate a helicopter, but still. Close enough, right?

They managed to dodge all the guards and they snuck to the helicopter and technically stole it, cause Castiel didn't put in a flight list or even told anyone he was leaving and taking the chopper, and it all kind of added to some odd thrill of the moment. Especially when they landed on the roof of Castiel's building and hid while the security guard and the concierge scratched their heads looking awfully confused at the sudden apperance of a helicopter with no sign of the pilot.

They maneuvered around them and snuck down one floor, to Castiel's apartment. Felt like they broke a curfew and we're sneaking back into their room, hoping the parents won't know they borrowed the car. Or a chopper.

Dean giggled so hard, he accidentally snorted like a little piggy, causing them both to burst out laughing. As he laughed, Castiel couldn't help but be amazed how Dean always managed to make him all giddy and happy, rendering him to a child with everything he could show him. He always awoke that fun streak in him, one Castiel never thought to have had. Dean just made him... Happy. And so alive.

"You are phenomenal, you know that?" Castiel said and Dean paused, still smiling, then waved him off.

"No, I'm not." He responded, his cheeks turning a bright shade of red. Truth was he liked to be praised, but still felt embarrassed by it.

"And so adorable when you blush." Castiel teased, only to make Dean blush even harder.

"'m not." He said with a pout, trying to mask his smile.

"Oh, yes you are." Castiel said, stepping closer. They were still in the narrow hallway just beyond the front door, and since Dean didn't know the layout of this place, he waited for Castiel to show him.

"Am not." The pout was a bit stronger this time, but his voice was much smaller.

"So adorable." Castiel countered, his tone deeper, and he cornered Dean, making the green-eyed man gasp.

"...m nt..." Dean whispered, barely auditable, and bit down on his lower lip. He shouldn't like this, he shouldn't like being trapped with predatory eyes roaming all over his body and his lips, but this was Castiel, and he trusted him with his soul, so this was much more thrilling then scary.

"Uh-huh..." was what Castiel said before he completely overtook Dean's personal space, pushed his body flush against Dean's and started planting small tingling kisses on his neck. Dean closed his eyes and threw his head back, exposing his neck and just breathing in and out, letting pleasure overtake him. He didn't know why, was it a voice in his head, or the gooey feeling in his pants that made him speak up and break their little make out session.

"We... We really should waaaa... wash up..."

Castiel pulled back and squinted at him before pulling away and gesturing towards the first door to the left.

"Just a quick wash... I want you on the bed and not in the shower..." Castiel said, but it didn't sound like an order. Still it made a small thrill run up Dean's spine, the words making his cock twitch. In the bathroom, a regular, no big tub, no extravagance bathroom, Dean stopped, unsure what to do, then gasped as Castiel approached him from behind, undid his jeans and slid them down along with his briefs, then used a cloth soaked in warm water to wipe him clean. Slowly and tenderly, as he breathed down Dean's neck, making him shiver.

Dean's hand fell on Castiel's and he took the cloth, then slowly turned and locked his eyes with the blue-eyed man of his dreams. Without breaking eye contact, he slipped the coat over his shoulders, letting it fall behind him along with his jacket, then reached and undid his belt, letting his slacks along with his underwear slip down and pool around his ankles. Then he very gently and quite nicely wiped Castiel of any previous residue, both knowing this was more of a foreplay then an actual clean up, because soon, they are going to be a mess anyway.

Castiel's hands reached and took Dean's, making him drop the cloth and they stepped out of their pants, both with shirts on, but otherwise butt naked, and walked out of the bathroom, Castiel still maintaining eye contact and basically walked backwards. Dean never took his eyes off Castiel and allowed himself to be led to a room right across the hall and a bit to the left, and into a small bedroom, with the large bed taking up most of the room.

With a hint of a smirk, Dean pushed Cas just a bit and with him this close to the bed, he hit the edge and fell on it backwards, landing in a half seated position, prompted up on his elbows. Castiel smiled and watched as Dean rose his hands and took off his shirt, ridding himself of the last clothing item. He watched with eyes wide with lust as Dean came closer, crawling between his legs with his erection standing proud and leaned to kiss him hungrily, Castiel immediately complying and opening up for him. A thrill ran through him at the idea of Dean taking charge here, like he did in his office and he let himself fall down on the bed.

He gasped and his erection bobbed up with interest as Dean's hands snuck down to his shirt, nice and slow, then ripped it open and letting it fall to he side, leaving him in nothing but his blue tie. Dean grinned and wrapped it around his hand, pulling Castiel up, and the man went willingly, figuring that Dean wanted to remove what remained of his shirt.

Letting him fall back down, Dean moved on top of Castiel, both groaning as their erections slotted once more, but that wasn't the endgame here, so Dean tried not to grind himself as he kissed Castiel and then trailed his lips across the man's jawline, over his neck all the way to his collarbone where he sucked a small, shy hickey. Castiel wanted to move underneath him, he wanted to move badly, but he restrained himself, reminding himself that it was Dean that ran the show. Those soft, plushy lips set kisses all around his shoulder before moving down over his chest, making him shiver. Especially cause he didn't know where Dean was going with this. Still, he was eager to find out.

Castiel closed his eyes and simply relished the feel of Dean's fingers as they brushed over his skin, the feel of his lips as they traveled lower and he gasped when those lips ghosted over a nipple, sticking the tongue out and wetting it before blowing air to it. Thousands of ants prickled all over his skin as Dean took that nipple in his mouth, and used his tongue to play with it, while his hand gripped Castiel's hip to steady him.

Castiel wanted arch into the touch, but knew he couldn't, even if he already came once, back in his office, he could feel the buildup in the pit of his stomach again. He was already far more then he should be, and whoa! the direction Dean was headed now, he was afraid he would last long.

As Dean took his time leaving a trail of kisses across Castiel's belly, tasting each patch of skin, Castiel wished he had something to occupy himself, something to focus on, something to distract him just a bit from what Dean was doing and where he was headed, his luscious lips brushing lower and lower and oh, dear Lord, he is so close, he is... His hands are on Castiel's thighs and his mouth is just a bit to the left, following the V line and kissing right next... No wait, it is... It is moving closer and closer and fuck! it is at the base of Castiel's cock and oh! oh! oh!... Ough. Where did he go?

Dean lifted his head up and smiled at Castiel's already so wrecked form, and the way the man blew out a breath of slight annoyance. But then he was moving, coming up to Castiel's left side, both Dean's knees next to his left hip as he kneeled there, taking in the sight before him, then taking Castiel's hand and placed it on his ass. He gave him a look with a smile as if he was telling Castiel that he would know what to do, then lifted his ass the air as he rushed down, taking Castiel's very hard member in his mouth and sliding all the way down.

Castiel gasped, nearly choking on air, but his hand slipped down just a bit, right down to Dean's hole and it was all he needed, the distraction he lacked. He tried really hard to focus on extending his right arm to the drawer he had next to the bed and just when he thought he had that lube in his hands, Dean started bobbing his head, making him loose it for a split second, moaning and stuttering. Quick to regain his composure, Castiel grabbed the lube tightly, flipping it open with his thumb and pouring it onto his left hand's fingers.

Before Dean knew it, Castiel was pushing a finger inside of him, and encouraged by the speed of Dean's movement, started fucking him with it dirty and fast. Soon, he slipped another finger and Dean moaned around Castiel cock, the feeling almost sending the man over the edge, making Castiel reach and pull him off. "Stop, stop... you gotta stop... or I won't... make it.. fuck..."

He could feel Dean clamping down on his fingers, as he buried his head in the mattress, his ass dangling up in the air for Castiel to use. Castiel's right hand shot up, as he rolled a bit to his side, and he cupped Dean's ass, massaging the firm buttocks his fingers worked to open Dean up. Third finger was added and Dean whaled and whimpered, pushing himself back on them as they fucked and scissored him.

"Ca... Cas... I... Need you. Need you... Need to... Oh, fuck... Need to feel you."

"How do you want me?" Castiel asked, his deep voice making Dean shudder in arousal.

"Like this. Just... I can't move. Just... Like this, okay?"

Castiel got up and moved, settling right behind Dean. One hand lubed his aching cock while the other shot up and ran down Dean's back, a bit rough, more massaging then caressing and he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss on Dean's shoulder and whispering into his ear. "I got you."

Dean let out a long needy moan as Castiel's cock breached him, filling him slowly and just right. Castiel slid in, bottomed out and then just... Stood there. Probably letting Dean adjust, but Dean didn't need that. No, Dean needed him to fuck him hard and fast because he needed to feel him, all of him, now.

"Ca... Cas..."

"Shh... I got you." Castiel said and stroke up and down his back, letting his cock throb inside Dean, but still not moving, not for a few more minutes. One roll of his hips had Dean moaning and burying his head in the mattress in shame for the sounds he was making.

"I want to hear you. Or I stop moving."

"No, please. Don't... Don't stop." Dean spoke back and let out another beautiful sound as Castiel's hips rolled again. It felt amazing. The way Dean takes charge, but then lets Castiel back in control when they both need it. Like he knew.

Dean whimpered his pleasure when Castiel moved, slowly and painfully so, started moving in and out, brushing just past Dean's prostate, but not close enough. Dean tried to move, to meet Castiel's thrusts and speed it up, whining when Castiel grabbed his hips and steadied him, pushing back in and just loving how perfectly tight and hot Dean was. "Shh... I got you."

"I got you."

One hand remained on Dean's hip, the other rounding up, and Dean thought his dick would get some attention too. He did not expect Castiel to spread his hand over his chest and pull him up, his back flushed against Castiel's chest. The change of position had Castiel's cock move inside of him, hitting a sweet spot and making Dean see stars. Another moan escaped him and then Castiel hand slipped down to Dean's throbbing cock and Dean was... Gone.

Castiel started jerking him off and stated thrusting up into him, impaling him on his big, hard member and hitting that spot over and over and fuck it felt so good, he felt so good, so fucking right, making him feel so fucking good and...

"Caaas... Oh, fuck, Cas... Feels so... Oh, Jesus... There. There, right there, oh, God, please..."

"I got ... You, Dean. I got you. I... Ai... Oh, Dean!"

Pretty soon they were moving in sync, reduced to nothing, but panting sounds, sounds of pure pleasure and just the each other's bodies and Castiel pumped him harder and faster and watched as Dean came, ropes of his cum shooting all over the sheets. He pushed up, thrusted into him a few more times before he too came with Dean's name on his lips, shaking as his orgasm washed over him. Dean fell forward, barely missing the mess he made and Castiel followed, falling behind him and spooning him, never slipping out. They just laid there for a few minutes, catching their breaths and coming of that high.

"That was... I liked that." Dean barely let out between breaths.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Felt different. Good."

"Well, I am glad." Castiel said and started planting small kisses on his shoulder. Dean turned his head to glance at him and then the rest of his body, making Castiel's softening cock slip out, only to be replaced by his tongue in Dean's mouth as they kissed, slow and lazy. Even if he was the one to initiate the kiss, Dean still pulled away first and smiled back at Castiel.

"Hi."

"Hi." Castiel replied with a smile. They just stared at one another for a moment, smiling like two goofballs before Dean spoke up.

"I'm hungry." Castiel broke into laughter and got up to go and try and find his phone, saying he will call and order pizzas for them. The sun was setting and they had the whole night to themselves, and if Dean asked... The next few days too... Hell, the rest of his life, for that matter. He stepped into the bathroom to find his coat, and Dean followed, carrying the defiled sheet. As Dean dropped it into the laundry and set the shower, Castiel fished out his phone and Dean's along with it. He dropped it while chased and the guards picked it up. Cas was just about to call for lunch when Dean spoke up with a smile, his eyes still on his phone.

"Sammy texted. He wants to know how it went."

"Well don't keep him waiting." Castiel replied with a smile. He dialed and called the pizzeria, not wanting to listen in on Dean's call, even if Dean didn't leave the room. He just about ended the order when he heard Dean finish.

"...alright, see you tomorrow. Say hi to Meg for me." Dean hung up and stared down at his phone, biting his lower lip for a moment before he took a deep breath and looked up.

"I... I gotta get back to him tomorrow. And Nick texted too, mentioned something about a grand opening of the restaurant on Sunday... Is there... Is there a chance you could come back with me? I... I know you got work to do, and I..."

"I would like nothing more." Castiel interrupted and took a step closer, invading Dean's personal space and simply staring into his eyes for a moment. Truth was, and he would explain this to Dean later, the lawsuit was won and the rest of the work he could do as he has done recently - from a remote location. Like from his office building in Dean's town. He did like it better then here and maybe he could even consider buying a condo there... Which Dean would counter and ask him to move in... But that was later on. Now... Now they had a hot shower waiting for them and a night filled with sweet touches and kisses, groans and moans and loads of orgasms.

* * *

"Are you sure we can't just drive back?" Dean asked looking through the airport window a the giant 747, nervously fidgeting with his fingers. You learn new things everyday and what Dean learned yesterday morning is that he did not like flying and planes, no way.

"That would take up too much time and we would miss the restaurant opening." Castiel said as he came up to him from behind and slipped his hands over Dean's waist, hugging him. "This is faster. And besides... I think we can come up with something to distract you..." He whispered and blew hot air into Dean's neck, making him shiver.

Immediately, Dean imagined the two of them spending most of the flight locked in the tiny bathroom, Castiel's moans as he sucked him off overpowering the sound and the vibrations of the turbulence, but that still wouldn't help with the take-off and the landing, those were the worst. Okay, so maybe Castiel would hold his hand and comfort him, but Dean would surely puke and he did not want Castiel tasting that when he kissed him.

But there was nothing he could do. Castiel grabbed his hand and pulled him through the crowd. Dean heard passengers being called out to gate 7 and he gulped when they neared that exit. But then they were brushing right past it, right past the crowd and past gates 8 and 9 and 10 and (yeah, we get it, you can count) all the way to gate 14, where a cute little brunette nodded at them and opened the doors for them.

It wasn't until he was seated in a small charter jet that he figured out they wouldn't be flying first class. And sure the seat was unbelievably comfortable and warm and the bubbly champaign was a wow all by itself, but it was still a plane and they were still going to be miles above the ground, only here Dean will ruin the nice upholstery when he pukes his guts out.

"We should take our seats and fasten the seatbelts, the pilot says we will be taking off in a few minutes." Castiel said as he came back from the pilot's booth, but made no move to actually take a seat, instead opting to observe Dean. Dean nodded and looked over to the closest chair, figuring this is where Castiel would sit.

But the blue-eyed man just stood there for a second, looking over Dean, his eyes roaming his body, that lustful firm gaze sending tiny jolts of arousal through Dean's body.

"You know... I wanted to order us an ice cream sundae, with the strawberry syrup on the side, and use it as an excuse to lick your lips, then just below your jaw and down your... But it think I want to skip the foreplay..." Castiel said and Dean's jaw dropped as the man walked, or rather stalked over to him. Castiel raised a knee and slid it right next to Dean's hip, then the other one too, the comfortable wide seat letting him fit perfectly straddling Dean. Then he took the seatbelt and fastened it over his back, tying them together.

Dean wanted to ask just what was Castiel doing, but before he had a chance, the plane started moving and he felt the jitters in his stomach immediately, but then... Then Castiel leaned in and started kissing him, twirling his tongue around Dean's, his movements fast and delicious, hungry and mind-blowing. The kiss was so intense and lustful, thrilling arousal washed over Dean making his cock twitch in excitement and grow hard fast.

Castiel rocked once, his groin grinding against Dean's trapped cock making him groan. The sound was completely swallowed by Castiel as he kept his passionate attack on Dean's lips and mouth. The next moan managed to slip away as Castiel took Dean's lower lip and nibbed on it, sucking on it slightly while continuing to rock back and forth.

And just as they lifted off the ground and started their ascend, Dean completely oblivious of it, Castiel's lips travelled to Dean's neck, first kissing gently, then a bit harder, pinching the skin with his lips all the way up to behind Dean's ear. Then he whispered...

"This flight is an hour long... And for the next hour, I will taste every part of you..."

Dean's eyes rolled back at the mere thought of what was about to happen and he moaned again as Castiel continued his taste off, grazing his teeth down Dean's neck all the way to his collarbone. Dean huffed a smile when Castiel's reached his shirt and pulled back, only to frown at it like it has offended him or something. He undid his seatbelt and pulled away slightly, his hands reaching under Dean's shirt as he went back to kissing his neck.

Dean gasped as the soft, but slightly cold fingers brushed over his abdomen and slid up, letting the palms rest against his waist for a moment before they started moving up. Within a second, those sneaky hands moved and lifted his shirt, pulling it over Dean's head. Castiel took a long look at Dean's naked torso and smiled, pleased before he continued his trail of kissing/skin-nibbling across Dean's collarbone.

The soft touches combined with rough lip pinches already had Dean loosing his mind by the time Castiel reached his nipples. It was like he was worshipping his body, giving every part so much attention and adoration, it was intoxicating. It kind of reminded him of that rose Castiel used on him and that memory did not help his aching cock, poor thing still confined in his jeans.

"Oooouhhhhhh..." was what he let out when Castiel reached those nipples, took one in his wet mouth and sucked on it just a bit before pulling back and brushing it with his tongue, teasing. Dean was starting to breathe harder, his hands intertwined in Castiel's hair because the man wouldn't allow them anywhere else. Dean took a fistfull of hair and tugged at it a bit, grounding himself with that action. It was even worse when Castiel moved to the other nipple, teasing the first one with his thumb. Fuck ,it was like Dean could feel all the ridges of his fingerprints.

For too long Castiel kept his attention on Dean's nipples, so when he suddenly rolled his hips, Dean gasped so loudly he almost choked, the surprise action sending jolts through his the pit of his stomach. He could feel Castiel huff a smile at it, his hot breath hitting Dean's hardened bud and Dean just tried to gather himself before he was pushed over the edge too soon.

There was a small whine that left him when Castiel moved off of him, and he blushed in embarrassment for it, but it didn't change how he felt about the loss of that sweet friction. He didn't even realize they were over half way through the flight and that they would be landing in ten minutes or so.

The plane started it's descend just when Castiel removed his jeans and briefs, then knelt before him, his warm palms spreading over Dean's thighs as he drew closer. Dean's wide eyes were trained on him as Castiel changes his ways, opting now for tender kisses up his leg and hard hand squeezing of anything the man could reach. Anything but Dean's throbbing, pre-cum leaking cock.

And it was driving Dean crazy, but all he could go was moan and groan and fist Castiel's hair, and writhe and shake underneath him and every time he would try to move, just a bit, Castiel's firm hand would keep him in place, not allowing a single inch.

"Caaaas... Cas, please..." Dean let out just as the seatbelts sign came on. Dean blinked in confusion at it, slowly remembering that - yeah, he was on a freaking plane, 5000 miles off the freaking ground and flying in a fucking tin can, a death trap, a...

"Oh, fuuuck!" He shouted as Castiel's lips parted, the man opening his mouth wide and taking Dean's cock into his mouth, sliding down his shaft in one swift easy motion, making Dean forget all about his fear of planes and flight. Castile immediately started bobbing his head up and down, taking in almost all of Dean's length, making Dean throw his head back and close his eyes, focusing so damn hard on lasting as long as possible.

Which won't be long, Dean could feel it. Feel it deep down in the pit of his stomach... On second thought he could feel something else too. Some strange elevating feeling, like his whole body was... Weightless.

"God, what...What is happening?... What are you doing to me? This... Oh my god, this feels..." Mind-blowing is what it felt like. His whole body was in some altered stated, almost as if he was liquid and Dean had no idea what it was but it felt so damn good, heavenly. Oh, God, Cas wasn't an actual angel, was he? But he had to be, there was no way a human could make him feel like this.

Castiel would later explain it was the effect of the G force Dean felt as their plane descended, being in a sensitive state made him feel it differently, feel it more, but now he sort of had his mouth full of Dean's cock and he was licking it and sucking down on it like it was a freaking lollipop and he just relished in the sounds this whole experience was drawing out of Dean.

Second by second, Dean was panting harder and harder, the built-up getting too intense, the feeling of it all so intoxicating, his mind completely clouding over and just letting his body feel it all as the pleasure consumed him. Castiel worked him faster and faster, quick to figure out he shouldn't change between sucking and bobbing, that Dean preferred one constant action, so he kept sliding up and down, letting the head of Dean's cock hit the back of his throat as he squeezed down on his thighs.

"Cas... Cas, I'm so close... I'm gonna... I'm..." But he kept his composure for a few seconds longer, just holding on to that incredible feeling, not wanting to let go, but as soon as those landing gears hit the runway making the plane consequently making Dean thrust up into Castiel's mouth, he was seeing stars and coming hard, his vision blurred and his lungs burned because he could barely breathe. And fuck, it kept on going and going because he was coming inside Castiel's mouth, Castiel, the man who loved to swallow him whole and fuck he could feel his throat closing in around Dean's cock as Castiel fucking swallowed and it was,it was... It was...

It was all so fucking unbelievable.

It was bewildering, it was incredible... It was... Out of this world.

Castiel smiled up at him, wiping his mouth with his hand and getting back on his feet and Dean just stared at him, eyes filled with wonder and astonishment.

"It appears we have landed." Castiel commented and Dean blinked at him in confusion. No, that can't be right, that... Oh. He didn't feel a thing. Dean huffed a smile, amazed how Castiel managed to distract him so much and so well that he missed the fact that they flown. He shook his head, his smile spreading wide. He promised himself he wouldn't be flying any more, but if there was a chance it would feel like this... He might reconsider.

* * *

"Hey... We're here!" Dean shouted as he entered the house, Castiel trailing behind him. Meg peeked around the corner upstairs and waved them with a smile. She waited for them to get up the stairs before she spoke up, telling them her and Sam just finished some exercises and that she was on her way to get him some juice. She offered to get them something too, but Dean immediately told her they will get some refreshments themselves after they said hi to Sam.

Taking a deep breath he stepped around the corner, but then paused and looked back at Cas. Dean took a few steps back to him, locked his eyes with him, and smiled sheepishly. Before he could say a thing, Cas nodded firmly at him, understanding floating between them with no words necessary. Dean forced a smile, guilt still present in his eyes and took another breath. HIs hand slipped into Castiel's and he squeezed it tightly, then turned around and pulled him toward Sam's room.

"Sammy, you decent in there?" Dean said even if the doors were wide open.

"Very funny Dean. And it's Sam."

"Just checking... Wouldn't want to walk in on something..." Dean teased, ignoring Sam's plea to stop using his nickname. Not that Sam minded that much anyway.

"Don't be a jerk, she is my nurse..."

"Don't be a bitch and ask her out already. I know you want to..." Dean said and Sam actually pouted at him, crossing his arms across his chest, looking like a little child. He even stuck his tongue out and Dean laughed while Castiel just stood aside and observed them.

"For your information, I already did. We are going out for dinner and a movie. So I get to have the last laugh, ha ha!" Sam responded, goofing around, and they both broke into genuine laughter.

"Aaah... Yeah, good for you Sammy. Good for you." Dean said, sounding genuinely happy for his little brother. Then he glanced back at Castiel, pulled his hand he was still holding up to his chest and then looked back at Sam, who had a different kind of a smile on his face, a proud smile. "And this... This is Cas."

"Hi, Cas." Sam said.

"Hello, Sam." Cas responded with a nod the added "I am glad to see you getting better."

"Thank you. And thanks for all the help. Really." Sam replied and nodded before turning to Dean, not letting Castiel diminish the value of his actions. Might be that it wasn't all that much for him, but it meant so much to both Sam and Dean, and they wouldn't let him not take the credit. "Anyway, I gotta get ready for my date. We can have lunch tomorrow? All of us, together, how does that sound?"

"Sure, Sammy. And then on Sunday, we're having lunch again. In our restaurant." Dean said with a wiggle of his brows and Sam shook his head with a smile.

"Okay. We'll make it a double date."

* * *

An hour later Dean saw Sam and Meg off, watching as she rolled Sam down the street in his wheelchair. Sam regained some feeling in his legs, but his muscles were still too weak to be able to move them, much less hold his own weight, but he didn't mind the wheelchair and enjoyed the walks he would have with Meg. They decided to walk downtown instead of bothering with a cab, the restaurant they were having dinner just a few block away.

Dean watched them until they disappeared around the corner and smiled to himself, never thinking he would see the day Sam was... up and about, much less to see him off to a date. He turned and saw Castiel up on the gallery looking down at him. The sun was close to setting and the light illuminated Cas through the windows and he looked so magnificent and strong, like an honest-to-God angel, the only thing missing was the actual wings.

And they had the whole house to themselves for a couple of hours...

Skipping two steps at a time, Dean went up the stairs and walked over to Castiel. The man clearly wanted to speak up, but Dean wouldn't let him, shutting him up with a hungry kiss. Muffled murmur came from Castiel, but soon he let go, falling completely into Dean's control as Dean kissed him with such desire, it made his head spin. Dean's hands started roaming Castiel's body, as he pushed him to walk backwards, straight into Dean's room.

He still had that amazing airplane blowjob in mind and his dick just wouldn't sit still, and besides, he should return the favor, right? So he kept his hands on Castiel, feeling up, touching, his lips making his way up and down the man's neck, simply enjoying the sounds Castiel making. It wasn't long before they were both naked and headed towards the bed.

Castiel fell backwards on it and Dean crawled on top of him, letting their already hard cocks slot together and instantly creating some friction. His mouth was still on Castiel's neck, making yet another hickey as his hand reached blindly and rummaged through his nightstand drawer. Castiel gasped loudly as Dean snuck a lubed hand between them and made that friction a bit more smoother and a lot more hotter.

Dean pulled away for just a moment as he pulled his hand away and took a long look at Castiel, at how wrecked he seemed already. In such a short time Dean managed to bring him to the wedge of an orgasm and all it would take is just a bit more and he would...

"Dean... Dean... Can... I... I need you Dean. Can we..." Castiel tried, tripping over his own words as Dean kept rocking on top of him. He reached and stilled Dean's hips, and took a few deep breaths, his chest rising up and down in a mesmerising motion. His hand came up and found Dean's and he intertwined their fingers together as he finally opened his eyes and those bright blues looked up at Dean like he was the most precious thing in the world.

"I wish... I wish to feel you Dean. Will you let me feel you?"

Well, that was the point, wasn't it? That was the endgame, the grand finale. He would stretch Dean and then penetrate him, connecting them into one before he would stimulate that special spot and making Dean come with a cry, pleasure exploding out of him.

So why would Cas be asking?

"What do you mean?" Dean finally asked.

"I want... I need to feel you inside. You... You think we could try that?"

Oh, fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Castiel wanted to switch. He wanted Dean to... To... Oh, fuck. Well, yeah. That.

It wasn't that Dean was inexperienced in this field on a certain level. He had sex with women and he knew how it worked with them. He obviously knew how it worked with men, he took it more times then he could count. But he never... He never did that. It wasn't that he didn't want too per se, but he didn't know if it would hurt Castiel, or if he would even like it... What if he hated it and decided not to have sex with Dean ever again?

Okay, he was being ridiculous now, Cas would never do that. And... Well... If it doesn't feel good, they could always stop, right?

"I... I think we could try that. But we can stop if... Right?"

"Absolutely." Castiel confirmed and Dean looked down on him, those gorgeous blue eyes watching him with so much emotion and so much love, Dean felt like he could melt at the sight. He swallowed hard and still keeping his focus on Castiel's vibrant blue eyes, Dean slowly trailed his already lubed fingers around the base of the man's cock, passing down under his balls and to his hole.

The sight alone was so arousing, not to mention the sound and Dean felt his cock twitch with great interest as Castiel threw his head back and moaned while Dean's forefinger breached him. It was warm and tight inside and for a moment Dean thought of how it might feel, to have his dick burried deep inside. The idea shot another jolt through his system and he really needed to calm his mind otherwise he won't be able to make it to that part.

Slowly he started moving his finger in and out, watching Castiel for any negative reaction and simply absorbing all the positive ones. Like how Castiel bucked underneath him, how he moaned and whaled and all the sexy faces he made. Then, he took his chance, hoping he might stumble onto that special spot and curled his finger a bit, eliciting more amazing reactions.

He didn't find it, not right away, but the responses he was getting for each finger added and each moved they made were so erotical and so glorious Dean was just left stupefied.

"Mnnghggggg... D... Dean... I am... I am good. P... Please... I need... Fuck, I need your dick inside me."

Well, that left Dean with his mouth hanging open, but only for a moment before he asked, mimicking Castiel's question from yesterday.

"How... How do you want me?" Truth was, he had no idea how this would work and if he would push too hard or too fast and hurt Castiel, but the man wiped any fear with the position he offered, instantly making Dean shiver from the thrill at his words.

"I want... I want to straddle your hips and sink down on you. I want to ride you."

Well, fuck. That's as unexpected, but probably the best idea, Castiel would still be in some sort of control and Dean wouldn't have to worry about hurting him. Not that Dean was thinking about that at this point, he was just too overwhelmed with the idea that Castiel had to nudge him to get him to lie down before the man crawled up on him.

Dean watched astounded as Castiel's knees came up next to his waist and as Cas lifted himself up, took Dean's cock in his hand and lubed it well before placing it right in front of his hole. The head of Dean's cock pushed against the rim as Castiel started his descend and then engulfed Dean in his warmth, instantly sinking all the way down, bottoming out, groaning and throwing his head back.

The feeling was... There were no words. No words that would do it justice. It was so warm and tight and Dean just had to breathe, remember to breathe, focus, keep it together...

"Fuck Cas, you feel so good..." He managed and Cas looked down at him, experimentally rolled his hips a bit making Dean moan and smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Fu... Fuck yeah!" Dean blurted, still a bit too tense to move. Castiel started slowly rocking back and forth, and Dean just watched him, mouth open, panting and nearly crying. Castiel was just... Too tight. Too tight and warm around him and every time he would move, Dean's cock would move inside of him, the sensation so unbelievable and amazing. And then... Then, oh, my God, then Castiel rose up a bit and sunk back down and arched his back and Dean was choking, unable to breathe, his mind going haywire from the feeling of Castiel sliding up and down on him.

Before Dean could say or do anything, Castiel was repeating the action and Dean felt himself dangerously close to exploding. The image of Castiel impaling himself on Dean's cock over and over, his back arched, his head thrown back and those loud moans he was releasing weren't helping at all. He tried to maintain a pace, but soon his moans turned into groans and his hands started squeezing his thighs. Dean had no idea how he had enough of a common sense at this point to notice, but he did, reaching over to run his hand over Castiel's thighs. He found the muscles so hard and spasming, probably from all the stress Castiel was putting on them.

Upon contact, Castiel lunged forward, bracing himself on Dean's chest, panting and shaking.

"Dean... I can't... I have to... I need you to... Please, can you..."

Before Dean could figure out what Castiel was asking, his body seemed to realize and it moved on its own, thrusting up a bit into Castiel, making him scream "Yes! Yes, that! M... More..." So Dean complied, moving up again and just watching the man above him. He continued to thrust up, his hands keeping a firm hold on Castiel's hips and watched as Castiel's mouth dropped open, his face showing pure ecstasy. His gorgeous blue eyes flashed open and Dean gasped as they bore down into his greens. "More, Dean... oh, please..." God his voice was so wrecked.

But Dean complied, his actions faster and more forceful, burying himself up to the hilt and barely holding on, barely containing his orgasm, just wanting to give Castiel what he asked for, to make him feel good and to...

"Fuck, Dean! Yes, yes! That's... That's it, right there, oh, fuck! Fuck, fuck! Fuuuuuck!"

It was spectacular and completely breathtaking watching Castiel arch back again, screaming Dean's name and shooting one rope after another of his hot cum all over Dean's chest. Dean felt him clamping down, his already tight hole constricting even more around Dean's cock, and he lost it, lost all focus and all of his mind and followed Castiel over the proverbial edge, spilling all he had inside of him and fucking feeling as Castiel's body milked even more.

Dean vaguely remembered when Castiel rose and let Dean's cock slip out of him, then fell on the bed next to him and laid his head on his shoulder. His mind was still coming from that incredible height, that cloud nine he was on and he needed a moment to register Cas nuzzling against him. He wrapped his arms around him and kissed those dry, a bit chipped lips, licking them and making them soft again.

"You were amazing..." Castiel whispered in his ear.

"Considering it was the first time I did something like this... I think... It was awesome." Dean pulled away to look at Cas, then smiled at him. "You're awesome."

"We're awesome. Together." Castiel countered and Dean laughed, shaking his head.

"God! I love you."

"I adore you."

"This isn't a competition."

"You're right, it's no competition. My love is much to great for that."

Dean busted laughing again, and Castiel followed. They laughed and giggled and just laid there for a few minutes, both just... Happy. Sure, they would have to get up soon and wash up and then maybe eat, or have more sex, or just kiss and snuggle on the bed to watch a movie. Tomorrow they would go and attend the grand opening of Dean's restaurant, spend time will all their friends and family. Castiel will spend more time getting to know Sam, and Dean would enjoy having more people around him then ever before. He would joke with Nick and with Charlie and shake his head at Crowley and smile back at Adam.

If anyone ever asked him if he could pinpoint the exact moment his life changed, he would always go back to that awkward night he danced for Castiel then freaked out so much that Castiel send him away without even touching him. And as anxious and nervous he was back then, the memory of that day would always bring a smile to his face. Because that was the first time Dean laid his eyes on the love of his life. On the man he would spend the rest of his life and be happy with. Everything that happened after lead him to this moment, where he finally had his brother back, alive and well, more friends that he ever did before and even a financial stability, none of which he ever thought he would have.

But most importantly, he had his guardian angel.

He had his Castiel.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, guys this really is the end this time. I want to thank Cas and Dean for letting me shove them around and use them as puppets in this little story of mine, you have been awesome guys, thank you.
> 
> I want to give a special thanks to some of my readers and little helpers with this story. Secretwrittenword, From_My_Dark_And_Twisted_Mind and vrskaandrea - you guys have been amazing! Thank you so much for letting me bounce ideas off of you and for your guidance in this story.
> 
> And of course, much thanks for all the other awesome readers that left a comment/kudos and made my day, made me want to write more and kept me going. I mean, 188 kudos at this point is mind blowing from me.
> 
> I will be starting my next project, my very first ABO Destiel story called Made for me, hopefully, shorter then this monster and I invite you all to come and join me on that trip too.


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